Five Star Homotel

The first five-star gay hotel in Latin America opened in Buenos Aires, an increasingly popular destination on the worldwide gay tourist circuit.

First, I didn't know there was a special classification and system for gay hotel ratings, but I figure they have to be way higher and meticulous than regular hotels - and that difference is dramatic (pun intended!) Also, I was unaware there was a worldwide gay tourist circuit. You think I'd write that unless I didn't crib that gem elsewhere? That's crazy. What is it, Fire Island, San Francisco, Thailand, Costa Rica, and now Argentina? And where does the breeder circuit take me? Oh how I want to travel now!

Developed by Spain's Axel Corp., it is the second such hotel - the first having opened in Barcelona in 2003.

"Like any other business, we have economic objectives," general manager Nacho Rodriguez said. But "we're also about fighting to help the normalization and acceptance of gays in society." Dude, with a name like Nacho Rodriguez, you're not helping with that acceptance. That's got gay pron all over it. Who's the assistant manager, Colt Stryker? Billy Bronco? Tad Hardfellow?

Rodriguez said the hotel was designed to be open and airy (man, can this guy pick his words or what?). "Many gay hotels and places are closed off and can't be seen from the street," Rodriguez said. "We wanted our hotel to be open and visible. Why should we try and hide ourselves?"

Oh, maybe just the rumpus gay parties that may take place? That kind that start in a glass-bottomed pool on the top floor that is visible as patrons enter the lobby. Or perhaps the addition of the "please disturb" sign to your doors?

Nobody should give two shits about gay couples in a hotel. I sure don't. But having to swing overboard the other way de-normalizes being gay to the point where you're trying to create a promiscuous environment that makes gays come across like hedonistic fiends. Having a place to be comfortable as yourself is far different than having a place to be a caricature of yourself.

Company officials call the hotel is "hetero-friendly," but other than pushing an open gay sex agenda what make the place specifically gay? Only pink sheets? Mineral water on tap? Complimentary poppers with turndown service?

Rumor has it that Buenos Aires is vying with Rio de Janeiro for the title of South America's gay capital...well, they've got on hotel up on you Brazil -- your move.