Que Rico?

Last week Puerto Rico voted to become the 51st state - not that it gets to happen just because they voted to approve it, but the fist thing people asked (besides why), was what would happen to our beloved stars and stripes.  Here's some help from the interweb on how to best make the new design.

Cap / Bucky 2012?

If you though that Obama or Romney were your only two choices at the polls this year, think again!

Apparently, good ol' Captain America is throwing his shield hat into the ring, and makes the Oval Office his new HQ. In "The Ultimates" series, set in an alternative Marvel universe, super-soldier Steve Rogers wins the presidential election as a write-in candidate .  The issue comes out next Wednesday, and writer Sam Humphries calls it the next step in the character's long role as "America's defender".  Hmmm....as a long time geek and comic reader, I call it stupid.

"Cap is answering the call of the people. This is not the first time he's stood up for an America in crisis. This is a further evolution in his role as America's defender, from soldier to superhero to president," Humphries said. "He didn't ask for this position, but if it helps him reunite America, then he'll take on the job.  He doesn't see his place as having press conferences in rose gardens, he sees his place as out in the field - this will result in a unique and thrilling presidency we've never seen before, in history or in fiction."

Um...still pretty stupid.  I loves me some Captain America, and for well over 25 years there have been all kinds of comic story lines that bordered on the silly or strange, it never sounded this ridiculous.  Yes, we have to suspend our disbelief that a guy could get a government-sized does of steroids and survive decades in suspended animation, only to throw his shield at villains while wearing star-spangled tights, but we have to draw the line somewhere.  Even in a comic book world, having the president go kick some ass instead of, well, any other proper channel of authority and legal means of justice, I'm sorry, but that's too goddamn lame.

The farthest I'll go is to accept Vladimir Putin.

When The Clock Strikes Sex Change

When it comes to historical names, I'm kind of a traditionalist, so coming to find the London clock tower was getting a gender reassignment made me want to revolt against our mother country all over again.

London's iconic clock tower, popularly known as "Ben Ben", is going to be renamed Elizabeth Tower, in honor of Queen Elizabeth's diamond jubilee.  Look, we had a parade and a party - do we need to start naming things after her?  Especially when they're older than her (believe it or not)?  Double especially when she's still alive?  Is a boat, bridge, and stadium not enough?  

The British parliament added, "[We] will arrange for this decision to be implemented in an appropriate manner in due course".  Which I hope is never. How a 316 foot, 13.5 ton bell is "a fitting tribute to the queen and the service she has given to our country in this Jubilee year" confuses me.  The sister structure at the other end of the Palace of Westminster is Victoria Tower, which was named for Queen Victoria, the only other British monarch to celebrate a diamond jubilee.

As for the name that will soon be lost to aristocracy, it's most likely attributed to Benjamin Hall, the engineer whose name is inscribed on the bell.  Others believe it is named after 1850s champion boxer Ben Caunt, though I suspect one of their favorite swear words is derived from that.

Something Worse Than A Miami Heat Title?

I make no secret of my love of hockey and F1, but I still pay a little attention to other sports, and agree with the general opinion, fuck LeBron James and the Miami Heat.

The whole televised jerk-off of selecting Miami when he left Cleveland is still one of the ugliest moves in modern times, and his mortal cramp in game four of the finals earned him little sympathy (especially from real athletes), plus the Miami fans are douches, so it's not without justification to have a negative reaction to their winning the championship.  But the worst is yet to come...

Porn "stars" (I use that very liberally) Sara Jay and Angelina Castro better start stretching, because they're coming in off the sidelines.  The two were pushing the #Team BJNBA tag before the start of the playoffs, and pledged to all their Twitter followers that they'd provide blow jobs if the Miami Heat won.  It's bad enough, when you think about it, to be shoulder to shoulder with an arena's worth of other scumbags that follow porn star tweets looking to get a shared batch of chlamydia, but that it's two skanks that look like they crawled out of the Florida everglades, I do not understand the draw.  At all.  Porn stars are supposed to be sexy and someone you want to have sex with.

It should be known that Sara Jay has 218,000 plus followers to Angelina Castro's 92,000, but if there were really going to be over 300,000 hummers, the CDC would be there to quarantine the proceedings...and hopefully burn the place down with everyone inside.  It will probably be a few hundred creeps living in Miami where they are who are skeevy enough to be take part in what will of course be filmed (otherwise there's no profit for it), but still, revolting.  You can thank Bobbi Eden, Vicky Vette, Gabby Quinteros, and Miss Hybrid - the original #Team BJ, for introducing the "winners get gummers" idea, after making the same claim if Holland won the 2010 World Cup (Holland lost). 

Octo-blah

If you've been hoping for semi-nude photos of "Octomom" Nadya Suleman, today's your lucky day. For the rest of us, not so much.

The cash-strapped mother of 14 (all through in vitro fertility treatments) agreed to the paid interview and photo shoot for the British magazine Closer because she "can’t hold down a regular job to pay bills" and “does whatever she can", which included this.  Suleman declined a million-dollar offer to appear in porn in 2009, but given these pictures, she couldn't have earned much for it. Some things can't be unseen.

UPDATE: It's reported she got around $8000 for the dozen or so pictures (at your own risk!).  Wow, I'm sure we could put a collection together to have had them kept from the public.