Go For It!

An awesome new application for Botox has been thrust into the public eye for immediate consumption! In addition to paralyzing nerve endings in the face which cause skin wrinkling, paralyzing nerves that cause uncontrollable blinking and crosses eyes, and paralyzing pain receptors that cause migraine headaches, Botox can now be used to paralyze glands that cause excessive sweating! Got a big event to go to and don’t want drip through your clothing? Paralyze those armpits for up to eight months at a time with a simple treatment of neurotoxin!

Even though your body was designed to sweat and cool itself when it is hot outside or in certain emotional states, some people with excessive sweating experience it independent of these factors, and yikes(!), sometimes find their condition physically and socially uncomfortable. God forbid, and shame on that so-called divine creator! A small, controlled application of one of the world’s most poisonous substances can temporarily fix social discomfort, much the same way alcohol can shave unsightly pounds off a girl in only a few glasses.

I hope that there are no ill effects or deaths from the practice of cosmetic medical procedures like this. It pains me whenever a liposuction or wrinkle removal becomes terminal, because vanity is absolutely worth maintaining medically.