The Window Seat Is Now Available

A woman late to her plane who became irate, was put in handcuffs and later found dead in a holding cell. Fly those friendly skies!

Authorities were investigating if the woman choked herself while trying to get free from the handcuffs. I am investigating whether or not the appropriate response is sustained laughter or hearty chortling. Anybody who can manage to get a three inch chain connecting a pair of bracelets on their wrists up to their neck to accidentally choke themselves deserves to die. No sympathy for the stupid. Or the uncoordinated.

Carol Ann Gotbaum, was arrested Friday at Phoenix Sky Harbor International Airport after a conflict with gate crews who refused to allow her to board a plane to New York. The airline said the plane was already preparing to depart, and Gotbaum was rebooked on the next flight, but according to airline employees, "she became extremely irate, apparently running up and down the gate area." This further confirms my theory that in general New Yorkers think that they are entitled to whatever they want, whenever they want it.

Officers handcuffed her because she was “very agitated and irate and angry," and took her to the holding room, where she kept screaming. Officers checked on her when she stopped screaming and found her unresponsive. A cause of death will be determined by the local medical examiner, and a nomination is likely for a Darwin Award. In order to spare thousands of other absolute idiots from earnest deaths, we suggest you arrive at least 90 minutes before any flight.