Big Mamas

Obese women can gain little or no weight during pregnancy — and even lose a few pounds — without harming their babies, new research suggests. Good news chunky!

The study showed that porcine mothers who put on less than the recommended 15 pounds were less likely to develop pregnancy-related high blood pressure or deliver by Caesarean section and more likely to have a normal-weight baby. The Institute of Medicine, which issued the weight guidelines in 1990, is about to consider changing them as a result.

Using information from birth certificates, the study analyzed the pregnancies of more than 120,000 tubby women from Missouri (no surprise there) to see how weight gain affected their blood pressure, C-sections and the baby's birth weight. Generally, obesity increases a woman's risk of miscarriage and other serious complications such as gestational diabetes.

It turned out 23% of the women gained less than 15 pounds, 31% gained 15 to 25 pounds and nearly half gained more than 25 pounds. Those who gained less had better outcomes. Who would have thought it was better to grind those platters of chili fries down before you get knocked up instead of after?

Researchers say the study's strengths are its size (get it?) — drawing from an entire state — and that it is the first to look at different levels of obesity, "not a lumping of all obese women together," said Harvard med school professor Dr. Emily Oken. How awesome is that she said lumping with obese women?

Amateur OB/GYN that I am, it is not too difficult to see that these blimps are okay not adding the extra weight in pregnancy because it's already there. Skinny bitches (that's the term they prefer) have to bulk up to keep that baby cozy, but lardasses are already stocked with all the cushy accouterments a fetus likes.

Other than to make a couple of fat insults, I post this to share my wonder that guys are humping on the fatties. Then again, it is Missouri, so I'm glad to see it's not livestock.