The annual report of stay-at-home mothers puts their salary, if they were to get paid for all their various roles, 3% higher than the year prior. Duties included housekeeper, cook, day care center teacher, laundry machine operator, van driver, facilities manager, janitor, computer operator, chief executive officer and psychologist. I don’t know what kinda of magic bullshit calculator they added this up on, but this is beyond stupid. We all appreciate the hard work mothers do, but calculating their earnings higher than my friends who are lawyers and business VPs is insane. They have advanced degrees, and I’m supposed to believe that some fivehead in Simi Valley who started dumping her litter of anklebiters straight out of high school would really earn more? We’re not even talking about how well these moms do any of these jobs either. Funny how the results were released before Mother’s Day, huh? Somebody find the link between Salary.com and the Hallmark / Teleflora cabal.
The prospect of bats in their attic didn’t stop a NY couple from buying their home last summer, but almost two tons of shit has made them change their tune. Apparently, hundreds of bats shit 10 times their own mass, creating a fecal wonderland that eventually killed them off and alerted the homeowners with a gentle, pleasant aroma. Worse, their insurance company is refusing to cover the $25,000 cost to clean the mess up. Also, calls to former owner Bruce Wayne were unreturned. 
Wally Schirra used to peddle Actifed. That’s all I got.
GOP candidates prepare for first debate
A group of old, rich white men will be patting themselves on the back this evening, chest beating over their accomplishments and detailing new ways to keep minorities, women, homosexuals, and anyone who is not Christian and upper-middle class oppressed. Rudy “9/11” Guiliani and John “P.O.W.” McCain are expected to get the most attention. Guys with no chance of winning a presidential nomination just based on the stupidity of their names alone (politicos Huckabee and Brownback) will also be there. Afterwards, they will all roam the grounds of the Reagan Library with shotguns and hunt the poor.
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