Bring A Knife To The One Armed Fight

A one-armed horseman is asking Maine lawmakers to allow "amputees like him" to carry switchblade knives, which are otherwise illegal. Like him? Exactly how many one-armed horse riders are there in Maine who want switchblades?

Paul Dumas Jr. of Mexico, Maine (really?) says that with only one arm, he can't react quickly enough in emergency situations - like at an equestrian event he attended a few years ago. What kind of emergency? A rumble between opposing jockey gangs? For your information, he lost his other arm to an electrical accident as a teenager. I'm going for the ironic guess that he stuck a metal utensil in a socket...

"This is very selfish," said Dumas, who currently is forced to use folding knives like the rest of we able-bodied folk.  Or maybe he meant he's being selfish - that makes more sense. "I'm tired of opening knives with my teeth." Look, jerk - just because you have the name of the guy who wrote about musketeers doesn't mean you need to be cavorting about like a gay blade.

Maine statutes prohibit possession and distribution of spring-loaded blades, but federal law does allow an exemption for possession and transportation on federal property by a person with one arm, provided the blade itself is less than 3 inches long. And now Dumas has a State Representative working to build a similar exemption into state law that would apply all over the state, not just on public property

Neither the State Assistant U.S. attorney or the aforementioned Representative is aware of any other states that have or are seeking such exemptions, nor has the government relations coordinator for the Amputee Coalition of America, which represents 2 million people with limb loss agreed. So Paul Dumas should get his own law just to make him happy, right?

Dumas owns four horses, and "likes to carry a knife when riding — just in case". According to him, having a non-folding sheath knife would pose a danger if he fell (unless it was still in it's sheath, dumbass), yet insists on having a knife. "I would not go on a trail ride without a knife." Well, tough shit.

Dumas' Waterloo was when a horse got tangled in rope and fell to the ground some years ago at a horseback skills event. Someone called out, asking whether anyone had a knife to free the struggling animal. "I did have a folding knife that I carried on my belt," Dumas said. "If I had been closer, I would have been the one with a knife." So I guess we need to change the law so that one guy is less inconvenienced and gets to play hero. You'd think a guy who overcame a disability to ride a horse would not have as fragile an ego to need to have the chance to save the day.