Weekend Edition

Counting down the top 20 links we didn't cover during the week...

20 • Radiohead Drum Technician Killed In Stage Collapse - Say what you will about their music, but their stage show is really avant-garde.

19 • Microsoft Surface Is Hiding A Pressure-Sensitive Keyboard, Multitouch Trackpad And Kickstand - To be an iPad killer, you have to think different.

18 • Who Is Rodney King? Who Is Dick Clark? The Titanic Was Real? How Death, Major News Events Expose Twitter’s Generation Gap - Translation: stupid, uninformed kids know nothing of their history or culture.  140 characters is not a Twitter limit, but their mental processing cap.

17 • 13 Tech Sounds You Don’t Hear Anymore - Don't tell those Twitter kids, because they won't recognize these. 

16 • Feds Bust Russian Prostitution Ring In L.A. - It would have been higher if the story was they  helped open one.

15 • Jack Osbourne Says He Has Multiple Sclerosis - Karma couldn't tell the different between one television reality family and another?  Look out Kardashians...

14 •  It Takes A Hell Of A Lot More Water Than You Think To Make Jeans, Burgers, Pizza And Other Stuff - And surprisingly, the main ingredient in all those is not water.

13 • Roger Clemens Acquitted On All Charges - Justice really struck out at the plate this time.

12 • LA Kings Stanley Cup 2012 Celebration / Construction Of A Championship Team - Besides enjoying the awesome victory from last week from almost inside the celebration, the LA Kings Insider shows how the team that won the Stanley Cup came together.

11 • Infinite Schwarzenegger Gear Up Scene - When killing thousands, it takes a while to get ready...

10 • Sex Toy Fools Entire Chinese Village / Super Terrific Japanese Thing: Vagina Panties - Both of these are horrible...Asia should be ashamed.

09 • Headless Corpses Found In Paris Picnic Spot - Ahh, still a city of charm and romance!

08 • Students Left In ‘Mass Hypnosis’ After Demonstration Goes Awry - They made the mistake of not having them pay for next semester's tuition first before putting them in a trance.

07 • Lancaster Boy, 7, Found Hanging By Karate Belt In Backyard - Clearly, he did not pass his test and earn his belt.

06 • Gene Simmons Themed VW Bug For Sale On Craigslist - You may never want to drive it, but there's nothing wrong with looking at it.

05 • Man Goes On $1.5 Million Gambling Spree, After ATM Glitch Allows Him Unlimited Withdrawals - It should have been corrected to say $1.5 million losing spree.

04 • Displays Might One Day Be Made of Just Air And Water - Does that mean View Sonic may one day be bought by Evian?

03 • Baby Soaps And Shampoos Trigger Positive Marijuana Tests - That's what happens when you use Cheech & Chong rather than Johnson & Johnson.

02 • The 40 Worst Rob Liefeld Drawings / 40 More Of The Worst Rob Liefeld Drawings - If you're not convinced he's the worst artist of a generation after 80 drawings, you're either blind or Rob Liefeld.

01 • Burritobot: A 3-D Printer That Spits Out Burritos - Food and technology, together...perfectly.

He's So Ronery...And Dead

I think that's an adequate portrait of the dictator, but there's also a proper obit.

Quick Buzzkill

As fun as alcohol is, there are still a few shitty downsides: you can't sober up quickly, and you often get a hangover. But Korean researchers have found a way of tweaking booze to limit the fallout without cutting its strength. I guess that's a fair trade if peace and reunification are too tall an order.

Doctors at Chungnam National University studied the properties of oxygenated alcohol - booze with oxygen bubbles added, a popular concoction in their country. In these drinks, oxygen is added the way carbonation is usually added to soda, and the scientists wanted to know if these oxygenated beverages affected people differently than non-oxygenated ones. The answer was a resounding yes.

They ran three experiments using 19.5% alcohol drinks, and measured the speed at which people's blood alcohol dropped to 0.000%. Translation - how fast did they sober up?

The drinks with the added oxygen content sobered people up 20-30 minutes faster, under the influence of the rather potent alcohol they used for the trials. 20% alcohol is around the strength of fortified wine, soju, or a very strong mixed drink, so while shaving a half hour off your drunken tomfoolery might not seem a great deal, when you're trying to fall asleep at night and combating the spins, you'll appreciate it.

The researchers also asked what would change if someone were to drink multiple oxygen-enriched drinks over the course of the night. Would there be a cumulative effect? Again, the answer was yes: people who drank oxygenated booze had less severe and fewer hangovers than people who drank the non-fizzy stuff.

So why does adding O2 to booze lessen the nasty after effects? When you drink ethanol, you body needs to oxidize it to water and carbon dioxide in order to process it. This occurs via hepatic oxidation, where the liver does its thing to counteract the liquor you've just poured down your gullet. The enzymes that process alcohol require oxygen to function, and it's thought that by storing the oxygen in the alcohol itself, the system functions more quickly and efficiently.

The oxygen-enriched alcohol beverage reduces plasma alcohol concentrations faster than a normal dissolved-oxygen alcohol beverage does. This could provide both clinical and real-life significance. The oxygen-enriched alcohol beverage would allow individuals to become sober faster, and reduce the side effects of acetaldehyde without a significant difference in alcohol's effects. Furthermore, the reduced time to a lower BAC may reduce alcohol-related accidents. It seems that these drinks can maintain a high dissolved-oxygen concentration for about 10 to 20 days before the stopper is removed, and for 70 minutes after removing the stopper, respectively, at room temperature.

This has raised such questions as how does oxygen affect the taste of the alcohol, and what drink types does it work with? But why don't you settle down, you lush...they're still working out the drink, er, kinks. And in the meantime you can try the alcohol they used for testing, which was created by Sunyang Co.

You're Getting Ripped Off

An luxury apartment sold for nearly $57 million in Hong Kong today. Fuck you poor people, and fuck your global recession!

The five-bedroom duplex suite with over 6,100 square feet was sold to an unidentified buyer from mainland China, said the developer, Henderson Land Development. It is believed to be Asia's most expensive property by square foot at nearly $9,200. Aside from an aroma spa center, fitness room, outdoor yoga gym and grand harbor views, "the new homeowner will enjoy an exclusive address in the hills of Hong Kong's main island — a majestic realm for the city who's who," according to a statement from the cocky developer. Where's the daily blowjob machine from teenagers? Or the slaves on staff that you can legally kill? I thought this was a luxury building! $57 million just doesn't go as far as it used to...

The deal comes at a time when ever-higher prices of Hong Kong real estate, benefiting from mainland China's booming market and easy money sloshing through the world financial system, are inspiring worries of a bubble in the making. That's a little overpriced to call it a bubble. That's just plain ridiculous.

The city has long had one of the world's most expensive property markets, with prices that many local residents are hard pressed to afford. And $57 million - nobody can afford that. About 47% of Hong Kong lives in publicly subsidized housing, according to government data. Several blockbuster deals in the tens of millions of dollars have made headlines of late. At 39 Conduit Road, the name and site of the building where the high-end apartment was purchased, another unit was snapped up for a mere $51 million.

Third Prize Is You're Fired

Bangladesh is a rat-infested shithole. So to improve it, they're sponsoring a contest! And what do you get for killing over 83,000 rats in a nine-month period? A 14-inch color TV.

Really.

Mokhairul Islam (40, and an awesome name!) won the first prize for killing some 83,450 rats in the Gazipur district near the country’s capital, Dhaka. He collected their tails for proof, because cheating for such an honor besmirches the whole concept of the contest. And the new shittiest job in the world? Guy who counts all the rat tails to verify the claims for the contest.

“I am so happy to get this honor,” Mr. Islam (that sounds more badass) said after receiving a 14-inch television and a certificate amid cheers at an official ceremony packed with 500 farmers and officials. That was not meant as a hyphenate; they are officials that farm. “I had no idea that the government gives prizes for this...this is an exciting moment. I will continue to kill them,” he vowed. Fuck yes, my man. And while you're at it, I have a Sony cassette Walkman with your name on it if you want to swing over to my work...

The government asked everyone, especially farmers, to take on the killing mission as a sport. The government has said it will train mainly farmers and students for this year’s campaign. “Killing rats is not that easy; it needs training,” they claim. Sure... Fakhrul Haque Akanda, a farmer from northern Bangladesh and the second-prize winner, killed around 37,450 rats mostly with traps...some he invented! “Please pray for me so that I can continue my mission, and teach and motivate others to join me,” he told the audience before taking his prize, also a television (smaller than 14"?). You got it, brother!

A color TV for killing 83 thousand rats, eh? Well, meanwhile, here in America, CBS awarded the winner of “Big Brother” $500,000 for successfully living in a house for three months.

Not So Funny Now, Is It?

open mic night was a disaster

Myanmar's courts continued a crackdown on activists, handing out a 45-year prison sentence to a comedian who went to the delta to help cyclone victims and criticized the junta's slow relief response. Wow, talk about dying up there.

Comedian / activist (that's a lethal combo in Myanmar) Zarganar, aka Maung Thura, was among at least 100 people to receive sentences of two to 65 years since early November. Many of the trials were held in closed sessions, sometimes without defense lawyers or family present, because it's Myanmar! The military government's wave of harsh sentences has been condemned worldwide by Western governments and human rights groups who contend that the sentences make a mockery of the ruling junta's professed plan to restore democracy with a 2010 election.

The government holds more than 2,100 political prisoners, up sharply from nearly 1,200 in June 2007 — before last year's pro-democracy demonstrations, according to international human rights groups. Monks inspired and led protests that the army violently suppressed in September 2007. The authorities began their crackdown by raiding several monasteries in Yangon in the middle of the night and hauling away monks. Then they moved onto the comedy clubs and improv groups.

Myanmar's military, which has held power since 1962, brooks no dissent. It frequently arrests artists and entertainers regarded as opposing their regime, even those making seemingly innocuous wisecracks. This government literally has no sense of humor. Zarganar, whose name means "tweezers" (why? ), and several other activists delivered donations of relief supplies to the Cyclone Nargis-shattered Irrawaddy delta. The May cyclone killed more than 84,000 people. Not content with his goods deed, Zarganar was arrested in June after he gave interviews to foreign news outlets in which he criticized the junta's slow response.

Zarganar was sentenced for violating the Electronics Act, which regulates all forms of electronic communication...and he still faces other charges. The comedian had been imprisoned several times before, including a three-week stint for providing aid to Buddhist monks during last year's demonstrations, which is also not very funny. Three "associates" were tried with him. Sportswriter Zaw Thet Htwe and video journalist Thant Zin Aung were given 15 years each and face further charges, while Tin Maung Aye got 29 years.

How hardcore is the junta? Hip-hop singer Zeyar Thaw of the band "Acid" was jailed for six years, but 14 members of an activist party got 2 1/2 years each for calling for her release on her birthday. Damn!

Kill-rea

US soldiers are not the only ones getting advanced uniforms. In fact, Koreans may be taking the lead with a new stormtrooper suit that will include every sci-fi technology you can imagine. I suspect they will still smell like kimche.

From a heads-up-display helmet to personal cooling and heating syss to a matching weapon that includes a laser-guided target assessment system to fire, you guessed it, mini-missiles. And that's just the beginning.

South Korea's Agency for Defense Development will start work in this uniform in 2009 under a two-phase program. The first one will include the battle uniform itself, with the bullet-proof helmet—that will include "sub-miniature cameras"—and their next-generation rifle, called the K-11. The K-11 will have a laser-guided target system which will communicate with the helmet, as well as mini-missiles and a high explosive projectile.

The battle suit itself will include a personal cooling and heating system, as well as a backpack designed to control and coordinate all the components. It will also include a friend-or-foe ID system and a GPS. In the second phase of development, the soldiers will get upgrades in the suit itself. These will protect them against external threats, including atomic radiation, chemical agents, lasers, and mines.

Yes, you can welcome your new Korean overlords, as they only want to make sure you buy their flat panel TVs.

No Pressure

Hindu and Buddhist priests chanted sacred hymns and cascaded flowers and grains of rice over a 3-year-old girl who was appointed a living goddess in Nepal. What, child beauty pageants aren't enough?

Wrapped in red silk and adorned with red flowers in her hair, Matani Shakya received approval from the priests and President Ram Baran Yadav in a centuries-old tradition with deep ties to Nepal's monarchy. Not that it's outdated, or that the monarchy which was abolished in May. The new "kumari" or living goddess, was carried from her parents' home to an ancient palatial temple in the heart of the Nepali capital, Katmandu, where she will live until she reaches puberty and loses her divine status. In my opinion, once a girl finishes puberty she begins her divine status.

She will be worshipped by Hindus and Buddhists as an incarnation of the powerful Hindu deity Taleju. A panel of judges conducted a series of ancient ceremonies to select the goddess from several 2- to 4-year-old girls who are all members of the impoverished Shakya goldsmith caste. The judges read the candidates' horoscopes and check each one for physical imperfections. The living goddess must have perfect hair, eyes, teeth and skin with no scars, and should not be afraid of the dark. As a final test, the living goddess must spend a night alone in a room among the heads of ritually slaughtered goats and buffaloes without showing fear. Having passed all the tests, the child will stay in almost complete isolation at the temple, and will be allowed to return to her family only at the onset of menstruation when a new goddess will be named to replace her.

Gee, what a great prize - a decade of solitude and a lifetime of psychological damage. By the way, Nepalese folklore holds that men who marry a former kumari will die young, and so many girls remain unmarried and face a life of hardship. Oh, lucky them! "I feel a bit sad, but since my child has become a living goddess I feel proud," said her father Pratap Man Shakya. During her time as a goddess, she will always wear red, pin up her hair in topknots, and have a "third eye" painted on her forehead. Devotees touch the girls' feet with their foreheads, the highest sign of respect among Hindus in Nepal. During religious festivals the goddesses are wheeled around on a chariot pulled by devotees. Critics say the tradition violates both international and Nepalese laws on child rights, and the girls often struggle to readjust to normal lives after they return home, to which I say "no shit".

Bangkok Dangerous, Or What Would Palin Do?

An underdog in this week's election for governor of Bangkok punched and kicked a television journalist today, saying he was provoked by tough questions during a live interview. What where they, calculus problems?

Chuvit Kamolvisit, dubbed Bangkok's massage parlor king by the Thai press, later apologized for losing his temper and assaulting host Visarn Dilokwanich after the interview. Visarn filed a complaint with police, saying Chuvit had behaved like a thug. "He was very upset when I told him during the show that what he said off-air and on-air was totally different," Visarn said, showing reporters bruises on his neck and head.

"I admit I did it. I couldn't stand it when he humiliated me on air," said Chuvit, a stocky former bodybuilder who owned a grip of girly bars before entering politics a few years ago. "What I did was a petty crime and I am happy to pay the fine for elbowing him and kicking him," Chuvit said.

Herr Docktor used to be known as the massage parlor king, but that was just right after college (I think there was a blooper tape of that...ultimate blooper?). As for tonight's Biden / Palin tussle, I'd like to see what happens when stumped or humiliated - and there's a good chance that'll happen to her.