Puck Daddy's Unofficial HBO 24/7 Penguins-Capitals Drinking Game

Are you as excited as I am about the HBO Sports 24/7 series debuting tonight about the Pittsburgh / Washington New Year's Day Winter Classic? Their previous series following the New York Jets proved it gets pretty raw - and this one is supposed to be more gritty and blue as hell. Puck Daddy offers up an excellent drinking game for those who are going to be following the icy action. Here are some of the offenses (full list here):

ONE DRINK
• Someone drops an F-Bomb in English.

• There's a mention of Heinz Field.

• You hear the word "rivalry."

• Bruce Boudreau yells to the point where his face is flush.

• There is an artistic slow-motion shot of a pedestrian hockey play that makes it a billion times cooler than it is (i.e. a goalie making a routine save; a faceoff).

• You see a fan-made sign.

• You see the Stanley Cup.

TWO DRINKS
• Someone drops an F-Bomb in Russian.

• There is a reference to the teams' 2009 Eastern Conference playoff series.

• Alex Ovechkin is referred to as "brash," "flashy," or "a rock star."

• Sidney Crosby is referred to as "a leader," "focused/determined" or "a warrior."

• Mike Green is seen wearing sunglasses. (bonus drink if he's actually outdoors)

• You see a player's mother and/or father.

• You see the Olympic gold medal from 2010.

THREE DRINKS
• Someone drops an F-Bomb in Swedish.

• Hilary Duff is seen and/or mentioned.

• They show the highlight from February 2009 in which Ovechkin and Crosby get physical near the benches.

• The HBO crew IDs a player incorrectly; either through mislabeling, misspelling or getting a jersey number wrong.

• A Pittsburgh Steeler and/or Washington Redskin makes an appearance.

• You see Ovechkin's car and/or Ovechkin speeding in it.

• Jaromir Jagr is referenced. (25 bonus drinks if Kris Beech is mentioned)

Voyage(r) To The Edge Of The Solar System

The decades old Voyager 1 spacecraft has reached the outer edge of the solar system, and the workhorse has helped scientists observe where solar wind no longer blows outward, but sideways.  C'mon, pretend you care...

Since the spacecraft was launched in 1977, it has snapped images of Earth and other planets in our solar system. Researchers believe Voyager 1 will exit the solar system and reach interstellar space (what is considered the area in between the Sun's influence and the next star system) in about four years. It is now approximately 10.8 billion miles from the Sun, where the velocity of gas emanating outward from the sun has slowed to zero. 

And in honor of solar ejections, here's a video of parts of the sun exploding.

Al-Jazeera Still Waging War On The U.S.

Just because it's in English and shot in New York doesn't mean it's not propaganda...

Their Enemy Themselves

A soldier who stole the gun and credit card details of Israel's military chief was sentenced to 10 years' imprisonment.  They're so badass they can't stand up to themselves!

Military police said Lewis Maskota used his mobile phone to take pictures of a credit card belonging to Lieutenant General Gabi Ashkenazi in August, and then gave them to weapons dealers, who used the data to make purchases.  Way to stick it to the man! The soldier also admitted to stealing Ashkenazi's gun from his office and selling it to criminals. His explanation was that he was caught up in debt and was under great financial pressure at the time, which is a great reason to border on treason and gross insubordination.

Maskota, who served occasionally as a security guard in Ashkenazi's office, was demoted from corporal to private. The event called into question level of security around Israel's top general, who should be fine, as all Israeli generals are bulletproof because they eat bullets for breakfast (it's kosher).

What Is This "Facebook"?

Buzzfeed points out that The Washington Post may have found a new trend worth investigating.

Scumpublicans

The Hurt Locker

Maybe the NFL is on to something trying to curb helmet-to-helmet hits...

In yesterday's games, Green Bay Packers quarterback Aaron Rodgers left with a concussion, and both Pittsburgh Steelers tight end Heath Miller and Arizona Cardinals quarterback Derek Anderson sat out entirely due to of head injuries.  That's just a snapshot of the trouble the league is having with concussions, and their data does them no favors either. The number of concussions being reported this season is up more than 20% from 2009, and more than 30% from 2008.  Brain damage - it's America's game!

The NFL's data shows 154 concussions (from practices or games) reported from the start of the preseason through the eighth week of the 2010 regular season. Datahounds will note a 21% the same point in the 2009 season (127), or 34% from 2008 (115). Dr. Hunt Batjer (you never considered changing that the whole time you were getting your credientials?), co-chairman of the NFL's head, neck and spine medical committee, called the numbers "a great sign." Thanks, ambulance chaser!

The spin is that the higher numbers mean more atheletes are reporting their issues. "We're trying to make sure that players have the message: Playing through pain is good; playing through pain is what sports are about. But that's leg pain. That's arm pain. Not brain injury." Sure, but even your players don't know what is an accepatable hit and which brain-mashing ones are going to cost them games and fines.  And they know the risks going into it:

“I think ever since we were young playing this game, we’re taught to be violent. A lot of things need to be corrected if players’ health and safety is such an issue. You look at some of the hits, and they were legal hits. They weren’t even helmet-to-helmet. I think this is just the way the game is evolving. Guys are getting bigger, guys are getting stronger, faster, and hits are going to get more violent. Hopefully, it doesn’t take away from the game of football, though. That’s the one concern I have. I’ve seen guys who have just hit someone so hard that ref thinks it has to be a penalty. It’s one of those things that as a defensive player, you go for the big hit, you look for the big hit, you look forward to it... It’s a very wishy-washy situation. Here’s another situation, too. You’re going to get guys avoiding the head and then they’re going to start going for the knees and then you’re going to start seeing more ACL tears than ever before. Then you’re going to have six-month injuries instead of 2-3-week concussions. I don’t know what you’re going to do. It’s a violent game. It’s a game that people love to watch because it is violent. There’s big hits and there’s big collisions and just a lot of activity. That’s something for the NFL to decide, how they’re going to correct it.” - Linebacker Brian Cushing

“I really don’t care about that [the potential of increased enforcement]. My biggest thing is to get the guy on the ground, get the guy on the ground. I could care less what happens with that, but the NFL’s going to do what they have to do. I think we can’t worry about any of that. We have to worry about ourselves. We have to do what we have to do to tell a team to stop throwing the ball over the middle. This game is built around offensive players. It really is. This game is built for offensive players. But I think me as a defensive player, I’m smart enough, I can adjust the way I hit and adjust the way I’m doing things, and I will.” - Strong safety Bernard Pollard

“I always approached it like you might as well catch it because you’re going to get hit, anyway. When you look at it, it’s hard for both sides, I think, because when you see most receivers go up for a ball in the air, after they catch the ball, most of the times the first thing they do is tuck their head and try to ball up and protect themselves. You look at a defensive guy, you see a guy jumping at him, the first thing they do try to tuck their head, too, to try to protect themselves. I think that’s what kind of leads to a lot of helmet-to-helmet hits. I don’t know; it’s tough because the sport is violent. I wouldn’t say guys are trying to intentionally hurt you on purpose, but a lot of the times, guys are just out there playing, man. They just go and hit you. I don’t really think they’re thinking about the helmet-to helmet contact.” - Wide receiver Andre Johnson

“It’s good to protect the players, I guess. You don’t want to take the aggression out of the game at all. I think some of it’s been taken away. But I think when it’s blatant and they’re going for the head, then you’ve got to address those issues. I don’t know if it’ll affect our mindset going across the middle at all. You’re still going to get hit, it’s still probably going to hurt. (That won’t change) just because they’re trying to protect us. I think most guys aren’t aiming for the head out there. They’re probably just trying to dislodge the ball and trying to be fair and trying to play the game clean. Most of those guys are just playing hard and trying to make good hits. So I don’t think it’ll change much.” - tight end Owen Daniels

“I don’t have nothing against it [a potential new policy]. I don’t want to take those licks. You can’t really fault those guys because they’re being football players, and you don’t want to take anything away from them being physical. They're just playing football. You can’t be mad at them.” - wide receiver Jacoby Jones

That was a painful amount of blockquote, but it does illustrate the reality of the situation.  The sport is not designed to maim players, but this generation are animals, and even with the advanced protective gear, there are still going to be injuries.  The race is to keep the technology and improvements in safety in step with the ever growing strength and toughness of the players.  There were plenty of guys getting jacked in the leather helmet days of the game, and tough as they were, they'd look like Pop Warner kids against the curent football players - even with new gear..

Geiger Counters Can Be Purchased In The Gift Shop

Want a better understanding of the world's worst nuclear disaster (and a giant dose of radiation)? Come tour the Chernobyl nuclear power plant!

Beginning next year, Ukraine plans to open up the sealed zone around the Chernobyl reactor to visitors who wish to learn more about the tragedy that occurred almost 25 years ago.  Hmmm...I think I'll stick with the pictures and news reports. Famously, Chernobyl's reactor No. 4 exploded on April 26, 1986, spewing radiation over a chunk of northern Europe, exposing hundreds of thousands of people in Ukraine, Belarus and Russia, as well as changing the standard genealogy to produce a generationof blue-haired, blonde-eyed kids.

The "exclusion zone" is a highly contaminated area within a 30-mile radius of the exploded reactor, which was evacuated and sealed off in the aftermath of the explosion. Health problems from the meltdown still persist, and all visits since have been prohibited.  Currently, around 2,500 employees maintain the remains of the now-closed nuclear plant, working in shifts to minimize their exposure to radiation. Hmmm, they work to minimize their radiation exposure but you want to make the site a tourist trap?  It must be some other reason that the few firms who currently offer tours to the restricted area are called illegal by the government, and their safety is not guaranteed.

While the Emergency Situations Ministry spokeswoman ("There are things to see there if one follows the official route and doesn't stray away from the group") and UN Development Program chief ("Personally I think there is an opportunity to tell a story here and of course the process of telling a story, even a sad story, is something that is positive in economic terms and positive in conveying very important messages") spin their sales pitch, estimates to finish building a new safer shell for the exploded reactor won't be until 2015.

The new shelter will cover the hastily built original iron-and-concrete structure that has been leaking radiation, cracking and threatening to collapse.  The new shell is 345 feet tall, 853 feet wide and 490 feet long, and will weigh 20,000 tons. It will be large enough to house the Statue of Liberty and will cost close to $1.15 billion, paid mostly by international donors. Let me again point out again that this new containment unit won't be done for another four years.

I understand the need to show people historical sites to understand the events, but making it an attraction without taking care of the safety issues is a bad an idea as giving tours of the WWII interment camps and staffing it with armed Nazis, or letting people take a walking tour of the piles of WTC debris.  There's better ways to turn a buck without killing your clientele.

Double Dream Hands

Happy Birthday, Scarlett!

Can you guess how old she is?

Nice Pipes

In the vein of Blue Man Group, homemade PVC-pipes-as-musical-instrument. Here’s his playlist:

• Office Theme Song (0:18)
• Linus And Lucy (0:38)
• Turkish March (1:13)
• Mario Brothers Theme (1:27)
• In The Hall Of The Mountain King (1:54)
• Bad Romance (2:07)
• Viva La Vida (2:50)
• Like A Virgin (3:03)
• Crazy Train (3:23)
• Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger (4:01)
• James Bond Theme (4:15)
• Pirates of the Caribbean Theme (4:35)
• The Final Countdown (4:56)

Prepare To Read "Teomerase" A Dozen Times!

If there's one thing we don't need to do, it's keep rodents alive longer...oh, wait - we're testing on them to help try to reverse the aging process for you and me. Okay then, I approve!

Harvard Medical School geneticists have managed to partially reverse the physical degeneration that results from aging by controlling the telomerase gene. Pretend like you already know the telomerase enzyme maintains the protective caps called telomeres that shield the ends of chromosomes, and as we age lower levels can contribute to tissue degeneration. Scientists created mice with a telomerase switch, and then prematurely aged them to see what would happen if they reactivated telomerase production. The telomeres dramatically reversed many aspects of aging, including reversal of brain disease and infertility. Playing God can be fun and productive!

The animals showed no signs of developing cancer from the experiment, which can be a concern because cancer cells turn on telomerase enzymes to make themselves virtually immortal. Briefly switching it on could avoid fueling hidden cancers or cause new ones to develop. It also has potential for adult stem cells, to keep aging tissues viable or repair tissue damage from aging.

After a month the mice exhibited increased levels of telomerase and lengthened telomeres, both biological changes indicative of cells returning to a growth state, with reversal of tissue degeneration, and increase in size of the spleen, testes, and brain. More newborn nerve cells were observed, and the fatty myelin sheaths around nerve cells increased in diameter. In addition, the increase in telomerase revitalized slumbering brain stem cells so they could produce new neurons.

Functionally, the mice’s ability to avoid a certain area in a testing zone where they detected unpleasant odors that they associated with danger (such as scents of predators, rotten food, or Kardashians) had returned as olfactory nerve cells regenerated. And while it's a shitty job, they checked the animals’ testes, and found that mice that were essentially barren produced new sperm cells. Ultimately, the rodents’ life spans were extended compared to their untreated counterparts, though they did not live longer than normal mice.

The Only Shit Floating In The Pool That Takes Itself Out

Chemicals are necessary to see human waste in the pool...or become it. I believe there wasn't even any music playing - it was overdubbed.

A Very South Beach Hanukkah

Much like the "Free Parking for felons" promotion by the Oakland Raiders or the "At you get to see one good team play (the visiting one)" gimmick employed by the Los Angeles Clippers, you have to hand it to sports organizations who know how to market to their demographic.

In the spirit of my people's holiday - you know, the one that's not Christmas which starts tonight - enter the official Florida Panthers yarmulke, which will be handed out to all ticket buyers at their home game next Tuesday! Billed as "the biggest Hanukkah party in South Florida", Jews and gentiles alike can possess this...thing of near impossible creation. Man, would I have loved to be in the room for that planning meeting...

And as Puck Daddy pointed out, "we're only three (Florida Panther) goals away from a yarmulke trick."

Google Beatbox (And Other Misuses)

Google Translate has a feature where you can hear the words pronounced and spoken...and now it's been twisted into something even better.

As you see above, just go to Google Translate, where the translator is already set for German to German translations.  Already there is "pv zk pv pv zk pv zk kz zk pv pv pv zk pv zk zk pzk pzk pvzkpkzvpvzk kkkkkk bsch", so just hit listen and rock out!  You can put your own in the translation box, and there are other languages it will work with too.  Or you can just enjoy really crass, disgusting, oddball things being said. Very okay computer!

Creepy Creepin'

The Creepy Creeps (last night's opening act) on a crappy San Diego morning show...more specifically, in their parking lot.

Every Book That Art Garfunkel Has Ever Read

Like most people, I've got Art Garfunkle on my mind.

Some are concerned with where he is, or what he's doing. But have you ever wanted to know "What's Art Garfunkle reading"? Well, today is your lucky day! It's quite a list, provided by the funkle of Gar himself on his website:

Since the 1960's, Art Garfunkel has been a voracious reader. We are pleased to present a listing of every book Art has read over the last 40 years. This book list has been divided into several pages to allow easy downloading. Each page indicates the author, title, date of publication and number of pages (when available).

His first entry? The Confessions, by Jean-Jacques Rousseau, back in June, 1968. The last novel was Nora Ephron's I Feel Bad About My Neck. Hmmm, not quite Rousseau. On his favorites list, he's got the classics - Twain, Dickens, Dostoevsky, and Tolstoy; the modern icons - Roth, Updike, Bellow ; even edgier stuff for cred - Kerouac, Lethem, and Bukowski. If only he was as diligent sustaining his career, but fascinating nonetheless!

Carrot Bukkake (Vegan Prons)

Outside The Wall, Or So Ya Thought Ya Might Like To Go To The Show

Scarlett used her mojo to get my non-industry ass into Roger Waters The Wall Live show tonight.


UPDATE: "Lights! Roll the sound effects! Action!"

It's hard to convey the Pink Floyd experience to those who didn't spend their formative years listening to them, or the importance of The Wall as a perfect piece of art and music. But for those who know and understand, I won't have to struggle to find descriptions because already you get it. And for the novices, watch the movie and listen to the album a few times so you can at least try to get on the same page.  Then you'll easily agree the genius of Alan Parker's film was to illustrate an epic soundtrack, and that you can not separate the images from the music after 30 years of the two being so expertly married.

Roger Waters has the benefit of multiple tours of The Wall - from the album supporting jaunt to the memorial performance in Berlin, and on solo outings through this presentation - but also technology that is capable of making the show less rock concert and more performance of art.  The strength of the show, if you had to pick just one thing (and exclude the top-line musicians and production value - both integral to the success), is that it is a start-to-finish multimedia presentation which preserves the iconic nature of the images, story and songs while making the themes relevant to the present day.  There's still the anti-government, anti-war, anti-authoritarian sentiment, but it's now our modern Middle Eastern wars, not WWII, and the shadow of techno-corporate empires instead of the capitalist imperialism of the 70s and 80s.

There's no wall (sorry) between Waters and the audience: he's fully aware he's putting on a show and is slipping into the Pink persona for the performance, which is wonderfully meta, as the autobiographical content was his costume when the album first came out.  He took a few moments in the show to address the crowd, and his jovial, thankful banter echoed the referential gestures to the audience he made during the songs.  Clearly, the demons in the music no longer haunt him, and he took satisfaction in being able to present the show, siding with the fans, as if to say, "We've both made it through the years and can really appreciate the effect of The Wall".

Rather than recap the show (which is detailed here), I'll just share some of the more truly amazing moments:

• The opening w/ In The Flesh - Not only one of my favorite songs on the album, but the pyrotechnics and explosions of the air battle were great.  Not to mention the airplane that came in the length of the arena to crash into the wall and explode.

• Giant Puppets! - They had the Schoolmaster, The Wife, and Mother, all making appearances during the show.

• Comfortably Numb - Even without David Gilmour to sing and play, they did a remarkable job. Hearing the song live nearly brought me to tears...just one of those moments that tapped the pent up well of emotions from years of being affected by that song.

• Using the wall - Besides the gradual building to visually relate the music was their brilliant use of it as a screen and interaction through it.  This ended the first half of the show...it's bittersweet and gorgeous by the time he finishes Goodbye Cruel World.

It was by far one of the best shows I've ever been to, and such a treat to see an artist make the most of their skills. There are few times I've seen such an immersing experience (Peter Gabriel's UP tour and U2's Zoo TV performance), and they are absolute gifts to the fans.

Irvin And Leslie

Hollywood just lost two great talents, and well as unique names you hardly see for men anymore.

I will avoid the Airplane quotes that many other will be using, and just say that Leslie Nielsen was able to do both serious and silly work in his true, two act career.  Aside from The Naked Gun series, the Canadian actor was also in Forbidden Planet and The Poseidon Adventure - to look at his career you'd be shocked at the variety and versitility of his films.  He died at 84 from complications from pneumonia (though mostly contracting pneumonia).

Irvin Kershner may not be as familiar a name, but nerds everywhere know him as the director of The Empire Strikes Back. Kersh - as he was known, was also the next-door neighbor of Famous Dad for many years in the canyons above Los Angeles! He passed at 87 after a long illness (probably not bullemia). After graduating USC film school, He made U.S. government informational films in Greece, Turkey and the Middle East during the 1950s. Like many others his first professional feature work was with Roger Corman. He would go on to work with Hollywood legends Sean Connery, Joanne Woodward, George C. Scott, George Segal, Eva Marie Saint, and Faye Dunaway before taking on the Star Wars sequel. Kirshner would later make the Bond revamp Never Say Never Again and Robocop 2.

Metropolis II

1200 toy cars in motion = 100,000 cars passing through a wood block, tile, Lego and Lincoln Logs city per hour. Coming soon to the Los Angeles County Museum of Art.

The Razor's AIDS

Both the FBI and local police were investigating a new incident involving a UCLA neuroscientist, who received "AIDS-tainted" razors. Looks like the holidays came early!

Officials stressed that they don't know if the razors actually had any substance on them, but why ruin an otherwise excellent headline? David Jentsch received the package earlier in the month, and has been a long standing target for animal rights groups due to his research on rodents and primates. In the past, lunatics activists have demonstrated in front of Jentsch's house, and allegedly set fire to his car.

The Animal Liberation Front issued a press release saying it had "obtained" statements from animal activists called "The Justice Department of UCLA," which claimed responsibility for sending AIDS-tainted razor blades to Jentsch. I guess they're the go-to group for getting the details from fringe activist cells, which must make them feel good about their status in the batshit domestic terrorist community. The Justice Department of UCLA (not really a department there), believe that Jentsch injected the test subects with addictive drugs.

"How would Jentsch like the same thing he does to primates to be done to him?" their statement said. Well, if it's not AIDS infected razors, aren't they asking the wrong question? The activists claimed to have sent a similar package to one of Jentsch's researchers, but there is no evidence that package was received. And they say the US Post Office is a failure!

Jentsch's work - mostly funded by the National Institutes of Health, regards identifying the biochemical basis for methamphetamine addiction in teens and disabilities affecting the speech and behavior of schizophrenia patients. I'm prone to agree with his statement, "Responsible use of animals in research aimed at improving the health and welfare of the mentally ill is the right thing to do...We will continue to do so because we have a moral responsibility to society to use our skills for the betterment of the world." There's plenty wrong in this world that needs attention, and the well-being ain't at the top.  If they really want to take up a cause, how about looking into what happened to his eyebrows.

Testing The Microsoft Kinect

The device is sure to be one of the holiday's biggest sellers, so G4 wanted to put it through a gambit of technical tests to see the limits of the system's face and body recognition software.  And I'm glad they chose porn star Kirsten Price to check it out. 

Video Games - E3 2011

Cowboys And Interest

Most comic creators hope to move their property into the realm of film eventually, but some actually use the medium as a springboard to bigger things - even when their properties don't even exist. Rich Johnston dug into the secret origins of the future film "based" on a comic.

Years ago, Scott Rosenberg was faking interest in his "comic book" Cowboys & Aliens to get it made into a film – even though all that existed was the cover and the name. Though Variety featured the title on their cover, it passed through several studios before failing to turn into a film.  After a few years, Platinum Studios - his publisher for an unpublished idea - got the tale made into a graphic novel, hoping that a tangible comic would do what the imaginary book couldn't.

Much like the payola days of radio and the record biz, payments were made to comic book shops to generate orders by the thousands. The money would cover the ordering amount plus add a little extra for the retailer, and allowed merchants to sell the graphic novel for 50¢ (instead of the $3.99 cover price), or given away free with any comic.  Even Entertainment Weekly was unaware of the ploy, which named Cowboys & Aliens the number one graphic novel of the week.  Still, they failed to reach the achievement of being named the best selling graphic novel of the month by Diamond Comics Distributors.

Publisher Top Cow was paid to list the title under their Image banner, and as a "brokered publisher", would declare that Cowboys & Aliens was a graphic novel to try and bump it up the charts (even though it was far less than the $9.99 that Diamond usually upheld for a title to be counted as a graphic novel).  Unfortunately, it didn't work both ways for them, and Johnston's column at the time on the title lead Diamond to not count the units "purchased" for stores by Platinum Studios.  The title ended up as the twelfth best seller of the month, and eventually sparked interest enough to sell the now-real comic to filmmakers.

So what happened to all the "extra" copies that were "ordered" by the retailers?  Some are selling for over $35 on eBay due interest in the upcoming movie.

Behind The Mou$e

With all the care they take in their parks to hide the working parts and create an illusion to cover reality, you'd think the Walt Disney Company would take more precaution to safeguard their quarterly earnings report from an early release.

Disney didn't plan on posting the link on its website until after the stock market closed, but a savvy Bloomberg News reported found it with a simple Internet trick, and the results were released about a half-hour before the scheduled release. The twerk worked so well (and obviously) that Bloomberg headline writers did it six days later to data storage company NetApp Inc., reporting the financial results more than an hour before the market closed. Nasdaq officials halted trading in NetApp temporarily after the stock fell 9%within a half-hour after the first report went out. Disney's stock fell nearly 5% in about four minutes, though shares of both have recovered since then.

The Bloomberg team searched for the reports by taking the Web addresses from previous quarters and changing the last few characters to correspond to the quarter about to be reported. Yep, it was that simple. In Disney's case, the Web address to each quarterly report contains the current year followed by the quarter, and the reporters simply guessed that the new release would be posted under "q4" for the fiscal fourth quarter. The address worked, even though a link to it hadn't been published on Disney's website, and required no password or computer break-in.  It's a brilliantly simple and long known way to infiltrate inaccessible webspace (that came in handy years ago when Stile Project thought it could put it's adult video clips behind a pay wall - ha!) - but I'd never thought that it would be used on such a grand scale.

Security experts characterized the companies' failure to protect such valuable information as careless lapses, and the Securities and Exchange Commission would not say whether the agency had started an investigation.

Turkeypocalypse

If you want to make sure you don't overeat, just watch the clip on turkeys in the slaughterhouse - be careful because it is graphic as hell.  But I can tell you it's not going to stop me from delicious dinner tonight!!!

Wonder Women

Parodies are back in vogue with the adult film industry, so it's no surprise that they've taken the sub-genre and mixed it with another popular subject - comic books.

Vivid Entertainment recently announced they were planning Wonder Woman XXX: A Porn Parody, but the smaller Mile High Media got the jump on them and have already released some photos from their own take, Wonder Woman XXX: A Hardcore Parody. This is a competition where everybody wins. The Mile High version stars Tori Black (attractive as she is, comes across a little...uh, lacking in the wonder attributes), who played the Catwoman in Vivid Entertainment's Batman XXX. Apparently, DC and Marvel aren't the only ones who's talent switches sides...

The plot for the film is that "the Iraqi government has once again penetrated US soil, sending their top spy to infiltrate America's most lucrative business, the porn industry."  Ugh...penetrated? Really? That's so cheesy, you almost forget the useless reference to whatever previous Iraqi infiltration there was.  We don't watch for the story, let alone some mysterious backstory.  But there's still more groan-inducing things to come - and not the kind you want from an adult film.

"Through the help of a sultry US informant, the Iraqi spy gains access to California's biggest porn production sets in order to steal their secrets. There is only one person who can stop the Iraqi insurgence by making a man crumble to his knees and beg for mercy—Wonder Woman." And that's what brought Wonder Woman to Chatsworth - to save our country from losing it's beloved prons?  The religious right has been pretty ineffective, but one spy is going to succeed where millions of Christians have failed? And is Peter North suddenly ejaculating nuclear codes? 

"Will the Iraqi spy succeed in his mission to rip off America's beloved porn, or will he succumb to the wealth and riches of the most sought after body on the planet? Will Wonder Woman save the day, or are her powers futile against the terrorist attacks? Only watching Wonder Woman XXX will reveal the answers."  Let's hope the the film doesn't kill boners as bad as their marketing copy, and try to focus on the double cosplay adult fanfare.

Welcome To The Bungle

There's no way you can live like a rock star if you've only put out one album in the last 15 years.  How else can you justify Axl Rose's $20 million lawsuit against "Guitar Hero" maker Activision and his claim their use of "Welcome to the Jungle" violated a deal not to include any imagery of ex-guitarist Slash. That ego of his more bloated than his current pasty, haggard self.

If Rose is to be believed, Activision fraudulently induced him into authorizing "Jungle" for use in Guitar Hero III by telling him during negotiations that the game wouldn't feature any reference to his former bandmate or Slash's subsequent band Velvet Revolver...because that's a completely normal subject to come up during negotiations. When Rose found out that a "Slash-like character" and Velvet Revolver songs would be included, he said he immediately rescinded the authorization for "Jungle," but the game company lied and told him the inclusion was just for the purposes of a trade show.  So a trade show is okay, but not actual inclusion?  That's the fine line between acceptable and acrimony?

When Guitar Hero III came out and its box cover featured "an animated depiction of Slash, with his signature black top hat, long dark curly hair, dark sunglasses and nose-piercing", Rose was enraged - much like most Guns N' Roses fans after a decade-plus wait for new music that failed to deliver. In addition to that grievous offense, "Sweet Child 'O Mine" was used in an online promotion for Guitar Hero III, despite only being licensed for Guitar Hero II...oh my!  Naturally, he wants $20 million in damages from sales of the popular game.

Activision has not yet responded to the complaint, but I have an idea what might be appropriate...suck it up you fragile has-been and get over yourself.  You're lucky anyone still gives two shits about your glam-rock band, who only survived the culling by alternative music because you had the least make-up of all the others.

Bronson Es Muy Macho Y Los Hipsters Es Malo

We're All Goners

Earlier in the year, 12 million Shrek glasses from kids meals had to be recalled due to toxic traces of lead in them. But it's not just the kids who are at risk...it's every kid from the last 50 years!

After the Shrek debacle, a specially commissioned test of 35 different drinking glasses made between the late 1960s to present day...and they all exceeded the federal limits on lead in children's products BY UP TO 1000 TIMES. The designs range from Star Wars to Superman and Batman to The Wizard Of Oz, and were not just sold through fast food chains, but also at the Disney Store and online through Coca-Cola.

In addition to seven highly contaminated glasses, 10 others raised concern over longer-term contact (two for both lead and cadmium, five for lead only and three for cadmium only). How much contact could cause a problem?

If half of what gets onto a child's hand enters their mouth, as the CPSC calculates, seven of the glasses would require fewer than 20 hand touches for kids age six and under to exceed U.S. Food and Drug Administration guidelines for the maximum amount of lead they should ingest in a day.

Shit. And I bet most of you possessed at least one or two of these. I had that damn Lando Calrissian glass from Burger King through college.

The Murderous Spirit Of St. Louis

St. Louis overtook Camden, N.J., as the nation's most dangerous city in 2009. Great...now what's Camden going to be known for?

The study found St. Louis had 2,070.1 violent crimes per 100,000 residents - nearly five times the national average of 429.4! Camden, who topped the list the previous year, had hoped to make another back-to-back title, like they accomplished in 2003 and 2004. Michigan proudly filled in the next two spots with Detroit and Flint, with Oakland filling out the top five. On the opposite end of the rankings, Colonie, N.Y. was the safest city with more than 75,000 residents for a second straight year, mostly due to the fact that nobody knows where the fuck Colonie, N.Y. is.

The rankings are based on population figures and crime data compiled by the FBI annually, though some criminologists question the findings, mainly because they don't like data and statistics compiled for these types of rankings. Boo-hoo, babies!

A Spokeswoman for the St. Louis Mayor's office was quick to point out the city has been getting safer over the last few years, with crime decreasing each year since 2007, and down 7% from last year. Which makes you think about what a dangerous murdertrap it used to be.

Hermes Fingerskate

Shitty Justice

We can all sleep better tonight knowing that one of our great modern crimes has been solved!  Look out JonBenet's killer - you're next!

Ingmar Guandique, who was already imprisoned for attacking two female joggers, was found guilty of murdering Washington intern Chandra Levy some nine years ago. For those who don't recall, Levy's disappearance crushed congressman Gary Condit's career as their romantic link became public fodder during the year-long search to find her remains.

The fascinating part to the conviction is the lack of direct evidence from prosecutors, who got their man by impressing the notion that Levy's death fit a pattern of other crimes committed by Guandique in the park.  Yep, it seems like he could have done it, so that's good enough these days.  Suck it, habeas corpus!

Let me try to make it clearer if it hasn't sunk in: even though they had no eyewitnesses and no DNA evidence linking Guandique to Levy, and Guandique never confessed to police, they convinced a dozen dumb motherfuckers this guy did it.  How?  The testimony of Armando Morales, former cellmate of Guandique, who allegedly confided in him that he killed Levy. That's incredible when you think about how Condit's DNA was on underwear at Levy's apartment, and there's not a speck of Guandique's DNA to be found...guess those CSI shows better change their format and get with the times!

Is it worth pointing out that DNA from an unknown male found on Levy's black running tights matched neither Guandique nor Condit?  Nah...that can easily be explained away by prosecutors' claim that the DNA was the result of contamination during the testing process.  Funny how that wasn't "contamination" nine years ago...

Morales said Guandique was worried about being labeled a rapist by fellow inmates if word got out that he was a suspect in the Levy case. According to Morales, Guandique admitted killing Levy as part of an attempted robbery, but said he never raped her. Morales has not received any benefit for his testimony...yet (don't be surprised if prosecutors seek to reduce his jail time in the future).   Also presented was testimony from two women who were attacked by Guandique in May and July of 2001 in Rock Creek Park, where Levy disappeared. In both cases, Guandique attacked the women from behind while they jogged on isolated trails but ran off after each woman fought him off. Hmmm...I guess he did it.

There's no doubt that Guandique is a criminal scumbag and deserves prison, but I'm pretty sure that guilt by association isn't actual prosecutable, legal guilt.  Well, at least until now.

The Shadow Over Tintin

Murray Groat did what 80 years of adventures couldn't - make Tintin interesting...and insane.

Ladies And Gentlemen, The Kilimanjaro Darkjazz Ensemble

Or perhaps you're interested in The Mount Fuji Doomjazz Corporation (their live improv alter ego...this is from a session recorded while viewing Jess Franco's 1969 exploitation classic Succubus)

(Flash) Mob Rules

Moustaches That Matter

All You Need Is *Yawn*

The Beatles are finally coming to iTunes! Who cares!

In one of their trademark "big deal" announcements, Apple said they would finally start selling music from the biggest band in history. The Beatles had been the most prominent holdout from iTunes (and other online music services), and the legal bad blood between the two giants didn't help. Apple Corps, the Beatles management company had previously battled the computer company in a trademark dispute, which was resolved in 2007 and makes their announcement three years past relevant.  But hey, that money for doing a Rock Band version wasn't going to last forever...

Apple will sell 13 remastered Beatles studio albums, the two-volume "Past Masters" set and the classic "Red" and "Blue" collections. People Suckers can buy individual songs for $1.29 apiece or download entire albums, at $12.99 for a single album and $19.99 for a double (those Red / Blue collections, The White Album, etc..).  For $149, they're also shilling a "special digital box set" that includes a download of the 41-minute movie of the Beatles first U.S. concert, Live at the Washington Coliseum, 1964.

I'm just going to point out the far lower pricing that you can find on Amazon in case you didn't want to pay more for those same albums.  That is, if you didn't already own them on disc, and haven't already ripped it to upload it into your iTunes already.  Because that would take the less time than buying it for download on iTunes.  Maybe it's good news to the six people who use iTunes but are inexplicably not tech-savvy enough to rip a disc or download the albums elsewhere, but what's the big deal for anyone else?

And in somewhat unrelated news, a dedication of "When I'm Sixty-Four" to Famous Dad on his birthday...

Vettel's Checkered Flag

Had to wait a day until a decent quality version came up (and not to spoil it for the latercomers), but here's to the kid! Too bad for my McLaren boys, but I'm just thrilled that Alonso didn't win. Karma, baby, karma...

Fun In The Early 20th Century

Over 90 years ago, Arthur Mole and John Thomas came up with what they called "Living Photographs", which involved positioning thousands of people in ways that would suggest familiar and patriotic images when photographed from far above.

Treeon Glow

J. Montana brought this up last night, and the interweb didn't make me need to look too hard to find the story...

Researchers in Taiwan have too much gold and an arbor abundance, which gave them the idea of replacing streetlights with bio-luminescent trees. How? By injecting the leaves with gold nanoparticles, which when put into the leaves of Bacopa caroliniana plants, causes the chlorophyll to produce the reddish luminescence. This could ultimately reduce carbon emissions and cut electricity costs. The discovery came about by accident when scientists were trying to create lighting as efficient as LEDs without using the toxic (and expensive) phosphor powder that LEDs rely on.

Rink KOs

A trio of rink knockouts...

The first is an early contender for fight of the year, courtesy of the Washington Capitals' John Erskine and the Atlanta Thrashers' Eric Boulton. These boys are swinging for home runs.

While you catch your breath, the Kings knocked New York Islanders coach Scott Gordon out of a job, after a 5-1 victory that earned my boys a record setting 8-0 home start. The Isles began the year at 4-2-1, but a 10 game skid has them tied with Edmonton for the fewest points (11) in the league. Gordon went 64-94-23 in his tenure with the team, who has condemned promoted Jack Capuano from their AHL affiliate to interim coach.

And finally, a team effort from the aforementioned Edmonton Oilers and New York Rangers, who had an epic melee that resulted in over 120 penalty minutes and four game misconducts.

There's Bucks In Pucks

Forbes, when not advising old white men how to horde their riches or give tips on finding bargain summer mansions, delves into the realm of sports and checks out the depth of the pockets of the team owners.

Hockey may not get a podium spot among North American sports, but it still has plenty of big bank accounts.  The NHL counts eight billionaires among its ownership ranks - three more than MLB and just two less than the NBA, which is interesting since the median franchise value for basketball is about 67% higher.  It should be noted that the NHL and NBA also share two billionaire owners.

Topping the list is my very own Los Angeles Kings owner Philip Anschutz.  , the sports and entertainment maven who also owns the NBA Lakers with Jerry Buss and stakes in seven other teams. With a net worth of $7 billion, Anschutz (through his company AEG), also owns the Lakers and has a piece of seven other pro teams, plus several sports venues -  including the Staples Center and the $2.5 billion LA Live complex.

Pittsburgh Penguins owner and food industry magnate Ron Burkle is next.  Having bought the team in 1999, he swung a deal that has him paying just $4 million annually over 30 years in financing for the $320 million arena, which he also got Consol Energy to commit to a 21-year naming rights deal in 2008.

Philip Falcone leveraged his $2.8 billion fortune in the hedge fund business into ownership of the Minnesota Wild.  I'm sure it didn't hurt that his partner Craig Leipold, is a former owner of the Nashville Predators, and is married to billionaire Helen Johnson-Leipold (yes, of Johnson & Johnson money).

Other hockey billionaires are: Colorado’s Stan Kroenke, who also owns the NBA Nuggets; Boston’s Jeremy Jacobs, a sports concession king who’s owned the Bruins since 1975; and Detroit’s Mike Ilitch, the pizza maven who owns the Red Wings and Tigers (and may also add the Pistons to his holdings).