Weekend Edition

Counting down the top 20 links we didn't cover during the week...

20 • The Hilarious Difference Between Google And Bing In One Picture - Okay, maybe not hilarious. Which one of those search engines came up with that hyperbole?

19 • How Marc Maron Picks Music For His Show - A neurotic dart board?

18 • How To Use Math To Dominate At Monopoly - Interesting read, horrible layout with a million giant photos.

17 • J. Cole: Gun-Toting Twitter Fan Investigated By Police - Illegal? Potentially. Great photo? Definitely.

16 • The Quotable Darryl Sutter (2013) - Pearls of wisdom and knowledge from the L.A. Kings coach.

15 • Drunk Alaska Man Mauled After Feeding BBQ To Black Bear - In the bear's defense, he wanted fish, not ribs (even though he had some).

14 • Paraplegic Castrated At Pennsylvania Facility / Three Charged With Enslaving Disabled Ohio Mom, Child - These states share a border. And lunatics.

13 • Gruesome Video Appears To Be Aftermath Of Michael Hastings' Car Crash - Here's your chance to watch a wrecked car burn for five minutes. And if this ain't your cup of tea, you'll want to skip #4 for sure.

12 • Researchers Have Found A Way To Cram 1,000 Terabytes Onto A Single DVD - The disc said it was quite uncomfortable.

11 • The Academy Of Motion Pictures Currently Employs An Ex-Porn Director - Naturally...how else could the MPAA continue to screw people.

10 • A Battery So Small, You'll Never Know If It's Included - There's AA and AAA now, but this means AAAAAAAAAAAA is coming.

09 • Amanda Bynes: ‘I Got My Breast Implants Removed’ - 2013's boob of the year had hers normalized, but still has metal spikes in her cheeks and is out of her goddamn mind.

08 • AMA Declares Obesity A Disease - Huge (no pun intended) mistake. Lack of willpower does not have a prescription cure.

07 • Hollywood & Highland Allegation: She Took Picture Of Transients, They Stabbed Her To Death - My suggestion to kill all the homeless is worse than rounding them up for work interment camps, but I still theink both are effective ways to deal with the issue.

06 • Dim Star Becomes 7 Times Hotter In 160 Seconds - Not a reference to the Amanda Bynes story.

05 • Starbucks Raising Prices Despite Lower Bean Cost - The reason is because the, uh...because now it's more expensive to, um...oh, fuck it. They just greedy.

04 • Plane With Wing Walker Crashes At Ohio Show; 2 Die - The announcer is just making it worse before the actual crash.

03 • Standing Man: Turkey's Eerie, Powerful New Protest Movement - Far more successful than Sitting Man and Prone Man.

02 • Snake Expert Killed By Snake While Helping People With Fear Of Snakes - Or, ironic death ironically adds to irony.

01 • British Spy Agency Is Saving Everyone's Email And Calls Too - Nice to see our colonial progenitors are keeping up with their kids.

Heart Attack Whack

Everybody has something sweet to say...too soon, Jimmy.

RIP, Ray

Before you slip into unconsciousness

I'd like to have another kiss

Another flashing chance at bliss

Another kiss, another kiss

The days are bright and filled with pain

Enclose me in your gentle rain

The time you ran was too insane

We'll meet again, we'll meet again

Oh tell me where your freedom lies

The streets are fields that never die

Deliver me from reasons why

You'd rather cry, I'd rather fly

The crystal ship is being filled

A thousand girls, a thousand thrills

A million ways to spend your time

When we get back, I'll drop a line

Saturday Morning Videos - Racing Is Dangerous

The Macau Grand Prix has has two deaths on it's course in as many days as organizers defended the safety of the street circuit.

On Thursday, Portuguese motorcycle rider Luis Filipe de Sousa Carreira was killed during qualifying...this amateur video was in the exact right place for the crash, which I have to warn the squeamish among you is pretty intense.

And this YouTube video about the death, is, well...clearly from another country.  On Friday, Hong Kong driver Phillip Yau Wing-choi crashed at the Mandarin Bend.

Organizers said Yau was an experienced Macau competitor who had won two races at the track, and Carreira was competing for the seventh time in the bike race.  Motorsport is awesome, but it is not without it's dangers.

Down To Eight Lives

More than two decades ago, Dennis Avner began a surgical transformation from man to tiger.  Now he's beginning the transformation into a memory.

A combination of body modification and tattoos made Avner a.k.a Stalking Cat a sideshow popularity and a media curiosity, but he admitted, he'd "found fame, but not fortune".  The 54-year-old Catman had undergone never been performed before, such as septum relocation to flatten his nose and bifurcation of the upper lip, making him a pioneer as well as a freak.  Last week, we was found dead in his home, and though details are not available, suicide is being touted as the cause of death.

Emmanuelle In The Ground

Sylvia Kristel, known to my generation as "hey, did you see that naked chick having sex!" when we were adolescents, died at 60 from cancer.

The actress, who became an international (and cable) star, is best known for her role in Emmanuelle films, as a housewife that experiences a sexual awakening after a trip to Thailand. The series spawned a virtual cottage industry of soft-core films, that could be seen with frequency on Skinamax Cinamax. Though Kristel only stared in Emmanuelle 1, 2, 3, and 7, she is indelibly linked to the character. After the series she was essentially typecast, starring in an adaptation of Lady Chatterley’s Lover, a nudity heavy filled biopic of World War I spy Mata Hari, and as a maid who seduces a teenage boy in the sex comedy Private Lessons.

Before acting, Kristel was a model and won the Miss TV Europe contest in 1973. She was also fluent in Dutch, English, French, German and Italian, but that hardly as interesting as the massive coke habit she fostered for years, or that she smoked unfiltered cigarettes from the age of 11, which ultimately lead to her first bout with cancer in 2001. Here's the legacy she was the foundation for:

Emmanuelle series
Emmanuelle (1974)
Emmanuelle 2 (1975)
Goodbye Emmanuelle (1977)
Emmanuelle 4 (1984)
Emmanuelle 5 (1986)
Emmanuelle 6 (1988)
Emmanuelle 7 (1992)

Black Emanuelle series
Black Emanuelle (1975)
Black Emanuelle 2 (1976)
Emanuelle in Bangkok (1976)
Emanuelle in America (1977)
Emanuelle Around the World (1977)
Emanuelle and the Last Cannibals (1977)
Emanuelle and the White Slave Trade (1978)


Emmanuelle in Space series
Emmanuelle: First Contact (1994)
Emmanuelle 2: A World of Desire (1994)
Emmanuelle 3: A Lesson in Love (1994)
Emmanuelle 4: Concealed Fantasy (1994)
Emmanuelle 5: A Time to Dream (1994)
Emmanuelle 6: One Final Fling (1994)
Emmanuelle 7: The Meaning of Love (1994)

Emmanuelle made-for-TV films
Emmanuelle's Secret (1992)
Emmanuelle's Revenge (1992)
Emmanuelle's Perfume (1992)
Emmanuelle's Magic (1992)
Emmanuelle's Love (1993)
Emmanuelle in Venice (1993)
Emmanuelle Forever (1993)
Emmanuelle 2000: Being Emmanuelle (2000)
Emmanuelle 2000: Emmanuelle and the Art of Love (2000)
Emmanuelle 2000: Emmanuelle in Paradise (2000)
Emmanuelle 2000: Jewel of Emmanuelle (2000)
Emmanuelle 2000: Intimate Encounters (2000)
Emmanuelle 2000: Emmanuelle's Sensual Pleasure (2000)
Emmanuelle 2000 (2001)
Emmanuelle in Rio (2003)
Emmanuelle Private Collection: Emmanuelle vs. Dracula (2004)
Emmanuelle Private Collection: Sex Talk (2004)
Emmanuelle Private Collection: The Sex Lives of Ghosts (2004)
Emmanuelle Private Collection: Sexual Spells (2004)
Emmanuelle Private Collection: The Art of Ecstasy (2006)
Emmanuelle Private Collection: Jesse's Secrets Desires (2006)
Emmanuelle Tango (2006)
Emmanuelle Through Time: Emmanuelle's Skin City (2011)
Emmanuelle Through Time: Emmanuelle's Sexy Bite (2011)
Emmanuelle Through Time: Sex, Chocolate & Emmanuelle (2011)
Emmanuelle Through Time: Rod Steele 0014 & Naked Agent 0069 (2011)
Emmanuelle Through Time: Emmanuelle's Supernatural Activities (2011)
Emmanuelle Through Time: Emmanuelle's Sex Tales (2011)
Emmanuelle Through Time: Emmanuelle's Forbidden Pleasures (2011)

Tombstone Rodeo

It was a busy last few days for being dead, and I'm not just talking about the 3rd season premiere of The Walking Dead...

There were many passings this weekend that made news, from old television hosts and older politicos, to aspiring athletes and foolish ones, but two stood out to me.  The first was Jose Melena, an employee of Bumble Bee Foods, who died in the most spectacular of ways via industrial accident.  Cal-OSHA had the pleasure of investigating how Melena ended up cooked in an oven, described by the coroner's documents as a "giant murder boiler" "steamer machine".   But fear not fish feeders, the plant will be back open today, so you'll have no break in production or food shortage.  Just make sure you get the cans where they were packed in spring water.

The other death was not as remarkable, but no less satisfying to me. Police said 19-year-old man tagging a three-story building in the Westlake district here in Los Angeles fell to the ground, and was declared brain dead, though I would argue he was brain dead long before that. The incident occurred around 2:30 am, when only good things happen, when the unidentified victim attempted climbing a tree to reach the building in the intersection of Beverly Boulevard and Union Place.  To think, if he had only put that much effort into getting an education and raising his IQ!  He was taken to a hospital, where he later died, and none too soon.  Why so happy about this?  I hate taggers - they have no value in society.  

Requiem For A Squat-Thrust

Aditya 'Romeo' Dev, known as the world's tiniest bodybuilder, died today at age 23.  And no, it was not because somebody dropped a five lb. weight on him.

Early this morning, he was rushed to a hospital in Punjab, India, where doctors were unable to revive him. "He was brought to the hospital in an unconscious state," said a doctor, who later needed to clarify the unconscious state was not just sleep. "It was due to massive bleeding which had caused brain damage or aneurysm bleeding. There were very rare chances of him surviving." Oh, the Indians have a funny way of saying things!  In 2008, Dev had been diagnosed with two brain aneurysms, which is a common symptom of being a dwarf. Doctors had warned him that at any time, his aneurysm could burst and lead to a fatal stroke. I wonder if strenuous activity like, say, lifting weights could have exacerbated it?

Standing at 2 feet, 9 inches and weighing only 19 pounds, Dev said the most he ever lifted was 10 pounds - about half his weight.  The Guinness Book of World Records dubbed him the world's smallest body builder in 2006.  He used a regimen that included 3.3-pound custom-designed dumbbells from his trainer, and bulked up to the size of an average 2-year-old. Fierce!  His exercise routine included aerobics and dance, and his chest measurement was 20 inches  Dev said he never let his size stop him from doing anything, well...except reaching things higher than waist high.

Pump iron in heaven, little man!

Wait, They Were Still Together All These Years?

Sad news for the six people who gave a shit about Chumbawamba - the "anarchist art-punk" band announced they are disbanding.  Here's the overly self-indulgent statement:

That’s it then, it’s the end. with neither a whimper, a bang or a reunion. Thirty years of ideas and melodies, endless meetings and European tours, press releases, singalong choruses and Dada sound poetry, finally at an end. It’s hard to sum up why without sitting you down one at a time and having a proper conversation, but that’d take too long. So, in as few words as possible, here goes. 

We felt we’d got to a point where what we did as a band – and specifically the writing, recording, touring cycle – wasn’t doing justice to what Chumbawamba set out to do in the first place. We were always as much about ideas as music, and that meant doing more than writing, recording and touring songs. It meant trying to be relevant and active and up-to-date, while trying to avoid the dreaded rut of routine or repetition. being up-to-date meant giving plenty of time and energy to the band, constantly, for those thirty years; a constancy we plainly couldn’t keep up with in the end. 

Chumbawamba was our vehicle for pointing at the naked Emperors, for telling our version of the truth; it gave us more than the joy and love of playing live, writing songs and singing together – it gave us a chance to be part of a broad coalition of activists and hectors, optimists and questioners. But eventually the rest of our lives got in the way and we couldn’t commit the time and enthusiasm that the band demanded. Couldn’t keep up with whatever responsibilities came with a band like this. 

If there were ever a Chumbawamba manifesto, it would read in the inconsistent, contradictory language of the Dadaists – part strident belligerence and part foolishness. This ending is no different; it comes almost as much of a surprise to us as it may do to you. Always more clown than politician, the band trips over its outsize feet and performs its final tumble. 

There have been squabbles and arguments along the way. A deal of griping, frustration, moaning, exasperation – but always alongside a huge amount of goodwill and generosity, good humour and love. What a riot it’s been, frankly. And now it’s time to clear up the mess and move on. That’s the simple version, anyway.

Wow, that's really making something out of nothing.  They had one hit one pop song in 30 years and that's supposed to be impressive? Especially when it overshadowed any of their "message".  Rage Against The Machine made more of 45 minutes of music on their debut album than this crappy band did in decades.  Goodbye, Chumabawamba, now disappear into history.

God Save The Queen (Of Clown Porn) Or, For Those About To Be Flogged, We Salute You

Adult performer Hollie Stevens (aka Holly Wood) died of breast cancer this week at 30.  Yes, there's some irony, but that's not what caught my eye.

Stevens was touted as the queen of indie pornography, including "clown porn" and the horror-rotica of zines like Girls and Corpses.  She started as a dancer in 2000, but soon moved into film, getting an AVN nomination in 2004 for Best Group Sex Scene (The Bachleor) and winning for Best All-Girl Scene (The Violation of Jessica Darlin). Having performed in over 170 titles, she was also featured on such websites as kink.com, DungeonCorp.com, hogtied.com, and chantasbitches.com.

I have to say, it's no fun noting obits, but learning about careers and history is way more interesting for Hollie Stevens than say, Andy Griffiths.

Dead Arts

It's a rare chance to comment on two passings today, and both regarding artists.

The first is LeRoy Neiman (91), who made his reputation painting sports events and athletes, but I know as the creepy moustache guy who hung out with Hugh Hefner and made shitty scribbles of naked women on the Playboy joke page.  I will say that he made pretty good use of color, in an almost psychedelic way, but like much of the art I've seen, I have to wonder who the hell is going to buy and display it.  I get it if you want an impressionist twist on a picture for a game program, but what wall needs a painted Mark McGuire?

The other is for the Life In Hell comic strip, that Matt Groening is ending after three decades.  The strip, which ends after it's 1669th publication, was once in close to 400 publications, but in now in under 40.  Known for anthropomorphic bunnies Binky and Bongo, and fez wearing homosexuals Akbar and Jeff, the comic was serialized in many publications "_______ (Life, Childhood, School, etc.) In Hell", and was key in getting Groening the gig making animated shorts for The Tracey Ullman Show that led to The Simpsons.  The strip stopped being interesting or funny once he shifted to Akbar and Jeff as the focus, but some of his 'toons are gold.

King For A Day, Fool For A Lifetime*

Famous Mom and I stepped of a plane after travelling all day yesterday, and she asked as I was looking at the news on my phone if anything happened while we were out of town, and apparently, Rodney King discovered his kryptonite was not police batons, but water.

Let's just get out of the way the fact that excessive and unnecessary force was used by the cops on March 3, 1991 when King was "arrested" and dispense with any shock at my making light of his death.  It was unjust, as was the trial resulting in four exonerated police and the '92 riots.  But while others may take the time to praise Caesar King, I have come to bury him.

No person should get the beatdown King received (unless you're talking about the likes of Evil Dick Cheney or Karl Rove, and they don't really qualify as people), but let's remember that King was an already convicted felon (robbery!) on parole leading police on a drunken high-speed chase while more than twice the legal drinking limit .  Again, not justification, but this wasn't a little old lady coming back from BINGO night at her church.  Had King only become the icon he was given the chance to be, uttering his famous "Can't we all just get along?", then certainly his passing - or chance at a positive legacy, would not be tainted.

Shakespeare (who you'd never expect mentioned in the same breath Rodney King) did say that some men were born great, while others had greatness thrust upon them, and although it was really a dick joke from Twelfth Night, it has come to reflect rising to the situation, and King could not become that person.  Even Jesse Jackson, who has squandered much of the respect he had when he first came into the public eye, made more of himself due to his association with Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., but Rodney King was not made of the material to transcend himself.

So what happened to King in the years afterwards?  Here's some of his greatest hits:

• August 21, 1993: King crashed his car into a block wall in downtown Los Angeles, and was convicted of driving under the influence of alcohol.  He received a fine, entered an alcohol rehabilitation program and was placed on probation.

• July 1995: King was arrested by Alhambra police, alleging he hit his wife with his car. He was sentenced to 90 days in jail after being convicted of hit and run

• King invested a large portion of his $3.8 million settlement in a record label, Straight Alta-Pazz Records.  It quickly folded

• August 27, 2003: King was arrested again for speeding and running a red light while under the influence of alcohol. He did not yield to police officers and slammed his vehicle into a house, breaking his pelvis.

• November 29, 2007: King claims was shot in the face, arms, and back with pellets from a shotgun while riding home on a bike, though police described the wounds as looking like they came from birdshot.  He offered few details about the suspects, a man and woman, who demanded his bicycle and shot him as he fled. 

• May 2008:  King checked into the Pasadena Recovery Center and is cast member of the second season of Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew.

• September 9, 2010: King plans to marry Cynthia Kelley, a juror in the civil suit he brought against the city of Los Angeles.

• March 3, 2011 (the 20th anniversary of the beating): King was stopped by LAPD for driving erratically and was issued a citation for driving with an expired license.  It led to a February 2012 conviction for reckless driving.

His pool drowning in the early hours at his home yesterday unexpectedly punctuates the historical footnote that Rodney King will become, a victim of circumstance, but not an innocent.

*with apologies to Faith No More

What Doesn't Die

It was a shock to many that television and broadcast pioneer Dick Clark died today at 82.  It was his third death.

Clark was best know to your parents and grandparents as a rasio personality and the guy who brought them "American Bandstand”.  My generation also remembered him as the guy from  "TV's Bloopers and Practical Jokes", and many of you probably know him as "is that Ryan Seacrest's grandfather on New Year's Rockin' Eve?"

What was supposed to be a simple outpatient procedure (rumored to be his bi-monthly injection of newborn's blood) ended with Clark having a massive and fatal heart attack.  His first death was in 1966 when his car careened off an icy road in Pittsburgh.  The paralysis reportedly caused by a stroke in 2004 was actually due to his being dead for six days and the delay in resuscitating him.  Ed McMahon, who hid Clark's body in 2004, is not being considered a person of interest this time around, since he's dead, but all eyes are on Ryan Seacrest, who openly admits Clark's role as mentor - and the only thing standing between him and a multimedia monopoly.

Though Seacrest has all but modeled himself after Emperor Clark in his career, those close to the veteran personality say Clark's legacy will stand.  Dr. Lester, a close associate of Clark, called Seacrest "a perfect host", but could not tell much more than for people to wait until his 44th birthday. I'm guessing that's when we may find out how Clark his nickname "America's oldest teenager".

Death By Ridiculous, Part 2 - Hollywood Deep Throat

Hollywood publicist Michael Sands may have been described as “the brains behind Mr. Blackwell’s Worst Dressed List”, but he will be posthumously know as "the throat behind choking to death on a beef sample at a Gelson’s".

According to his son, Sands had narrow airways caused by "chronic obstructive pulmonary disease", which made him more prone to choking.  Apparently, the disease made him unable to chew meat properly before trying to swallow.  From my research, he died as colorfully as he lived.  He claimed to be an undercover CIA operative, though I find it unlikely he helped capture Abu Abbas, the terrorist behind the hijacking of the Achille Lauro cruise ship in 1985.  He also sold designer cheesecakes and appeared partially nude in a picture in People magazine.  And of course, mocking the low-hanging fruit that is celebrity fashion.

Yeah, being in mouth-cramming meat-lust is an appropriate exit when that's your life.

Death By Ridiculous, Part 1 - Black Swan

Anthony Hensley used swans to keep geese away from properties around a Chicago pond...until the geese got the upper hand and turned his friends into foes.

An angry swan is being blamed for knocking Hensley out of his kayak, continuing to attack until he drowned.  The swan reportedly continued to chase Hensley after he fell into the water, and by the time rescuers arrived he had drowned.  CSI (Crime Swan Investigators) believe the man had traveled too close to the swan or swan's nesting area, prompting the attack.  Or perhaps the geese paid $500...well, maybe.

Family and friends are puzzled, likely because they never knew how much if a pussy he was. "Maybe he didn't fight back enough when the swan attacked him," said father-in-law George Koutsogiannis. "Maybe he didn't want to hurt the animal. I can't understand how this was possible.".  Hensley was 37,married, and a father of two.

Frijoles Muerte

On their own, they're not scary, but how about a 20-foot mound of pinto beans coming down on you.  Yep, I think you know where this story is going, and why it's getting posted.

Raymond Segura Jr. was killed when several tons of legumes came down on him at the Kelley Bean Company in Brush, Colorado.  Emergency crews (and even four inmates from the local prison) spent hours excavating the beans in an attempt to reach Segura, who was dead when they finally uncovered him.  There's no word yet on what caused the accident or the exact cause of death, but I'm going to venture a guess that it was tons of beans crushing him.

Let Those Wings Take You To Heaven...Or Wherever Buddhists Go

Billionaire Chaleo Yoovidhya, co-founder of the Red Bull energy drink and the second richest man in Thailand, died at the age of 89.

Yoovidhya was born into a poor Sino-Thai family in the northern province of Phichit who made their living from duck farming and fruit trading. He moved to Bangkok to help his brother in his drug store before becoming a salesman, and later setting up his own pharmaceutical factory.  TC Pharmaceutical Industries started producing antibiotics, but later focused on making the tonic drink loaded with caffeine, taurine, and glucuronolactone.  This "Krating Daeng" was the result of a meeting Yoovidhya had with Dietrich Mateschitz in 1982, and nearly 30 years later, they hold a 70% stake and $5.1 billion dollar value in the energy drink market.

The pair each owned 49% of the company, with Chaleo's son Chalerm holding the remaining shares. Red Bull is sold in more than 70 countries worldwide, owns two football teams, Red Bull Salzburg in Austria and the New York Red Bulls in the United States, and, if you read this blog with any regularity, a pair of Formula 1 teams.

People have speculated his longevity was due to daily enemas of Red Bull, and by people I mean me.

The Legend Of Ralph McQuarrie

He made the concept designs for the Star Wars trilogy, Battlestar Galactica, Close Encounters Of The Third Kind, E.T., Star Trek and almost every other science fiction classic...and passed away at age 82.

I Will Always Love Money

It was no surprise to me when Whitney Houston died over the weekend, because she's spent the last 15 years on a bender in lieu of having a music career.  Nor was it a shock  that her death was going to generate some serious money.

It only took until the next morning for Sony Music to have raised the price of  Houston's "The Ultimate Collection", and by this morning, it was the second top-selling album on iTunes.  the body may have been cold, but the sales are getting hot! Sony Music owns the rights to much of Houston's back catalog, including the aforementioned 1997 album, and increased the wholesale price. This automatically boosted the retail price, and although Apple is responsible for setting the price paid, they are apparently in agreement with Sony's assessment of the higher value of Houston's songs. 

Both "The Ultimate Collection" and "Whitney – The Greatest Hits" are in the top three albums on iTunes right now.  And if she can pull a Tupac and release some new albums, she can really start clocking more money.

He's So Ronery...And Dead

I think that's an adequate portrait of the dictator, but there's also a proper obit.