Money Uber Principles

I happily discovered that the Lizard will not be running for office, and true to his slimy form, his reasons are absolutely self serving.

The official response is that Newt Gingrich will not run for president in 2008 after since he could not legally explore a bid and remain as head of his tax-exempt political organization.

"Newt is not running," crony Rick Tyler said. "It is legally impermissible for him to continue on as chairman of American Solutions (for Winning the Future) and to explore a campaign for president." Gingrich decided "to continue on raising the challenges America faces and finding solutions to those challenges" as the group's chairman, Tyler said, "rather than pursuing the presidency."

If you can’t sort through that cleverly veiled subtext, let me help decode it.

Like all classic 20th century Republicans, he takes very seriously the duty of raising challenges, because without creating situations and problems for our country, there would be nothing for he and his ilk to have to find solutions to, or profit handsomely from. The name American Solutions (for Winning the Future) perfectly describes that cart-before-the-horse logic, and the last 25 years of right-wing presidents and congresses has exemplified that combination of bravado and retardation. But the biggest flag is his determination to adhere to the legality of keeping an income that is not violating or conflicting any of his interests.

When The Lizard announced he was full of good ideas and looking for the resources to communicate them, he didn’t realize that raising money publicly for elected office is far more scrutinized than the dealings of his private treasure chest. It has paid for Gingrich's travel and raised more than $3 million since October 2006. The organization also maintains a pollster and fundraiser, naturally, to keep Newty on point for generating money on hot topic causes.

Forget not that he has a contract with Fox News for commentaries and specials, and is a senior fellow at the conservative American Enterprise Institute. His daily radio broadcast airs over more than 400 stations and writes an online newsletter with 200,000. And the for-profit think tank, the Center for Health Transformation, well, that’s a cash cow that’s been working for almost a decade.

Give up all that money just to have every fart monitored and be considered presidential material? I think not.

While his marital infidelity with a congressional aide certainly gives The Lizard modern political credibility, it’s his greed for money above his so-called principles that vaults him to that stratum of scumbag that truly fits our political landscape. Kudos to the reptile that can be honest with himself and weigh a depleted bank account against a depleted morality – and for knowing that only a balance sheet can be replenished.