V Is For Grand Theft Auto

Grand Theft Auto is back with the fifth installment of the title series - hence the 'V', though this one moves the action to San Andreas, the Los Angeles-based location last featured in a 2004 spin-off title.  Hard to say when in time this game is going to be, since the San Andreas title was set in 1992, and the other main spin-off Vice City was set in 80's Miami, but regardless, it will be awesome.

As Close As Non-Gamers Want To Come To An Actual D&D Session

Parallax, Or When Portals Become Monochromatic

How About A Bit Of The Old Ultraviolence

It makes GTA look like a PDA (and minors can enjoy it too thanks to the Supreme Court!).

Game On, Kids!

It's official - the Supreme Court said states cannot ban the sale or rental of ultraviolent video games to children. Seriously, what kind of future can your child have if they can't get good at Grand Theft Auto IV?

On a 7-2 vote, the court threw out California's 2005 law covering games sold or rented to those under 18, calling it an unconstitutional violation of free-speech rights. Pussies Justices Stephen Breyer and Clarence Thomas dissented from the decision. Breyer said it makes no sense to legally block children's access to pornography yet allow them to buy or rent brutally violent video games.

"What sense does it make to forbid selling to a 13-year-old boy a magazine with an image of a nude woman, while protecting the sale to that 13-year-old of an interactive video game in which he actively, but virtually, binds and gags the woman, then tortures and kills her?" Well, maybe you should read Justice Antonin Scalia's majority opinion!

He said that video games, fall into the same category as books, plays and movies as entertainment that "communicates ideas — and even social messages" deserving of First Amendment free-speech protection. And non-obscene speech "cannot be suppressed solely to protect the young from ideas or images that a legislative body thinks unsuitable for them. Even where the protection of children is the object, the constitutional limits on governmental action apply."

This decision was the latest in a series of rulings on on First Amendment cases, with the justices throwing out attempts to ban animal cruelty videos, protests at military funerals and political speech by businesses.

If California's 2005 law was upheld, it would have prohibited anyone under 18 from buying or renting games that give players the option of "killing, maiming, dismembering, or sexually assaulting an image of a human being." What, do they want everyone to go back to playing only Pac-Man? Under that model, even Mike Tyson's Punch Out would be covered - an he doesn't even bite any ears in that game! Parents would have been able to buy the prohibited games for their children, but retailers who sold directly to minors would have faced fines of up to $1,000 for each game sold.

Thankfully, the law never took effect, as lower courts have said that the law violated minors' constitutional rights, and the state lacked enough evidence to prove that violent games cause physical and psychological harm to minors (like when David Cross asked what those video games where that Hitler gave to the Germans). Courts in six other states reached the same conclusion in striking down similar bans.

So rejoice, children! You may not get to see a tit in real life, but at least you can play a game where you cut them off someone...

Super Real Brothers

But Is There A Gordon Freeman Cameo?

Now you can't say there are no short films based in the Half-Life world...

Blazing Solos

Guitar Hero may not be as popular as it once was, but if every note was say, a giant plume of fire?  That would make you wanna play, right?

Chris Marion connected his Guitar Hero guitar to a microcontroller, which powers relays that activate solenoid valves on five "fire poofers". If the Crüe is not your flavor, there's also some AC/DC...

Real First Person Shooter

Welcome To The Bungle

There's no way you can live like a rock star if you've only put out one album in the last 15 years.  How else can you justify Axl Rose's $20 million lawsuit against "Guitar Hero" maker Activision and his claim their use of "Welcome to the Jungle" violated a deal not to include any imagery of ex-guitarist Slash. That ego of his more bloated than his current pasty, haggard self.

If Rose is to be believed, Activision fraudulently induced him into authorizing "Jungle" for use in Guitar Hero III by telling him during negotiations that the game wouldn't feature any reference to his former bandmate or Slash's subsequent band Velvet Revolver...because that's a completely normal subject to come up during negotiations. When Rose found out that a "Slash-like character" and Velvet Revolver songs would be included, he said he immediately rescinded the authorization for "Jungle," but the game company lied and told him the inclusion was just for the purposes of a trade show.  So a trade show is okay, but not actual inclusion?  That's the fine line between acceptable and acrimony?

When Guitar Hero III came out and its box cover featured "an animated depiction of Slash, with his signature black top hat, long dark curly hair, dark sunglasses and nose-piercing", Rose was enraged - much like most Guns N' Roses fans after a decade-plus wait for new music that failed to deliver. In addition to that grievous offense, "Sweet Child 'O Mine" was used in an online promotion for Guitar Hero III, despite only being licensed for Guitar Hero II...oh my!  Naturally, he wants $20 million in damages from sales of the popular game.

Activision has not yet responded to the complaint, but I have an idea what might be appropriate...suck it up you fragile has-been and get over yourself.  You're lucky anyone still gives two shits about your glam-rock band, who only survived the culling by alternative music because you had the least make-up of all the others.

Say Hey, Baby

In the world of "Hey Baby", hordes of men call out pickup lines that range from tame ("Excuse me, do you have a boyfriend?") to perverse ("I wanna lick you all over"), and game players get to decide if they want to ignore the comment or shoot. Finally, feminists can play video games!

Released in June, and available to play free on www.heybabygame.com, the game has raised some controversy on gaming blogs, as both sexes debated the validity of its message about street harassment. Must have been a short debate, especially when the tagline is "It's payback time, boys." Designed specifically for women, it's a not the typical female lead character that has been action oriented like Lara Croft (from Tomb Raider) or Samus (from the Metroid series), but more in line with the gritty violence Grand Theft Auto...and it may be the first in a new wave of games.

A study released this summer by Ghent University (in Belgium, folks) looked at 1,000 gamers between 16 and 24 to determine the difference in gaming preferences between women and men...and eventually market the shit out of some games to them. Women make up 40% of gamers and 42% of online gamers.  Of the 344 females polled in the study, more than half said they didn't mind shoot-'em-up gameplay.... as long as the violence had a humorous undertone.  Not surprisingly, realistic battle scenes tended to put women off.

Sure, it's crudely animated and fairly simple, but so was Doom when it came out.  And like all video games, it's a good release and safe outlet for those more...aggressive impulses.

More Shocking

That last Bioshock Infinite trailer? Forget it, and wrap your head around this.

Infinite Coolness

The 8xpendables

If you didn't grow up in the 80's, then you never had the joy of going down to the bowling alley to play Contra. And if you did, then you'll dig this 8-bit arcade game based off the upcoming The Expendables. It's probably better than the movie too.

You can play as Barney Ross, Lee Christmas or Yin Yang - yeah, those are their names in the film. Beat the game as Yin Yang to unlock bonus mode for a chance to see alternate endings and easter eggs. And if you make it onto the top 10 all-time high scores list, you can get official Expendables swag from Lionsgate. I don't mind advertising for crappy film if it's going to be creative.

Check it out here.

Zombieland

I don't think I'm going to be able to ride Pirates Of The Caribbean without worrying if a horde of zombies are going to attack...

Divector8 made a couple of custom Left 4 Dead 2 maps that sends the players on vacation that turns the happiest place on Earth into the mosty terrifying. You can take a calm, zombie-free tour of the Indiana Jones Adventure: Temple Of The Forbidden Eye ride, or if you want to elevate your blood pressure, SG-1 does a gory, multi-part tour (1 / 2 / 3) against the brain eaters, giving new meaning to "there's zombies in the employees only room".

Virtual Reality

Avatar Days is a short film by Cormac Kelly about four Irish World Of Warcraft players. The gooch is that instead of just following their lives, they're all replaced on screen with their in-game avatars.

Super X

Hells yes, it's Super Mario Crossover time!

Super Mario Bros. needs less Mario brothers and more Nintendo characters. At least, that's what Exploding Rabbit thought before he spent a year developing the game. It's the exact same as the original, but with playable with Mega Man, Simon Belmont (Castlevania), Samus (Metroid), Link (Legend of Zelda), and that guy from Contra. Head here, and kiss your day goodbye.

Attack Of The Pixels

Peepface

Those nasty marshmallow Peeps are a staple of Easter, and there's always a ton of them left over. Luckily, Holy Taco created a game that combines the use of these classic candy treats and adds a perfect excuse to drink: Peepface!

Peeps
Peeps come in a variety of shapes and sizes, and now they're available for more than just Easter. For the purposes of Peepface, they are divided into two groups based on their size: the standard group is made up of bunnies, chicks, and ghosts (around Halloween). The large-sized Peep group is made up of Christmas trees, black cats (around Halloween), and hearts (around V-Day). Experiment with the different sizes to determine which works best for your Peepface game.

Players
Peepface can be played with two to four players at a time. Any more gets too crowded and any less would be realy hard to pull off, because you'd be alone.

Distance
The 15 feet of distance is the perfect amount of space between players. This distance will keep the playing field even, regardless of skill level.

Judge/Scorekeeper
While not necessary, we strongly recommend having a judge that is a hot chick.

Peepface is a drinking game where you stand 15 feet apart and try to hit your friend in the face with a Marshmallow Peep. The first team to score 31 points loses. Each point is equivelant to one drink of an alcoholic beverage of your choosing (hard alcohol not recommended). The goal of Peepface is to accumulate as few points as possible, while forcing your opponent to acrue points by hitting them in the face repeatedly with your sugar-covered marshmallow projectile. Here's how the scoring works:

Each player must wager an amount of points (drinks) before throwing their Peep. A round consists of each player wagering points, then throwing their Peep at their opponent's face. If you hit your opponent in the face with the Peep, you've acheived a "Peepface". Your opponent takes the wagered amount of points and must also take that many drinks. If you miss your opponent's face, your team takes the points and you take the drinks. Hitting your opponent anywhere other than in the face counts as a miss, and you cannot wager more than 5 points on a single throw.

The Peepface Judge has the final say on any and all controversial calls during gameplay.

No Whipping
Peepface is, above all else, a gentleman's game. Because it involves throwing projectiles at your friend's face, it can easily be ruined by over-zealous players. Keep in mind that the goal is not to bruise your friend's face with an adorable marshmallow treat, it's simply to hit him in the face with a Peep and drink heavily while doing so. Therefore, throwing incredibly hard during gameplay is highly frowned upon, with the exception of a rebuttal throw.

No Flinching
When your opponent is throwing a Peep at you, you are not allowed to move or flinch under any circumstances. You may close your eyes, but dodging, whether intentional or unintentional, is strictly forbidden regardless of how close the Peep comes to making contact with you. If you flinch, your opponent gets to re-throw. Flinching is determined by the judge. The judge may issue a "flinch warning" at his/her discretion, but frequent/repeated flinching will result in re-throws.

Foot Fault
A pre-determined fault line must be established by the Judge after the 15-pace distance has been determined. Players are not allowed to step over the fault line. Elbows and arms are permitted to cross the line during the throw. The Judge must monitor Foot Faults closely. In the event of a foot fault, all points are nullified and the thrower re-throws the Peep.

Brushbacks, Holdbacks, and Over-the-Tops
The only way to score points in Peepface is to hit your opponent directly in the face. Hitting your opponent in the body, neck, ears, or hair counts as a miss. Rules have been created for opponents who have long hair or are wearing hats. At any point in the game, a player can call for a "Brushback". The player's opponent must brush their hair back to reveal as much of their face as possible, in order to give the thrower a fair shot at a Peepface.

In cases of extremely long/floppy hair, a player can call for a "Holdback". The player's opponent must hold their hair back from their face for the entirety of the throw (be advised: if the Peep bounces off of your opponents arm and hits them in the face while they're holding their hair back, it will count as a Peepface. This is the consequence for having long hair).

If a player's opponent is wearing a hat, the player may ask for an "Over-the-Top" at any point during the game. This requires the player's opponent to turn their hat around and align it as close to the hairline as possible, in order to give the thrower a fair shot at a Peepface:

The Max Out
If a player has accrued 26 points or more and their opponent has not yet reached 26 points, the player can choose to "Max Out". A max out means that the player is betting the rest of their available points for one final all-or-nothing throw. The player gets to take one normal-sized step forward for this final throw. If the player scores a Peepface, their opponent accrues the points. If the player misses, the player loses because they've wagered the remainder of their points, and the game is over.

Rebuttal Throws
This is the only time in Peepface when a player should throw a Peep at their opponent's face as hard as they can. Rebuttal throws are rewarded to the losing team (so that nobody really loses in Peepface). Losing players are permitted to throw one Peep at their opponent as hard as they can. If the opponent flinches during a rebuttal throw, the thrower gets to take one step forward and re-throw as hard as they can. You do not want to flinch when you're on the receiving end of a Rebuttal.

Biohazzard

If you play video games, then this release today is a big deal.