Thursday, October 1, 2009

Third Prize Is You're Fired

Bangladesh is a rat-infested shithole. So to improve it, they're sponsoring a contest! And what do you get for killing over 83,000 rats in a nine-month period? A 14-inch color TV.

Really.

Mokhairul Islam (40, and an awesome name!) won the first prize for killing some 83,450 rats in the Gazipur district near the country’s capital, Dhaka. He collected their tails for proof, because cheating for such an honor besmirches the whole concept of the contest. And the new shittiest job in the world? Guy who counts all the rat tails to verify the claims for the contest.

“I am so happy to get this honor,” Mr. Islam (that sounds more badass) said after receiving a 14-inch television and a certificate amid cheers at an official ceremony packed with 500 farmers and officials. That was not meant as a hyphenate; they are officials that farm. “I had no idea that the government gives prizes for this...this is an exciting moment. I will continue to kill them,” he vowed. Fuck yes, my man. And while you're at it, I have a Sony cassette Walkman with your name on it if you want to swing over to my work...

The government asked everyone, especially farmers, to take on the killing mission as a sport. The government has said it will train mainly farmers and students for this year’s campaign. “Killing rats is not that easy; it needs training,” they claim. Sure... Fakhrul Haque Akanda, a farmer from northern Bangladesh and the second-prize winner, killed around 37,450 rats mostly with traps...some he invented! “Please pray for me so that I can continue my mission, and teach and motivate others to join me,” he told the audience before taking his prize, also a television (smaller than 14"?). You got it, brother!

A color TV for killing 83 thousand rats, eh? Well, meanwhile, here in America, CBS awarded the winner of “Big Brother” $500,000 for successfully living in a house for three months.

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