Bye Bye Baby

Should these children be flayed alive or run down by a wheat thresher?

That was the question before Judge Scott Gordon, as he ordered Britney Spears to surrender custody of sons Sean Preston and Jayden James to babydaddy father Kevin Federline. This was like that movie Sophie's Choice, right?

Beginning Wednesday, the virile K-Fed will have custody "until further order of the court." The order stemmed from an unspecified motion made by Federline's attorneys and was handled in a closed-door hearing. The order didn't state the reason for the change in custody and all transcripts of the proceedings were ordered sealed, because that's what judges can do.

Last month, Gordon said Spears engaged in "habitual, frequent and continuous use of controlled substances and alcohol," and ordered the former pop star to undergo random drug and alcohol testing twice a week as part of her ongoing custody dispute with Federline. She was also ordered to meet weekly with a "parenting coach" who was to observe and report back to the court about her parenting skills.

Since Spears became single, she's been a goddamn trainwreck with one bad situation after another. Partying with Paris Hilton. Repeated upskirt photos. Fatting out. Her bald meltdown. Rehab. Hanging out with Criss "Magic Douchebag" Angel. Her MTV Video Music Awards performance last month was a joke, and the following week, both her management firm dropped her and her divorce lawyer resigned. And that goes along with her misdemeanor counts of hit-and-run and driving without a valid license from August.

To me she's always been a no-talent pigface, but at least five years ago she could have been a bar skank that you didn't get too much harassment from your buddies for taking home. Now she's a something between The Beverly Hillbillies and every 25 year old mother of two who pole dances in Van Nuys. You gotta love a system that takes marginally talented kids and shapes a career around them while simultaneously duping every moron into buying a piece of it.

What kind of world do we live in where two malnourished and neglected children have their best chance of survival with K-Fed?