The Delicious Ones

Props to Jason McKittrick, who plays tribute to the Ancient Ones in the tastiest of manners. 

From the depths of R'lyeh comes an idol of Cthulhu cast in solid green milk chocolate! I am doing a limited production run of these for a short time only. If you would like one (or a few) please follow the paypal link. Each idol is $10. I will combine shipping for multiple orders.

Idol measures 1 inch by 1 inch wide by 3 inches tall

Also available in regular milk chocolate and custom requests are welcome. Please specify when ordering.

May your taste buds know insanity.

The Best Show In The Universe

Man-O-Manischewitz

On a night when there are four questions, there's another that's long dogged me - how did we end up with Manischewitz on Passover?

Central to the Passover seder are four cups of wine, drunk at intervals during the home service. Jewish law says that that kosher wine be produced and handled only by Jews, and you could imagine what a bitch that was for early immigrants in North America. Native grapes were poorly suited while imported vines succumbed to the elements, and imported wine from Europe was too expensive. A popular solution was was non-alcoholic raisin wine , which came out of small shops and basement wineries. By the end of the 19th century, the top six vendors in New York alone sold 40,000 gallons of this Passover wine. But there was a better vint coming.

Ephraim Wales Bull developed the Concord grape in New England, and from the time it went on sale in 1854, it rapidly spread throughout the country. Thomas Welch decided to pasteurize its juice as well as jelly it. When fermented, the Concord grape into a fortified, syrupy, highly alcoholic wine. Kosher wineries started appearing and even flourished even during Prohibition - thanks to the Volstead Act's exemption for sacramental beverages.

Thanks in part to the popularity of Concord grape juice, American palates warmed to the distinctive flavor of the grape as it grew popular in mainstream markets along with other "ethnic foods". By 1952, kosher wine like Manischewitz was among the most popular wines in the Midwest. Adding Sammy Davis Jr. as a pitchman helped sell the wine to the African-American community, which still continues to account for a large percentage of its sales.

Though sales have decreased over the last few decades, a new kosher wine industry has developed. Catering to both wine snobs and hipsters cred, there's also a boom in exports to Asia, which is the world's fastest-growing wine markets. So raise your glass to the long standing tradition and the flavor of the seder!

Pissed Off

In 1987, Andres Serrano plunged a plastic crucifix into a glass of his own urine and photographed. "Piss Christ" was making a statement on the misuse of religion...and fanatical assholes destroyed it.

Controversy has always followed the work, but on on Palm Sunday it was attacked with hammers and destroyed after an "anti-blasphemy" campaign by French Catholic fundamentalists in Avignon. And I thought forgiveness was the Christian thing to do...

Serrano often defended his photograph as a "condemnation of those who abuse the teachings of Christ for their own ignoble ends" and criticism of the "billion-dollar Christ-for-profit industry". In 2007, it was vandalised in Australia, and a show of his was ransacked by neo-Nazis in Sweden. The photograph had been shown in France several times without incident, and was hanging for the last four months as part of art-dealer Yvon Lambert's personal collection. And two weeks ago a heavy wave of protest began.

Lambert complained of extremists who had sent him tens of thousands of complaint emails, which could be credited to Civitas, a lobby group that says it aims to re-Christianize France who launched an online petition and mobilised other fundamentalist groups. They also organised almost 1,000 Christian protesters, who marched through Avignon to the gallery. The gallery immediately stepped up security, putting plexiglass in front of the photograph and assigning two gallery guards to stand in front of it.

On Palm Sunday morning, four people in sunglasses entered the exhibition just after it opened at 11am. One took a hammer out of his sock and threatened the guards with it. A guard grabbed another man around the waist but within seconds the group managed to take a hammer to the plexiglass screen and slash the photograph. They also smashed another work, which showed the hands of a meditating nun.

The gallery director said it would reopen with the destroyed works on show "so people can see what barbarians can do". I'd rather they take a hammer and pick to the vandals, and put that on display, but at least they are not backing down from lunatics with religious tunnel-vision.

Modern Exodus

The Shat-Man Cometh

He'll boldly go where he's gone before...

William Shatner is again releasing another album of his unique vocal stylings, and this one's got a concept. "Searching for Major Tom" comes out later this year (following his 2004's effort "Has Been", which surprisingly had several bright spots). Here's the tracks and details straight from Shatner's site:

Space Trucking (originally by Deep Purple) - Deep Purple drummer Ian Paice has performed the drum part. Johnny Winter is on guest guitar.


She Blinded Me With Science (originally by Thomas Dolby) - Bootsy Collins is on as the guest bassist. Patrick Moraz (ex Yes and Moody Blues) is guesting on keyboards/synth.


In A Little While (originally by U2) - Manuel Gottsching from Ash Ra Temple has added guitar.


Empty Glass (originally by The Tea Party) - Michael Schenker (UFO/Scorpions) has added guest guitar.


Lost In The Stars (as done by Frank Sinatra) - Jazz legend Ernie Watts is on guest saxophone.


Twilight Zone (originally by Golden Earring) - Warren Haynes (Gov't Mule/Allman Brothers) is on guest guitar.


Space Cowboy (originally by Steve Miller) - Country artist Brad Paisley has added guitar and vocals.


Rocket Man (originally by Elton John) - Guitarist Steve Hillage (ex Gong member and current member of techno rock duo System 7) has added guest guitar


Space Oddity (originally by David Bowie) - Ritchie Blackmore (ex-Deep Purple) has added guest guitar. Alan Parsons is adding guest keyboards.


Spirit In The Sky (originally by Norman Greenbaum) - Peter Frampton has played guitar on this track.


Bohemian Rhapsody (originally by Queen) - John Wetton from Asia has played bass and done a vocal.


Silver Machine (originally by Hawkwind) - Wayne Kramer from the MC5 is adding guitar and Carmine Appice (Vanilla Fudge/Rod Stewart) is adding a guest drum part.


Major Tom (originally by Peter Shilling) - Nick Valensi, the guitarist from the Strokes has added guest guitar to this this track. Also Zakk Wylde (Ozzy Osbourne, black label society) and Mike Inez (Alice In Chains)have contributed to this track.


Learning To Fly (originally by Pink Floyd) - Edgar Froese from Tangerine Dream has played guitar and keyboards on this track.


Mr. Spaceman (originally by The Byrds) - Dave Davies from the Kinks has added guest guitar on this track.


Iron Man (originally by Black Sabbath) - Zakk Wylde (ex Ozzy guitarist) played guitar and did a vocal on this track.


Planet Earth (originally by Duran Duran) - Steve Howe, guitarist with Yes, played guitar on this track.


Walking On The Moon (originally by The Police) - Toots of Toots & the Maytals has added a guest vocal.


Mrs. Major Tom - female singer to add a track -To be announced.

These could make his legendary original version of Rocket Man look like a warm up.

Muy Pronto A Los Cines

Can't Have A Reunion Without A Breakup

The death knell of Guitar Hero seems to have been premature, according to the backpedaling of Activision.

Dan Winters, Activision vice president of developer relations (translation, PR douche), said that the Guitar Hero franchise is simply on hiatus. Hmmm, guess I didn't need to make that post about the game being discontinued months ago. Shit, we all got it wrong.

"Actually, just to clarify, we're just putting Guitar Hero on hiatus, we're not ending it...We're releasing products out of the vault--we'll continue to sustain the channel, the brand won't go away. We're just not making a new one for next year, that's all." And if you like quotes, you can compare that to the one they made in February: "Due to continued declines in the music genre, the company will disband Activision Publishing's Guitar Hero business unit and discontinue development on its Guitar Hero game for 2011."

That confusion comes from a touch of premature valuation. A month after killing the line, market researcher NPD reported that Guitar Hero III: Legends of Rock was the bestselling game released in the U.S. since 1995. It's gross sales are $831 million since its launch in 2007. Also, rival developer Ubisoft announced last month that it plans to launch a music game of its own later this year called Rocksmith, which unlike Guitar Hero and Rock Band, promises to put a real guitar in the hands of players.  Oh, and all those positions I mentioned that were terminated when they closed down the division?  They're still gone.

What Did The Pot Call The Kettle, Part II

Wherever there's money made, there will be lawsuits to try and get a piece, hence the class-action suit filed by Jonathan Tasini looking for part of The Huffington Post’s $315 million acquisition payday from AOL.

By his accounts, Tasini figures the volunteer copy run for the past five years ended up generating a third of its sale value - $105 million. Naturally, he doesn’t explain how he got to that number, no why the site should be expected to pay for work people gave it for free. His major gripe is that users and contributors are frequently asked to help build a Web site without getting any financial compensation. Well sure, but the trade for content is exposure on a nationally recognized website. What's that worth?

It makes a good quote to hear him decry the "modern-day slaves on Arianna Huffington’s plantation", but if so, then Tasini himself is no sharecropper. In fact, has too has a blog that invites readers to contribute. And no, he doesn't pay them.

GAWKER took Tasini to task about his own site, which conveniently is based on the same model as The Huffington Post, using reader contributions. The biggest difference is that his site hasn't made nearly the impact - or money, to make it a target for suits. In response to their questioning, Tasini replied, "Oh, I see what you're doing. Are you comparing my little blog to the Huffington Post? That's absurd." Not so much, and they also found out that you're better at profiting from talking about representing the little guy than actually winning anything from them.

Unicode Range 0–65536

Best Sippy Cup Ever

It's sad when a teenage mother takes her toddler to a restaurant and they get served alcohol when she can't.

Applebee's in Madison Heights, Michigan started the process for 15-month-old Dominic Wilson Jr about two decades early, accidentally serving the boy a margarita instead of apple juice. His mother, Taylor Dill-Reese (18!), said, "He laid his head down like he was sleepy, then woke up and got really hyper...He was saying 'hi' and 'bye' to the walls."

The company that owns the Applebee's restaurant chain said it was immediately retraining its workers nationwide. DineEquity Inc said it would serve apple juice to children only from single-serve containers to eliminate the chance of any mixups that could result in any more toddlers receiving mixed drinks. According to the local police, the juice was an alcoholic concoction that was stored in a mislabeled container. Yeah, that's an old trick from my restaurant days so staff can have themselves a nice glass of "apple juice".

The boy was immediately rushed to the hospital, where his blood alcohol content was measured at 0.10, which is a decent buzz for a tyke.  Other than not eating like he used to (that's called a hangover), he'll be fine...I mean, if you count being born out of wedlock to a teenage mother as not being a problem.

Welcome To Bizzaro World

People magazine has named Jennifer Lopez the World's Most Beautiful Woman. Damn, that's the most narrow world view ever...

Lopez has been included 10 times prior before taking the top honor. Yes, this doughy 41-year-old is absolutely the most beautiful woman in the world. Okay, you know I don't mean that. She's not even the most beautiful 41-year-old in the world. Monica Bellucci has move than five years on her and looks infinitely better. It's just another terrible sign that American media would rather whore themselves out to gain favor with a celebrity rather than have a shred of dignity or honest reporting.  Because you can guess what magazine is going to have an exclusive interview with her once American Idol wraps it's season.

"Don't Brush My Hair In Knots!"

You're Dead. And Dead. And Dead And Dead And Dead.

Hong Kong soap opera actor Law Lok-lam show shouldn't have told fan magazines he writes a lot of his own lines...that kinda pisses off the actual writers on the show. Or shows.

Because all five characters he plays on five different shows got killed. On the same day.

His character on the martial arts drama Grace Under Fire (which would have been more interesting if it was the Grace Butler show) died in a fight, his Fate To Fate character vomited (blood) to death, and his Relic Of An Emissary character of a Ming emperor passed away from an illness. The two characters on Police Station No. 7 and Virtues Of Harmony characters didn't even get to die onscreen.

Despite his complete and sudden unemployment, Law said, "When I get a job, I don’t care if my character in the drama will die. If he is supposed to die, he should go on and die. Some fans criticised broadcaster TVB for making him "die" so often in such a short space of time, but they're fans of soap operas, and their opinions don't count.

Grey Area

Remember when Traci Lords left the adult film industry to become influential politician? Or when Jenna Jameson quit the biz to storm the medical field an cure diseases? Yeah, which is why we've heard the last of Sasha Grey.

Arguably the most famous porn star in the world, Marina Ann Hantzis Sasha Grey has hung up her vagina and is retiring from the interracial anal, bisexual three-ways, and facials that defined her career (how horrible is it to have your career defined by ass-to-mouth sex and double penetrations?). She said:

It’s become quite evident that my time as an adult film performer has expired. Don’t worry, I haven’t found Jesus. One thing is for certain, I’m proud to say I have no regrets, I genuinely feel I accomplished everything I could as a performer. I was able to work with the industry’s most professional performers and companies, and I’ll always cherish the friends and relationships I was able to build. It was simply the perfect time for me to move on… while I was on top (pun indeed, intended). Life sometimes takes us in a direction we never could have imagined.

Apparently, her crossover "success" has gone to her head. Starring in Steven Soderbergh’s The Girlfriend Experience (which grossed barely $1 million on a skeletal $1.3 million budget) as an escort and as, well, herself in Entourage, I'd hardly call playing a sex worker success. She's modeled and made music only as a result of the name and recognition garnered from porn, but who's going to have any interest in either of those from her in few years?

Her latest non-sex move was the recently released book, Neü Sex, which she calls, "my visual mosaic through photography, my sexual philosophy, and observations". Oh, the only thing worse than a porn star who doesn't know when to keep her mouth shut (or open), is one who thinks they're a goddamn artist and intellectual. Sure, people are allowed to not be defined by just one thing - look at excellent crossover to acting by Madonna or William Shatner's singing career...oh wait, those were both jokes - but Sasha Grey is just trying to milk every last mile out of her fame as she goes further away from the one thing that made her. Jenna Jameson's more recent career move? Domestic abuse charges against Tito Ortiz in 2010. Keep that in mind, Sasha...

You'll always be the 2007 AVN Award winner for Best Three-Way Sex Scene (y'know, in Fuck Slaves with Sandra Romain and Manuel Ferrara) to me.

See you back in the business in 2013.

Tsunami Translated Means "Wave Of Cars And Buses"

Crapateria

Students attending Chicago's Little Village Academy public school have two choices for lunch - eat the cafeteria food or go hungry.

Wanna bring your brown bag? Fuck you! Only students with allergies are allowed to bring a homemade lunch! "Nutrition wise, it is better for the children to eat at the school," principal Elsa Carmona said of the policy. "It's about ... the excellent quality food that they are able to serve in the lunchroom. It's milk versus a Coke." Actually, it's about a private school versus a public challenge...for now.  Students said they would rather bring their own lunch, and the $2.25 daily cafeteria price can also tally more than a homemade lunch.

A Chicago public school teacher started a blog to protest the city's school lunches, and last year the schools tightened their nutrition standards for cafeteria-served school lunches. Now, every lunch must contain whole grains, only reduced-fat salad dressings and mayonnaise are offered as condiments, and the meals must feature a different vegetable each day. Meal providers also must reduce sodium content by 5% annually. About 86% of the district's students qualify for free or reduced price school lunches because their families are toeing the poverty line, so they should be happy their kids are getting fed, but the thought of not having the choice for those that can provide is getting added to the already growing debate on student lunches and childhood obesity.

Alabama parents protested a school's rule that barred students from bringing any drinks from home, since ice water was provided at lunch. Eastern New York schools have outlawed cupcakes and other desserts. Nationally, many schools have kicked out chocolate milk and soda vending machines. Over in new-fascist Arizona, the Children's Success Academy allows home-packed lunches, but only if nothing in them contains white flour, refined sugar, or other "processed" foods.  The school has no cafeteria, which makes meeting to restrictions even harder.  And even old white right-winger jerk-off fantasy Sarah Palin got involved in a debate regarding a recommendation that teachers limit the number of times per month sugary treats are eaten in classroom birthday celebrations.

About a third of America's kids are overweight or obese, and since children consume at least 30% of their calories while in school, the thinking is making lunches healthier is seen as one way to counter that problem. And that's great, but if the other 70% of meals they have are pure crap, it's not going to make a difference. But because there are a lot of shitty parents, it's up to the schools to get involved so their kids don't grow up to die sooner.
 

Leaving Las Vegas...In A Bodybag

Vanity, I swear you're death's cousin.

A genius woman died over the weekend after a botched buttocks enhancement surgery. This wouldn't normally make news, except that it took place in the back room of a Las Vegas tile business. The Colombian nationals who "performed" the work were later arrested trying to board a plane back to that country. At least these malpracticioners bothered to get a hotel room.

Elena Caro's cause of death was not immediately determined, as the investigation and toxicology tests are ongoing, but is "foreign object to the butt" possibility? The facial botox injections Ruben Dario Matallana-Galvas (55) and Carmen Olfidia Torres-Sanchez (47) had given Caro (who also used the name Maria Orrozco) the week prior miraculously had no problems, so after she walked out of the procedure, why would they have had any concerns?

Elizabeth Flores, an aide to Mattalana-Galvas, got the call that something had gone wrong, so she had her husband drive Mattalana-Galvas and Torres-Sanchez to the airport, the police report said. Congrats on your aiding and abetting!

Caro's underage daughter, Janet Villalovos, shared she told Matallana-Galvas to take care of her mother when she dropped her off for the procedure. "He told me everything's going to be fine, don't worry," Villalovos said. This is shocking, right? And wouldn't you know it that the Nevada State Board of Medical Examiners had no files or credentials on either of the "doctors".

Caro. Mattalana-Galvas.Torres-Sanchez. Villalovos. Orrozco. I can't keep all of it straight...it's like watching a soccer match.

Street Release

No Fighting On The First Date

Adios, Foppa

Peter Forsberg's latest and last NHL comeback lasted 35 minutes over the span of two games. Pro all the way...

Forsberg didn't tally a point, picked up four penalty minutes and was a minus 4, quite the mild end to a once-spectacular 13 season career. It was yet another attempt for Foppa to reboot his Hall of Fame career, coming back from another foot surgery (a seemingly annual event dating back to 2006) that had both he and the Colorado Avalanche hoped would be mutually beneficial.

Forsberg is tenth all-time in career points-per-game and fourth all-time in career assists-per-game. He won a pair of Stanley Cups and the Hart Memorial Trophy in 2003. With the Swedish national team, he won two World Championships and two Olympic hockey gold medals. That makes him a member of the Triple Gold Club and the only Swede who has won the three competitions twice.

Now, if only Michael Schumacher could take the hint...

Cats On A Plane

I remember when Delta's motto was "We love to fly...and it shows!"...but I don't think it ever applied to animal.

Heather Lombardi is was the owner of a hairless kitten that flew in the cargo hold of a flight from Connecticut from Utah last month. A door latch malfunctioned in 10-degree weather and it took nearly an hour to unload her cat. Snickers died shortly afterwards...

Initially, Delta Air Lines told her she would get $2,900 for the cat and $290 for airfare, plus reimbursement for vet bills and even a freezer where she was keeping Snickers until the ground thawed. But now Delta changed its offer to air fare plus 50 cents a pound, although there's a $50 minimum. A Delta spokesman describes the offer as a standard cargo reimbursement and said talks are ongoing.

It's kinda hard to back the airline when dead kittens are involved. And they're named Snickers.

Nice One, Rooney

(more here)

Get In The Mood For Love

It's Valentine's Day, so don't be afraid to fall in love...you may not actually catch a disease.

A recent study of five U.S. labs shows about 18% of the positive results from a test method used since the 1980s to determine syphilis were actually negative. Experts previously thought the false positive was much lower, below 7%. Oh, science, for an empirical discipline you're so uncertain.

Besides the incorrect concern, it means some patients were given unnecessary treatments, like penicillin, which can have adverse side effects...though are they worse than untreated syphilis?  Syphilis testing is recommended for all pregnant women and for people considered to be at high risk for sexually transmitted diseases (whores, right?), and the CDC supports additional testing when this particular test gives a positive result.

At least a CDC epidemiologist had a wry retort -  "It doesn't miss people who are infected."  Zing!

$tate Dollar$

Down in South Carolina, they're banking on the collapse of the Federal Reserve.

"If folks lose faith in the dollar, we need to have some kind of backup," said State Senator Lee Bright (irony?). To help with his crisis of conscious, he's introduction a bill to look into the development of a state currency. And like all lunatics, he's even citing the Constitution and Supreme Court precedents to prove the bill's legality.

Similar bills in are circulating in Georgia and Virginia, and the legislation is part of a growing trend of lowly state politicians boosting their profile with outrageous monetary policy. The bill in Georgia would require all debts to the state be paid in pre-1965 gold and silver coins. The Virginia proposal would let the state print its own money. And it's not just the ghosts of the Confederacy - even in Utah, one little politico wants to allow the state's residents to run their very own mints.

You can thank the extremists like Ron Paul, who is Congress' most visible anti-Fed leader. He argues the Fed devalues the dollar, and proposes that the United States should gradually return to gold-backed currency. But what he doesn't see, like the logistical chaos of states adopting a new currency, is the volatility of commodity-backed currencies. For example, if a state collects income taxes in gold and then a big new gold mine is discovered, the metal's value would decline along with the state's revenue holdings.

Sure, it's nice to have lots of cute little papers from each of the states, but it's enough to have the complete series of states quarters. Letting every Chicken Little make their own pretty legal tender is not such a grand idea.  Just ask the good 'ol boys from the losing side of the war how inflation and state currency worked out...

Berry Very Heaveh

"CBS 2 affiliate reporter Serene Branson did not have a stroke live on air while reporting on the Grammys Sunday night", media sources reported, but you wouldn't know it from watching the tape.

A Direct Hit!

Sony was successful in getting a temporary restraining order against a hacker who put a PS3 jailbreak online. But who do they go after when they do it themselves?

Travis La Marr tweeted @TheKevinButler the PS3 jailbreak code, and  challenged him with, “Come at me”. The Kevin Butler twitter account is actually run by Sony as part of their marketing campaign centered on the (fictional) character who is the Vice President of many nonexistent departments. Their response?  Sony retweeted the jailbreak code in its entirety along with the retort, “Lemme guess . . . you sank my Battleship?”  No, not just your battleship, the entire fleet...

The tweet was removed and the company hasn’t commented on it. But more tweets from La Marr have gone up.  He says he “can’t wait for my name to show up on the list of subpoenas for Sony.” and  “Anyone want to start a pool on how long it takes Sony to contact me for embarrassing them & doing what I did? Calling it ‘My Defense Fund’” By the way, he later added he doesn’t even own a PS3.

The HDR Chapel

HDR stands for "high dynamic range" — the range between the lightest and darkest areas of an image, and the idea is that it looks more similar to what you see in reality than than regular photographs. The images are achieved by blending several photos with different exposures, usually at least over-exposed and one under-exposed.  The hyperreal nature of the result makes it look like a video game cutscene.

Using that technique, an HDR camera was used to shoot inside a protestant temple in Zeliszów, Poland, built in 1796 and designed by Karl Langhans. There's also a behind the scenes look at how it was made.

Check Before You Flush

You may not always remember what you ate that made your experience in the bathroom traumatic, but you'd think that passing anything approaching more than a pound would register.

Still, a South Carolina woman accused of giving birth in an arena toilet and leaving her baby to die claims she didn't know she was pregnant and can't remember the birth.

Jessica Blackham (24) felt ill during a circus performance and went to the arena's bathroom, where she does not remember birthing a child. Blackham is also mother to a 4-year-old child, who was not born in a public toilet. She was charged with one count of felony child abuse and one count of unlawful neglect toward a child. If convicted, she could face up to 30 years in prison.Authorities would not discuss the identity of the infant's father, and while Blackham is married, she is estranged from her husband.

Arena workers found the asphyxiating child and called authorities. The baby was found suffering from hypothermia, but was in good condition. The custodians said they found the infant with his feet in the water and head resting on the toilet rim. While 911 was called, a worker pulled the baby from the toilet and used a finger to pull mucus from the boy's mouth before wrapping the baby in a towel and used a piece of string to cut the umbilical cord.

I just want to add here at the end of this post that it was a six pound baby she shit mysteriously passed delivered. Yeah, I think I'd remember that visit to the toilet...

Oil In, Oil Out

According to WikiLeaks, Saudi Arabia is writing oil checks to the world that their sand-capped reserves can't cash.

In cables between a U.S. diplomat and the former head of exploration for Saudi oil, it was unlikely the country would maintain their 12.5 million barrels per day output in order to keep prices stable. They also indicated that Saudi producers are likely to hit their peak oil output as early as 2012. If true, it will be downhill from there for the enormous Saudi oil industry...which would be awesome to see their stranglehold on the world loosen.

As a comfort for our oil-thirst, a new drilling technique is opening up previously out-of-reach oil in the western US. Deposits scattered across North Dakota, Colorado, Texas and California could yield as much as 2 million barrels of oil a day by 2015. That's more than the entire Gulf of Mexico produces currently. This new drilling is expected to raise production by at least 20% over the next five years help reduce oil imports by more than half in a decade. Of course, the process is environmentally questionable.

The method is to drill down and horizontally into the rock, then pump water, sand and chemicals into the hole to crack the shale and allow gas to flow up. Since oil molecules are both sticky and larger than gas molecules, drillers learned how to increase the number of cracks in the rock and use different chemicals to free up oil at low cost.

We may not be out from under the thumb of big oil, but at least it could be our thumb in the future.

Grab Your Copy Now

You've no doubt seen Uganda’s first action film, Who Killed Captain Alex...are you ready for the latest blockbuster from Ramon Films? It's The Return Of Uncle Benon.

A Night At The Cockfights

Part of the fun of going to a sporting even is catching a fly ball or getting hit with an errant puck in the stands. And sometimes, you get stabbed in the leg by a bird at an illegal cockfight.

Jose Luis Ochoa (35) was declared dead about two hours after he was injured in neighboring Tulare County (central California, give it up!). The autopsy concluded Ochoa died of an accidental “sharp force injury” to his right calf. Because there is no deliberate sharp force injury to your calf at a cockfight.

Ochoa and other spectators fled when authorities arrived at the scene of the fight. Deputies found five dead roosters and "other evidence of cockfighting at the location", which is curious given that dead roosters is the best indicator of cockfighting. Clearly, having front row seats to the cockfight is exciting until you're face to face calf to claw with an fighting bird.

Said Vince at Film Drunk (who posted the story), "Yeah, I bet they considered shutting down Project Mayhem after that one."

Axing The Axe

Over at Activision Blizzard, call it the day that music died.

The company behind "Guitar Hero" is pulling the plug on the title after a five year run as one of the most successful video game titles of the last decade. The decision follows Viacom's decision last November to sell Harmonix, who was behind the "Rock Band" video games. Harmonix was eventually sold to an investment firm, and in an ironic twist, created the first "Guitar Hero" game.

Game industry analysts, which is as cushy a job as it sounds, have long lamented what the call the "weakness in the music genre". After their initial surge of popularity in the mid-2000s, the games lost their profitability as the required guitars and musical equipment had been acquired. Even with extra songs purchased via download and expansion packs, Activision Blizzard did not feel the title was adequately profitable.

The company's shares tumbled after the announcement, which follows an up and down year. Early 2010 numbers were disappointing, but the company finished with a strong fourth quarter, between "Call of Duty: Black Ops" earning $1 billion after just six weeks in stores and high sales for their latest "World of Warcraft" expansion. Their opening 2011 quarter was back down, posting a $233 million loss. The discontinuation of the game will equal about 500 jobs lost from Activision Publishing's business, which has about 7,000 employees.

Oh well...it was a fun game at drunken parties, but no substitute for real instruments.  And this stupid kid is going to have to find a new career...I'm guessing it's one where he asks if you want to super-size it.

HUH HUH HUH HUH UH HUH HUH HUH HUH HUH HUH

First there was a loop of Natalie Portman’s dorky laugh from the Golden Globes.  Then, Film Drunk and Frotcast regular Lindy West put out a call for a mashup with Brendan Fraser’s über-dork clap and point from last year’s Golden Globes. This is the super loop that will make you lose your mind...or make you sane.

Dead Ass Dumbass

Police questioned a New Jersey woman and sought a second person in the case of a London woman who died after receiving cosmetic injections in her buttocks at a hotel near Philadelphia International Airport. And I thought it was only dentistry that was lacking in England...

Police believe the woman was the coordinator of buttocks and hip enlargements for the victim, Claudia Aderotimi (20), and another woman, communicating with them overseas to set up the visit.

Aderotimi died at a hospital after suffering from chest pains and breathing trouble. She flew from London to Philadelphia on Saturday with three other women. One friend had a similar cosmetic procedure and the other two went shopping in New York. Aderotimi received injections only to her buttocks. The surviving woman, who was not hospitalized, received hip and buttocks injections. Investigators were not sure why the women came to Philadelphia to undergo the procedures, but clearly an airport hotel should have been a tip off that it may not have been a good idea.

The medical examiner could spend several weeks before toxicology test results are complete to determine what killed Aderotimi. It is reminiscent of the story of former Miss Argentina Solange Magnano, who I noted died from butt injections in 2009. Like the annual bull goring stories from Pampalona, I do enjoy sharing tales of people who get themselves killed in pursuit of their own vanity and ego.

Original Recipe

Finnish scientists are looking to reverse engineer an ale that was found in a 19th century shipwreck in the Baltic Sea. Priorities are different in Europe...

The shipwreck yielded 145 champagne bottles including vintages from Heidseck, Veuve Clicquot and Juglar, and most of what would be a modern-day six-pack.

Professional beer tasters sampled the brew: "They said that it did taste very old, which is no surprise, with some burnt notes. But it was quite acidic - which could mean there's been some fermenting going on in the bottle." If they can still detect living yeast or other microbial cells, they can try to compare them to brewing yeasts that we know today. Further chemical analysis would be needed to determine what hops were used, and even then, since the beer was not fresh, there would still be a level of modern interpretation to match the old brew formula.

Old Of Face, Young At Heart

The Today Show also interviewed the mask designer last month.

Widney Low

Widney High is known for it's mentally disabled students who went on to success as a musical group, but like history has shown, there are often darker things below the surface in the institutions meant to help the disabled.

Los Angeles Unified School District officials are reviewing both personnel and curriculum at Widney High School. The school serves about 200 students with developmental disabilities who range in age from 13 to 22, and focuses on preparing them for work.

A recent report found a series of problems at the campus, including a lack of safe places for students to sleep or rest, uneven accounting of staff attendance and work hours, a lack of evidence of student learning, and the routine payment of overtime to some aides. Superintendent Ramon Cotines even observed instructors watching a soap opera during class time. "They didn't even make an effort to turn it off when I was there."

Recommendations including replacing the principal and assistant principal, assigning more academic coaches to the campus and providing more training to staff on how to feed students. As expected, Widney's principal since 2001, Jessie Lucas Thompson, and Chris Manners, the assistant principal since 2005, did not comment.  Perhaps they were busy developing the school's underground fight club...

Not As Super

Imagine paying big bucks to make it to football's high holy day and getting a fumble instead of the game winning touchdown.

As late as last week, the NFL knew there were problems with the installation of temporary Super Bowl seating sections, and could only muster this excuse: "At the end, we just ran out of time". Metaphor to sports aside, how to you select cities years in advance and spend your whole season working up to one game without being able to manage tickets and seating?

At least hour hundred people were forced to give up their seats and watch the game on monitors or use standing-room platforms in corners of Cowboys Stadium. Another 850 fans were moved from their seats in the temporary sections to other seats.

Both NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell and Super Bowl host / Cowboys owner Jerry Jones acknowledged the seating blunder, and on behalf of the league, Goodell would give tickets for next year's Super Bowl to the 400 fans left without a place to sit. The league already had said it would offer those 400 people refunds of triple the face value of their Steelers-Packers tickets. As for those displaced 850 fan, well, go fuck yourselves, courtesy of the NFL.

A total of about 15,000 temporary seats were added to areas that are usually standing-room only "party pass" areas for Cowboys games, but quite simply, they could not build enough or take into account the number needed - final work on the temporary sections was done Sunday afternoon just prior to the game.

In the coming weeks, the NFL will review what happened to figure out what went wrong, though these no word if they will use the instant reply on their incompetence.

The Last Glass Eye Maker In Britain

Mound, Or When It Rains, It Pours

Back in college, and friend made an art installation with seasonings, salt, and several pounds of raw chicken meat (which after a few days was rancid as hell). But it was a memory that popped up after seeing this current piece from Japanese artist Motoi Yamamoto.

Taking five days to complete and 2,200 pounds of salt, it's...well, what is it? Looking closer, he transformed his massive salt pile into a super-intricate maze. Using the same plastic bottles that dispense machine oil, he worked his way from the back of the room and worked forward. Fortunately, no raw chickens were used.

The Power Of Legos To..."BUILD!"

Colon's Best Friend

It's easy to tell which guys are assholes, but it takes a canine to tell which assholes have cancer.

With a sense of smell far superior to humans, dogs can sniff out plenty of things: they can find drugs or bombs or buried earthquake victims. And now, Japanese researchers say dogs can detect colorectal cancer.

The goal of the study was to find out whether odor can become an effective tool in colorectal cancer screening, and it was disgusting but important work. Samples of stool and exhaled breath from 40 patients with colorectal cancer along with 320 healthy people. In 33 of 36 breath tests and in 37 of 38 stool tests, the dog, a specially trained 8-year-old female Labrador retriever was successful, in distinguishing cancer. In contrast, standard fecal occult blood screening picks up colon cancer in only one out of 10 cases.

The dog was also able to identify cancers even when smokers and people with other stomach problems were included in the test. Scent ability and concentration vary between different dogs and also with the same dog on different days, and each dog can only conduct tests for a maximum of 10 years. For those reasons, researchers are trying to identify the cancer-specific organic compounds detected by dogs in order to develop an early cancer detection sensor that can be substituted for a dog's sense of smell.

Hollywood (Money) Shuffle

Can you hazard a guess who made an obscene amount of showbiz money last year? I'll give you a hint...it's James Cameron.

The writer / director put another quarter of a billion dollars into his money pit (presumably where he has sex with international supermodels while eating endangered species). Last year he was only the 4th highest earner, but his backend for Avatar (between the worldwide gross of $1.95 billion and DVD revenue), along with a slice of toys and licensing (to the tune of $5 million), put him on top. How high? Add the next three highest jamokes and they're still not at that level of fuck you money.

Johnny Depp was the biggest star, picking up a $40 million backend on Alice In Wonderland and $35 million upfront for Pirates Of The Caribbean 4. But his biggest coup was pulling in $20 million the shitstain that was The Tourist. Steven Spielberg followed with $80 million, pick up more than half for his "consulting fees and theme-park-royalties". The rest of the top ten predictably includes Tim Burton, Leonardo DiCaprio, Adam Sandler, Christopher Nolan, and...wait - what the fuck? This is a travesty!

Taylor Lautner earned $33.5 million last year.

And the part that may prove there is no God is he earned more than Robert Downey Jr. The hairless werewolf made more than than not only his Twi-tard co-stars Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson, but big dogs like Will Smith and Jerry Bruckheimer. Vanity Fair has the whole list, which goes up to 40.  It will make you feel bad knowing how overpaid Hollywood is.

Star Wars Begins...

Jambe Davdar made the ultimate fan documentary on Star Wars.  It's almost the complete film, but comprised of alternate takes, commentary tracks, deleted scenes, original audio, quotes and  interviews. There's more than a dozen parts and if you're ready, the rest are here.  Then you can move on to his versions of  The Empire Strikes Back, and  Return Of The Jedi.

Painting With Light

Finnish artist Janne Parviainen paints with light.  All photos come straight from the camera, with no post editing. His regular paintings are pretty damn good too...

Bring A Knife To The One Armed Fight

A one-armed horseman is asking Maine lawmakers to allow "amputees like him" to carry switchblade knives, which are otherwise illegal. Like him? Exactly how many one-armed horse riders are there in Maine who want switchblades?

Paul Dumas Jr. of Mexico, Maine (really?) says that with only one arm, he can't react quickly enough in emergency situations - like at an equestrian event he attended a few years ago. What kind of emergency? A rumble between opposing jockey gangs? For your information, he lost his other arm to an electrical accident as a teenager. I'm going for the ironic guess that he stuck a metal utensil in a socket...

"This is very selfish," said Dumas, who currently is forced to use folding knives like the rest of we able-bodied folk.  Or maybe he meant he's being selfish - that makes more sense. "I'm tired of opening knives with my teeth." Look, jerk - just because you have the name of the guy who wrote about musketeers doesn't mean you need to be cavorting about like a gay blade.

Maine statutes prohibit possession and distribution of spring-loaded blades, but federal law does allow an exemption for possession and transportation on federal property by a person with one arm, provided the blade itself is less than 3 inches long. And now Dumas has a State Representative working to build a similar exemption into state law that would apply all over the state, not just on public property

Neither the State Assistant U.S. attorney or the aforementioned Representative is aware of any other states that have or are seeking such exemptions, nor has the government relations coordinator for the Amputee Coalition of America, which represents 2 million people with limb loss agreed. So Paul Dumas should get his own law just to make him happy, right?

Dumas owns four horses, and "likes to carry a knife when riding — just in case". According to him, having a non-folding sheath knife would pose a danger if he fell (unless it was still in it's sheath, dumbass), yet insists on having a knife. "I would not go on a trail ride without a knife." Well, tough shit.

Dumas' Waterloo was when a horse got tangled in rope and fell to the ground some years ago at a horseback skills event. Someone called out, asking whether anyone had a knife to free the struggling animal. "I did have a folding knife that I carried on my belt," Dumas said. "If I had been closer, I would have been the one with a knife." So I guess we need to change the law so that one guy is less inconvenienced and gets to play hero. You'd think a guy who overcame a disability to ride a horse would not have as fragile an ego to need to have the chance to save the day.

McBain, The Movie

The clips from different episodes of The Simpsons make a complete version of the film!

Binged!

Is the best way to beat the competition to join them? Enter that question into your search window and check the results!

In May 2010, Google took notice that Microsoft's rival search engine Bing was consistently turning up the same sites when someone would enter unusual misspellings. Search Engine Land - who not only goes into great detail about the result snatching, but also uses an excellent and relevant picture from Real Genius in their post, shows "torsoraphy" as an example. Google corrects it to the correct spelling of "tarsorrhaphy", bringing up the relevant search results for that term. With Bing, the misspelled word gets no correction and still lists the "tarsorrhaphy" results.

By October, Bing had started showing a greater overlap with Google's top results than previous months, including instances where both search engines told listed exactly the same page in the number one spot. Sure, there were lots of searches that did not come up the same, but Google suspected Bing had done something to its search algorithm to make the results to be more like Google's. They figured that Microsoft’s Internet Explorer browser could be sending back data from Google searches to Bing.

Google crafted a sting to confirm their suspicions, and created a "one-time code" that would allow it to manually rank a page for a certain term. They also made close to 100 "synthetic" searches of the most random, obscure searches that could be entered - searches that returned a tiny number of poor quality matches or none on Google or Bing. Once they integrated the code, Google placed a "honeypot" page to show up at the top of each synthetic search. As Search Engine Land simplifies, "The only reason these pages appeared on Google was because Google forced them to be there. There was nothing that made them naturally relevant for these searches. If they started to appeared at Bing after Google, that would mean that Bing took Google’s bait and copied its results."

Google engineers started on December 17. By December 31, some of the results started appearing on Bing. Microsoft's PR machine countered with the expected "we do not copy Google's results," but it's hard to deny or explain otherwise...

Snow Dogs II: Blood Reckoning

I was saddened to hear that 100 dogs were killed in a 48 hour-long slaughter after a post-Olympics boon in dogsledding business never materialized. Normally, when I hear "violence" and "snow dogs", I imagine Cuba Gooding Jr. getting severely beaten as karmic payback...this was a disappointment.

The gruesome event was chronicled in documents for a worker seeking compensation for post-traumatic stress disorder, after having to shoot the dogs, and in some cases, slit their throats with a knife and chase down wounded animals that were trying to flee. Bookings dropped sharply for the adventure tour operator following the 2010 Vancouver Winter Olympics. Both the British Columbia SPCA and the Royal Canadian Mounted Police are investigating the slaughter.

The name of the man who killed the dogs has not been released, but his lawyer said that it was "the worst experience (the man) could ever have imagined." He was awarded compensation in a ruling by WorkSafe BC, the provincial body that manages workers' compensation claims. Outdoor Adventures, his employer, did not contest the man's compensation claims, but also made the standard press statement: "While we were aware of the relocation and euthanization of dogs at Howling Dog Tours, we were completely unaware of the details of the incident until reading the document."

Outdoor Adventures took over control of Howling Dogs last May, and noted it is now company policy that animals needing to be euthanized are treated at a veterinarian's office. Rich Bittner, the operator of Howling Dogs in Alberta (that a different providence - it's like a state, you ignorant Americans), said he sold his 50% interest in the Whistler operation in 2004 to a man named Bob Fawcett. He said the Whistler tour operator was supposed to change the name because Howling Dogs was no longer involved. Adding a twist to the story is an online site offering support to people suffering post-traumatic stress disorder includes several postings made under the name of Bob Fawcett, though it could not be immediately determined if these postings are from the same person.

Outdoor Adventures said they had a financial stake in Howling Dogs, but operational control of Howling Dogs was with the worker referred to in the workers comp documents. When the company could not find homes for its animals, it ordered the cull. "He was essentially told to figure out a way to make (the business) more cost-effective. They just had to have less dogs. So he did everything he could finding homes for them, having them adopted, every which way that he could," the man's attorney said. Several operators said they routinely adopt dogs from other companies, but were not asked to take any from Whistler in early 2010.

Obviously, it's hard to tell who ordered the slaughter and where the mysterious Bob Fawcett fits in - as owner, worker, both, or neither. But if there's one thing we can take away from this, it's that Cuba Gooding Jr. is a crap actor and that Snow Dogs is garbage.

The Sound Of Imagineering