Counting down the top 20 links we didn't cover during the week...
20 • Boyfriend Assaults Girlfriend With Steak Sauce Over Fifty Shades Of Grey - He still got the Wor(ce)st(ershire) of it.
19 • Raccoons Chase, Attack Woman Who Had Just Finished Jogging In Park / Tigers Kill Man Who Scaled Fence At Danish Zoo - It's no different this week...animals are pissed off at humans.
18 • Graphene Miracle #5,347: It Can Repair Itself Entirely Unassisted - Higgs-Boson? Graphene is the God particle.
17 • Suicide Bomber Kills 7 Of His Own Family In Iraq / Explosive Fireworks Horrifically Severed And Blew Off A Paraplegic's Leg - Two perfect examples of exactly how bad things can go when you shouldn't be playing with explosives.
16 • Microsoft, NBC Dissolve MSNBC.com Joint Venture - No word on who gets custody of Rachel Maddow.
15 • Ohio Diner Owner Dies Hours After Obama Visit / Obama Staffer Dies After Collapsing At Campaign’s Chicago HQ - Our president...the angel of death?
14 • Autistic Man Survives 3-Week Ordeal In Utah Desert - A happy ending to the story, even though his autism was what got him into trouble.
13 • Nigerian Tanker Explosion, At Least 95 Killed After Crash As People Rush For ‘Free Fuel’ - It's usually a sign that signals a promotion for free gas, not a crash and gallons of it spilling out.
12 • San Bernardino Third California City To Seek Bankruptcy - If only they sold all that meth, they'd be in the black.
11 • 13-Minute Dark Knight Rises Featurette Hits The Movie's Major Characters And Themes / DC Is Just @#$%ing Gonna Give Up On Movies Until 2015 - Get hyped for now! Because after Batman and Superman, DC has to learn how to make comic characters into film properties.
10 • Flying Robot Makes 3D Map Of Building's Interior - Just like those bots in Prometheus, now with 100% less Engineer dicks.
09 • Immigrants With ‘Gang Tattoos’ Denied U.S. Visas - The easiest way to keep the bad elements out of the country is if they make it obvious.
08 • Rejoice, For Edifi, The First Christian Tablet Is Here! - That damn headline takes all the sarcasm out of my comments on it.
07 • Blind Contestant Completes In Miss Florida - Yet she'll never see how silly pageants are.
06 • Found: Multiple People Combined Into Single Mummies - Who knew that Dr. Frankenstein was over 3,000 years old?
05 • ESPN The Magazine’s 2012 Body Issue Will Make You Appreciate The Athletic Female Form / Ronda Rousey Would 'Beat The Crap Out Of Kim Kardashian' Because Her Fame Came From A Sex Tape - I support hot naked women athletes...especially the ones who want to kick the piss out of a Kardashian.
04 • Scientists Create Molecule To Make Teeth Cavityproof - Great news! Now all we need is a company to sell it...
03 • Man Dies In Rollover Crash After Running Over Wife In SUV - There's one story every week that makes me smile at it's perfection, and this is it.
02 • Twitter Divides In Response To Daniel Tosh's Rape Joke - Yeah, I'll pick a side and back Team Tosh. Comedy isn't pretty, but it's still comedy. And let's keep everything in context.
01 • Auditors Say Billions Likely Wasted In Iraq Work - Was anybody surprised at this? It's such predictable news that I can't switch from disappointment at being cynically correct to anger over it.
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