Weekend Edition

Counting down the top 20 links we didn't cover during the week...

20 • The Hilarious Difference Between Google And Bing In One Picture - Okay, maybe not hilarious. Which one of those search engines came up with that hyperbole?

19 • How Marc Maron Picks Music For His Show - A neurotic dart board?

18 • How To Use Math To Dominate At Monopoly - Interesting read, horrible layout with a million giant photos.

17 • J. Cole: Gun-Toting Twitter Fan Investigated By Police - Illegal? Potentially. Great photo? Definitely.

16 • The Quotable Darryl Sutter (2013) - Pearls of wisdom and knowledge from the L.A. Kings coach.

15 • Drunk Alaska Man Mauled After Feeding BBQ To Black Bear - In the bear's defense, he wanted fish, not ribs (even though he had some).

14 • Paraplegic Castrated At Pennsylvania Facility / Three Charged With Enslaving Disabled Ohio Mom, Child - These states share a border. And lunatics.

13 • Gruesome Video Appears To Be Aftermath Of Michael Hastings' Car Crash - Here's your chance to watch a wrecked car burn for five minutes. And if this ain't your cup of tea, you'll want to skip #4 for sure.

12 • Researchers Have Found A Way To Cram 1,000 Terabytes Onto A Single DVD - The disc said it was quite uncomfortable.

11 • The Academy Of Motion Pictures Currently Employs An Ex-Porn Director - Naturally...how else could the MPAA continue to screw people.

10 • A Battery So Small, You'll Never Know If It's Included - There's AA and AAA now, but this means AAAAAAAAAAAA is coming.

09 • Amanda Bynes: ‘I Got My Breast Implants Removed’ - 2013's boob of the year had hers normalized, but still has metal spikes in her cheeks and is out of her goddamn mind.

08 • AMA Declares Obesity A Disease - Huge (no pun intended) mistake. Lack of willpower does not have a prescription cure.

07 • Hollywood & Highland Allegation: She Took Picture Of Transients, They Stabbed Her To Death - My suggestion to kill all the homeless is worse than rounding them up for work interment camps, but I still theink both are effective ways to deal with the issue.

06 • Dim Star Becomes 7 Times Hotter In 160 Seconds - Not a reference to the Amanda Bynes story.

05 • Starbucks Raising Prices Despite Lower Bean Cost - The reason is because the, uh...because now it's more expensive to, um...oh, fuck it. They just greedy.

04 • Plane With Wing Walker Crashes At Ohio Show; 2 Die - The announcer is just making it worse before the actual crash.

03 • Standing Man: Turkey's Eerie, Powerful New Protest Movement - Far more successful than Sitting Man and Prone Man.

02 • Snake Expert Killed By Snake While Helping People With Fear Of Snakes - Or, ironic death ironically adds to irony.

01 • British Spy Agency Is Saving Everyone's Email And Calls Too - Nice to see our colonial progenitors are keeping up with their kids.

Playing (At) Dead And Surviving

Opossums are terrifying little monsters, but they may actually have some use.

The American opossum produces a protein called Lethal Toxin-Neutralizing Factor (LTNF), and that pretty much describes what it does.  The bastards are all-but immune to the venom of poisonous snakes, but it gets better. They're also immune to poisons from snakes on other continents that they have not even been previously exposed to!  Still not impressed?  Scientists injected mice with the LTNF protein and subjected the rodents to venom from a slew of deadly creatures - Thailand cobras, Australian taipans, Brazilian rattlesnakes, scorpions and honeybees.  And they lived!

Just to go for broke, they also exposed the mice to lethal poisons, including ricin and botulinum toxin. Once again, the LTNF protein was able to diffuse the poison, and left the test subjects unharmed.  You can read all about it here, and the kicker is that this is all circa 1999.  Who knows what mad science has been going on in the last 13 years!

Steers Of Fury

My God I can't believe how time flies!  We're already at this year's annual IQ test in Pamplona!

One elderly "thrill-seeker" was gored in a leg and five others slightly injured in the first running of the bulls of this year's San Fermin festival.  Officials said one youth got the top of his shirt and kerchief caught on a bull's horn, inches from his face, and was dragged several yards along the ground, but was seen to get up and run away. Damn it, what a tease!  The gored runner was a 73-year-old Pamplona resident, which is interesting because you'd think grandpa would know better living there, but hey, maybe he wanted suicide by bull.  If so, then I then support him in his cause.

This year's path to the ring took two minutes and 53 seconds, a relatively lax time for the 928 yard length, and 23 seconds slower than last year. These bulls are not angry enough, and not in any hurry, which they need to be.  I want a record breaking charge to the ring!  That will surely get some folks trampled or seriously harmed, which is fine by me.

Gigantacroc

I'm surprised SyFy Channel isn't making a movie about this beastie...

A huge crocodile blamed for several deadly attacks in the southern Philippines has set world records for the largest in captivity.  The saltwater crocodile named Lolong, was captured last September measures over 20 feet and weighs more than a ton.  Guinness World Records took their sweet ass time verifying it, but made their ruling over the weekend, as the reptile surpassed an Australian crocodile which measured more than 17 feet.

Bunawan Mayor Edwin Cox Elorde said the news sparked celebrations, but also fostered concerns that more giant crocodiles might be lurking in a nearby marshland and creek where villagers fish. Uh, now isn't the time for concern - that was last September, when you should have checked if Lolong has any other family members.  Since its capture, the crocodile has become the star attraction of a new ecotourism park and research center that has drawn thousands of tourists.  The town has earned 3 million pesos (or $72,000) from the park entrance fees - though most of the money being used to feed and care for the crocodile and for park maintenance.

The crocodile was captured with steel cable traps during a three-week hunt after a child was killed in 2009 and a fisherman went missing. Water buffalos have also been attacked by crocodiles in the area, officials said. About 100 people led by Elorde pulled the crocodile from a creek using a rope and then hoisted it by crane onto a truck.  Wow, this guy doesn't miss a public appearance. It was named after a government environmental officer who died from a heart attack after traveling to Bunawan to help capture the beast.  What an honor.  Elorde said he saw a bigger crocodile escape when Lolong was captured, and villagers remain wary of fishing there at night. He said he has formed a new team of hunters and is seeking government permission to start hunting that crocodile.  Again, timing...

A Horse-load

Overkill

The U.S. Forest Service is considering explosives to move a bunch of frozen cows that died after getting stuck inside a Colorado cabin above11,000 feet.  Sounds reasonable...if you're a 9 year old boy.

The carcasses of at least a half dozen animals were discovered by two Air Force Academy cadets when they snow-shoed up to the cabin in late March.  It is believed the animals sought shelter during a snowstorm and got stuck, and the concern is that of water contamination in the nearby hot springs if the cows start decomposing during the upcoming thaw.  But explosives?

While they do admit it has been used "as a means of disposal to remove dead horses, elk and other animals in areas where it's impossible to get them out" in the past, that's not even the craziest of the suggestions.  One of their geniuses suggested burning the cabin and dragging the dead cows out with pack animals, but the other, less reactive rangers noted the high fire danger in the area.  Due to the remote location, the use of helicopters is too expensive and rangers are worried about using trucks in a wilderness area, which could disrupt the natural habitat.

Why has nobody said anything about chainsaws and blowtorches?  Once again, my faith in our government is marred by their inability to think inside the box.   

Non-Glasgow Mega-Snake

Another beastie has been found in Grand Central Station...and it's 48 feet long.

The titanoboa, if it existed today, would weigh over 2,500 pounds, and eat little kids left at right trying to take public mass transit.  A full-scale replica of the reptile was unveiled, as Smithsonian spokesperson Randall Kremer added, to "scare the daylights out of people" - and promote an exhibit at the National Museum of Natural History in D.C. opening on March 30. The super-reptile would have slithered 65 million years ago, come waist-high to a man, and been longer than a school bus.  

If you can't be bothered to visit New York's travel hubs, the Smithsonian Channel is also airing a program on the monster April 1.

Spanish Christmas In January

A flaming-horned bull trampled and fatally gored a man during a festival in eastern Spain over the weekend.  You mean, I don't have to wait for the annual culling of the stupid in Pamplona?

The mayor of Navajas said emergency services were unable to save the life of the 45-year-old man who tripped just as the bull was released. My hero The bull, who had large balls of flaming wax affixed it's head, charged the victim, gored him and then stamped on his head, causing "irreversible injuries".  I'll say! 

Unlike other fun runs involving bulls, for the The Feast of Saint Anton, the animals aren't killed in the end. Taking out a stupid human and not being slaughtered in the end?  That's a win-win.

Want To See A Dead Lion Roar?

You can watch from the begining and check out parts two, three and four.

Another Summer Weekend

Scarlett has yet another friend's bachelorette soirée this weekend, so I guess that leaves me time to knock out this week's last post. I going to have at least three or four of my own, so it's okay.

Best of the week: Never one to let lack of plot or character development, it's satisfying to see Micheal Bay also get called out on another shortcoming - originality.


Even with more than $150 million in budget, he wasn't able to make Transformers: Dark of the Moon look the way it should? So how do you get those shots that your movies has to have? Recycled them from your other films! Bay has used stock footage in several of his movies (which directors are want to do since there's plenty of aerial shots of cities or traffic), but there's no denying he recycled shots from The Island in the new Transformers. He also used shots of an aircraft carrier from Pearl Harbor in this film, complete with CGI modern fighter jets on deck. I guess his movies need parts of the others to offset how bad they are.


Best bonus links:


• What Do The Chinese Characters On The Computers In Serenity And Firefly Actually Say? - I'm not gonna tell you...follow the link!


• Painted People Pics From The World Bodypainting Festival - Naked people in pretty colors!


• Spanish Anti-Piracy Execs Busted For Ripping Off Artists - When "the man" really is the man.


• 'Sunny' Star Charlie Day Steps Into Limelight - And one day, he'll bring his denim chicken with him.


• Macedonia’s Bloodiest Slam Dunks - In the Greek league, it's to the death!


• His Parents Said, 'Not With A White Girl' - I have no idea what this is about, but with a title like that, have to add the link.


• Patton Oswalt's Rejected Pitches For Batman Comics - Hopefully they rethink it and these will become accepted pitches


• Intoxicated Men Take Dead Alligator Off-Roading - If there's a dead alligator and off-roading involved, you can bet there's been drinking.


• Things Exploding In Slow Motion, Set To Classical Music - There's a certain elegance to blowing things up with a classical soundtrack.


• Human Skeletal Remains Found Behind Lancaster Business - Which would have been okay if it was Tom's Body Drop Shop.


• Why Mike Commodore Must Wear No. 64 With The Red Wings - Even if you're not a Detroit fan, that's awesome.


• Anonymous Hacker Group Hits Apple, Publishes Data - No, not an anonymous hacker group, the Anonymous hacker group. Third base!


• South Los Angeles Girl Blinded In Right Eye By Illegal Fireworks - Was it in slow motion, set to classical music?


• Suspects At Large In Daytime Robbery At 98-Cent Discount Store - How are detectives going to recover that $3.94 they stole?


• Potato Chips: The Other Natural Way To Get Stoned - I know Pringles were a gateway food. Once you pop you can't stop!


• Unsettling Photos Of Monkeys Wearing Masks - But at least not unflattering.


• Man Killed By Grizzly At Yellowstone National Park - Damn it, Yogi! Now the ranger is going to come down on your ass hard!


Worst of the week: A Hermès scarf is generally overpriced to the tune of $430 per silk square, but this Ascher scarf by Henri Matisse (that was originally intended to be used as a wall panel) just made it look like used toilet paper.


Christie's sold it for $4.8 million, It is an original from the 30-piece limited run, and clear proof that we can not roll back the Bush-era tax cuts on the top 1% in the country. Items like this can not go unpurchased!


Worst bonus links:


• Boy, 6, Molested In Park Bathroom Stall In Pico Rivera - I don't know what's worse, the molestation or that it happened in Pico Rivera.


• Seeds Blamed For Europe E. Coli Still On Sale - Because the annual summer heatwave doesn't kill enough people there.


• July 27: Take Your Houseplants for a Walk Day, Creme Brulee Day - More like Assholes Celebrating Stupid Things Day.


• Rotting, Abandoned New Orleans Theme Park - No, no Bourbon Street in the off-season.


• 1879 London Murder Mystery Solved - Tell those people's great great grandchildren they can have their closure.


• Exxon Oil Spill In Montana River Prompts Evacuations - Finally, a Exxon environmental problem in the lower 48!


• Radiohead Ventures Into Chinese Social Media - The untapped realm for being cryptic and confusing. Even the language barrier isn't a factor.


• Zookeeper Advertising Inserted Into ‘How I Met Your Mother’ Reruns - The melding of something awful and the misuse of technology.


• Casey Anthony Found Not Guilty Of Murder / Casey Anthony Has Porn Offers Already - So you're not a convicted baby-killer...what can a party girl do?


• Three California Moms Accused Of Using PTA In Ponzi Scheme - I knew there was something funny about that bake sale.


• Teen Faces Prison After Sex Doll Prank Goes Awry - But she looked 18 PSI!


• Rupert Murdoch Supports Executive Rebekah Brooks / Murdoch Stuns Critics, Shuts Down Scandal-Hit Paper - Guess it was just a little support. Ballsy move, but when you have that much money and clout, you just shut down newspapers when their integrity is in question, rather than deal with it. I think he relaunches it next year.


• Meet The $100,000 Zafirro Iridium Razor - And then shove it up your ass, if you buy one. You don't even need a $100 razor, let alone this one.


• Musical Parody Of The Silence Of The Lambs Ready - I'd say ready for what, but it's more like ready for why.


• Southern Swamp Holds Clues About Runaway Slaves - The clues are the bodies found. They tell me they died there.


• Marcia Clark: Casey Anthony Verdict, Worse Than O.J.! - And she should know, since she was part of the team that blew it.

• An Entire Taiwanese City Does Lady Gaga Cosplay For Lady Gaga Day - An entire city doing ladyboy-pop-dress-up to make me roll my eyes.

Down On Genius Street

Sad as I may be to not be able to make yearly mention of the local fuck show, at least I still have those thousand pound bulls steamrolling idiots!

Thousands of runners crowded Pamplona's streets in the first bull-run of Spain's San Fermin fiesta, and four of them had to be carried away from it.  The three Spaniards and a Panamanian were taken to a hospital, and only suffered light injuries. Of the dozen animals in the run, only one steer smartly separated from the pack and charged back toward the starting gate for his unfinished business, which doesn't make up for the other one who stopped and laid down near the end of the course. The six bulls in the run were eventually being guided into the bullring, where they were later killed in the afternoon's bullfight.

Every year, between 200 and 300 participants in the run are injured, which means there's a lot of ground to cover to keep those numbers up! Most runners are hurt after falling, but the ones who are trampled or gored by the bulls are the injuries I look forward to. There's still time, so maybe we'll be treated to something more sinister than fractured ribs this year!

The Food Chain

Colon's Best Friend

It's easy to tell which guys are assholes, but it takes a canine to tell which assholes have cancer.

With a sense of smell far superior to humans, dogs can sniff out plenty of things: they can find drugs or bombs or buried earthquake victims. And now, Japanese researchers say dogs can detect colorectal cancer.

The goal of the study was to find out whether odor can become an effective tool in colorectal cancer screening, and it was disgusting but important work. Samples of stool and exhaled breath from 40 patients with colorectal cancer along with 320 healthy people. In 33 of 36 breath tests and in 37 of 38 stool tests, the dog, a specially trained 8-year-old female Labrador retriever was successful, in distinguishing cancer. In contrast, standard fecal occult blood screening picks up colon cancer in only one out of 10 cases.

The dog was also able to identify cancers even when smokers and people with other stomach problems were included in the test. Scent ability and concentration vary between different dogs and also with the same dog on different days, and each dog can only conduct tests for a maximum of 10 years. For those reasons, researchers are trying to identify the cancer-specific organic compounds detected by dogs in order to develop an early cancer detection sensor that can be substituted for a dog's sense of smell.

Snow Dogs II: Blood Reckoning

I was saddened to hear that 100 dogs were killed in a 48 hour-long slaughter after a post-Olympics boon in dogsledding business never materialized. Normally, when I hear "violence" and "snow dogs", I imagine Cuba Gooding Jr. getting severely beaten as karmic payback...this was a disappointment.

The gruesome event was chronicled in documents for a worker seeking compensation for post-traumatic stress disorder, after having to shoot the dogs, and in some cases, slit their throats with a knife and chase down wounded animals that were trying to flee. Bookings dropped sharply for the adventure tour operator following the 2010 Vancouver Winter Olympics. Both the British Columbia SPCA and the Royal Canadian Mounted Police are investigating the slaughter.

The name of the man who killed the dogs has not been released, but his lawyer said that it was "the worst experience (the man) could ever have imagined." He was awarded compensation in a ruling by WorkSafe BC, the provincial body that manages workers' compensation claims. Outdoor Adventures, his employer, did not contest the man's compensation claims, but also made the standard press statement: "While we were aware of the relocation and euthanization of dogs at Howling Dog Tours, we were completely unaware of the details of the incident until reading the document."

Outdoor Adventures took over control of Howling Dogs last May, and noted it is now company policy that animals needing to be euthanized are treated at a veterinarian's office. Rich Bittner, the operator of Howling Dogs in Alberta (that a different providence - it's like a state, you ignorant Americans), said he sold his 50% interest in the Whistler operation in 2004 to a man named Bob Fawcett. He said the Whistler tour operator was supposed to change the name because Howling Dogs was no longer involved. Adding a twist to the story is an online site offering support to people suffering post-traumatic stress disorder includes several postings made under the name of Bob Fawcett, though it could not be immediately determined if these postings are from the same person.

Outdoor Adventures said they had a financial stake in Howling Dogs, but operational control of Howling Dogs was with the worker referred to in the workers comp documents. When the company could not find homes for its animals, it ordered the cull. "He was essentially told to figure out a way to make (the business) more cost-effective. They just had to have less dogs. So he did everything he could finding homes for them, having them adopted, every which way that he could," the man's attorney said. Several operators said they routinely adopt dogs from other companies, but were not asked to take any from Whistler in early 2010.

Obviously, it's hard to tell who ordered the slaughter and where the mysterious Bob Fawcett fits in - as owner, worker, both, or neither. But if there's one thing we can take away from this, it's that Cuba Gooding Jr. is a crap actor and that Snow Dogs is garbage.

Guess Who Else Loves New York

Aflockalypse Now

Wildlife officials are trying to determine what caused more than 1,000 blackbirds to die and fall from the sky over an Arkansas town. Perhaps, shame?

The Arkansas Game and Fish Commission had begun receiving reports about dead birds about 11:30 p.m. Friday night. The birds fell over a 1-mile area of Beebe, and an aerial survey indicated that no other dead birds were found outside of that area. Also, no high school graduates were located in the same radius. There is speculation the flock could have been hit by lightning or high-altitude hail, or been heavily stressed by an event.

On the other side of the world, officials say about 50 birds have been found dead on a street in Falkoping, Sweden. The jackdaws' deaths were also unclear, but fireworks were set off near the scene Tuesday night, which may be a cause. Cold weather, difficulties finding food and possible shock from the fireworks could be responsible, and either dying from the stress or being run over by vehicles may have done them in. Five of the dead jackdaws found in the city were being tested, the rest were thrown away.

Mass bird deaths aren't uncommon, but external force, not infection or disease is what scientist want to be certain is at play.


UPDATE: Ornithologist have confirmed the Arkansas flock was disoriented by fireworks and flew blindly into everything around them, leading to crash trauma and death. Similarly, close to 500 birds in Louisiana flew into powerlines to meet their end.

The Razor's AIDS

Both the FBI and local police were investigating a new incident involving a UCLA neuroscientist, who received "AIDS-tainted" razors. Looks like the holidays came early!

Officials stressed that they don't know if the razors actually had any substance on them, but why ruin an otherwise excellent headline? David Jentsch received the package earlier in the month, and has been a long standing target for animal rights groups due to his research on rodents and primates. In the past, lunatics activists have demonstrated in front of Jentsch's house, and allegedly set fire to his car.

The Animal Liberation Front issued a press release saying it had "obtained" statements from animal activists called "The Justice Department of UCLA," which claimed responsibility for sending AIDS-tainted razor blades to Jentsch. I guess they're the go-to group for getting the details from fringe activist cells, which must make them feel good about their status in the batshit domestic terrorist community. The Justice Department of UCLA (not really a department there), believe that Jentsch injected the test subects with addictive drugs.

"How would Jentsch like the same thing he does to primates to be done to him?" their statement said. Well, if it's not AIDS infected razors, aren't they asking the wrong question? The activists claimed to have sent a similar package to one of Jentsch's researchers, but there is no evidence that package was received. And they say the US Post Office is a failure!

Jentsch's work - mostly funded by the National Institutes of Health, regards identifying the biochemical basis for methamphetamine addiction in teens and disabilities affecting the speech and behavior of schizophrenia patients. I'm prone to agree with his statement, "Responsible use of animals in research aimed at improving the health and welfare of the mentally ill is the right thing to do...We will continue to do so because we have a moral responsibility to society to use our skills for the betterment of the world." There's plenty wrong in this world that needs attention, and the well-being ain't at the top.  If they really want to take up a cause, how about looking into what happened to his eyebrows.

Virus Annihilist

Rinderpest is a virus that kills cattle, and was prevalent in the Middle East, Africa and Asia. Was. Scientists believe that, except for samples in controlled laboratory conditions, they have wiped the virus out of existence. This would be only the second time in human history that a virus has been destroyed. The first was smallpox.

The UN's Food and Agriculture Organization has said that it will now suspend its efforts to track and eliminate the virus, confident it has been eradicated. When the disease first showed signs in Africa just before the 20th century, between 80% and 90% of cattle and buffalo on the continent were killed. Rinderpest killed on average seven out of 10 cattle infected with the disease until the 1960s, when Walter Plowright developed a workable vaccine.

A simple test was designed to be used by people in the field and to give reliable results within minutes, proving highly effective and leading to it being been rolled out across Africa. Experts would train locals to recognise the disease and administer vaccines, even working with nomadic tribesmen in the regions and vaccinate herds "on the move".

With Rinderpest set to be declared eradicated next year, Africa can finally focus it's efforts on cleaning up it's lesser issues: poverty, famine, and war. But really, it is the biggest veterinary achievement since Bob Barker told people to spade and neuter their pets.

Frying Fish

Given the noise about the genetically enhanced super salmon, this fits in just fine. And of all places it comes from Sports Illustrated...and from over 45 years ago.

Howard Loeb was the senior aquatic biologist at the New York State Conservation Department Fish Laboratory in Livingston Manor, and instead of algae flakes, he's been feeding fish LSD and other hallucinogenic drugs. This is the nexus of the treatment of the mentally disturbed and commercial fishing.

Melting fishheads is just one of the things Loeb calls "the fun stuff—the thing that nobody knows anything about." He devised an electric pond-shocker that conservation workers use to obtain fish samples. His work on selective poison baits for carp extended far beyond his home state. And he's creating longer-lasting dyes for marking trout. But let's get back to that carp problem.

Dr. Harold A. Abramson, Director of Psychiatric Research at South Oaks Psychiatric Hospital in Amityville, N.Y., read of Loeb's work on carp poisons, and he offered LSD as a suggestion. The good doctor started experimenting with the drug himself and supported it as a possible tool to combat schizophrenia. Abramson chose was the Siamese fighting fish for his studies because it was plentiful, cheap, almost as sensitive to LSD as humans. When the drug was released into tank water, the fish surfaced and appeared as if in a stupor. Depending on the dosage, the fish would stay that way for hours - and sometimes days, before resuming normal behavior.

Loeb, who had the whole outdoors to test in, took great interest. With the help of pharmaceutical manufacturer Eli Lilly, Loeb has tested some 40 drug compounds on carp, goldfish, golden and common shiners, blacknose dace, yellow perch, pumpkinseed sun-fish, white suckers, bullheads, brook trout and brown trout. With the exception of the trout and the bullheads—which swim to the surface—the fish pop up to the top of the water, swim backward and often go into a stupor. Oddly, the carp become noticeably lighter in color when dosed. When transferred to a fresh tank, affected fish appear intoxicated up to several hours, then become darker in color and start to respond by sight to people and approaching nets.

"My idea in experimenting with these drugs," says Loeb, "is to find out which ones bring the fish up the best with a modest dose and then become nontoxic the quickest." What, you don't want to trip balls eating your fish sticks? He also discovered that he can tell if test water is still affected by putting it under ultraviolet light - if the water shows blue it is usually toxic contaminated. "What I actually envision is the chemical harvesting of commercial fish," he added. "I can see the day when you back your freezer truck up to the dock and the fish just march right out of the water and fillet themselves."

Whoa, looks like someone was drinking from the wrong water tank.

Where You From, G(oat)?

Yeah...I'm just gonna leave you a little something from the SF New Mexican:

Everyone in the neighborhood seemed to love their evening visits to the corner of Declovina and Rosina streets. And Maria was the type of neighbor who wasn't shy — she'd walk right up no matter who you were.

That is why so many people in the central-Santa Fe community near Cerrillos Road and St. Michael's Drive were shocked to hear three gunshots Sunday evening — two of which struck and killed Maria, a Nigerian dwarf goat who lived with two other goats and several other animals at the home in the 1200 block of Declovina Street.

Yes, slow news day? Slow news lifetime in Santa Fe.

"Total shock and disbelief was all I could think," said one of two women who own the goat. They were inside their home when the drive-by shooting happened. "At this point, so many thoughts go through your mind. Why would someone do this? Are they going to come back? What if we were out in the yard when it happened?"

Maria was about 5 years old, according to her owners, who, along with several neighbors, asked not to be named as long as a motive for the shooting is unclear.

Are they coming back? For what? Your chickens?

Santa Fe police on Wednesday were at the home with a metal detector searching the yard for the third bullet that was fired from a blue-green minivan, similar in style to a Plymouth Voyager. The vehicle pulled up in front of the house heading south on Declovina before firing what police believe was a .25-caliber firearm three times. The van sped away before the two women were able to get any more identification of the vehicle.

What's similar in style to a Voyager...except, an early model Voyager?

"I don't know why anyone would do this," one neighbor said. "These animals here have become almost a sense of community pride. They're a talking point and have really brought the community together. There has never been any problems with the animals living here."

Maria's owners, one of whom is an emergency medical technician, tried for more than an hour and a half Sunday night to care for the dying goat, which was shot once in the abdomen and once through a nasal passage. Neighbors throughout the night came and tried to help, comfort and cry with one another.

Maria died around 7 p.m.

Comfort and cry? Fuck, do these people not have cable TV?

The goat owners say their three goats — Bella and Maria's son, Sonny, both survived — have been so embraced by the community that they've met neighbors they never knew they had. The women also have 12 chickens, four cats, a dog and a duck — most of which were rescue animals.

It's always hardest for the survivors. And I thought I was joking about the chickens.

"We try to do whatever we can to make sure the neighbors are always OK with our animals being here and take good care of them, and for the most part, there have never been any problems in the neighborhood because of the animals," one of the owners said. "In fact, we have neighbors stopping by each night bringing their compost over for the goats to eat. They love it."

One neighbor even rented out the three goats this past summer to eat the weeds in her backyard.

"Just about every night neighbors come by to see the animals, and we've got to know so many people," one of the animal owners said. "This is what has been so amazing about raising these animals is how they've brought a whole community together."

Next time they make a movie about saving the Rec Center, maybe they'll make it about saving a goat instead.

One community member in particular has had a hard time understanding the shooting.

Why, are they retarded, or just not clear on how firearms work?

"My 9-year-old son, he would walk our dog down here to see the goats every morning before school," one neighbor said. "When he heard about what happened, he started worrying that they're going to shoot Lucy (the family's Chihuahua dog) and now he doesn't want to come outside and hasn't walked Lucy before school yet this week. He's scared. We're all a little scared about this."

That's not a dog. What are you trying to turn your son into...a cat lover?

Aside from the obvious animal-cruelty charges the shooter faces, Santa Fe police could also pursue felony charges of shooting at an occupied dwelling and negligent use of a firearm.

"The fact that this was a goat getting killed is bad enough," Santa Fe Police Chief Aric Wheeler said. "But this is also a drive-by shooting of a home in the middle of the city. That's a major concern for us."

Police ask that anyone with information on the shooting call CrimeStoppers at 955-5050.

Yes, please do.