If Only There Were Warning Signs

Act surprised when you look at the picture and I tell you that this musician was also a pedophile.

Drummer Martin "Vlad" Evanick was kicked out of The Core Of Your Nightmares, an Illinois death metal band, after being charged with producing and sharing child porn. "The other guys say they never saw it coming, but I did," said Chuck Owens, who quit group a year ago due to "general embarrassment.  Really, listen to one of their songs - it's a poorly recorded demo, heavily overdubbed by what sounds like a tracheotomy patient who had a stroke and is yelling at somebody.

Owens added Evanick was the only member of Nightmares who regularly wore clown makeup, and threatened other band members. Federal investigators said that Evanick took inappropriate pictures of himself engaged in a sex act with a child mere weeks ago, and could have been abusing the child since June of 2010.  An anonymous member said via Facebook that Evanick is "no longer in the band, and after further discussion we decided to disband".  I don't know if that because of the embarrassing connection to Evanick or to their music.  They concluded, "If we had thought he was [in a relationship with a] 10-year-old or some shit, we would've turned him in ourselves." Hmmm, sounds like it's not the music...

If When convicted, Evanick could get up to 30 years in prison along with a $250,000 fine , plus all the beatings he can handle in jail.

Gathering Time

God Save The Queen (Of Clown Porn) Or, For Those About To Be Flogged, We Salute You

Adult performer Hollie Stevens (aka Holly Wood) died of breast cancer this week at 30.  Yes, there's some irony, but that's not what caught my eye.

Stevens was touted as the queen of indie pornography, including "clown porn" and the horror-rotica of zines like Girls and Corpses.  She started as a dancer in 2000, but soon moved into film, getting an AVN nomination in 2004 for Best Group Sex Scene (The Bachleor) and winning for Best All-Girl Scene (The Violation of Jessica Darlin). Having performed in over 170 titles, she was also featured on such websites as kink.com, DungeonCorp.com, hogtied.com, and chantasbitches.com.

I have to say, it's no fun noting obits, but learning about careers and history is way more interesting for Hollie Stevens than say, Andy Griffiths.

When The Last Circus Comes To Town

"Because if I wasn't a clown, I'd be a murderer."

Clow Clow, Clown!

That's Crispin Glover for ya...

Insane Race Posse

So, you saw Death Race and probably thought, “They really took an awful movie and remade it in the most thin of manners, replacing every satirical, campy element with overbearing special effects. If only somebody else was brave enough to tackle such an important film and do it justice."

Somebody heard your cries, and now we're being blessed with Death Racers!, And don't think you have to wonder what to expect from this opus...the trailer is everything you liked about Death Race plus 1000% more Insane Clown Posse! Mana from heaven!

It stars (?) the group's own painted morons Violent J and Shaggy 2 Dope, and their mega-wattage sends that bitch straight to DVD on September 23rd. Start restructuring your Netflix queue now! After you see this, you will believe the tagline: It’s not about the speed…It’s about the BLOOD! Like, the blood gushing from a self-inflicted head wound from watching this and not so much the speed that you'd have to be on to want to see it.

I honestly think I made myself mildly retarded watching that. Insane Clown Posse make Jason Statham look like Olivier, and the production quality is on par with a terrorist hostage video. I shot better movies for school projects back in 10th grade with a shoulder mount sized VHS camera, that I edited onto a top-loading VCR deck with a cassette recorder auxing in music.


Honestly, I had to create a new tag just to encapsulate the effect of this thing's existence.

Shuffin' Off The Juggalo

A juggalo is pretty much the lowest form of human being and music fan. These mongoloid imbeciles are clown-laden make-up wearers who are spawned of the shitty rap group Insane Clown Posse. Recently, one of these supreme morons, Juggalo Julz was popping up all over the interweb because of her dead juggalo baby and sad sack life. It's hard to listen to her talk and not want to punch my monitor because she's such an ignorant waste of breath.

With my birthday coming up, I make a wish that a wave of juggalo genocide sweep our nation.