Life In The Shithouse

Sim Jae-Duck was born in a restroom and he plans to live and die in one. How’s that for goals?

The crapper in question is a 1.6 million dollar toilet-shaped house designed to promote his campaign for cleaner bathrooms worldwide. Billed as the world's one and only toilet house, Duck will mark the launch of his World Toilet Association and the house in November. Apart from two bedrooms and a pair of guestrooms, house features three deluxe toilets.

Sim's birth in a restroom was in line with traditional beliefs. There are Koreans with traditional beliefs that include toilet birth? I guess that’s what eating kim chi will do to people.

"Mayor Toilet”, as he was known while he was in office in Suweon, was driven to transform toilets into "clean and beautiful resting places imbued with culture". Public restrooms in the city were jazzed up with paintings, fresh flowers or even small gardens. The very closeted Sen. Craig can tell you that, while public restrooms are magical places, there ought not be anything else added to make them more welcoming. And you though too many people in a stall would only be an issue at swank nightclubs.

Crapquest is not without complications. Duck’s World Toilet Association might be seen to rival the World Toilet Organization, based in Singapore, but Sim has said the work of the two bodies will not overlap. I want to be there when they have the meeting that covers jurisdiction and stool types. It may be the only time you hear somebody utter with total seriousness, “We will concede stomach flu for the bidets in North America and Europe”.

On a personal note, if he’s serious about taking care of world sanitation and bathrooms, I suggest he start with Qualcomm Stadium. Many years ago I went to a hockey game and ate a pastrami sandwich which was a time bomb of sickness and food poisoning. The next morning when I got to Qualcomm for the Chargers-Raiders game, my guts were literally trying to run out of me. Tailgating in the parking lot, I ruled out the porta-potties on account of their vile odor and that they were clearly just plastic hoops above a cesspool. Inside, I thought I’d manage with their rest facilities, but the silver-and-black hooligans had left every toilet overflowing with urine and feces, and there was a half inch of wastewater on the floor. It was enough to kill the need to go for a couple of minutes, but that day I spent seven hours in gastro-intestinal pain until I could make it back to my friend’s place and a toilet that didn’t look like a leper’s mouth. The Raider Nation are animals…wild, disgusting animals, and are likely the cause of dysentery in third world countries.