Weather (or Not)

Hot on the heels of devastating tropical storms and hurricanes, The Weather Channel is planning to start naming winter storms in the same manner.  We'll see...

Their hope to market and draw attention to the current nor'easter just squashed by the National Weather Service, the government agency in charge of all naming storms and hurricanes.  Straight from the NWS , flexing their weather muscle:

That's a category 5 smackdown.  Here's the only place it looks like you'll be seeing those names being used for the storms.

GoDaddy Go Down

If you're a user or proprietor of the over 5 million websites GoDaddy.com hosts, today your daddy left you.

The domain registrar / web hosting company has been working on the problem which killed access to emails and sites...but how do you fix a problem called Anonymous?  The hacktivist group was alleged to have taken responsibility via tweet, which is so de rigueur.  They take issue with GoDaddy's support of both the Stop Online Piracy Act (SOPA) and Protect IP Act (PIPA) legislation that has been threatening to censor and restrict the shit outta the interwebs.  Both of those are very bad, but is the answer to effectively cripple small businesses that use web titan to make a point?

Some of the websites noted in news reports who took to complaining on Twitter about the outages included MixForSale.com, which sells accessories with Japanese animation themes, and YouWatch.org, a video-sharing site. And Catherine Grison, an interior designer in San Francisco who operates the site YourFrenchAccent.com, said she had to stop sending emails with her website link in them while the outage was ongoing.  And Kenneth Borg, a Long Beach, CA screen printer, reported fresnodogprints.com and two other sites were down, along with their email addresses.  Hmmm, we lost a clone of YouTube, and the ability to get canine pictures in Central California?  Maybe they did us a favor in quieting cyberspace after all...

UPDATE:  It's now said that Anonymous was not responsible...but misinformation is one of their tools!

A Bold Approach, But I'm Not Sure I'm Sold On It

Improved For Profit

"American works of art belong to the American public; they are part of our cultural history.

People who alter or destroy works of art and our cultural heritage for profit or as an exercise of power are barbarians, and if the laws of the United States continue to condone this behavior, history will surely classify us as a barbaric society.

These current defacements are just the beginning. Today, engineers with their computers can add color to black-and-white movies, change the soundtrack, speed up the pace, and add or subtract material to the philosophical tastes of the copyright holder. Tomorrow, more advanced technology will be able to replace actors with “fresher faces,” or alter dialogue and change the movement of the actor’s lips to match. It will soon be possible to create a new “original” negative with whatever changes or alterations the copyright holder of the moment desires. The copyright holders, so far, have not been completely diligent in preserving the original negatives of films they control. In order to reconstruct old negatives, many archivists have had to go to Eastern bloc countries where American films have been better preserved.

In the future it will become even easier for old negatives to become lost and be “replaced” by new altered negatives. This would be a great loss to our society. Our cultural history must not be allowed to be rewritten.

There is nothing to stop American films, records, books, and paintings from being sold to a foreign entity or egotistical gangsters and having them change our cultural heritage to suit their personal taste.

I accuse the companies and groups, who say that American law is sufficient, of misleading the Congress and the People for their own economic self-interest.

I accuse the corporations, who oppose the moral rights of the artist, of being dishonest and insensitive to American cultural heritage and of being interested only in their quarterly bottom line, and not in the long-term interest of the Nation.

The public’s interest is ultimately dominant over all other interests. And the proof of that is that even a copyright law only permits the creators and their estate a limited amount of time to enjoy the economic fruits of that work.

There are those who say American law is sufficient. That’s an outrage! It’s not sufficient! If it were sufficient, why would I be here? Why would John Houston have been so studiously ignored when he protested the colorization of The Maltese Falcon? Why are films cut up and butchered?

I hope you have the courage to lead America in acknowledging the importance of American art to the human race, and accord the proper protection for the creators of that art–as it is accorded them in much of the rest of the world communities.”

- George Lucas circa 1988, who George Lucas circa 2011 can't recall as he prepares yet another round of rape changes to the Star Wars saga getting released on Blu-ray

A Direct Hit!

Sony was successful in getting a temporary restraining order against a hacker who put a PS3 jailbreak online. But who do they go after when they do it themselves?

Travis La Marr tweeted @TheKevinButler the PS3 jailbreak code, and  challenged him with, “Come at me”. The Kevin Butler twitter account is actually run by Sony as part of their marketing campaign centered on the (fictional) character who is the Vice President of many nonexistent departments. Their response?  Sony retweeted the jailbreak code in its entirety along with the retort, “Lemme guess . . . you sank my Battleship?”  No, not just your battleship, the entire fleet...

The tweet was removed and the company hasn’t commented on it. But more tweets from La Marr have gone up.  He says he “can’t wait for my name to show up on the list of subpoenas for Sony.” and  “Anyone want to start a pool on how long it takes Sony to contact me for embarrassing them & doing what I did? Calling it ‘My Defense Fund’” By the way, he later added he doesn’t even own a PS3.

Scumpublicans

Rink KOs

A trio of rink knockouts...

The first is an early contender for fight of the year, courtesy of the Washington Capitals' John Erskine and the Atlanta Thrashers' Eric Boulton. These boys are swinging for home runs.

While you catch your breath, the Kings knocked New York Islanders coach Scott Gordon out of a job, after a 5-1 victory that earned my boys a record setting 8-0 home start. The Isles began the year at 4-2-1, but a 10 game skid has them tied with Edmonton for the fewest points (11) in the league. Gordon went 64-94-23 in his tenure with the team, who has condemned promoted Jack Capuano from their AHL affiliate to interim coach.

And finally, a team effort from the aforementioned Edmonton Oilers and New York Rangers, who had an epic melee that resulted in over 120 penalty minutes and four game misconducts.

4Chan Party

After rooting out animal abusers, the internet's secret police have turned towards a bigger threat - rational thought abusers! The official Tea Party website, teaparty.org, was taken over by 4Chan. The photo section currently links to this URL (which is prolly dead by now), with lots of typical 4Chan awesome awefulness.

Empire State Of Fuck You

The New York City Council approved zoning and land use changes today to pave the way for a 1,190-foot tower at 15 Penn Plaza, and the owner of the Empire State Building ain't happy.

The project is still in the planning stages by developer Vornado Realty Trust, who have no date for its construction and has yet to sign a major commercial tenant. The landmark's owner, Anthony Malkin, called it an "assault on New York City and its iconography." He left out, "and on my hugely profitable investment." Council members voted overwhelmingly in favor of the project, stating New York City and its world-famous skyline cannot afford to be frozen in time and must embrace new investments. "We can't make decisions based on one building...the city has to grow, and it's going to continue to grow." And besides, they're already down two building from 2001.

Mayor Michael Bloomberg also backed the project this week, dismissing Malkin's argument as delusional. "Anybody that builds a building in New York City changes its skyline — we don't have to run around to every other owner and apologize. One guy owns a building, he'd like to have it be the only tall building — I'm sorry, that's not the real world."

Vornado needed the council's action to rezone the area to accommodate a more dense development than local ordinances allow. The developer also needed the city's approval for transit improvements that Vornado has promised to finance. Lawmakers were told at a hearing that wider rail platforms at nearby Penn Station, better access to subway lines and the reopening of an underground passage connecting nearby subway lines and commuter trains to New Jersey would be part of the project

Plans envision a 67-story office tower two blocks west of the Empire State Building, which stands 102 stories and 1,454 feet but has an 86th-floor observation deck about 1,050 feet above ground. Malkin had lobbied the council to cut the tower by one-third the proposed height. The Empire State Building was the city's tallest when it was completed in November 1930, and hosts more than 3.8 million visitors each year. On a clear day, they say the view stretches 80 miles, as far as Pennsylvania and Massachusetts.

4Chan Under Oath

You may recall back in 2008, you may remember that David Kernell hacked into Sarah Palin’s personal e-mail account and posted the passwords on the notorious 4Chan. So when prosecutors called on Christopher “Moot” Poole, administrator and founder of 4Chan, to testify regarding the site, it was going to be epic win time. Because greatness comes when the prosecutor asks things like:

Q: And is there any significance to “new fags”? or

Q: What about “b tard”? or

Q: And the term “rickroll” you said it tries to make people go to a site where they think it is going to be one thing, but it is a video of Rick Astley, is that right?

Business Insider was brilliant enough to post the entire 29-page transcript of his testimony.

Christopher "Moot" Poole Testimony in Palin Email Trial

Don't Mess With The Daily Show

On a nightly basis, The Daily Show makes some of the smartest analysis of current events with unparalleled wit and satire. So what do you think would happen when Jezebel.com kicked some "The Daily Show's Woman Problem" sand in their eye?

The women of the program - all 31 of them (40% of the staff) responded, leading politely with "Dear People Who Don’t Work Here".

"Recently, certain media outlets have attempted to tell us what it’s like to be a woman at The Daily Show with Jon Stewart. We must admit it is entertaining to be the subjects of such a vivid and dramatic narrative. However, while rampant sexism at a well-respected show makes for a great story, we want to make something very clear: the place you may have read about is not our office. The Daily Show isn't a place where women quietly suffer on the sidelines as barely tolerated tokens. On the contrary: just like the men here, we're indispensable. We generate a significant portion of the show's creative content and the fact is, it wouldn't be the show that you love without us."

Regarding their figurehead host:

"Jon’s not just a guy in a suit reading a prompter. His voice and vision shape every aspect of the show from concept to execution. The idea that he would risk compromising his show’s quality by hiring or firing someone based on anything but ability, or by booking guests based on anything but subject matter, is simply ludicrous. But what’s he really like? Well, for a sexist prick, he can be quite charming. He's also generous, humble, genuine, compassionate, fair, supportive, exacting, stubborn, goofy, hands-on, driven, occasionally infuriating, ethical, down-to-earth and--a lot of people don't know this--surprisingly funny (for a guy brimming with “joyless rage”). How else to describe him? What's the word that means the opposite of sexist? That one. "

I've got another blockquote to end their statement:

"The truth is, when it comes down to it, The Daily Show isn't a boy's club or a girl's club, it's a family - a highly functioning if sometimes dysfunctional family. And we're not thinking about how to maximize our gender roles in the workplace on a daily basis. We're thinking about how to punch up a joke about Glenn Beck's latest diatribe, where to find a Michael Steele puppet on an hour's notice, which chocolate looks most like an oil spill, and how to get a gospel choir to sing the immortal words, "Go fuck yourself!"

It's signed by all the female staffers, listing their positions and years of experience, who added, "Thanks to the male writers who penned this for us."

You can marvel at the whole thing here, and even enjoy the a partial list of things Jon Stewart has supported them through (including the writers' strike, babies, pet emergencies, and inadequately researched blog posts that cling to a predetermined narrative).

Teacher's Pest

A student at NYU's Stern School of Business sent a complaint email to a tough professor about his Brand Management class's lateness policy.

Big mistake.

The professor emailed back and totally eviscerated the student like a fat kid at a buffet. Thanks to the interweb, it will live in in infamy, forever.

And for background, Professor Scott Galloway is the founder of redenvelope.com, and also has a reputation for being a self-important "jackass". He was on the New York Times board of directors before resigning last week (unrelated).

Sent: Tuesday, February 9, 2010 7:15:11 PM GMT -08:00 US/Canada Pacific
Subject: Brand Strategy Feedback

Prof. Galloway,

I would like to discuss a matter with you that bothered me. Yesterday evening I entered your 6pm Brand Strategy class approximately 1 hour late. As I entered the room, you quickly dismissed me, saying that I would need to leave and come back to the next class. After speaking with several students who are taking your class, they explained that you have a policy stating that students who arrive more than 15 minutes late will not be admitted to class.

As of yesterday evening, I was interested in three different Monday night classes that all occurred simultaneously. In order to decide which class to select, my plan for the evening was to sample all three and see which one I like most. Since I had never taken your class, I was unaware of your class policy. I was disappointed that you dismissed me from class considering (1) there is no way I could have been aware of your policy and (2) considering that it was the first day of evening classes and I arrived 1 hour late (not a few minutes), it was more probable that my tardiness was due to my desire to sample different classes rather than sheer complacency.

I have already registered for another class but I just wanted to be open and provide my opinion on the matter.

Regards,
xxxx

—
xxxx
MBA 2010 Candidate
NYU Stern School of Business
xxxx.nyu.edu
xxx-xxx-xxxx

The Reply:

—— Forwarded Message ——-
From: scott@stern.nyu.edu
To: "xxxx"
Sent: Tuesday, February 9, 2010 9:34:02 PM GMT -08:00 US/Canada Pacific
Subject: Re: Brand Strategy Feedback

xxxx:

Thanks for the feedback. I, too, would like to offer some feedback.

Just so I've got this straight...you started in one class, left 15-20 minutes into it (stood up, walked out mid-lecture), went to another class (walked in 20 minutes late), left that class (again, presumably, in the middle of the lecture), and then came to my class. At that point (walking in an hour late) I asked you to come to the next class which "bothered" you.

Correct?

You state that, having not taken my class, it would be impossible to know our policy of not allowing people to walk in an hour late. Most risk analysis offers that in the face of substantial uncertainty, you opt for the more conservative path or hedge your bet (e.g., do not show up an hour late until you know the professor has an explicit policy for tolerating disrespectful behavior, check with the TA before class, etc.). I hope the lottery winner that is your recently crowned Monday evening Professor is teaching Judgement and Decision Making or Critical Thinking.

In addition, your logic effectively means you cannot be held accountable for any code of conduct before taking a class. For the record, we also have no stated policy against bursting into show tunes in the middle of class, urinating on desks or taking that revolutionary hair removal system for a spin. However, xxxx, there is a baseline level of decorum (i.e., manners) that we expect of grown men and women who the admissions department have deemed tomorrow's business leaders.

xxxx, let me be more serious for a moment. I do not know you, will not know you and have no real affinity or animosity for you. You are an anonymous student who is now regretting the send button on his laptop. It's with this context I hope you register pause...REAL pause xxxx and take to heart what I am about to tell you:

xxxx, get your shit together.

Getting a good job, working long hours, keeping your skills relevant, navigating the politics of an organization, finding a live/work balance...these are all really hard, xxxx. In contrast, respecting institutions, having manners, demonstrating a level of humility...these are all (relatively) easy. Get the easy stuff right xxxx. In and of themselves they will not make you successful. However, not possessing them will hold you back and you will not achieve your potential which, by virtue of you being admitted to Stern, you must have in spades. It's not too late xxxx...

Again, thanks for the feedback.

Professor Galloway

The Battle For North America Weekend

The attempt to get back into the studio to finish the drum tracking looks to be on hold until mid-March. So the big deal this weekend is the USA-Canada hockey match up on Sunday at the Olympics. Could be the best game of the prelim pool play, if not the tournament.

Best of the week: The most recent installment of "Sarah Palin gets mad at some comment made about her" lands on the “Family Guy” doorstep. If you're like me and haven't watched the show for years because it's not as funny anymore, the deal is last week's show featured a character with Down syndrome who said, “My dad’s an accountant, and my mom’s the former governor of Alaska.” (Watch it here.)

Naturally, Palin got all pissy about someone talking about her retard baby Trig, because being sensitive about Down syndrome is as current as "Life Goes On" episodes. But the story finally gets interesting when Andrea Fay Friedman, the actress with Down syndrome who delivered the line in question, wrote an email to several different news outlets addressing the controversy:

I guess former Governor Palin does not have a sense of humor. I thought the line “I am the daughter of the former governor of Alaska” was very funny. I think the word is “sarcasm.” In my family we think laughing is good. My parents raised me to have a sense of humor and to live a normal life. My mother did not carry me around under her arm like a loaf of French bread the way former Governor Palin carries her son Trig around looking for sympathy and votes.

Pwned, bitch.

Also: Enemies Of Reason turned the tables on the scummy web theives who wholesale ganked their postings:

I'm writing this post in the hope that the dirty thieving bastard scumbag sons-of-bitches at legal-sleaze.com (please don't visit the site - the fuckers don't deserve any traffic of any kind whatsoever; and it's full of adverts and will slow your computer down) will chimp-mindedly go and copy it word for word and put it on their site, just as they have done with every other fucking post I've written in the past few days. Every. Single. Post.

Here's the thing. I don't mind if people ask, and they want my posts to put on their own commercial sites, so long as they give me a link back. I've done so before with Liberal Conspiracy, New Statesman and Anorak. Happy to do so. Don't mind at all. So long as it's the odd post here and there, every now and then. But the scum at legal-sleaze.com have decided they can't even be fucked to do that - they'd rather just C&V the entirety of someone else's work - presumably because they haven't got any fucking ability to write anything entertaining or interesting of their own, and because they've got no fucking manners at all. I mean, look at this, in their 'humor' section:

Don't they look exactly the same as posts I did over the weekend? It's one thing to nick the odd post - we can all overlook that - but the whole fucking blog? That really takes the fucking biscuit. So here's a challenge to legal-sleaze.com - if you want to use every single post off someone else's blog on your ad-heavy site without asking them permission, occasionally even pretending it's your own work by saying it was written by 'admin' rather than by me, you'd better be prepared to be kicked in the balls. Go on, stick this fucking post up, saying what a shower of total cunts you are. Go on. I dare you. I fucking double dare you.

You know what? I pity you. I feel sorry for you that you don't have the talent, or skill, or simple ability to work hard at something, to do it for yourself. You'd much rather just use other people's hard work - believe it or not, writing this shit three or four times a day takes time that could be spent doing more productive or interesting things - and then plonk it all on your site, copying everything down to the related posts, which aren't even tremendously related. I feel sorry for people who don't have the ability to write anything interesting themselves, and would rather harvest other people's output for use on their site, because they're lazy, and noncreative, and probably smell of wee. There! There, I've said it! Now you'll be angry!

Two years' work, this fucking blog. Don't you dare think you can just go and copy it all, and I won't get upset. Fuck you. Fuck you, and all your friends, and everyone you've ever met, and your families, and everyone that knows them as well. Fuck everyone you bump into in the street today. Fuck all of them. Fuck you, most of all. Jesus, it's not even as if I don't understand; we all need to get a bit of content from somewhere, sometimes. But harvesting the entire output of a blogger, just because you can't think of anything to write yourself? Fuck you in the eye. If you think I'm good enough to put on your site, you should think I'm good enough to write a polite email to, asking if you can put posts on your site.

And do you know what? If you had done that, I might have said yes. But no - you couldn't even be fucked to do that. You couldn't be fucked to bother with any kind of interaction with another human being. That would be too much fucking effort for you. You fucking piss-drinking slags! Take my content down now, you fuckers, and we'll leave it at that. Keep nicking it, and I'll just have to get nasty with you.

*update* The stupid fuckers must be doing it automatically, because...

...and it's on their front page as well.

And: Many of music's biggest names gathered on February 1, 2010 to remake "We Are The World," in an effort to help earthquake ravaged Haiti. And it sucked.

One name who wasn't part of the project - and who wished the 1985 charity anthem remain untouched - was Jay-Z.

"I know everybody is gonna take this wrong: 'We Are the World,' I love it, and I understand the point and think it's great. But I think 'We Are the World' is like [Michael Jackson's] 'Thriller' to me. I don't ever wanna see it touched," Jay-Z said. No, I took it right. Don't remake it.

"I'm a fan of music. I know the plight and everything that's going on in Haiti. I applaud the efforts: [Millions have been raised] through text [donations] to Haiti," he continued. "So I appreciate the efforts and everything, but 'We Are The World' is [musically] untouchable like 'Thriller' is untouchable. Some things are just untouchable. It was a valiant effort, but for me, it's gonna be untouchable."

As far as Jay-Z is concerned, an all-new song would've been a better way to go. Agreed. "I would have loved that idea better," he added. "As everyone knows, I have tremendous respect for Quincy Jones. Of course, I think he's genius, as everyone else does. [But] I think it's time for us to make a new [song]." He did create a new song to help raise funds for Haiti, which he debuted during the "Hope for Haiti" telethon in January. "I didn't try to make 'We Are The World,' but I tried to make our take on how we felt."

It really was the worst...and the preceding 20 proves it.

Best picture of the week:

like science or something

Best bonus links:
• Best ‘Stripper Cop’ Skating Routine Ever - Strangely, I'm interested in women's figure skating and routing for Finland.

• Girl, 15, safe after falling under alleged predator's spell - How safe after being raped and sexually assaulted for three weeks? Is the moral not to talk to strangers at the train station or no runaway after your parents tell you you're using the cell phone too much?

• Crystal Clear Video of Sonic Boom At Recent Atlas V Launch - It's like a ring of awesome.

• BBC Host Arrested For Murder - It was just one mercy killing, and it was his gay lover. He didn't even say who it was or when.

• Kentucky Man Charged With Threatening Obama In Web Poem - More surprising that someone in Kentucky knows how to read and write English is the fact they could phrase it in the form of poetry.

• Unemployed Ohio Man Chills Out In Extreme Igloo - If you've been out of work for almost a year, it's not that you "needed a project to stay busy", you should have been looking for a job.

• Former Riverside Police Chief Was Drinking At Strip Club Before Accident, Club Lawyer Says - Four whiskeys and chicken wings? Who eats food at a titty bar anyway? Especially in Riverside?

• Frail Boy-King Tut Died From Malaria, Broken Leg - And that's not to mention the cleft palate, club foot, and brother and sister parents. The pharaoh was a pussy.

• Porn Star Claims Tiger Woods Impregnated Her Twice - For having some familiarity with these so-called adult actresses, I can't validate the claims of somebody who was in the business for three years that I never heard of once until the scandal broke. Only 18 credits in that time? Please, there are whores who tripled that in less time, and I wouldn't trust them to give me the correct time of day.

• The Internet Will Make You Smarter, Say Experts - If that's the case, then for the amount I am the interweb, I'm a super genius!

• …But Who Will Laugh At Leno’s Jokes? - Now, nobody.

• Limp Wrists And Tight Fists: What Your Handshake Says About You - It's says, "ouch - you're crushing my delicate tootsies!"

• UC Studies Find Promise In Medical Marijuana - The study with the most obvious results, right after "College girls react to consumption of alcohol".

• Artists Behind Oscar-Nominated Songs Won't Perform - The organizers should get an award for keeping Randy Newman off the stage.

• Suspect In Ax Slaying Tells Police He Blacked Out - Completely understandable. I blackout too when there's violent, bloody murders too.

• Scientists Use Tiny Discs To Shake Brain Cancer Cells To Death - Those discs? Good Charlotte albums. Finally, they have a positive use!

• 2 Killed In LA Crash After Stealing Valentines - Instant karmic payback...keep the change.

Worst of the week: Looks like the tans and tits aren't the only fake things on "Jersey Shore".

In the face of controversy with Italian-American groups, Snooki and JWoww have finally admitted that they're both not even really Italian. Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi (at least that sounds Italian) and Jenni "JWoww" Farley (that does not) came clean on Fox's Strategy Room. J-Woww says she's Spanish and Irish, while Snooki is Chilean.

The MTV reality show was slammed in the media for perpetuating "negative stereotypes", which apparently they are doing if their cast isn't genuinely Italian. It's bad enough that "reality" shows are cast to create conflicts, edited to make events seem more dramatic, and have writers. Perhaps they ought to be a little more honest in what they call the shows...here's a list of aptly renamed ones.

"The Bachelor" = "Desparate Women"

"The Hills" = "Rich White Assholes"

"The Girls Next Door" = "Young Dumb Girls Forced To Sleep With Hef"

"The Apprentice" = "Has Been Office"

"Tool Academy" = "Girls With Low Self Esteem And The Douches They Date"

"The Real World" = Gay, Drunk, And Crazy Roommates"

"Keeping Up with the Kardashians" = "The Fame Whore Family"

Plus: "Think before you tweet. You might not be aware of how much information you're revealing." That's the message from the founders of Please Rob Me, a website launched on this week that illustrates just how easy it is to rob people blind on the basis of the information they're posting on the Web. If assholes like them are aggrigating the information for people to find.

The site uses streams of data from Foursquare, an location-based social network that is based on a game-like premise. People use smart phones or laptops to "check in" to a location, recording their position on a map for friends using the service to see. The more often you check in, the better your chances of being declared the mayor of a particular location, be it a restaurant, bar, office or even your own home (that's exciting, being the mayor of my house). The problem comes when users also post these locations to Twitter.

"We saw people checking in at their home addresses, or even worse, those of their friends and family," says Boy van Amstel says, one of the founders of Please Rob Me. Dude, your name is Boy, and your last name is a beer - this whole thing is irrelivant.

But the trouble isn't having a name that makes people want to kick your ass even if they've never met you, its that they monitor the latest posts of users sharing their locations and rebroadcast it. That's not a warning, that's being an accomplice. And a dick. What's the matter, Boy? Is that more fun that putting signs on cars in the parking lot when their windows are open or have doors unlocked so thaey are easier to steal?

Also: An 87-year-old WWII veteran named Robert Leeder recently suffered a stroke that paralyzed half his body and forced him to move into a nursing home. When his son Andre called DirecTV to cancel Robert’s service, DirecTV charged him an extra $400 for terminating the contract early. Andre emailed DirecTV, explained his father’s failing health, offered to provide medical records as proof, and requested that he be credited the $400 they charged. That’s when DirecTV politely told him to fuck off:

I’m sorry to hear about your father’s current health condition. I understand your concern with regard to the early cancellation fee…Since he canceled his service or did not maintain the minimum programming requirements, his account was charged with an early cancellation fee of $400. We feel this fee is valid and we are unable to waive it.

The story, thankfully, has a happy ending: Andre’s wife took to Facebook, where a groundswell of rage and enmity towards DirecTV helped the corporation realize, hey, maybe this $400 isn’t totally worth it. And people wonder why I haven't had cable for years...

And: Frankie Muniz, who played the titular character in the early 2000's sitcom "Malcolm in the Middle," left Hollywood to become a professional race car driver. That was as successfuls as being iceberg spotter on the Titanic.

Now he's looking to add "rock star" to his resume, drumming for the unsigned (and for good reason) act You Hang Up. "This is something I have always wanted in my life, and I'm thrilled to be associated with such a great group of guys!" Muniz wrote on his MySpace page (ironically named franiemunizracing) after joining the band in late December.

What a bunch of horseshit. Example: Muniz tweeted, "My band and I had a secret show last night and it was INSANE! The place was PACKED and we killed it! It was our first show ever!" Um, question...how did a band play a secret show - their first ever - and pack the house? Secret show and packed house seem at odds with first show.

You Hang Up's Myspace biography reads:

"Obviously a band can't get very far without a drummer, so after a few online and text messages between Frankie Muniz (drums) and Aaron [lead singer], regarding the music, the band met up with Frankie to talk about connecting the vision of You Hang Up with Frankie's long-time passion for drumming and music. Frankie moved to Arizona in 2008 to take a break from acting and pursue a professional career in racing, but has now become a permanent fixture of You Hang Up. Between Frankie's incredible drumming skills and his passion for music in general, he adds a flavor to You Hang Up that could not blend better with the group."

That flavor? Attention that you never had before because you were three nobodys without your D-rate celeb bandmate. Muniz said in a 2004 interview that he learned to "pound the skins from Zac Hanson" (as in 'MMMBop' Hanson). That sounds more like a gay reference than anything, and doesn't scream rock cred. Neither does Frankie Muniz is our drummer.

Worst picture of the week:

the beast reveals itself

Worst bonus links:
• Oilers Goalie Facing Charges In Arizona - If you're going to drive your Ferrari 70 mph in a 45 mph zone, especially in a small town like Scottsdale, you may stand out. Also, try to not be drunk.

• The Pot Calls The Kettle Plastic / Lisa Rinna Apologizes To Heidi Montag For Surgery Remarks - The battle between a 46-year-old with Juvederm fillers, Botox, lip-plumping and breast implants versus a girl half her age with breast implants, a brow lift, botox, a nose job revision, fat injections in her cheeks, a chin reduction, and neck liposuction (among others). Jealous much?

• MLB Bans Guns From Clubhouses - Seriously, is common sense so fleeting in baseball that you actually had to make it a policy. Let's hope the enforcement is a little more stringent than their winning anti-steroid policy.

• Director Kevin Smith Kicked Off Plane For Being Too Fat - Yes, we heard...but did it require 100 tweets and a multipart video response? No.

• Frugan Living - Cute indie artist girl + dumpster diving for food = fuck you, you pretentious hipster.

• Tila Tequila Dented Her Head / Tila Tequila Might Have Had A Fake Miscarriage - The worst person in the world. Please, just terminate yourself. Please.

• Tiger Woods Says Sorry, Golf Return Still Unknown - All the media outlets and reporters questioning if Tiger is coming back, as if he's going to join a monastary. He already made one huge mistake, he's not making another.

• Kim Kardashian Outs Air Marshall, Endangers Flight - Nice going you fucktard. National security disrupted by the Assy Pig Tank.

• One Inch Equals $30,000 In Online Dating World - So by that logic, a couple hundred grand could get guys who are barely tall enough to get on a ride can possibly get on a bride.

• Katherine Heigl Honored As Star Of The Year - Did they run out of stars?

• Poor Fit May Explain Why Men Refuse Condoms - Too big or too small? Not that it matters, because the fit isn't the problem...it's because it feels like having sex with a dishwashing glove in-between.

• Jesus Was 'Gay': Elton John - He may be the expect, but one thing he can't do is time travel back and bring us proof. And would a gay man really dress like a dirty hippie?

• YouTube To Ditch USF1? / USF1 Plays Down Factory Speculation - There's less than a month before the season opens and there's only one driver announced, and no car to debut while nearly every other team is out testing. Not a good sign.

• Fan Gets Jail For Text-Stalking Ashanti's Mother - If you want to get the girl, you've got to charm her mother first. So make sure she gets all thouse nasty text messages about what you'd do to her daughter.

• Bad News For Record Lottery Winner - Sorry, but you didn't actually win. Maybe it had something to do with the fact you bought the ticket after they announced the numbers.

• Jessica Simpson Won't Go Nude...Not Even For An Oscar - Which is the only way she'd even be remotely close to having a shot at it. Not that her nudity is even award winning. Take a look for yourself...and watch out Helen Mirren.

• Westminster Dog Show 2010: Why It's Better Than Winter Olympics - The regal majesty of the best of their breed versus...dogs? You can be a caught up in canines but that's absolutely ridiculous to try and make a comparison between elite athletes from around the world and some dogs who've been groomed exceptionally well.

Juice Box

Sobbing and sniffling like the lying bitch he is, Mark McGwire finally answered the steroid question.

Ending more than a decade of denials and evasion, McGwire admitted what many had suspected for so long — that steroids and human growth hormone helped make him a home run king.

"The toughest thing is my wife, my parents, close friends have had no idea that I hid it from them all this time," he said in an emotional, 20-minute interview. Really? Because it was pretty clear to everyone else. McGwire apologized and said he used steroids and human growth hormone on and off for a decade, starting before the 1990 season and including the year he broke Roger Maris' single-season home run record in 1998.

"I wish I had never touched steroids," McGwire said. "It was foolish and it was a mistake."

He had mostly disappeared since his infamous testimony before a congressional committee in March 2005, when he said, "I'm not here to talk about the past." He had been in self-imposed exile from public view, an object of ridicule for refusing to answer the questions. Once he was hired by the Cardinals in October to be their hitting coach, however, he knew he had to say something before the start of spring training in mid-February.

McGwire even understands why the Maris family now believes that Maris' 61 homers in 1961 should be considered authentic record. His record of 70 home runs in 1998 was surpassed by Barry Bonds' 73 homers in 2001, the year of McGwire's retirement and the apex of the Steroids Era. Bonds himself has denied knowingly using illegal drugs but has been indicted on charges he made false statements to a federal grand jury and obstructed justice.

He said he first used steroids between the 1989 and 1990 seasons, after helping the Oakland Athletics to a World Series He said he returned to steroids after the 1993 season, when he missed all but 27 games with a mysterious heel injury, after being told steroids might speed his recovery. "I did this for health purposes. There's no way I did this for any type of strength purposes," he said, pointing out the medical, healing power of steroids. After being confronted by the AP during the home run streak in 1998, McGwire admitted using androstenedione, a steroid precursor that was then legally available and didn't become a controlled substance until 2004.

Baseball and its players didn't agree to ban steroids until a year after his retirement. McGwire wasn't sure whether his use of performance-enhancing drugs contributed to some of the injuries that led to his retirement, at age 38, in 2001. Now that McGwire has come clean, increased glare might fall on Sosa, who has denied using performing-enhancing drugs. McGwire's 70 homers in 1998 came in a compelling race with Sammy Sosa, who finished with 66. More than anything else, the home run spree revitalized baseball following the crippling strike that wiped out the 1994 World Series, and started and era of jacked up athletes ruining the national pastime.

Disorganized Religion

A woman jumped the barriers in St. Peter's Basilica and knocked down Pope Benedict XVI as he walked down the main aisle to begin Christmas Eve Mass. There's your lump of coal this year!

The 82-year-old pope "quickly got up and was unhurt", said a Vatican spokesman. Old people have lesser spills and end up with broken hips or worse, and we're supposed to believe that he's fine? Let's take a look at His Healthiness' medical records:

• In September 1991, Ratzinger suffered a hemorrhagic stroke, which slightly impaired his eyesight temporarily. This was known to the Conclave that elected him Pope.

• In August 1992, on a vacation in the Alps, he fell and struck his head against a radiator.

• In May 2005, the Vatican revealed that he had subsequently suffered another mild stroke; it did not reveal when, other than that it had occurred between 2003 and 2005.

•France's Philippe Cardinal Barbarin further revealed that since the first stroke, Ratzinger had been suffering from a heart condition as a result of his age, and is currently on medication.

• In late November 2006, an unconfirmed rumor emerged that Pope Benedict had undergone an operation in preparation for an eventual bypass operation, and that the bronchitis suffered by the Pope has put undue pressure on the Pope's heart.

• On Friday July 17, 2009 Benedict was hospitalized after falling and breaking his right wrist while on vacation in the Alps. His injuries were reported to be minor.

Yeah, he's just fine after that tumble.

Footage aired on Italy's RAI state TV showed a woman dressed in a red jumper vaulting over the wooden barriers and rushing the pope before being swarmed by bodyguards. The commotion occurred as the pope's procession was making its way toward the main altar, which came to a halt as security rushed to the trouble spot.

The spokeman added that the woman who pushed the pope appeared to be mentally unstable. Sure, she's the crazy one, not an old man in an ornate costume about to tell fables about an immaculate conception. The hero woman had been arrested by Vatican police, but also scored extra points for knocking down Cardinal Roger Etchegaray. After the incident, Benedict, (finally) flanked by tense bodyguards, resumed his walk to the basilica's main altar to start the Mass. He did appear somewhat shaken and leaned heavily on aides and an armrest as he sat down in his chair. Yes, that's called a concussion. Benedict made no reference to the incident as the service started.

It was the second year in a row there was a security breach at the service. At the end of last year's Mass a woman who had jumped the barriers got close to the pope but was quickly blocked on the ground by security. This year, they were off their mark. The spokesman said it was not immediately known if the same woman was behind this incident, but it goes to show how incompetent church officials are as leaders if that woman from last year was free and she wasn't being monitored. Though it won't be shown to be the case, it's pathetic and desperate to make the suggestion it was a repeat attacker.

Fish Fail

Krampusnacht Scheisse

Hopefully you got the phone call, Facebook update, or Twitter blast that there was trouble Saturday night, but many of you now know that the MAGNA Krampusnacht show did not quite go as planned.

Checking randomly about 90 minute before the show, Rybot saw that there was no info for the bill up on the C.IA. website, and not having the venue promoting your event can be the first sign of a problem. Both Scaretoe and I were on our way to the venue, packed and ready. A few phone calls and it became clear that C.I.A. double booked the night.

Any guesses as to who wasn't getting to play?

Yeah, the guys not on the schedule at the venue. There was a combination of profuse apology and blamethrowing by their owner who claimed the show wasn't "confirmed" and that he did not have it "written" on his schedule. I believe that would be his fault for not properly handling his own system of booking and information keeping.

Worse, the three other bands we booked onto the bill were getting hosed as well, and being told when they called the place that the night was not confirmed makes it apprear to be MAGNA's fault. See-Thru was kind enough to resend the communication to C.I.A. to refresh the owner's already failed memory. Judge for yourself and tell me if there's a gig booked or not?

--- On Tue, 11/17/09, XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX> wrote:
From: XXXXXXXXX@gmail.com>
Subject: Dec 12th timeslots
To: XXXXXXXXXXXXX
Date: Tuesday, November 17, 2009, 12:33 PM

Hey XXXX,
The other bands must be youngsters or something, they keep bugging us about the times. They want to have the first band start at 8pm. Do you ever do that? Or 8:30? Any earlier you are willing to start would be great, no worries if not.

~XXXX from Magna


On Tue, Nov 17, 2009 at 1:10 PM, XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX wrote:

HEY MAN-THE FIRST BAND WILL LOAD IN AT 8PM AND START AT 8:30PM-MAKE SURE THESE BANDS KNOW THEY MUST PROMOTE THE SHOW. WE HAVE HAD TO TAKE FAIRLY DRASTIC MEASURES AND SHOT DOWN BANDS WHO BRING ANY THING LESS THAN 15 PEOPLE. I CAN'T PAY MY STAFF WITH BANDS WHO BRING ANY LESS BECAUSE IT BECOMES A FREE REHEARSAL. THIS IS A PRIME NIGHT AND WE EXPECT BANDS TO TREAT IT AS SUCH AND PROMOTE THE CRAP OUT OF THEIR SHOWS.
THANKS-ANY QUESTIONS 818 xxx-xxxx

BEST-xxxx

Sounds to me like there was a show scheduled.

So if MAGNA plays there again, well, that remains to be seen, but I don't know what benefit there would be anyway. We've been able to get prime nights and slots, and were setting up entire bills - what's the point of taking that responsibility on, and for what? Other than the apology and wry comment from the owner, "That's showbiz," what is there to gain? At least SHP was cool when they cut the set at The Viper Room in half and made good by working on an El Rey show, but what is C.I.A. going to do for MAGNA? And how to you get people show up there after they've been had once? Or the band?

In an attempt to salvage the night, we did a low volume set at Rybot's place a few hours later, which was a cool, intimate performance. Sorry if you got burned and we didn't catch you before you got there for the show (Scartoe and I stood in the rain for a half hour trying to catch you music hungry souls) - we'll try to make it up with another show soon. And we made a new fan and friend, who heard the band on Last.fm and came to check us out, not knowing he'd be kidnapped and brought to our tiny show. Looks like he had a good time.

The Call

Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 is the best thing that ever happened in the history of even, period. But even if you're not a gamer, chew on this sweet kill:

Total PWNAGE with a "nif".

The game sold over $310 million IN IT'S FIRST DAY, pretty much setting all the old records on fire, and then pissing all over them. But they should not expect too many sales yet in Russia, who has banned the game outright, forcing an edit and relaunch without the game's so-called "terrorist"-style mission. The Russian government is expected to approve a censored version of for re-release in about a month.

The "Airport Mission" aka almost seven minutes of slaughtering civilians and mayhem.

Kings And Princesses Weekend

Big, busy weekend with a trip to the Magic Kingdom and the opening night of the Kings 09-10 season. I've already mentioned their offseason activities and the preseason, so all I'm going to say is I hope the prognostications are right and the team does better than last year (which it has been a slow climb out of the suck hole). If Jack Johnson and Ryan Smyth can play on the same team after this crushing hit, it could be a good year.

Best of the week: Playing Doctor.

An Arizona man who allegedly stole the identity of a San Francisco physician and posed as a doctor running a West Los Angeles sperm bank was arrested on suspicion of sexually assaulting two men.

Jeffrey Lynn Graybill (40) is accused of pretending to be "Dr. Robert Richardson" and soliciting sperm donors for the nonexistent Fertility Clinic of West Los Angeles. Investigators believe that there may be more than two dozen other victims in California and Arizona.

Although he had no medical license, Graybill allegedly advertised himself as a physician through internet listings on Craigslist and solicited potential clients, offering up to $4,000 monthly for sperm donations for "stem cell and other research."

Graybill, a property manager, had been trained as an emergency medical technician and used leftover medical equipment such as a stethoscope and blood pressure monitor to convince men that he was a doctor. He arranged to meet the first victim at the man's home, the second at an apartment Graybill managed. No, that's not a tip off... After Graybill failed to pay the men, one of them filed a complaint with Los Angeles police in June, triggering the investigation. Phoenix police also are investigating Graybill in connection with several similar assaults on men there. Prosecutors have charged Graybill with 11 felonies, including practicing medicine without certification, identity theft, sexual penetration and sexual battery by fraud.

Also: Seriously, WTF?

The folks at the Wisconsin Tourism Federation couldn't possibly have seen how the interweb would change the lingo when it was established in 1979. But now that it's been pointed out, the lobbying coalition had to rethink using an acronym in the logo. To most anyone online, WTF has a different meaning these days...and probably not the kind of thing you want visitors thinking about when they think Wisconsin.

A quick check of the tourism board's website, and lo and behold, they've bowed to pressure and changed their name to the Tourism Federation of Wisconsin. The old logo lives on, however, at the Internet Archive. No word on the actions of the World Taekwando Federation.

And: Death from above!

The public information leaflets dropped by the C130 Hercules over a rural area came in boxes designed to open in mid-air, thereby scattering the leaflets over a wide range. But on June 23rd, they didn't. The box failed to break apart in mid-air and landed on top of the girl who died later in hospital. Oops! The British Ministry of Defence apologized for the actions of the Royal Air Force and is carrying out a full investigation. And here's a little history for you:

Leaflets have been used by militaries since at least the Napoleonic wars, when the British navy dropped them over France using kites. And they continue to be employed, because leaflets have some advantages over other media. Radio and TV are fine if the audience happen to be tuned in at the time, but printed matter is durable.

As the U.S. Army’s Psychological Operations Field Manual explains, "A printed leaflet has the advantage that it can be passed from person to person without the message being altered. It can convey a complex message which can be reinforced with pictures if the recipient is illiterate. And a leaflet can be hidden and read in private, and shared around with others."

Delivery methods have ranged from artillery and mortar shells to loose airdrop by hand to “leaflet landmines.” The M129E1/E2 Psychological Operations Leaflet Bomb weighs 200 pounds and can disperse some 60,000 to 80,000 leaflets which are scattered by a length of detonator cord.

I have a hard time believing something could fall from the sky and hit you unaware, but it has happened in the past...

Worst of the week: American Idolatry

If only they would disappear like the Sideshow Bob looking Justin...but they don't. And just like J. Butt and her husband Skeletor, Jennifer Hudson acts like she's the first person to ever have a kid, but she's making ridiculous assumptions, like he could be following in her singing footsteps.

"He seems like he's very interested in music already," she told Us Magazine. "The other night he was having a fit and screaming and sometimes when I play music, he will just calm down. I was exactly the same way." When she put on "Let It Be" — a tune she recorded with Rod Stewart — Hudson said her son "literally just shut down. It was like he just gradually fell asleep." Sometimes when he cries, she adds, "I try to harmonize!"

Though he was born Aug. 10, her son already "does a whole lot," she said. "He's turning over, he lifts his head up, he's trying to hold his own bottles! Sometimes I swear he talking to me — or trying to. I think he's a very rare newborn. He's the cutest thing in the world, I promise you."

Listen, cow, that chip off the fat block is an eating, sleeping, shitting, crying machine - no different than any other. Next time you open that piehole, just go back to shoving food in there and keep the retarded comments to a minimum. Like zero.

But the bar-non dumbest thing said was by E! on-line news.

“Adam Lambert is like a modern-day Braveheart.”

In no world that we live in, under any circumstance, could there be a single, possible correlation between Adam "Cupcake" Lambert and William "Braveheart" Wallace. There's not even a tie between Lambert and Mel Gibson. That those words were ever written have brought society one step closer to ruin.