Stripperculosis

Dozens of people in St. Maarten are being treated for latent tuberculosis after health officials warned that they may have been exposed to the illness by a stripper infected with an active form of the disease.

Worst. Lapdance. Ever.

At least 40 people tested positive after an exotic dancer from the Dominican Republic was treated several months ago. Were they all baseball scouts? Half the major leagues come from there and Puerto Rico, and as far as I can see, the only reason for anybody to go to that hellhole.

Health officials struggled to identify those exposed, and resorted to launching a public campaign to urge anyone who had contact with the woman to seek treatment. I wonder why people who paid a stranger to rub herself on them until they made a mess in their pants would hide in the shadows of anonymity. Officials now believe they have identified everyone infected.

Tuberculosis, for those of you not living in the 19th century anymore, is caused by airborne bacteria that attack the lungs and can be fatal. Well, you better hope it was a two-for-one song you paid for if you are going to get some TB, otherwise you're getting ripped off.

Don't worry, American strippers are still (relatively) clean. The lap dance alert level is still holding at green, y'know like the money you're going to give them.