Counting down the top 20 links we didn't cover during the week...
20 • Nuclear Slapshots Could Propel A Spacecraft To Mars In Just Weeks - Unless Space Jonathan Quick is in the net outside the red planet.
19 • Michael Sokolski, Creator Of Scantron, Dies At 85 / Ginsu Knife Pitch Co-Creator, Barry Becher, Dies - Insert stale joke regarding their accomplishments here.
18 • Five Suspected Of Stealing 9.5 Tons Of Garlic - Either it's going to be one big bowl of pasta sauce, or they were about to go jihad on Transylvania.
17 • Profile Of A Fart Fetish Video Producer / Man Pulls Gun On Neighbor Over Fart - All the news that's fart to print...
16 • Condo Fire Leads Deputies To 2K Pound Marijuana Discovery - Clearly this was a vacation home given the amount of weed there.
15 • Winamp’s Woes: How The Greatest MP3 Player Undid Itself - I still love that program...how sad that it's not the industry standard.
14 • Rogue Dolphin, Alone After Katrina, Menaces Lake Area / Michael Jackson's Tiger Dies Of Lung Cancer / Dolphins May Get Alzheimer's / Baby Chimpanzee Killed By Adult Chimp At Zoo - Because I was told that I was not including enough access to giant cats with carton a day smoking habits, or angry mammals who'll attack you - and then possibly forget they did.
13 • Nine Actors Who Do the Exact Same Thing On Every Movie Poster - Sometimes you get cast in the same roles...or posters.
12 • The Salvation Army And Goodwill: Inside The Places Your Clothes Go When You Donate Them - Get ready for the underworld of used apparel, where everything is free...for a price!
11 • This Is The Oldest Vinyl Album In the History Of The World - Electroclash? Really? Nah, but petty cool that they were basically able to clone it.
10 • The Kings' Missing Championship Puck: Is It The Work Of The Devils? / Turns Out Patrik Elias Totally Did Have The LA Kings’ Stanley Cup Winning Game Puck / Patrik Elias Had LA Kings Stanley Cup Puck, But Has No Idea What He Did With It - Well, you've got the story in the headlines, but you can read about it too...
09 • The Daily Show Took CNN & Fox News To The Woodshed Last Night / "Mandate Struck Down": Dewey Defeats Truman Moment For CNN, Fox News - I'm glad that I live in a time where Comedy Central is better at reporting the news than "news" networks.
08 • Everything You Need To Know About The TomKat Divorce - They're getting divorced...I think that's everything.
07 • Research Team Unveils Spray-On Battery - If everything can be a battery, what will be left that needs a charge?
06 • Kim Kardashian Sued for Making a Sex Tape With Charlie Sheen And A Unicorn / Kim Kardashian's Sisters Writing a Young Adult Science Fiction Novel - What do you find more unbelievable: that her Ass-Kinder actually know how to write, or that Der Schwein Panzer is making porn with mythical creatures?
05 • Evading Ticketmaster, Louis C.K. Sells Tour Himself - Awesome, free thinking comedians 1, The Man 0.
04 • Virginia Woman Sues Over Alleged Sexual Abuse During Exorcism - Here's the deal: if you're foolish enough to believe that you're possessed by the Devil and need an exorcism, you deserve to be sexually abused.
03 • Kim Dotcom Raid Was Illegal, New Zealand Judge Rules - Oh, did we illegally search and seize millions in property and possessions? Uh, sorry?
02 • Making Saltwater Drinkable Is Graphene's Latest Miracle - If it can make fish and loaves of bread, then graphene is a molecular Jesus.
01 • Anti-Semitic Elmo Is Named Adam Sandler And Ran A Rape Website - How does this not become the top headline?
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