Steers Of Fury

My God I can't believe how time flies!  We're already at this year's annual IQ test in Pamplona!

One elderly "thrill-seeker" was gored in a leg and five others slightly injured in the first running of the bulls of this year's San Fermin festival.  Officials said one youth got the top of his shirt and kerchief caught on a bull's horn, inches from his face, and was dragged several yards along the ground, but was seen to get up and run away. Damn it, what a tease!  The gored runner was a 73-year-old Pamplona resident, which is interesting because you'd think grandpa would know better living there, but hey, maybe he wanted suicide by bull.  If so, then I then support him in his cause.

This year's path to the ring took two minutes and 53 seconds, a relatively lax time for the 928 yard length, and 23 seconds slower than last year. These bulls are not angry enough, and not in any hurry, which they need to be.  I want a record breaking charge to the ring!  That will surely get some folks trampled or seriously harmed, which is fine by me.

The Bulls Win One

Like Christmas coming once a year, so too do I look forward to Pampalona's Thinning Of The Herd San Fermin Festival. And this year, the payoff!

Unlike previous coverage (here, here, and here), I can finally, proudly report that a foolhardy daredevil lost the epic battle between giant rampaging beast and moron. A charging bull gored a young Spanish man to death, the first such fatality in nearly 15 years. Nine others were injured in a particularly dangerous and chaotic chapter (aren't they all?) of the running of the bulls.

Pamplona officials identified the man as Daniel Jimeno Romero (27), who was on vacation with his parents and girlfriend, who identified him. The San Fermin festival Web site said Romero was gored in the neck and lung during a run in which a rogue bull named Capuchino separated from the pack, which is among the worst things that can happen at Spain's most popular fiesta. They say that isolated bulls are more likely to get disoriented and start charging at people, though I don't see much difference between being in the cross hairs of one bull or having a whole pack bearing down on you.

Amateur video broadcast by Spanish TV showed Romero trotting backwards, facing the oncoming bull, when he tripped over other runners and fell down. The Spaniard then tried to squeeze feet-first under a wooden fence serving as a protective barrier, when the bull came up up and gored him in the neck with its right horn. Romero instantly bled (profusely, I might add), lying face up as medics tried to save him. Three other people were gored during the run, and six people suffered bumps, bruises and other lesser injuries.

Among the injured was a 61-year-old American (U.S.A.! U.S.A.!) who was struck in the chest and had internal bleeding in his lungs. Doctors said he was in intensive care but that his condition was not considered life-threatening, although his low level of intelligence could prove to be. The man was identified by his initials, E.P.S., but his full name was not released...so if you know a particularly dim, older guy by E.P.S., get to a florist. Also injured in the run was a 20-year-old from London, and a 24-year-old Argentine. Another American (U.S.A.! U.S.A.!), a 63-year-old identified by the initials K.L., injured an elbow. Hmmm, maybe old Americans shouldn't do the run.

The festival ends Tuesday, and there was no indication that the remaining bull runs would be canceled because of the death. Friday's death raises to 15 the toll since record-keeping began in 1924. This run, the fourth of eight, was by far the most perilous of this year's festival. The bulls used in from a ranch called Jandilla, have a reputation for being fierce at San Fermin. They hold the record for the most gorings in a single run — eight, one day in 2004. The bulls used in the runs face matadors and almost certain death the same afternoon in the Pamplona bullring, so at least they can feel good about taking out a person before getting slaughtered.

The Annual Moron Culling

The lesser members of our society leaned into the pitch a little as this year's running of, with, and over of the bulls kicked off in Pamplona, with 13 people injured but sadly, none gored.

The report from the event said the half-mile sprint through cobblestone streets turned chaotic because the pack of six half-ton beasts became separated early in the route after plowing into a crowd of people, some of them spectators. Some of the bulls fell and two ended up running on their own. One of those became disoriented, trying several times to turn around and go back toward the starting point. But herders waving sticks eventually guided it to the bull ring where the course ends. Inside the ring one black bull fell down and stayed there for nearly a minute, as runners scampered about. The whole run took just over four minutes, which is a bit slow by the standards of the Fiesta de San Fermin, but as the first of eight scheduled runs, count on more injuries. The most crowded ones will be next weekend.

The Spanish Red Cross said 13 people were injured, with head, rib or other injuries from falling or getting trampled. It said six were Spanish and the rest were from the United States, Australia, New Zealand, Britain, Romania and South Korea - an international cast of Darwin Award winning candidates.

My favorite part of the story talk about how targets runners carried rolled-up newspapers as a tool for gauging how far away a charging bull is. Listen friend, if you've got a charging bull only the length of a newspaper away, you should be gauging how fucked you are.

The last fatality from a goring was 22 year old American Matthew Tassio in 1995. See, U-S-A! Number One! That is, if you don't count 2003, when 63 native Fermin Etxeberri was trampled in the head by a bull and died after spending several months in a coma. The only death of the weekend was when a young man died after falling 30 yards from an ancient wall that encircles the old quarter of Pamplona on Sunday. Less than shocking was that authorities identified him as a 23 year old from Ireland, and quoted friends as saying he had been drinking.

You know it will be my pleasure to keep you posted as the world's finest try and thin the gene pool for our benefit.

Down On Genius Street

Sad as I may be to not be able to make yearly mention of the local fuck show, at least I still have those thousand pound bulls steamrolling idiots!

Thousands of runners crowded Pamplona's streets in the first bull-run of Spain's San Fermin fiesta, and four of them had to be carried away from it.  The three Spaniards and a Panamanian were taken to a hospital, and only suffered light injuries. Of the dozen animals in the run, only one steer smartly separated from the pack and charged back toward the starting gate for his unfinished business, which doesn't make up for the other one who stopped and laid down near the end of the course. The six bulls in the run were eventually being guided into the bullring, where they were later killed in the afternoon's bullfight.

Every year, between 200 and 300 participants in the run are injured, which means there's a lot of ground to cover to keep those numbers up! Most runners are hurt after falling, but the ones who are trampled or gored by the bulls are the injuries I look forward to. There's still time, so maybe we'll be treated to something more sinister than fractured ribs this year!

Ironic Deaths Are The Best

Dave Freeman, co-author of 100 Things to Do Before You Die, a travel guide, died after hitting his head in a fall at his home at 47. You can't make this stuff up because it's too perfect.

An advertising agency executive, Freeman co-wrote the book with Neil Teplica. It was based on the Web site whatsgoingon.com, which the pair ran together from 1996 to 2001. "This life is a short journey," the book says. "How can you make sure you fill it with the most fun and that you visit all the coolest places on earth before you pack those bags for the very last time?" Future editions will advise agains dying in a fall at home.

The book's recommendations ranged from the obvious — attending the Academy Awards and running with the bulls in Pamplona, Spain — to the more obscure — taking a voodoo pilgrimage in Haiti and "land diving" on the Island of Vanuatu, which Freeman once called "the original bungee jumping." It included goofy graphics with each entry, indicating that some activities were "down and dirty," and others "grandma friendly." There were also a few, rare "down and dirty grandma" ones.

The success of "100 Things" inspired dozens of like-minded books, with titles such as 100 Things Project Managers Should Do Before They Die and 100 Things Cowboys Fans Should Know and Do Before They Die...just like that other lame series Chicken Soup for the ______.

Freeman's relatives said he visited about half the places on his list before he died.

We've Got One!

Hooray! The running of the bulls through Pamplona on day two left one man gored and four injured. Go bulls, go!

Hundreds of people and six fighting bulls (accompanied by a steer - I don't know why) sprinted the half-mile route through cobblestone streets in just over two minutes, a relatively clean and fast run by San Fermin standards. Except for one Spaniard, who was gored in the thigh. This day's run used bulls from the southern Cebada Gago ranch, considered among the most dangerous in San Fermin. In 27 years, they have gored more than 35 people. Um, let's use them...ALWAYS!

Run, Idiot, Run

It's that time of year again in Pamplona!

The Spanish government reported 13 injuries on the 6th day of the famously dangerous and stupid running of the bulls portion of the San Fermin festival. Many were trampled, but the highlight for me were the seven gorings.

As you can expect, the gore victims are in serious condition and most have had surgery. This was for their wounds, and not to fix whatever brain damage they had initially that made them think deliberately running with six 1,300-pound bulls was a good idea.

Since record-keeping began in 1924, 13 people have been killed during the runs, with the most recent in 1995, which is too long ago if you ask me. Strangely, there is no annual "Swim Australia In A Meat Swimsuit" or "Get Between A Mother And Her Cub" event, because I'd like to hear the casualty reports from those.

Live by the stupid, die by the stupid.

UPDATE: The latest story coming out of Spain is that two of the gored runners were American brothers, who not only got gored at the same time, but were photographed as it happened. Really, it was all over the Spanish papers...see below.

"I think my brother and I underestimated the speed and danger of it," Lawrence Lenahan said, making the understatement of the fucking year.

"I started yelling at my brother to show him I was bleeding everywhere but he showed me he was bleeding everywhere," Lenahan added. He was gored in the buttocks, while younger brother Michael was injured in his leg. What a touching moment of fraternal bonding.

Lenahan confided, "We will definitely be back again. My brother will never run (in the festival) again, but he would like to come back to celebrate."

The elder Lenahan, in addition to being a fucking genius, is also charged with the task of defending our nation from evil-doers and villains, having inexplicably risen to the rank of captain in the US Air Force. It's no wonder we're losing the war overseas -- that is the caliber of retard protecting our liberties. He couldn't defend himself or his brother from a bull, what good is he going to be to America against an invading force?

Mr. and Mrs. Lenahan, I regret to inform you that you sired two absolutely fucking idiotic boys who spared themselves injury at the processing plant or drunk driving in their pick up truck by heading over to Spain. Nonetheless, Darwinism caught up with them, and next time it won't be so forgiving. I hope you're proud of your shining little angels. And to think, that could have been a couple of blow jobs.

I think your nomination for parents of the year is in the mail.

It takes a village to raise a child. This village failed twice.

Spanish Christmas In January

A flaming-horned bull trampled and fatally gored a man during a festival in eastern Spain over the weekend.  You mean, I don't have to wait for the annual culling of the stupid in Pamplona?

The mayor of Navajas said emergency services were unable to save the life of the 45-year-old man who tripped just as the bull was released. My hero The bull, who had large balls of flaming wax affixed it's head, charged the victim, gored him and then stamped on his head, causing "irreversible injuries".  I'll say! 

Unlike other fun runs involving bulls, for the The Feast of Saint Anton, the animals aren't killed in the end. Taking out a stupid human and not being slaughtered in the end?  That's a win-win.