Why They Rely On Their, Uh...Assets

Porn stars without being made up is an eye opening pair of galleries when they're not camera ready...it's a fantasy crushing glimpse at the bad skin and average looks are the real faces of the industry.

Stoya!

Girl-next-door porn star Stoya recently gave an interview on the Huffington Post, which revealed the unfortunate repercussions of her business.

"My dad is purely just angry that I ruined porn for him...[He's mad] because I couldn't, like, just do a few scenes, I had to sign with a big company," she said. Oh, the irony! The worst is when ads for her signature model Fleshlight sex toy - a molded version of her vaj, pop up on the porn sites he goes to.

We can chicken-and-egg the whole thing about what came first (hint: not her father, apparently), but I think the take away is to download movie and clips from torrent sites that won't point out your parental failings rather than stream video.

Spencer, Currently Not For Hire

Cocksman "Mr. Marcus" was sentenced today for knowingly exposing at least two of his adult film co-stars to syphilis after testing positive for the disease days earlier. Don't these people watch his films? I see a lot of sexy times happening in jail...though maybe those are just sets.

Jesse Spencer (42) pleaded no contest to one count of exposing another to a communicable disease, and in addition to 30 days in jail, he gets 36 months probation and 15 days of community labor, which will most likely be picking up trash on the side of the road with a thingy. Not that thingy.  Conveniently, Spencer has been in police custody since May 22 following a separate DUI arrest.

Current sex film practice requires adult film actors to undergo routine testing for several different sexual transmitted diseases, which yielded the positive result for Spencer last year. On July 13, 2012, Spencer received a penicillin shot after testing positive for syphilis, but continued to test positive following a second screening on July 21.  He obscured the syphilis result on a photocopy to continue working, but two actresses made a police report after a producer noticed the form had been altered. Who says those ladies are stupid? But they're still disappointing to their parents...

Fortunately, none of the actresses contracted syphilis as a result of exposure to Spencer, and saving money for community college and raising children as single mothers could go unabated.

Heavy On The Ass

I don't play too many video games, but I sure do read a lot about them on the interweb.

Edward Kenway, the protagonist of the upcoming Assassin's Creed IV is a typical hero for an action video game.  But Reddit user Zinadello13, noticed that Kenway bears a striking resemblance to Capt. Edward Reynolds.  No, not a historical figure.  He's the main character from Pirates.

The most expensive porn movie ever made.

Evan Stone, who starred in the 2005 film (and other such fanfare as Anal Kinksters 2, Sweet Summer Sex Kittens, Sailor Poon: A XXX Interactive Parody, My Stepdaughter Tossed My Salad 6) does look to be a possible model for the character.  And both are named Edward. But the true comparative test will be when Assassin's Creed IV comes out - if there's an attack move with your dick...

Weekend Edition

Counting down the top 20 links we didn't cover during the week...

20 • McLaren P1 Claims Mantle Of World’s Ultimate Supercar - It's a pretty sweet mantle.  And fast too.

19 • Why Frank Kelly Freas Was Possibly The Greatest Science Fiction Artist Who Ever Lived - Retro sci-f, FTW.

18 •  Fraternity Raises Money For Member’s Sexual Reassignment Surgery - She's becoming a he, and frat boys are always looking for members who they can have towel-snapping shower room shenanigans.

17 • The World Needs These Star Wars And Indiana Jones Versions Of Donkey Kong - If only they were playable and not art...

16 • 13 Instances When It's Perfectly Okay To Use The C-Word - Fourteen if you count making a joke.

15 • Mind Melds Move From Science Fiction To Science In Rats - Now they can share thoughts of cheese...or product testing.

14 • UNC Student Faces Possible Expulsion For Speaking Out About Alleged Sexual Assault - Because no good deed goes unpunished.

13 • Hipster Bulldog Gains Cult Following - We live in a world where 84,000 people find a dog in costume worthy of following.  Ugh...

12 • Milwaukee Brewers Racing Italian Sausage Costume Returned To Wisconsin Bar - The town was at a standstill until that wiener casing was found.

11 •  Scientist Stumbles Onto A Cure For Color Blindness - No word on fixing color deafness though...

10 • Joe Flacco, Baltimore Ravens Reach Agreement, According To Source - And now he's the most overpaid QB in the league.  One bowl championship in a contract year and you can make more than Brady, Rodgers, Brees, and the Manning of your choice.

09 • The World's Smallest ARM Chip Is Going To Be Inside You - Soon, your pills will be more than just 1000mg of vitamin C.

08 • Ghana's Turkson Is Irish Bookmakers' Favorite For New Pope - Just think what a black Pope will do to people's minds!

07 • Wonder Woman Fan Film Shows Us What The TV Show Could Have Been - Another blow to DC and their attempt to duplicate Marvel magic, where the fans outdo the billion-dollar studios.

06 • ‘Executive Chef’ At Camden, New Jersey Charter School Makes $95,000 A Year - In a city filled with crime, there's still some white collars getting away with it too.

05 • This Black Hole Spins At (Almost) The Speed Of Light - Not bad for something that weighs more than two million times more than our sun.

04 • Miss Delaware Teen USA Resigns After Porno Surfaces / Miss Teen Delaware Lies Like A Porn Star - Yeah, she says it wasn't her and resigned anyway...and then the damning evidence came out.

03 • Damon Lindelof Hilariously Goes Off On Justin Bieber's Hat On Twitter - The hat was epic...an epic awful choice.

02 • This Insane 400,000-Piece Lego Hogwarts School Is Larger Than Harry Potter Himself - I do not know from the seven books, but Legos I get, and 400,000 of them are impressive.

01 • Florida Man Swallowed By Sinkhole Under Bedroom - Yes, the most Florida of all headlines.

Weekend Edition

Counting down the top 20 links we didn't cover during the week...

20 • The 'Breaking Bad' Porn Parody Now Has A Trailer - You're nothing in pop culture history until there's a porn version.

19 • Man Mauled To Death By Captive Grizzly In Montana / 2-Year-Old Boy Killed At PA. Zoo Exhibit / Man-Eating Leopard Devours 15 - Another installment of man versus the animal kingdom. And the animals won.

18 • Jermaine Jackson Petitions To Alter Famous Name - I'll save you the click...he wants to change it form Jackson to Jacksun. I hope the judge denies it on the grounds of go fuck yourself (that's a legal term, right?), but if not, exhibit A is that he named one of his sons Jermajesty.

17 • Anthony Bourdain Goes On A Dead-Hooker Twitter Tirade - Don't try and put your product placement in his show without permission.

16 • Rebecca Black Producer's Thanksgiving Video, With Nicole Westbrook - WARNING! This is goddamn awful. And it's going to get 30 million hits.

15 • Craigslist Ad For 'Sick Ass 1971 Honda CB350' - If this didn't belong to La Flama Blanca, then he at least wrote the ad.

14 • No Doubt Pulled Their Offensive New Video - Native Americans don't like the cowboys and Indians motif, but it's really how bland the song is that's offensive.

13 • Man Admits Murder During Heart Attack, Survives - You don't go to heaven if you admit your sins, just jail.

12 • One Colonoscopy May Be Enough For A Lifetime / Detroit Tigers Star Pleads Guilty In New York Anti-Semitic Case - A pair of stories about assholes, and how they should be dealt with.

11 • Superman's Home Planet Krypton 'Found' / USA Luge Team To Dress As X-O Manowar For 2014 Olympics - Crossover by comics into real life can be interesting, but these are a little unnecessary.

10 • McDonald's Flies American Flag Upside Down At Half-Mast In Follansbee, West Virginia - Was it a protest after the election, a call for help, or a flag malfunction? Or, because it's West Virginia just Wednesday?

09 • Voters In Washington And Colorado Legalize Recreational Marijuana - In other news, populations on adjoining states decrease as mass exodus begins to Washington and Colorado.

08 • 37 Bond Girls Then And Now - Spoiler alert! Most of them are better then than now.

07 • Woman Who Drove On Sidewalk Must Wear 'Idiot' Sign - I like creative punishments, especially when they're also honest.

06 • Ronda Rousey Becomes The First Woman In The UFC - Well, at least, the first one who'll kick your ass or knock you out. They still have those chippies in bikinis between rounds.

05 • So Long, And Thanks For All The WHOSE RESPONSIBLE THIS - Rob Bricken leaves his editor's spot at the great Topless Robot for io9...yes, I am a geek, and you should be too by checking out both sites.

04 • How Apple Avoids Paying Billions in Taxes - They ain't making record breaking profits just from selling a lot of gadgets. Because sometimes it also pays not to think differently.

03 • Scientists Make Light Travel Infinitely Fast - When light speed got a little faster.

02 • New York Man Crushed By Giant Crucifix Has Leg Amputated - Man frequently prays at church for wife. Man believes crucifix cures his wife of cancer. Crucifix decides debt needs to be repaid.

01 • Dead Pig In Romney Shirt Found At Manhattan Beach GOP Headquarters - After all months and months of election coverage in the media, this is the way I want the story it end.

Fuck No On Measure B

I only feel it's important to wield whatever sway I have on others when it comes to issues that are important to me, and in this election, it's NO on Measure B, aka the Condoms In Porn measure.  Sorry, but any acts between consenting adults is between them, and if they agree to take on the risks inherent in the jobs they take, we do not need legislation to create additional measures of safety.  Keep prons filthy - vote NO!

Emmanuelle In The Ground

Sylvia Kristel, known to my generation as "hey, did you see that naked chick having sex!" when we were adolescents, died at 60 from cancer.

The actress, who became an international (and cable) star, is best known for her role in Emmanuelle films, as a housewife that experiences a sexual awakening after a trip to Thailand. The series spawned a virtual cottage industry of soft-core films, that could be seen with frequency on Skinamax Cinamax. Though Kristel only stared in Emmanuelle 1, 2, 3, and 7, she is indelibly linked to the character. After the series she was essentially typecast, starring in an adaptation of Lady Chatterley’s Lover, a nudity heavy filled biopic of World War I spy Mata Hari, and as a maid who seduces a teenage boy in the sex comedy Private Lessons.

Before acting, Kristel was a model and won the Miss TV Europe contest in 1973. She was also fluent in Dutch, English, French, German and Italian, but that hardly as interesting as the massive coke habit she fostered for years, or that she smoked unfiltered cigarettes from the age of 11, which ultimately lead to her first bout with cancer in 2001. Here's the legacy she was the foundation for:

Emmanuelle series
Emmanuelle (1974)
Emmanuelle 2 (1975)
Goodbye Emmanuelle (1977)
Emmanuelle 4 (1984)
Emmanuelle 5 (1986)
Emmanuelle 6 (1988)
Emmanuelle 7 (1992)

Black Emanuelle series
Black Emanuelle (1975)
Black Emanuelle 2 (1976)
Emanuelle in Bangkok (1976)
Emanuelle in America (1977)
Emanuelle Around the World (1977)
Emanuelle and the Last Cannibals (1977)
Emanuelle and the White Slave Trade (1978)


Emmanuelle in Space series
Emmanuelle: First Contact (1994)
Emmanuelle 2: A World of Desire (1994)
Emmanuelle 3: A Lesson in Love (1994)
Emmanuelle 4: Concealed Fantasy (1994)
Emmanuelle 5: A Time to Dream (1994)
Emmanuelle 6: One Final Fling (1994)
Emmanuelle 7: The Meaning of Love (1994)

Emmanuelle made-for-TV films
Emmanuelle's Secret (1992)
Emmanuelle's Revenge (1992)
Emmanuelle's Perfume (1992)
Emmanuelle's Magic (1992)
Emmanuelle's Love (1993)
Emmanuelle in Venice (1993)
Emmanuelle Forever (1993)
Emmanuelle 2000: Being Emmanuelle (2000)
Emmanuelle 2000: Emmanuelle and the Art of Love (2000)
Emmanuelle 2000: Emmanuelle in Paradise (2000)
Emmanuelle 2000: Jewel of Emmanuelle (2000)
Emmanuelle 2000: Intimate Encounters (2000)
Emmanuelle 2000: Emmanuelle's Sensual Pleasure (2000)
Emmanuelle 2000 (2001)
Emmanuelle in Rio (2003)
Emmanuelle Private Collection: Emmanuelle vs. Dracula (2004)
Emmanuelle Private Collection: Sex Talk (2004)
Emmanuelle Private Collection: The Sex Lives of Ghosts (2004)
Emmanuelle Private Collection: Sexual Spells (2004)
Emmanuelle Private Collection: The Art of Ecstasy (2006)
Emmanuelle Private Collection: Jesse's Secrets Desires (2006)
Emmanuelle Tango (2006)
Emmanuelle Through Time: Emmanuelle's Skin City (2011)
Emmanuelle Through Time: Emmanuelle's Sexy Bite (2011)
Emmanuelle Through Time: Sex, Chocolate & Emmanuelle (2011)
Emmanuelle Through Time: Rod Steele 0014 & Naked Agent 0069 (2011)
Emmanuelle Through Time: Emmanuelle's Supernatural Activities (2011)
Emmanuelle Through Time: Emmanuelle's Sex Tales (2011)
Emmanuelle Through Time: Emmanuelle's Forbidden Pleasures (2011)

God Save The Queen (Of Clown Porn) Or, For Those About To Be Flogged, We Salute You

Adult performer Hollie Stevens (aka Holly Wood) died of breast cancer this week at 30.  Yes, there's some irony, but that's not what caught my eye.

Stevens was touted as the queen of indie pornography, including "clown porn" and the horror-rotica of zines like Girls and Corpses.  She started as a dancer in 2000, but soon moved into film, getting an AVN nomination in 2004 for Best Group Sex Scene (The Bachleor) and winning for Best All-Girl Scene (The Violation of Jessica Darlin). Having performed in over 170 titles, she was also featured on such websites as kink.com, DungeonCorp.com, hogtied.com, and chantasbitches.com.

I have to say, it's no fun noting obits, but learning about careers and history is way more interesting for Hollie Stevens than say, Andy Griffiths.

Something Worse Than A Miami Heat Title?

I make no secret of my love of hockey and F1, but I still pay a little attention to other sports, and agree with the general opinion, fuck LeBron James and the Miami Heat.

The whole televised jerk-off of selecting Miami when he left Cleveland is still one of the ugliest moves in modern times, and his mortal cramp in game four of the finals earned him little sympathy (especially from real athletes), plus the Miami fans are douches, so it's not without justification to have a negative reaction to their winning the championship.  But the worst is yet to come...

Porn "stars" (I use that very liberally) Sara Jay and Angelina Castro better start stretching, because they're coming in off the sidelines.  The two were pushing the #Team BJNBA tag before the start of the playoffs, and pledged to all their Twitter followers that they'd provide blow jobs if the Miami Heat won.  It's bad enough, when you think about it, to be shoulder to shoulder with an arena's worth of other scumbags that follow porn star tweets looking to get a shared batch of chlamydia, but that it's two skanks that look like they crawled out of the Florida everglades, I do not understand the draw.  At all.  Porn stars are supposed to be sexy and someone you want to have sex with.

It should be known that Sara Jay has 218,000 plus followers to Angelina Castro's 92,000, but if there were really going to be over 300,000 hummers, the CDC would be there to quarantine the proceedings...and hopefully burn the place down with everyone inside.  It will probably be a few hundred creeps living in Miami where they are who are skeevy enough to be take part in what will of course be filmed (otherwise there's no profit for it), but still, revolting.  You can thank Bobbi Eden, Vicky Vette, Gabby Quinteros, and Miss Hybrid - the original #Team BJ, for introducing the "winners get gummers" idea, after making the same claim if Holland won the 2010 World Cup (Holland lost). 

Romance Isn't Dead, But It Does Tweet

Since February 24, Mike Stone has used his Twitter account to hit up every pair of famous tits and ass he can contact to get a date for prom in May.  If we had Facebook and Twitter and social media when I was in high school, getting laid would have been way easier.  And cheaper.  

Stone's list includes singers, models, Jersey Shore stars, Playboy Playmates, WWE divas, and porn stars.  Lots of porn stars.  In all, Stone made more than 600 tweets, and his story has been posted all over the internet.  Though there have been some positive replies, it appears that Megan Piper, a 19-year-old starlet who never attended her own school dance, looks to be headed to Minnesota for a night of underage drinking and sex - what all proms aspire to be.

Project XXX

While one or two actresses actually made it out of porno into some mainstream success, it's far from the norm (insert Meryl Streep gangbang joke here).  But dreams do come true...

Take Jonathan Daniel Brown, the chubby bro in Project X, who was in a real blue movie.  Three years ago, he was in Bang Bros' Fuck Team Five episode of "Nerd Hunting", and as said hunted nerd, he suffered greatly at the hands (and vaginas of) Jennifer Dark, Ashli Orion and Phoenix Marie. Orion spoke to Adult Video News about performing with Brown, and she recalled quite a bit about her co-star, given their scene was shot in 2008.

“I remember him being this cute little nerdy kid, shy, and super nervous!” she said. “He was really nice so I felt bad that I had to make fun of him in true Fuck Team 5 fashion. The poor guy had to dress up like a fast food worker delivering our order to the van. Instead of burger, he became the meat! I let him fuck me until he popped all over my ass. Being the crazy girl I am, I used my ass as a sauce tray and dipped the fries we ordered in his cum”.  And the answer you're waiting for, “Yes, I ate them and I swallowed. Fucking delish!”

Any you wonder how it was just Brown who because a star...

Hold Your Boners

An adult film performer A porn actor has tested HIV positive, prompting the temporary shutdown of adult film productions across Los Angeles until further testing can confirm the results. Because you're not having sex with just your partner, you're having sex with everyone they've had sex with, and everybody else in the business they haven't.

The Free Speech Coalition became aware of the possible HIV case Saturday, and notified adult film production companies across the San Fernando Valley, urging them to temporarily halt productions until further tests were completed. The performer’s name, age and gender were not released, though further testing would take about a week. The group would then notify performers who had sex with the potentially infected person so they could get tested.

However, the performer tested positive at an out-of-state facility "that does not appear to have protocols or procedures in place for medical follow-up (including generational testing)." You see, retesting and confirmation is done to identify and check first and second generation partners who had sex with the person who tested HIV positive or with one of that person's sex partners - and that is proving to be difficult.

Adult film performers must be tested every 30 days and show proof of a clean test before they perform according to voluntary industry standards, though there is an effort by Los Angeles-based AIDS Healthcare Foundation to get a measure placed on the June 2012 ballot to require adult film performers to use condoms in porn productions that seek Los Angeles city film permits. I don't think that's going to matter much to films like Street Blowjobs 3, who give the impression that permits are the last think they're looking to secure before shooting. A petition with at least 41,138 signatures would be needed by December 23 to place the proposal on the ballot.

If they ever require condoms by law, you can kiss the industry goodbye...from Los Angeles. Nobody is going to want to watch condo-prons, so they'll move the industry out of town. In the meantime, there'll be lots of unused lube waiting for action. At least there's some suggestions for what to do in the meantime while the adult industry takes their Labor Day vacation early.

Withholding Sex

Pulling out is not one of the things normally associated with porn.

Organizers of Adultcon, one of the local porn conventions, are pulling two of their shows from the Los Angeles Convention Center. C'mon, isn't this town big enough for everybody's stable of dye-blond whores with implants and oversized cocksmen?

The rumor is the convention hall refused to bar other sex-themed gatherings within three months of the event. Are they not counting on chronic convention-ators? Close to 30,000 perverts people are expected to attend the three Adultcons this year, but next year there will be only one (like the Highlander, but with less money shots).

The Convention Center also booked the Exxxotica show, which also charges an entrance fee to meet porn stars and purchase exhibitor's wares, and the Everything To Do With Sex Show, which offers speakers, seminars alongside sex toys. That last one sounds boring without the porn stars.

Adultcon Vice President Renaud West (I was surprised they have a vice-president, but then I'm not when his name sounds like a Eurotrash gigolo) says too many shows confuse the public and are bad business, because flat out calling porn enthusiasts stupid idiots could negatively effect their attendance. What, consumers can't distinguish between two different shows selling the same giant plastic dildos? Convention Center managers naturally disagree, and believe there’s enough demand for all three shows. That, and it breaks up the boat and car shows.

Erotica LA, Los Angeles' largest adult show for 13 years running (which is longer than most careers in the industry), canceled 2010 show and did not return in 2011. Damn it, I will certainly miss making my annual reminder post that the show is in town.

Career Screwicide

Fuck stars Porn performers in California could be required to use condoms in their sex scenes if a proposal from state workplace safety officials becomes part of state code. Sure, and why not ask chefs to cook without utensils...

Cal/OSHA officials have drafted a 17-page proposal containing graphic details of bodily fluids, waste matter and "other materials" that porn actors may encounter that can cause infection. Seventeen pages of nasty things that come out of a person? Sounds more like Penthouse Forum letter. A seven-member body will review the proposal after it is discussed at a public meeting next week.

The draft says porn producers must provide and require "use of condoms or other barrier protection to prevent genital and oral contact with the blood or (any other bodily fluids) of another person." It also specifies that condoms can't be reused, cannot be expired, or used with multiple partners. I get the multiple partners thing, but who the hell is putting a rubber back on after action instead of putting on a fresh one? They also say performers wouldn't be allowed to share razors under the rules (sorry, no more sexy shaving videos), and sex toys would have to be kept clean (sorry, no more filthy dildo videos).

These buzzkills would force producers to ensure that body areas contaminated with bodily fluids are cleaned between sexual acts with the same or different partners. Hey, seeing a sexy French maid outfit is one thing - but who wants to see them actually cleaning? Aside from providing medical services for all employees who have been "exposed to possibly infectious materials", showers would need to be provided to performers, and rules on how to handle laundry contaminated with human fluids would be established.

The proposed change in rules comes in response to a complaint filed in 2009 by the AIDS Healthcare Foundation, calling on the state to require condoms in porn. They claim that actors were in unsafe situations and they glamorized risky sex for audiences. What, there's never been a three-way not captured on film? And how did Wilt Chamberlain nail thousands of women without being in the adult industry? Were college girls wild only because of a couple of necklace beads? Let's let adults be adults and make their own adult decisions.

University Of Prons

Tuition is expensive for college, even with a scholarship, so there's got to be another way for a young girl to earn a few dollars, right?

Elizabeth Hawkenson is your typical girl next door. She's an undergrad persuing geography and liberal arts and even playing in the school band. And she'll have sex on camera for two grand.

It's a simple "casting couch" format: a guy brings a pretty, naive young girl into his office, thinking she’s just auditioning for a modeling job...and has to show how much we wants to get it. Hawkenson knew she was going in there it was for sex (she had been doing clothed modeling and finally gave in when she found herself short for tuition), and was assured the video would only appear on pay site...until it found it's way to free porn sites.

The scene for Backroom Casting Couch showed Hawkenson flashing her student I.D. for the cameras to prove she was over the age of 18, and apparently, it didn't go over well some alumni. A letter to the Board of Regents demanded they revoke the girl's five-figure scholarship:

"As an ASU alumnus, I object to Ms. Hawkenson's choice to identify herself as an ASUASU Student Code of Conduct. On behalf of my fellow ASU alumni, I demand that Ms. Hawkenson's $32,000 New American Scholar Award be revoked immediately. A young woman who brings shame on her university in such a public and degrading way does not deserve the financial support of that university."

There's good news though. The Phoenix New Times reported the Board of Regents said they never received such a letter. Hawkenson's scholarship is still intact and she's still enrolled. Several websites say the letter may have been a hoax from 4chan.

See, everybody loves a porn story with a happy ending.

Grey Area

Remember when Traci Lords left the adult film industry to become influential politician? Or when Jenna Jameson quit the biz to storm the medical field an cure diseases? Yeah, which is why we've heard the last of Sasha Grey.

Arguably the most famous porn star in the world, Marina Ann Hantzis Sasha Grey has hung up her vagina and is retiring from the interracial anal, bisexual three-ways, and facials that defined her career (how horrible is it to have your career defined by ass-to-mouth sex and double penetrations?). She said:

It’s become quite evident that my time as an adult film performer has expired. Don’t worry, I haven’t found Jesus. One thing is for certain, I’m proud to say I have no regrets, I genuinely feel I accomplished everything I could as a performer. I was able to work with the industry’s most professional performers and companies, and I’ll always cherish the friends and relationships I was able to build. It was simply the perfect time for me to move on… while I was on top (pun indeed, intended). Life sometimes takes us in a direction we never could have imagined.

Apparently, her crossover "success" has gone to her head. Starring in Steven Soderbergh’s The Girlfriend Experience (which grossed barely $1 million on a skeletal $1.3 million budget) as an escort and as, well, herself in Entourage, I'd hardly call playing a sex worker success. She's modeled and made music only as a result of the name and recognition garnered from porn, but who's going to have any interest in either of those from her in few years?

Her latest non-sex move was the recently released book, Neü Sex, which she calls, "my visual mosaic through photography, my sexual philosophy, and observations". Oh, the only thing worse than a porn star who doesn't know when to keep her mouth shut (or open), is one who thinks they're a goddamn artist and intellectual. Sure, people are allowed to not be defined by just one thing - look at excellent crossover to acting by Madonna or William Shatner's singing career...oh wait, those were both jokes - but Sasha Grey is just trying to milk every last mile out of her fame as she goes further away from the one thing that made her. Jenna Jameson's more recent career move? Domestic abuse charges against Tito Ortiz in 2010. Keep that in mind, Sasha...

You'll always be the 2007 AVN Award winner for Best Three-Way Sex Scene (y'know, in Fuck Slaves with Sandra Romain and Manuel Ferrara) to me.

See you back in the business in 2013.

Wonder Women

Parodies are back in vogue with the adult film industry, so it's no surprise that they've taken the sub-genre and mixed it with another popular subject - comic books.

Vivid Entertainment recently announced they were planning Wonder Woman XXX: A Porn Parody, but the smaller Mile High Media got the jump on them and have already released some photos from their own take, Wonder Woman XXX: A Hardcore Parody. This is a competition where everybody wins. The Mile High version stars Tori Black (attractive as she is, comes across a little...uh, lacking in the wonder attributes), who played the Catwoman in Vivid Entertainment's Batman XXX. Apparently, DC and Marvel aren't the only ones who's talent switches sides...

The plot for the film is that "the Iraqi government has once again penetrated US soil, sending their top spy to infiltrate America's most lucrative business, the porn industry."  Ugh...penetrated? Really? That's so cheesy, you almost forget the useless reference to whatever previous Iraqi infiltration there was.  We don't watch for the story, let alone some mysterious backstory.  But there's still more groan-inducing things to come - and not the kind you want from an adult film.

"Through the help of a sultry US informant, the Iraqi spy gains access to California's biggest porn production sets in order to steal their secrets. There is only one person who can stop the Iraqi insurgence by making a man crumble to his knees and beg for mercy—Wonder Woman." And that's what brought Wonder Woman to Chatsworth - to save our country from losing it's beloved prons?  The religious right has been pretty ineffective, but one spy is going to succeed where millions of Christians have failed? And is Peter North suddenly ejaculating nuclear codes? 

"Will the Iraqi spy succeed in his mission to rip off America's beloved porn, or will he succumb to the wealth and riches of the most sought after body on the planet? Will Wonder Woman save the day, or are her powers futile against the terrorist attacks? Only watching Wonder Woman XXX will reveal the answers."  Let's hope the the film doesn't kill boners as bad as their marketing copy, and try to focus on the double cosplay adult fanfare.

"Like Tijuana On Cinco De Mayo"

In case you can't wait for more cat-monkey women, here's your panacea.

Form 3

Some months back, I posted about the Form 2, a sex toy that looked like it came from a galaxy far, far away. Well, JimmyJane has made their next device, which has now been compared to the Microsoft Arc. The Form 3 is an organic, waterproof silicone vibrator with a seven hour battery life - perfect for after-dinner parties with your favorite three or four couples. For that long love, it will set you back $145, but that's about how much a few bottle of wine would be to get everyone in the mood. You may be asking, "Famous M, why are you posting about dildonics?" Well, why not? Enjoy the demo...