Weekend Edition

Counting down the top 20 links we didn't cover during the week...

20 • The Hilarious Difference Between Google And Bing In One Picture - Okay, maybe not hilarious. Which one of those search engines came up with that hyperbole?

19 • How Marc Maron Picks Music For His Show - A neurotic dart board?

18 • How To Use Math To Dominate At Monopoly - Interesting read, horrible layout with a million giant photos.

17 • J. Cole: Gun-Toting Twitter Fan Investigated By Police - Illegal? Potentially. Great photo? Definitely.

16 • The Quotable Darryl Sutter (2013) - Pearls of wisdom and knowledge from the L.A. Kings coach.

15 • Drunk Alaska Man Mauled After Feeding BBQ To Black Bear - In the bear's defense, he wanted fish, not ribs (even though he had some).

14 • Paraplegic Castrated At Pennsylvania Facility / Three Charged With Enslaving Disabled Ohio Mom, Child - These states share a border. And lunatics.

13 • Gruesome Video Appears To Be Aftermath Of Michael Hastings' Car Crash - Here's your chance to watch a wrecked car burn for five minutes. And if this ain't your cup of tea, you'll want to skip #4 for sure.

12 • Researchers Have Found A Way To Cram 1,000 Terabytes Onto A Single DVD - The disc said it was quite uncomfortable.

11 • The Academy Of Motion Pictures Currently Employs An Ex-Porn Director - Naturally...how else could the MPAA continue to screw people.

10 • A Battery So Small, You'll Never Know If It's Included - There's AA and AAA now, but this means AAAAAAAAAAAA is coming.

09 • Amanda Bynes: ‘I Got My Breast Implants Removed’ - 2013's boob of the year had hers normalized, but still has metal spikes in her cheeks and is out of her goddamn mind.

08 • AMA Declares Obesity A Disease - Huge (no pun intended) mistake. Lack of willpower does not have a prescription cure.

07 • Hollywood & Highland Allegation: She Took Picture Of Transients, They Stabbed Her To Death - My suggestion to kill all the homeless is worse than rounding them up for work interment camps, but I still theink both are effective ways to deal with the issue.

06 • Dim Star Becomes 7 Times Hotter In 160 Seconds - Not a reference to the Amanda Bynes story.

05 • Starbucks Raising Prices Despite Lower Bean Cost - The reason is because the, uh...because now it's more expensive to, um...oh, fuck it. They just greedy.

04 • Plane With Wing Walker Crashes At Ohio Show; 2 Die - The announcer is just making it worse before the actual crash.

03 • Standing Man: Turkey's Eerie, Powerful New Protest Movement - Far more successful than Sitting Man and Prone Man.

02 • Snake Expert Killed By Snake While Helping People With Fear Of Snakes - Or, ironic death ironically adds to irony.

01 • British Spy Agency Is Saving Everyone's Email And Calls Too - Nice to see our colonial progenitors are keeping up with their kids.

Brown Out

Unlike the wonderfully charming reference to the Halloween episode of It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia, this has less laughs for sure.

The powerhouse Los Angeles Lakers are a shitty 1-4 to open the season, and coach Mike Brown is taking the brunt of that fault.  Also know as The-Guy-Who-Had-To-Follow-The-Incredible-Phil-Jackson-Era, Brown barely lasted more than one season at the helm.  Many have said he wasn't the right man for the job since last season, but with a roster including Kobe Bryant, Pau Gasol, and new additions Dwight Howard and Steve Nash, even I should be able to get them to a better record. Indiana Pacers assistant Brian Shaw, who was one of the original contenders for the position before Brown's hiring, may be back in the mix as well as former Knicks coach Mike D'Antoni. Other websites also throw Rick Adelman as a possibility, but at this point, anybody could get the job if they're not already the head coach of the other 29 teams.

I have only two more F1 races left in the year, and with the continued NHL lockout, the Lakers were going to be my attempt at being involved with professional sports over the winter (save the once a week Packers games thanks to Famous Wife Scarlett).  I'm not ever gonna go for the San Diego Los Angeles Clippers, bad ass as Blake Griffin is, because I was at The Forum courtside before I knew my multiplication tables, so I hope the Lakers can get their shit together.  I'm not holding my breath for the third run for Phil Jackson, but whomever they get, I hope they turn it around.

Who knows...there was another team that plays at the Staples Center who fired their coach this year and finished the season by winning the championship, so I wouldn't write them off yet. 

Overshadowing Your Message

Here's a free page out of the front of the PR playbook - don't do something stupid to discredit yourself when you're already controversial.

Dinesh D'Souza is a conservative scholar and behind the not-so-curiously timed recent film 2016: Obama's America, which shockingly does not support the current president.  And now he's the former head of the evangelical King's College in New York.  Yesterday he stepped down, after a meeting the school's board regarding his relationship with a woman who is not his wife. Oops.

It's a bad sign to be tabloid fodder, even when it's evangelical magazine WORLD reporting you're bringing a woman to a Christian values and introducing her as your fiancee. When you're married.  D'Souza claimed to have filed for divorce in California a few days after the conference, and has denied any wrongdoing, saying he and his wife separated two years ago.  No, it's not on par with the casualties of Hitler's art or Manson's music, but it's best to not let anything become bigger than your original intentions.

Cap / Bucky 2012?

If you though that Obama or Romney were your only two choices at the polls this year, think again!

Apparently, good ol' Captain America is throwing his shield hat into the ring, and makes the Oval Office his new HQ. In "The Ultimates" series, set in an alternative Marvel universe, super-soldier Steve Rogers wins the presidential election as a write-in candidate .  The issue comes out next Wednesday, and writer Sam Humphries calls it the next step in the character's long role as "America's defender".  Hmmm....as a long time geek and comic reader, I call it stupid.

"Cap is answering the call of the people. This is not the first time he's stood up for an America in crisis. This is a further evolution in his role as America's defender, from soldier to superhero to president," Humphries said. "He didn't ask for this position, but if it helps him reunite America, then he'll take on the job.  He doesn't see his place as having press conferences in rose gardens, he sees his place as out in the field - this will result in a unique and thrilling presidency we've never seen before, in history or in fiction."

Um...still pretty stupid.  I loves me some Captain America, and for well over 25 years there have been all kinds of comic story lines that bordered on the silly or strange, it never sounded this ridiculous.  Yes, we have to suspend our disbelief that a guy could get a government-sized does of steroids and survive decades in suspended animation, only to throw his shield at villains while wearing star-spangled tights, but we have to draw the line somewhere.  Even in a comic book world, having the president go kick some ass instead of, well, any other proper channel of authority and legal means of justice, I'm sorry, but that's too goddamn lame.

The farthest I'll go is to accept Vladimir Putin.

Slow Boat From China

A flight from Shanghai, China, to New Jersey should take about 13 hours.  Guess what the reaction was when it took some passengers three days...

United Flight 87 was scheduled to leave on a Wednesday with 225 passengers, but finally arrived Saturday morning after three days of cancellations.  After the first cancellation, the airline put all the passengers up in hotels - and they'd have been better off staying there because a replacement generator that had to be shipped from the U.S., didn't make it to China in time, extending the delay. By Friday, passengers were promised they would leave, even if travelers on another flight had to be bumped. That's when the pilot of the flight told the passengers the original plane had been fixed and was located at another gate. 

One passenger refused to go to the other gate and organized a mini revolt to block newly arriving passengers from getting on the plane.  And once they secured seats, the news that the flight crew exceeded their hours doused their hopes again.  As passengers grew frustrated by miscommunications, tempers boiled over and a fist fight broke out, as the counter agent was attacked.  Passengers also say they couldn't get to their luggage, some of which was unceremoniously dumped off carousels.

United said it would cover passengers' expenses during the delay and offer each customer a full refund, as well as $1,000 off future travel on the airline.  Now word if it was good for flights from Shanghai to New Jersey.

So American

American designer and clothing manufacturer Ralph Lauren will be dressing Team U.S.A. for the summer games, and captures the spirit f our nation - the goods were made in China.

Aside for drawing outrage from members of congress, U.S. fashion designers are also decrying the line, saying the athletes could have "absolutely" been outfitted in U.S.-made clothing - and for less. So how much do these uniforms cost?

Men:

Beret - $55

Tie - $125

Belt - $85

Shirt - $425

Blazer - $795

Trousers - $295

Shoes - $165

Women:

Beret - $55

Scarf - $58

Belt - $85

Shirt - $179

Skirt - $498

Blazer - $598

The U.S. Olympic team may be privately funded, but this is really insulting.  Knowing how much clothes manufacturing really costs - even in America, it's disgusting to see Ralph Lauren not only make the items overseas, but make them at such an inflated cost.  Fuck you Benedict Arnold Ralph Lauren.

You'll Wish It Was Over

 

I was at the gym doing my workout, and they have a music video channel running on one of the televisions, which also plays in the building. Thankfully, I had my headphones in, but when I saw this, it was just too ridiculous not to post. It's like a Jersey Shore Artie Lang made a music video. And when I actually heard what it sounded like...holy fuck. This is one of the worst things I've seen and heard in quite some time.

Stay Classy, San Diego...But Don't Do All The Fireworks At Once

Weekend Edition

Counting down the top 20 links we didn't cover during the week...

20 • Radiohead Drum Technician Killed In Stage Collapse - Say what you will about their music, but their stage show is really avant-garde.

19 • Microsoft Surface Is Hiding A Pressure-Sensitive Keyboard, Multitouch Trackpad And Kickstand - To be an iPad killer, you have to think different.

18 • Who Is Rodney King? Who Is Dick Clark? The Titanic Was Real? How Death, Major News Events Expose Twitter’s Generation Gap - Translation: stupid, uninformed kids know nothing of their history or culture.  140 characters is not a Twitter limit, but their mental processing cap.

17 • 13 Tech Sounds You Don’t Hear Anymore - Don't tell those Twitter kids, because they won't recognize these. 

16 • Feds Bust Russian Prostitution Ring In L.A. - It would have been higher if the story was they  helped open one.

15 • Jack Osbourne Says He Has Multiple Sclerosis - Karma couldn't tell the different between one television reality family and another?  Look out Kardashians...

14 •  It Takes A Hell Of A Lot More Water Than You Think To Make Jeans, Burgers, Pizza And Other Stuff - And surprisingly, the main ingredient in all those is not water.

13 • Roger Clemens Acquitted On All Charges - Justice really struck out at the plate this time.

12 • LA Kings Stanley Cup 2012 Celebration / Construction Of A Championship Team - Besides enjoying the awesome victory from last week from almost inside the celebration, the LA Kings Insider shows how the team that won the Stanley Cup came together.

11 • Infinite Schwarzenegger Gear Up Scene - When killing thousands, it takes a while to get ready...

10 • Sex Toy Fools Entire Chinese Village / Super Terrific Japanese Thing: Vagina Panties - Both of these are horrible...Asia should be ashamed.

09 • Headless Corpses Found In Paris Picnic Spot - Ahh, still a city of charm and romance!

08 • Students Left In ‘Mass Hypnosis’ After Demonstration Goes Awry - They made the mistake of not having them pay for next semester's tuition first before putting them in a trance.

07 • Lancaster Boy, 7, Found Hanging By Karate Belt In Backyard - Clearly, he did not pass his test and earn his belt.

06 • Gene Simmons Themed VW Bug For Sale On Craigslist - You may never want to drive it, but there's nothing wrong with looking at it.

05 • Man Goes On $1.5 Million Gambling Spree, After ATM Glitch Allows Him Unlimited Withdrawals - It should have been corrected to say $1.5 million losing spree.

04 • Displays Might One Day Be Made of Just Air And Water - Does that mean View Sonic may one day be bought by Evian?

03 • Baby Soaps And Shampoos Trigger Positive Marijuana Tests - That's what happens when you use Cheech & Chong rather than Johnson & Johnson.

02 • The 40 Worst Rob Liefeld Drawings / 40 More Of The Worst Rob Liefeld Drawings - If you're not convinced he's the worst artist of a generation after 80 drawings, you're either blind or Rob Liefeld.

01 • Burritobot: A 3-D Printer That Spits Out Burritos - Food and technology, together...perfectly.

Pig To Head Back Home To Wallow In Mud

For months I've been calling the Republican nomination "race" a joke, but at least here's the punchline - evil is retreating to it's lair.

In the slow news cycle of the GOP crawl towards their convention, it's been one virgin after another served up at the alter of Romney for sacrifice, as each challenger took their shot and gained slight momentum crawling over the one that fell before them.  And for that predicable and oft-repeated reason, one more rich white man has fallen, and yet it's as protracted as the media-driven (non) contest of the race itself.

Newt Gingrich will officially suspend his bid for the presidency next week - yes, the pre-announcement of his pending announcement is somehow considered worth mentioning.  He could just quit, I don't know...now, but that would be too easy.  You see, there's still millions in contributions to collect and hide before dismantling the snake oil campaign machine.  And since he's essentially been an human caricature of Porky Pig - well, one with a hair helmet and a predilection to rut, he had to stutter politically and drag out his exit.

I would hate to see any Republican win in November, but Newty is a special kind of old school shitbag.  Not the harmless, naive kind you find in Rick Santorum, or a sad clone of Bush in Rick Perry, but a crafty bastard that was part of the early 90's GOP congressional class that basically tried to put every dark cloud they possibly could over the Clinton era, which was fitting considering that it should have been heeded as a warning for the stormy presidency to follow.

At least we'll have another few years before he dips his fat toe back into the candidate pool.  Unless he dies.  Nothing wrong with that....

Screw You, Lulu

Yuppiepunk was kind enough to collect some of the critical, uh, words about “Lulu,” the awful collaboration between Metallica and Lou Reed.  I had the misfortune of listening to a few tracks, and it was fucking terrible. Reed said, “It’s maybe the best thing done by anyone, ever. It could create another planetary system. I’m not joking, and I’m not being egotistical,” it was hardly the reaction by reviewers...

Rolling Stone: “Revels in dominatrix decadence and bodily fluids.”

Pitchfork: “For most of the record, Lou Reed and Metallica barely sound like they’re on the same planet, let alone in the same room.”

Chuck Klosterman: “If the Red Hot Chili Peppers acoustically covered the 12 worst Primus songs for Starbucks, it would still be (slightly) better than this.”

Washington Post: “An 85-minute misery delivery system.”

LA Times: “This morning when I woke up knowing that the entire day would be spent listening to the thing, I sighed, rolled over and went back to sleep.”

AV Club: “Like an iceberg deciding to start a band with the Titanic.”

The Quietus: “Time that could be more constructively spent watching the grass grow or perhaps wanking into a sock.”

Chicago Sun-Times: “The marriage of Reed’s thin, monotone voice to Metallica’s thick, monotone riffs — and an average song length of nearly nine minutes (including a 19-minute punishment at the end) — produces a listening experience that is never anything more than a dismal, grueling chore.”

Consequence of Sound: “It reads like a misguided Bukowski impersonation and sounds like field recordings taken from Guitar Centers across America.”

Pop Matters: “They let us down harder than the last episode of Seinfeld. Except far fewer people will forgive Metallica.”

The Race Is Off

Sarah Palin announced today that she will not run for president, claiming she'd be to tired if she ran from Alaska to the White House.

After months of speculation, she made her decision "after much prayer and serious consideration", which, if you're praying a lot to make a decision, then you'd better consider that seriously bad.

"My decision is based upon a review of what common sense Conservatives and Independents have accomplished, especially over the last year," she said. And other than creating a crowded field of sub-par candidates and birthing the most disliked political party since the National Socialists, that would be what? Palin concluded with the thought that she could "be more effective in a decisive role to help elect other true public servants to office — from the nation’s governors to Congressional seats and the Presidency." I'd say the only way that was possible would be if she was aligned with the Democrats, because she'd political poison.

It really came as no surprise after Palin failed to announce in September — her one-time, self imposed deadline. She also indicated that the White House may not be in her wheel house, suggesting the presidential title might be too "shackle-y". Aside from not being a real word, you're too fucking incompetent for the most powerful office in the world if it's got too many "constraints".

Of course, as of yesterday Palin aides still did not know whether she was running and were calling various states to find out filing deadlines for the primaries. And that's what you get for surrounding yourself with simpletons and idiots. The aides, though I could see how you thought I could be talking about the GOP.

The Birth Of A Long Weekend

Let us celebrate a three day weekend of great importance and the many wonderful things that have fallen on these historical days!

Best of the week: When Soul Daddy — the business started by “America’s Next Great Restaurant” winner Jamawn Woods, closed its doors in New York and Los Angeles to focus on “building the brand and developing operations” at its remaining location at the Mall of America, what do you think the outcome was going to be? If you guessed the Minnesota restaurant would shut down this week after less than two months of operation, congratulations - you've won a free dinner for two at...oh, never mind.


Fortunately, Woods is still an employee (technically) at the Chrysler automobile assembly plant in Michigan. When Woods made the finals of the reality TV show, Chrysler granted him a one year leave of absence to pursue his dream. The company intends to hold up their side of the bargain, if Woods wants to come back to work as a fork lift operator. How many entrepreneurs can operate heavy machinery after spectacularly flaming out?


Best bonus links:


• Old Fear Factor Host Will Host New Fear Factor - Nobody can encourage hot girls to eat horse chode like Joe Rogan!


• David Cameron's Friend Found Dead At UK Music Fest - How do I not link an article that opens with, "A close friend of the British prime minister was found dead in a portable toilet at one of the country's leading music festivals Sunday, authorities said."


• Brady Bunch Mom Got Crabs In Affair With NY Mayor - There's likely a joke about stuffing the ballot box in there somewhere...


• Ballpoint Pen That Draws Electronic Circuits - Now you can flick your Bic on and off!


• SC Police: Baby Died From Morphine In Breast Milk - That's why I always drink 2% morphine breast milk.


• Kim Hyun's Dice Figures - This show will not be on display in Las Vegas, for obvious reasons.


• 25 Of The Worst Celebrity Tweets Of All-Time - They're all bad, but here's 25 of them.


• Foursquare Application Turns New York City Into A Giant Game Of RISK - Hopefully they'll find a way to make the boroughs battle for real.


• A Field Guide To Musical Typography - For those about to rock, we Sans Serif you.


• Ranking The Top 10 Hockey Fights Of 2010-11 - Like a typical boxing match, but no fixed outcomes.


• Octomom Hates Each Of Her 14 Kids - So do I. And her for good measure.


• Transformers 3 Is Down 40 Percent From 2 - The public has spoken, "Fool me twice, shame on you..."


• Gilbert Arenas Really Loves Planking - Not bad for a guy who brought firearms to his locker room.


• Does This Look Like The Face Of A Woman Who Beat Up Her Husband Then Sprayed Her Tit Milk All Over The Cops Face? - Lucky for them, there was no morphine in it.


• Glenn Beck Has Last Fox News Channel Show / Glenn Beck And Family Encounter Hostility In NYC - It's called reaping what you sow, asshole. Your welcome has completely worn out.


• The Bizarre Musical Instruments Behind Classic Sci-Fi Movie Sounds - Learning to play them is harder than it sounds.


• Are Major Gay Pornstars With Trannies The New Trend (SUPER NSFW and hardcore) - Um, is this a question that requires answering? Who is asking, anyway?


Worst of the week: Riverside County Supervisor Jeff Stone has called his county and 12 others to secede from California. Only the word "shithole" would miss being associated with Riverside.


Stone said in a statement late Thursday that Riverside, Imperial, San Diego, Orange, San Bernardino, Kings, Kern, Fresno, Tulare, Inyo, Madera, Mariposa and Mono counties should form the new state of South California. Ah, the gems of the south! The creation of the new state would "allow officials to focus on securing borders, balancing budgets, improving schools and creating a vibrant economy", he said. As the dingleberries of the southern part of our state, without the rest of the state propping you up any longer, how are you going to accomplish that? Your meth output is not enough to support you (though it is a major influence in your communities).


Stone will present his proposal to the Board of Supervisors mid-July, but said his new state would have no term limits, only a part-time legislature and limits on property taxes. The reality is this came on the same day that governor Jerry Brown signed budget legislation that will divert about $14 million in 2011-12 vehicle license fee revenue from four new Riverside County cities (Eastvale, Jurupa Valley, Menifee and Wildomar). Nice stunt, but you've got a better chance trying to get absorbed by Mexico than splitting from the state...not that you'd be missed.


And: An Indiana doctor and his second wife were killed in a plane crash in northern Michigan, eight years he killed his wife and two other children in another crash. And I thought the only folks with that many murderous crashes were Kennedys.


Stephen Hatch and his current wife, Kim, did not survive, but his 16-year-old son, Austin, was seriously injured. Austin had survived the earlier crash near Fort Wayne, where they had been returning from the family's summer home on Walloon Lake — the same place they were headed to when their single-engine plane flew into a garage.


His medical practice partner said "He was such a strong proponent of flying and teaching people to fly...I think he felt compelled to continue his passion. He felt compelled to show people that accidents do happen. He didn't want people to look in the other direction." Ahhh, the hubris of a doctor, who felt his passion could overcome his shortcomings as an aviator.


A 2005 federal report on the September 2003 crash found inaccurate preflight planning resulted in the plane not having enough fuel, and the National Transportation Safety Board determined a utility pole the airplane hit during its forced landing (along with a low ceiling and dark night) also contributed to the crash. Hatch purchased Smith Field Airport, along with its service center and flight school, yet he should have attended, rather than owned. They could have shown him that medicine can help you play God, but doesn't mean you can play pilot.


Worst bonus links:


• RI Governor Pardons Irish Man Hanged In 1845 - C'mon, I thought you wanted to be taken seriously as a state?


• Slimy Invasion Plagues Jersey Shore - Looks like the cast of the MTV show is back from filming in Italy.


• Muslim Accuses Abercrombie Of Banning Head Scarf - It's a store for polos with popped collars, not political statements. Wear the attire or work elsewhere.


• Los Angeles Dodgers File For Bankruptcy - I don't even care for baseball and this bothers me. May Frank and Jaime McCourt die penniless.


• Mathematicians Want To Say Goodbye To Pi - Nerds, you give away the only interesting thing about your field, how else are you going to make double entendres?


• Abortion Clinics May Shutter Tomorrow In Kansas - You can't rely on tornadoes to get rid of your unwanted children.


• China To Launch Panda Census - How hard can it be to know how many of an endangered species are in captivity?


• 17 Infants Die In 48 Hours At 1 Indian Hospital - Or as they call it, Wednesday. Don't bathe in the Ganges!


• Zynga Files For IPO Of Up To $1 Billion - Your Farmville crops are not worth that much.


• New York Seeks To Lift Fracking Moratorium - Only because there is a BSG reference to be made do I link this. Who care about shale?


• NBA Lockout Looms As Sides Fail To Reach Deal - Y'all are going to find hockey real interesting once there's no football or basketball this winter!


• Co-founder Biz Stone Leaving Twitter - Wonderful, now we'll get another awful, unnecessary tech company.


• Authorities ID Man Fatally Shot In South LA - Finally, we can start referring to this black youth as John Doe.


• Newsweek Ages Diana To 50 In Ultimate Photoshop Disaster - Not just creepy, but a shitty job at it too.  At least it wasn't the car crash photo.


• Real World Star Puck Arrested In Domestic Violence Case - It was only a matter of time before he ended up in front of the camera again...for a mug shot.


• Young Female Journalist Embeds As Cosplay Maid To Cover Anime Convention - I gained and lost interest in this link twice as I read it through.

• Pond Insect 'Loudest Animal On Earth' - Looks like the Kardashians were bested again.

Puerco-Chihuahua Housebreaking

With an army of assistants and entourage in tow, it's no surprise that a diva like Jennifer Lopez lacks the skills to be responsible parent.

Her skinny puppy-looking husband Marc Anthony revealed their technique for getting their kids to use the toilet was by bribing them with lollipops. "In order to potty train them, every time they'd use the toilet we'd give them a lollipop," he said. Brilliant, except they ran out of lollipops in three days, which showed both a commitment to making sure they had succeeded and considerable planning. Finally, it dawned on them that their half-assed attempt at parenting may have not yielded the right results: their three-year-old Max ended up using their swimming pool as his own giant toilet bowl.

"It got into the filtration system and they charged us to clean it," said the proud parents. "He took a $6,000 dump in the pool!" Nice. And now there's no chance that he'll hear about it years later and be totally mortified.

I may not be qualified to fix the components in a pool, but I have been in one, and it's kinda hard for a shit to get into the filters...because it has to get in it. So unless he squatted into the filter itself, how'd it get there? Did it invisibly sneak out of his bathing suit and swim across the pool into the filters? Because it would have to for them - or more realistically their help, not to see it happening and try to stop it. Unless, as I think, the kid was unsupervised at the pool, which is far more likely and wholey more satisfying a story.  But let's not detract from the real magic of a $6000 shit (or in Lopez terms, the equivelent of hundreds of bottles of her perfume) .

Comeuppance For Lax Parenting

How do you make up for poor parenting? Go for the fame and money!

Yesterday, the family of a toddler who died after plunging over 30 feet from a third level luxury box at Staples Center filed suit against the owners of the venue. Vultures Lawyers for the family of Lucas Tang allege that the barrier in front of the boxes was only 2 feet high and that ownership provided "no warnings of the dangerous condition, either by signs, oral statements by employees, or otherwise." Really? We need a warning that going over a barrier is dangerous? If that condition isn't visible to someone, how the hell are they going to see a sign warning them of the obvious?

They said the dangerous condition was "allowed to persist because the arena would make more money if fans had an unobstructed view of the game". Again, really? have they even seen how they're set up? Tell me how clear plexiglass that isn't even 30" high is obstructive. I watch hockey there more than 40 times a year behind eight foot tall sheets of the stuff with no issues. As you can see in the picture, each box has tiers of seats with safety glass embedded in concrete walls, which meet the city's building codes requiring guardrails to be at least 26 inches high in front of seats.

Moments before the fall, the Tang family was taking pictures in front of the plexiglass barrier that protects fans from the steep drop. And as the family was reviewing pictures on their digital camera, Lucas made his way over the barrier and plummeted nearly 30 feet, landing on a row of empty seats.  So, to recap, a kid fell over the legally installed and functional guard barriers and died while his family was not observing him. Are we done with this frivolous lawsuit? Can we move on to famewhoring?

Rogelio Baena, who up until last week thought he was the father of Mildred Baena's love child with Arnold Schwarzenegger, crawled out from under his rock to sun himself in the spotlight of Entertainment Tonight. And while it may be an exclusive, he'll surely be popping up on other media.

Baena said he will always regard the boy as his own, and would like to tell his son, "I am your father. That's all.". When asked how he felt once he heard the news that the Sperminator beat him to the egg, he said, "Angry! Very, very angry! Arnold Schwarzenegger, for me, was my hero. Now, I feel betrayed."

Yes, let's feel bad for papa, who split with his Baena two months after she gave birth to the boy. Very responsible of him! And the last time he spoke to his "son" was last year. Oh, and he does not know where the kid and his mom are now. Some fucking father figure this dirtbag has been. I see my dental hygienist more often than he saw that kid, and I'll bet anything she and I have a tighter bond than they do. This guy has nothing say about it, and the media are once again irresponsibly pouring fuel on a fire just to keep it burning.

I don't hate bastard children or dead ones, just the parents and families of them who try to prosper from their own poor decisions and behavior.

Did I Say The End Of The World?

So, how do you top a Rapture that never comes? Plan another one!

Harold Camping, the California preacher who prophesied the end of the world, only to see it not happen as scheduled last weekend, tried to save face by revising his end of the world date to October 21 of this year.  Bold words from a guy who himself may not make it until then.

Predicting that 200 million Christians would be taken to heaven last Saturday before a series of catastrophe struck the planet, apologized for not having the dates "worked out as accurately as I could have."  Maybe he ought to also check his count of Christians - 200 million sounds like far too many religious fanatics.  This isn't Islam! (zing!)

Camping acknowledged was a very difficult weekend, but that was mostly due to a lack of prune juice and itchy feet, which he had difficulty reaching, and not just his stone cold wrongness.  We'll give him a mulligan for blowing it in 1994 with his first attempt at salvation, but this time, you get no redemption.  You see, May 21 was really a "spiritual" Judgment Day, but the main even comes before Halloween, so don't bother putting together a costume.

Having previously spent millions of dollars - some of it from donations made by followers, on more than 5,000 billboards and 20 RVs plastered with the Judgment Day message, this time around, they're not hyping the the next letdown.  Since God's judgment and salvation were completed on Saturday, Camping says there's no point in continuing to warn people about it, so his network will now just play Christian music and programs until the final end. Why?  You're telling me God's taking a little break now that he saved all those folks and needs until October before he can shoot them up heaven's chimney on his electric chariot?

I actually hope this asshole lives long enough to see his bullshit called again.

Infantile Brains And Names

I've noted in the past how LiveScience.com sucks peen and try to avoid their idiocy, but when paired up with another topic I have a virulent response to - shitty baby names - I have a knee-jerk reaction.

To call them the USA Today of scientific websites actually besmirches USA Today worse than that cotton-candy-hollow newspaper is to other print editions. You could call them the People Magazine of scientific websites. Or the WB of scientific websites. Or the Brett Ratner of scientific websites. Or the Nickelback of scientific websites. This could go on and one, but you get the point...

It's insulting to both science and journalism the awful shit they post, and their recent article, "The Most Hated Baby Names In America", is a perfect storm of the mediocrity they represent.

To read a post is like falling into a black hole - time and space compress at the event horizon to become indistinguishable. It completely explains why an article links back to other posts that have no real connection to the present one, yet are being supplied as if they have context or relevance.  Only through the sheer awfulness of their hack writers can they make an article about baby names service links back to articles like such:

•Saying that 10% of people in a British baby name survey said they used the name of a famous person...and that links that back to the article "As Elvis Turns 75, Celebrity Worship Alive And Well", which is about narcissism why society has an obsession with the idea of celebrity - and not a single mention at all about babies or names.

• Using a quote from a baby book author that the top hated name - Nevaeh, symbolizes "what people don't like in modern baby names", - and inserts a link to an article "Babies in Frontier States Have More Unusual Names", which makes no sense.  That article says that as you move west, unusual baby names are more common...so how are they gaining popularity if they're disliked?  And establishing that names are less traditional geographically has no bearing on it...unless the symbolic thing that is disliked is where the people live. Why would this be included in there?

It's also worth pointing out that all of this is before they even get into the substance of the article, which, if you can remember after all the detours and un-relevant paragraphs of filler is to cover the most hated baby names.  I guess they must get paid by how many clicks their links get, so the staff just daisy chain all their articles together...oh, wait, they're also trying to drive up ad views with the superfluous clicks - because nothing screams scientific integrity like deliberately poor writing just to create sponsorship revenue.  But we digress (just like their articles)...

When it finally comes to the most hated baby names, Live Science.crap falls back on Laura Wattenberg, author of The Baby Name Wizard: A Magical Method for Finding the Perfect Name for Your Baby.  You see, Wattenberg did an informal survey of hated names for her blog, and because it was Live Science.crap, of course they'd go with somebody who also used poor  methodology.  Like looking at general-interest online message boards online for for conversations about baby names that people disliked.  Or motorcycle travel forum, a video game fan board and several parenting forums.  Wattenberg deliberately avoided loading up on message boards specifically for baby names, with the belief that "name enthusiasts tend to know trends and might skew the results".  Skew what results?  Somebody forgot to explain to her that something subjective as disliking a name is neither a trend nor a result of being a baby name enthusiast (whatever the fuck that is).

Live Science.crap notes Wattenberg is quick to point out that the survey isn't scientific, 'but it does have the advantage of capturing the names people spontaneously hate".  As opposed to calculated hate, right?  "A formal survey that gave people an option to rank names would likely bias people by putting ideas into their heads", Wattenberg said.  No, you can't make me hate Neveah more or less than I already do, whether you include it on your list or not.  And here's the list:

Girls:

1. Nevaeh
2. Destiny
3. Madison
4. Mackenzie
5. McKenna
6. Addison
7. Gertrude
8. Kaitlyn
9. Makayla
10. Bertha
11. Hope

Boys:

1. Jayden
2. Brayden
3. Aiden
4. Kaden
5. Hunter
6. Hayden
7. Bentley
8. Tristan
9. Michael
10. Jackson

So according to Wattenberg, people hate gender-bending names (when a masculine name becomes feminine) or odd spellings.  Similarly sounding boys names and "Mc"-names for girls also made folks cringe.  Not surprisingly, the participants were overwhelmingly female and under 60.  Rather than just end the post there with the info, or only have had a post that talks about baby names (which would have been a very short article), they go on to talk about how parents choose baby names deciding between "easy versus unique", or "why names pop" - and become popular.  Yes, it's more filler and links because neither of those relate to the most hated baby names.

Wattenberg said the response to list was so strong that she's hoping to conduct a more systematic survey of a larger, more defined sample of people (read: correctly take a survey), but stresses she "doesn't want to label names 'good' or 'bad'...but it could be useful for parents to know how others will react to their prospective name".  A little hard to avoid labeling if your list is called the "most hated", wouldn't you say? The real study should be why these names are popular and trending currently even though they are also highly despised.  And in perfect closing, they squeeze their idiot expert for a quote that really doesn't encapsulate anything that was said:   "Everybody is looking for this impossible dream, which is a name that everybody knows, everybody loves and nobody is using."