Showing posts with label legal briefs. Show all posts
Showing posts with label legal briefs. Show all posts

Thursday, June 20, 2013

If Only The Fashion Police Had Real Powers


Fashion design duo Domenico Dolce and Stefano Gabbana debuted a new label for their famed line, and it's not the kind that's sewn in...it's "felon".

The pair were each given a suspended prison sentence of 20 months for allegedly hiding hundreds of millions of euros from the tax authorities. The case dates back to an investigation in 2008, when authorities began a tax avoidance crackdown which ensnared the designers. The judge ruled Wednesday that the pair sold their brand to Luxembourg-based holding company Gado in 2004 to avoid declaring taxes on royalties of about $1.3 billion.

We can argue that celebrities and the rich never truly pay for their crimes, as evidenced here, but that would only be in place of the argument about how this limp verdict spent time and money without any return, rather than see the country deal with the staggering unemployment and fiscal issues it has.

Wednesday, June 5, 2013

Spencer, Currently Not For Hire

Cocksman "Mr. Marcus" was sentenced today for knowingly exposing at least two of his adult film co-stars to syphilis after testing positive for the disease days earlier. Don't these people watch his films? I see a lot of sexy times happening in jail...though maybe those are just sets.

Jesse Spencer (42) pleaded no contest to one count of exposing another to a communicable disease, and in addition to 30 days in jail, he gets 36 months probation and 15 days of community labor, which will most likely be picking up trash on the side of the road with a thingy. Not that thingy.  Conveniently, Spencer has been in police custody since May 22 following a separate DUI arrest.

Current sex film practice requires adult film actors to undergo routine testing for several different sexual transmitted diseases, which yielded the positive result for Spencer last year. On July 13, 2012, Spencer received a penicillin shot after testing positive for syphilis, but continued to test positive following a second screening on July 21.  He obscured the syphilis result on a photocopy to continue working, but two actresses made a police report after a producer noticed the form had been altered. Who says those ladies are stupid? But they're still disappointing to their parents...

Fortunately, none of the actresses contracted syphilis as a result of exposure to Spencer, and saving money for community college and raising children as single mothers could go unabated.

Friday, March 1, 2013

Define "Insane"

The wheels of justice turn slowly, and often, senselessly.

Nearly eight months after the attack which killed 12 and wounded 58 at a Colorado theater, the defense for James Holmes is still heel-dragging on what plea to enter.  They do not want to use not-guilty by reason of insanity, because it simply does not benefit their client.  You see, if you want to go that route, you have to turn over all documents and information pertaining to your client's past, including those records previously protected by doctor-patient confidentiality.  And in the case of Holmes, it's a particular notebook given to a psychiatrist prior to the attack.  So how to you get around the evidence that would clearly implicate your client and his premeditated actions?  Challenge the constitutionality of the state insanity law!

Trying to make a whole separate issue challenging the law you're looking to take shelter under is a stroke of pure genius scumbaggery.  Only a defense lawyer could complain that a law is not serving enough of their plans and try to have it changed to suit them better.  I assume they'd prefer they could just plead insanity as a defense without having to present or prove anything.  My legal scholar hat got lost many years ago when I opted out of going to law school, but my bullshit detector has been working just fine.  You can't cry self-incrimination if you're claiming insanity, because 1) you have to establish the insanity, and 2) you're not challenging the act - just whether or not they were sane when committing it.

Sorry guys, either he did it and you want to say he was crazy, or he didn't do it.  Pick one, and then promptly lose.  And as usual, a giant big fuck you to any and every media outlet, reporter and source who continues to refer to Holmes as the "alleged" shoooter or "suspect" in the case.  When you are arrested on site with weapons immediately following the attack and you deliberately booby trapped your apartment in case of your arrest, you get no luxury of speculation.  He is the defendant, period.

Monday, November 12, 2012

______ Me Elmo

You can ask how to get to Sesame Street...just don't ask the the accused pedophile who lives there.

Kevin Clash, best know as the voice and puppeteer of Elmo, has taken a leave of absence from the program after a 23 year old claimed he began a sexual relationship with Clash seven years ago.  And thanks to the program, we can all do the math and show that 23 - 7 =16, and that's not quite right if you're 45.  If this doesn't give Republicans ammo to try and stop funding public television, nothing will.

Clash, who is gay, has acknowledged to TMZ (the bastion of journalistic importance) he had a relationship with the young man, but insists it only took place after his accuser was an adult.  We'll have to wait and see if this is a jilted ex or something more serious, but in the meantime, there will be plenty of hand-up-ass and don't-tickle-me jokes.

Sunday, November 11, 2012

Weekend Edition



Counting down the top 20 links we didn't cover during the week...

20 • The 'Breaking Bad' Porn Parody Now Has A Trailer - You're nothing in pop culture history until there's a porn version.

19 • Man Mauled To Death By Captive Grizzly In Montana / 2-Year-Old Boy Killed At PA. Zoo Exhibit / Man-Eating Leopard Devours 15 - Another installment of man versus the animal kingdom. And the animals won.

18 • Jermaine Jackson Petitions To Alter Famous Name - I'll save you the click...he wants to change it form Jackson to Jacksun. I hope the judge denies it on the grounds of go fuck yourself (that's a legal term, right?), but if not, exhibit A is that he named one of his sons Jermajesty.

17 • Anthony Bourdain Goes On A Dead-Hooker Twitter Tirade - Don't try and put your product placement in his show without permission.

16 • Rebecca Black Producer's Thanksgiving Video, With Nicole Westbrook - WARNING! This is goddamn awful. And it's going to get 30 million hits.

15 • Craigslist Ad For 'Sick Ass 1971 Honda CB350' - If this didn't belong to La Flama Blanca, then he at least wrote the ad.

14 • No Doubt Pulled Their Offensive New Video - Native Americans don't like the cowboys and Indians motif, but it's really how bland the song is that's offensive.

13 • Man Admits Murder During Heart Attack, Survives - You don't go to heaven if you admit your sins, just jail.

12 • One Colonoscopy May Be Enough For A Lifetime / Detroit Tigers Star Pleads Guilty In New York Anti-Semitic Case - A pair of stories about assholes, and how they should be dealt with.

11 • Superman's Home Planet Krypton 'Found' / USA Luge Team To Dress As X-O Manowar For 2014 Olympics - Crossover by comics into real life can be interesting, but these are a little unnecessary.

10 • McDonald's Flies American Flag Upside Down At Half-Mast In Follansbee, West Virginia - Was it a protest after the election, a call for help, or a flag malfunction? Or, because it's West Virginia just Wednesday?

09 • Voters In Washington And Colorado Legalize Recreational Marijuana - In other news, populations on adjoining states decrease as mass exodus begins to Washington and Colorado.

08 • 37 Bond Girls Then And Now - Spoiler alert! Most of them are better then than now.

07 • Woman Who Drove On Sidewalk Must Wear 'Idiot' Sign - I like creative punishments, especially when they're also honest.

06 • Ronda Rousey Becomes The First Woman In The UFC - Well, at least, the first one who'll kick your ass or knock you out. They still have those chippies in bikinis between rounds.

05 • So Long, And Thanks For All The WHOSE RESPONSIBLE THIS - Rob Bricken leaves his editor's spot at the great Topless Robot for io9...yes, I am a geek, and you should be too by checking out both sites.

04 • How Apple Avoids Paying Billions in Taxes - They ain't making record breaking profits just from selling a lot of gadgets. Because sometimes it also pays not to think differently.

03 • Scientists Make Light Travel Infinitely Fast - When light speed got a little faster.

02 • New York Man Crushed By Giant Crucifix Has Leg Amputated - Man frequently prays at church for wife. Man believes crucifix cures his wife of cancer. Crucifix decides debt needs to be repaid.

01 • Dead Pig In Romney Shirt Found At Manhattan Beach GOP Headquarters - After all months and months of election coverage in the media, this is the way I want the story it end.

Tuesday, November 6, 2012

Fuck No On Measure B


I only feel it's important to wield whatever sway I have on others when it comes to issues that are important to me, and in this election, it's NO on Measure B, aka the Condoms In Porn measure.  Sorry, but any acts between consenting adults is between them, and if they agree to take on the risks inherent in the jobs they take, we do not need legislation to create additional measures of safety.  Keep prons filthy - vote NO!

Thursday, July 19, 2012

Rule #1 - Always Give Them A Fake Name (Brad Doty)

Citing insufficient evidence, Los Angeles County prosecutors declined to file sexual assault charges against L.A. Kings defenseman Drew Doughty.  Now that's a plus for a player's stat!

Doughty was being investigated by police in connection with a sexual assault allegation from March 1, when a 25-year-old woman met him at a bar near the Hermosa Beach Pier. She turned down a proposition from Doughty in front of several teammates, police said. And then, oddly, they took a cab to her home, where she accused Doughty of raping her. The woman reported the incident to police the same day, but added the two had consensual sex a few months prior to the incident.

Detectives asked the woman to call the Doughty while they listened, but she refused, and they have called her “less than cooperative”.  Both the district attorney’s office and police have “found credibility problems” with her accusations, and therefore have decided not to pursue the issue.  I once had a restraining order against an ex, prompted by the need to have police come to my place to get her to leave three times in one night, so I can say with some confidence that some women do not leave the picture gracefully or without trying to cause trouble.

Not a bad year for the 22-year-old...Doughty signed an eight-year, $56-million deal, won the Stanley Cup, and is clear of rape charges.

Best In Show At Show


Actor / comedian Fred Willard (of Anchorman: The Legend Of Ron Burgundy, This Is Spinal Tap, and tons of other movies you love) is apparently a fan of film.  The trouble is, his appreciation for the silver screen is what the authorities take issue with.

Willard was arrested on suspicion of engaging in a lewd act at an adult theater in Hollywood.  The 72-year-old actor was arrested about 8:30 p.m. Wednesday by uniformed vice officers doing a "routine inspection" at the Tiki Theater (the 5400 block of Santa Monica Boulevard, so watch out in case you're in that kind of mood).  They did not elaborate on the act Willard was in the middle of, but given the location and film, I don't know if you could call it lewd.

The actor was booked and released on his own recognizance, so don't rush down to the precinct with your "Free Fred" signs just yet...

Sunday, July 8, 2012

Weekend Edition


Counting down the top 20 links we didn't cover during the week...

20 • Karate Instills Confidence In Special Needs Kids - Yeah, that's what they need.  Not how to dress themselves or how to use the bathroom solo, but martial arts.

19 • Former Astronaut Poindexter Dies In Ski Jet AccidentTeen Dies Playing Russian Roulette - Two literal rocket scientists, foolishly killed.

18 • Steve Nash To The LA Kings - Finally, a reverse hockey / basketball mistake!

17 • Andy Griffith Dies At 86 - Mayberry him in peace.

16 • Couple Tries For Year Of Daily Disneyland Visits - It helps to have one half of your duo unemployed to pull it off.  Don't bother to look for a job...that's really Fantasyland.

15 • Anderson Cooper Claims To Be “Gay” - World claims to be surprised.

14 • Russia Fears New Epidemic Of Synthetic MarijuanaMexico Recounts Votes From Over Half Of Polling Booths - Aside from the state of Florida, our country has no weird weed or voter fraud.

13 • Man, 30, Sentenced To 65 Years To Life For Raping Developmentally Disabled Girl, 7 - I want to say something about if she'd known karate, but...

12 • Cops Mistaken For Male Strippers At Bachelorette Party - These are the kinds of confusing that happen now thanks to Magic Mike.

11 • The Incredibly True Story Of Before Before Watchmen - Comic book "behind the scenes"?  Yes, please!

10 • Amputee Pistorius Selected For Olympics In 4x400Australia Under Fire For Sleeping Pill Ban - Let's see what has a bigger impact once the games start; the legless runner, or that athletes can't take get a little help to get some rest.

09 • Singer Frank Ocean Reveals First Love Was A Man - Suddenly, a lot of people really took to heart those R&B lyrics.

08 • Yasser Arafat's Body To Be Exhumed - They say it's to check if polonium poison had to do with the illness leading to his death, but I'm hoping it's to piss on his corpse.

07 • Romney's Wife Says Woman Being Eyed For Ticket - That worked so well the last time for the GOP.  This is nothing but a stunt for publicity.


05 • McSweeney’s FAQ: The “Snake Fight” Portion Of Your Thesis Defense - Now I'm glad I didn't go to grad school.  I'm like Indiana Jones with serpents.

04 • Lineswoman Hit In The Face By 118 mph Serve - For a few seconds, tennis got interesting. 

03 • Mammoth Lakes, Famous California Ski Town, Files For Bankruptcy - Good thing I didn't get that season pass.  Talk about hard to get a refund...

02 • Eastbound & Down Renewed For A Fourth Season - It had a perfect ending in the series finale, but a bonus season is fine by me. 

01 • Proof Of 'God Particle' Found - The material at the source of creation and the universe?  Could be the top story on the list...

Sunday, July 1, 2012

Weekend Edition


Counting down the top 20 links we didn't cover during the week...

20 • Nuclear Slapshots Could Propel A Spacecraft To Mars In Just Weeks - Unless Space Jonathan Quick is in the net outside the red planet. 


19 • Michael Sokolski, Creator Of Scantron, Dies At 85 / Ginsu Knife Pitch Co-Creator, Barry Becher, Dies - Insert stale joke regarding their accomplishments here. 


18 • Five Suspected Of Stealing 9.5 Tons Of Garlic - Either it's going to be one big bowl of pasta sauce, or they were about to go jihad on Transylvania.  

17 • Profile Of A Fart Fetish Video Producer / Man Pulls Gun On Neighbor Over Fart - All the news that's fart to print...    

16 • Condo Fire Leads Deputies To 2K Pound Marijuana Discovery - Clearly this was a vacation home given the amount of weed there. 

15 • Winamp’s Woes: How The Greatest MP3 Player Undid Itself - I still love that program...how sad that it's not the industry standard. 

14 • Rogue Dolphin, Alone After Katrina, Menaces Lake Area / Michael Jackson's Tiger Dies Of Lung Cancer / Dolphins May Get Alzheimer's / Baby Chimpanzee Killed By Adult Chimp At Zoo -  Because I was told that I was not including enough access to giant cats with carton a day smoking habits, or angry mammals who'll attack you - and then possibly forget they did.

13 • Nine Actors Who Do the Exact Same Thing On Every Movie Poster - Sometimes you get cast in the same roles...or posters.

12 • The Salvation Army And Goodwill: Inside The Places Your Clothes Go When You Donate Them - Get ready for the underworld of used apparel, where everything is free...for a price! 

11 • This Is The Oldest Vinyl Album In the History Of The World - Electroclash?  Really?  Nah, but petty cool that they were basically able to clone it.


09 • The Daily Show Took CNN & Fox News To The Woodshed Last Night / "Mandate Struck Down": Dewey Defeats Truman Moment For CNN, Fox News - I'm glad that I live in a time where Comedy Central is better at reporting the news than "news" networks.

08 • Everything You Need To Know About The TomKat Divorce - They're getting divorced...I think that's everything.

07 • Research Team Unveils Spray-On Battery - If everything can be a battery, what will be left that needs a charge?

06 • Kim Kardashian Sued for Making a Sex Tape With Charlie Sheen And A Unicorn / Kim Kardashian's Sisters Writing a Young Adult Science Fiction Novel - What do you find more unbelievable: that her Ass-Kinder actually know how to write, or that Der Schwein Panzer is making porn with mythical creatures?  

05 • Evading Ticketmaster, Louis C.K. Sells Tour Himself - Awesome, free thinking comedians 1, The Man 0.

04 • Virginia Woman Sues Over Alleged Sexual Abuse During Exorcism - Here's the deal: if you're foolish enough to believe that you're possessed by the Devil and need an exorcism, you deserve to be sexually abused.

03 • Kim Dotcom Raid Was Illegal, New Zealand Judge Rules - Oh, did we illegally search and seize millions in property and possessions?  Uh, sorry?

02 • Making Saltwater Drinkable Is Graphene's Latest Miracle - If it can make fish and loaves of bread, then graphene is a molecular Jesus.

01 • Anti-Semitic Elmo Is Named Adam Sandler And Ran A Rape Website - How does this not become the top headline?

Friday, June 29, 2012

Ketchup Was An Accomplice

Fast food is bad for your health, but is it legally dangerous?

James Hackett is facing a felony assault charge after allegedly throwing an order of "hot and oily" McDonald's french fries at his 11-year-old stepdaughter, according to the Lowell, MA police.  The girl was not harmed in the incident, but the report stated the action "could cause burning to skin and eyes."

After stopping by McDonald's, Hackett and the girl's mother were reportedly arguing about money in the car when the girl interject in an attempt to get the two to stop fighting. Hackett then allegedly "picked up the container of french fries he had just purchased, which were hot and oily, and threw it at [the girl], striking her in the face and chest area."  He reportedly left the residence on a motorcycle after they returned home from McDonalds, and was later tracked down after his wife called the police.  The official charge "is assault and battery with a dangerous weapon to wit french fry."

Really, Lowell Police Department?  Fuck you.  We'll have to wait for the pre-trial conference August 10 to make sure the city's attorneys have not also lost their mind and dismiss the whole thing.


Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Never Come Between A Man And His Team

In the early morning of April 23, 2010, Robert Abrams was watching the Pittsburgh Penguins' triple-overtime playoff against the Ottawa Senators, when his wife, Jeannette, started arguing with him about finding time to watch hockey but not to find a job. The end result? Abrams killed her. The other result? The Penguins lost.

Abrams had confessed to police at the time to beating his wife in the head with a hammer and stabbing her, and then setting the house on fire with the intent of killing himself. He changed his mind and later escaped through a bathroom window. An Allegheny County, PA jury heard testimony on this case on Monday, and returned a verdict of guilty of first-degree murder, arson and recklessly endangering another person by the following day.  He faces a mandatory sentence of life in prison without parole when he is sentenced.

Damn, that's taking hockey too seriously.

Sunday, June 24, 2012

Weekend Edition


Counting down the top 20 links we didn't cover during the week...

20 • Radiohead Drum Technician Killed In Stage Collapse - Say what you will about their music, but their stage show is really avant-garde.


18 • Who Is Rodney King? Who Is Dick Clark? The Titanic Was Real? How Death, Major News Events Expose Twitter’s Generation Gap - Translation: stupid, uninformed kids know nothing of their history or culture.  140 characters is not a Twitter limit, but their mental processing cap.

17 • 13 Tech Sounds You Don’t Hear Anymore - Don't tell those Twitter kids, because they won't recognize these. 

16 • Feds Bust Russian Prostitution Ring In L.A. - It would have been higher if the story was they  helped open one.

15 • Jack Osbourne Says He Has Multiple Sclerosis - Karma couldn't tell the different between one television reality family and another?  Look out Kardashians...

14 •  It Takes A Hell Of A Lot More Water Than You Think To Make Jeans, Burgers, Pizza And Other Stuff - And surprisingly, the main ingredient in all those is not water.

13 • Roger Clemens Acquitted On All Charges - Justice really struck out at the plate this time.

12 • LA Kings Stanley Cup 2012 CelebrationConstruction Of A Championship Team - Besides enjoying the awesome victory from last week from almost inside the celebration, the LA Kings Insider shows how the team that won the Stanley Cup came together.

11 • Infinite Schwarzenegger Gear Up Scene - When killing thousands, it takes a while to get ready...

10 • Sex Toy Fools Entire Chinese VillageSuper Terrific Japanese Thing: Vagina Panties - Both of these are horrible...Asia should be ashamed.

09 • Headless Corpses Found In Paris Picnic Spot - Ahh, still a city of charm and romance!

08 • Students Left In ‘Mass Hypnosis’ After Demonstration Goes Awry - They made the mistake of not having them pay for next semester's tuition first before putting them in a trance.

07 • Lancaster Boy, 7, Found Hanging By Karate Belt In Backyard - Clearly, he did not pass his test and earn his belt.

06 • Gene Simmons Themed VW Bug For Sale On Craigslist - You may never want to drive it, but there's nothing wrong with looking at it.

05 • Man Goes On $1.5 Million Gambling Spree, After ATM Glitch Allows Him Unlimited Withdrawals - It should have been corrected to say $1.5 million losing spree.

04 • Displays Might One Day Be Made of Just Air And Water - Does that mean View Sonic may one day be bought by Evian?

03 • Baby Soaps And Shampoos Trigger Positive Marijuana Tests - That's what happens when you use Cheech & Chong rather than Johnson & Johnson.

02 • The 40 Worst Rob Liefeld Drawings / 40 More Of The Worst Rob Liefeld Drawings - If you're not convinced he's the worst artist of a generation after 80 drawings, you're either blind or Rob Liefeld.

01 • Burritobot: A 3-D Printer That Spits Out Burritos - Food and technology, together...perfectly.

Friday, June 22, 2012

Power Tools And Pizza

Though they may be the modern kings of licensing their music, The Black Keys are not getting any dough to provide the soundtrack to Home Depot and Pizza Hut commercials...yet.

The band's 2010 Brothers was the most licensed album in the WB catalog for that year, and their current record, El Camino, is still generating money for them - not to mention all the dough they stand to get in the copyright infringement lawsuits filed yesterday.  The cases against the two companies seeks damages of more than $75,000 apiece, and an order preventing the continued use of the songs in the commercials. 

Pizza Hut and Home Depot claim they have not "seen" the complaint yet, and both directed inquiries to the ad's creators, The Martin Agency and The Interpublic Group of Companies - who declined any comment.  That's a lot of bucks being passed, but the real bucks will be in The Black Key's pocket soon.  It's a slam dunk, since neither company received permission to use musical elements from "Lonely Boy" and "Gold on the Ceiling".  I wonder if it would have been cheaper to just license the tune, but seeing as how Mad Men paid $250K for a Beatles song in a episode, maybe it's better to try and seek it through and literally pay the consequences later.

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Blowing It With The Lowest Lying Fruit

You may get spoils from your father's garden, but that does not make you worthy to tend his fields.

Clairissa Irene Riccio, aka Claire Sinclair, the 2011 Playmate of the Year, sought a temporary restraining order against boyfirend Marston Hefner (21, son of Playboy founder Hugh, and not the monster Grendel as his picture would suggest). He was arrested on suspicion of domestic violence Sunday by Pasadena police.  Sinclair's minor injuries were consistent with an assault, but she does not appear to be determined to send her meal ticket boyfriend to jail.

"I will not press charges against Marston Hefner if he keeps his word to give a public apology for physically abusing me on several occasions, and seeks psychiatric help for his anger issues. I don't condone domestic violence, but if one ounce of good can come from this bad experience, then I can live with it and move on."

Not surprisingly, Sinclair does not know that it's not up to her - the state of California can prosecute Marston with or without her consent or assistance.  Besides being frightfully ugly, Marston is also a dumb son-of-a-bitch.  You've got the keys to the girl next door empire and you've gone and fucked it up because you can't deal with how dumb nude models are and you get angry?  Unworthy.

Monday, January 16, 2012

Chicken McFucking

A woman was arrested last week for allegedly offering sexual favors in exchange for Chicken McNuggets, according to Burbank police. I hope she was at least going for the 50 pieces for $9.99 - that's value!

Khadijah Baseer was seen opening customers’ car doors in the McDonald’s drive through at 1700 block of Olive Avenue about 11 p.m. Wednesday - and since that was last week, now you've got the date, time, and location in case you want to see if you get a Happy Meal for yourself this week. Baseer was allegedly offering to swap sexual favors for the McNuggets, which led a witness to report her to the authorities. I'm mean, c'mon, you're not even going to try and go for a meal combo or supersized fries and drink?  Baseer was arrested on suspicion of prostitution, and a lack of understanding of the Value Menu.


UPDATE: Sorry to get your hopes up about having your own "I'm lovin' it" moment, but Baseer is still in custody, since she was unable to post her $2,000 bail.  Homeless people don't often have that kind of scratch.  It was said she was willing to fill her mouth so she could fill her stomach, but I'd be looking through the dumpster in the back for a half eaten Big Mac before I sat on somebody's quarter pounder...and you can bet it was that way of thinking prostitution > dumpster diving that led her to be homeless .

Monday, October 3, 2011

Yo Dick, Yo Weed Be Safe

Governor Jerry Brown signed a flurry of bills as he headed towards an October 9th deadline, keeping your junk and your stash cool..and I'm not saying which is your junk and which is your stash.

Brown has hundreds more on his desk, but signed 44 measures and vetoed four bills Sunday, and among the laws he signed was creating new penalties for the sale of synthetic cannabis products. The strange but interesting part is that, while the products have effects similar to marijuana, the penalties for them now outweigh those for selling small amounts of weed. Anyone selling the synthetic could be fined $1,000 and face up to six months in jail, while sales of less than 28 ounces of marijuana carry no jail time and a maximum fine of $100.

The other major bill passed keeps local ordinances from prohibiting circumcision. It was drafted in response to a proposed San Francisco ballot measure that would have prohibited any foreskin cutting that was "not deemed medically necessary" in that city. While the proposed ordinance was struck from the ballot in June and a similar measure proposed in Santa Monica was later pulled back (pun?), this effectively keeps others from forcing parents to dress their boys in turtlenecks. And whether you personally would choose that for yourself or your child, parental rights and liberties are more important than your creepy fascination with other people's kid's dicks.

Thursday, August 11, 2011

Colors Are Free

The problem with designers is they think they're fucking geniuses for coming up with banal ideas. Why else would French footwear scion Christian Louboutin think he should have the exclusive right to put red soles on shoes.

The legal battle in pitted Louboutin against Yves Saint Laurent for the right to color their outsole red. And while Louboutin was recognized for trailblazing use of red under the shoe, there was no legal reason to stop competitors from doing the same.

"Because in the fashion industry color serves ornamental and aesthetic functions vital to robust competition, the court finds that Louboutin is unlikely to be able to prove that its red outsole brand is entitled to trademark protection," said the judge.

It's nice to know that even designers who sell 240,000 pairs annually to the tune of $135 million of revenue have time to indulgently think they alone have a monopoly on the concept of color. If you can rip folks off to the tune of $1,095 (for the Maggie Leopard-Toe Pump at Neiman Marcus), you should just be thankful they're not smart enough to know what level of suckers they are.

Thursday, July 14, 2011

Strike Out

Pitching great Roger Clemens picked up the win today as a judge declared a mistrial in his perjury trial due to barred information given to the jurors but the lead prosecutor, but how will he fare for the series?

Soon to be fired prosecutor Steven Durham introduced material in a video that appeared to bolster the credibility of a future witness - Clemens' former teammate Andy Pettitte, and referred to Pettitte's wife, saying she had been told Clemens used human growth hormone. The U.S. government had spent more than a year preparing the case, and was only in its second day of presenting its evidence with their third witness on the stand. My favorite part of the story is that Clemens signed autographs as he walked to a nearby sandwich shop after the mistrial declaration.

Clemens spent 24 years playing for four teams and winning the Cy Young Award for best pitcher seven times, but was fighting charges that he lied to Congress in 2008 when he denied taking steroids and human growth hormones. It is still undetermined if retrying Clemens would violate the constitutional protection against double jeopardy.

What fascinates me is how blatant the steroid use has been in professional baseball, and that these guys continue to lie and pretend like it doesn't exist. And worse, the closest they can get to pinning steroid use on them is not by proving it, but by trying to show they lied about denying use (also known as the "OJ is guilty in civil, not criminal charges" result).

Friday, July 8, 2011

Another Summer Weekend


Scarlett has yet another friend's bachelorette soirée this weekend, so I guess that leaves me time to knock out this week's last post. I going to have at least three or four of my own, so it's okay.

Best of the week: Never one to let lack of plot or character development, it's satisfying to see Micheal Bay also get called out on another shortcoming - originality.


Even with more than $150 million in budget, he wasn't able to make Transformers: Dark of the Moon look the way it should? So how do you get those shots that your movies has to have? Recycled them from your other films! Bay has used stock footage in several of his movies (which directors are want to do since there's plenty of aerial shots of cities or traffic), but there's no denying he recycled shots from The Island in the new Transformers. He also used shots of an aircraft carrier from Pearl Harbor in this film, complete with CGI modern fighter jets on deck. I guess his movies need parts of the others to offset how bad they are.


Best bonus links:


What Do The Chinese Characters On The Computers In Serenity And Firefly Actually Say? - I'm not gonna tell you...follow the link!


Painted People Pics From The World Bodypainting Festival - Naked people in pretty colors!


Spanish Anti-Piracy Execs Busted For Ripping Off Artists - When "the man" really is the man.


'Sunny' Star Charlie Day Steps Into Limelight - And one day, he'll bring his denim chicken with him.


Macedonia’s Bloodiest Slam Dunks - In the Greek league, it's to the death!


His Parents Said, 'Not With A White Girl' - I have no idea what this is about, but with a title like that, have to add the link.


Patton Oswalt's Rejected Pitches For Batman Comics - Hopefully they rethink it and these will become accepted pitches


Intoxicated Men Take Dead Alligator Off-Roading - If there's a dead alligator and off-roading involved, you can bet there's been drinking.


Things Exploding In Slow Motion, Set To Classical Music - There's a certain elegance to blowing things up with a classical soundtrack.


Human Skeletal Remains Found Behind Lancaster Business - Which would have been okay if it was Tom's Body Drop Shop.


Why Mike Commodore Must Wear No. 64 With The Red Wings - Even if you're not a Detroit fan, that's awesome.


Anonymous Hacker Group Hits Apple, Publishes Data - No, not an anonymous hacker group, the Anonymous hacker group. Third base!


South Los Angeles Girl Blinded In Right Eye By Illegal Fireworks - Was it in slow motion, set to classical music?


Suspects At Large In Daytime Robbery At 98-Cent Discount Store - How are detectives going to recover that $3.94 they stole?


Potato Chips: The Other Natural Way To Get Stoned - I know Pringles were a gateway food. Once you pop you can't stop!


Unsettling Photos Of Monkeys Wearing Masks - But at least not unflattering.


Man Killed By Grizzly At Yellowstone National Park - Damn it, Yogi! Now the ranger is going to come down on your ass hard!


Worst of the week: A Hermès scarf is generally overpriced to the tune of $430 per silk square, but this Ascher scarf by Henri Matisse (that was originally intended to be used as a wall panel) just made it look like used toilet paper.


Christie's sold it for $4.8 million, It is an original from the 30-piece limited run, and clear proof that we can not roll back the Bush-era tax cuts on the top 1% in the country. Items like this can not go unpurchased!


Worst bonus links:


Boy, 6, Molested In Park Bathroom Stall In Pico Rivera - I don't know what's worse, the molestation or that it happened in Pico Rivera.


Seeds Blamed For Europe E. Coli Still On Sale - Because the annual summer heatwave doesn't kill enough people there.


July 27: Take Your Houseplants for a Walk Day, Creme Brulee Day - More like Assholes Celebrating Stupid Things Day.


Rotting, Abandoned New Orleans Theme Park - No, no Bourbon Street in the off-season.


1879 London Murder Mystery Solved - Tell those people's great great grandchildren they can have their closure.


Exxon Oil Spill In Montana River Prompts Evacuations - Finally, a Exxon environmental problem in the lower 48!


Radiohead Ventures Into Chinese Social Media - The untapped realm for being cryptic and confusing. Even the language barrier isn't a factor.


Zookeeper Advertising Inserted Into ‘How I Met Your Mother’ Reruns - The melding of something awful and the misuse of technology.


Casey Anthony Found Not Guilty Of Murder / Casey Anthony Has Porn Offers Already - So you're not a convicted baby-killer...what can a party girl do?


Three California Moms Accused Of Using PTA In Ponzi Scheme - I knew there was something funny about that bake sale.


Teen Faces Prison After Sex Doll Prank Goes Awry - But she looked 18 PSI!


Rupert Murdoch Supports Executive Rebekah Brooks / Murdoch Stuns Critics, Shuts Down Scandal-Hit Paper - Guess it was just a little support. Ballsy move, but when you have that much money and clout, you just shut down newspapers when their integrity is in question, rather than deal with it. I think he relaunches it next year.


Meet The $100,000 Zafirro Iridium Razor - And then shove it up your ass, if you buy one. You don't even need a $100 razor, let alone this one.


Musical Parody Of The Silence Of The Lambs Ready - I'd say ready for what, but it's more like ready for why.


Southern Swamp Holds Clues About Runaway Slaves - The clues are the bodies found. They tell me they died there.


Marcia Clark: Casey Anthony Verdict, Worse Than O.J.! - And she should know, since she was part of the team that blew it.

An Entire Taiwanese City Does Lady Gaga Cosplay For Lady Gaga Day - An entire city doing ladyboy-pop-dress-up to make me roll my eyes.