Dr. Boobs, D.D.S.

A dentist accused of fondling the breasts of 27 female patients is trying to keep his dental license by arguing that chest massages are an appropriate procedure in certain cases. Yeah, good luck pal. I tried to argue that taking my pants off at the topless bar was also an appropriate procedure , but I still got thrown out.

Mark Anderson's lawyer says dental journals discuss the need to massage the pectoral muscles to treat a common jaw problem. Dental journals like Mouth Magazine and All Oral Honeys, right? During recorded phone calls, police say Anderson routinely massaged patients' chests to treat temporo-mandibular joint disorder, aka TMJ, which causes neck and head pain.

Currently, the strategy is to uphold the dental license while disciplinary appeals proceed. All clients would be supervised by two assistants and the dentist would no longer do the chest rubs. Additionally, the good doctor needs to keep seeing patients so he can feed his seven children and pay for his defense. Seven kids? Grabs the boobies? Hmmm. Not terribly surprised.

Prosecutors are investigating complaints from more than two dozen women who say they also were groped in the examining chair in the last five years. My favorite was a woman who said Anderson fondled her at least six times over two years. She took to wearing tight shirts with high necklines, but according to the police report, Anderson would still get in under her shirt and bra. I've got to give the doctor credit for not letting obstacles get in his way, and wonder why after, oh, let's say the third fondling, Miss Tits didn't just look up another toothman. It's that damn HMO, isn't it?

We know that doctors molesting patients is nothing new, but this does now open the door to revive the maligned art of dentistry pron.