On my way to the gym last night, there was a radio promo for a new online dating site. I thought I'd seen them all, but I was wrong. Enter PotPartner.com!The stigma of getting high has proven to be the bane of many relationships, so if you want to hook up with Mr. or Miss Right who doesn't mind the 3 foot Graffix bong you keep on the coffee table, step right up.
The radio ad was two gals talking about how one can't find a guy who is cool with her "420ing", and the other tells her how she found a great guy on the website. For the next 30 seconds they say the word 420 a dozen times and let all the stoners know that it's a free to join. Apparently, burners have such a difficult time connecting with other people, so the website proudly boasts being a place where people can meet that at least have one thing in common.
Both the ad and the site blow my mind on so many levels.
First, fuck "420". Back in ancient times (the 90s), when I was in college at UC Santa Barbara, there was a perpetual haze of pot smoke covering the square mile of Isla Vista, where over 17,000 students lived. Nobody, and I mean nobody, EVER used the words 420 in any way, shape or form relative to marijuana. My friends in Santa Cruz, another hub of excessive pot smoking never knew of or used the term. No reasonable explanation as to it's origin has ever been presented -- yes, reasonable, not some pothead conspiratorial coded message about when or where to get high. It is ultimately a combination of savvy marketers who use the familiarity of it to sell useless shit to stupid kids, and the same stupid kids who latch onto the catchphrase in order to not look some much like the posers they are.
Let's make this clear -- smoking pot is great. Kids, ask your parent's permission first, but I am not going to tell you that a little weed is bad for you. It helps sick people, it makes movies and music more vivid, and it fosters creativity. Like anything else, moderation it important, but it is a good thing...except when it is blown up to "420" sized proportions. Everything that's cool and positive about marijuana is the the opposite of what verbalizing, representing, incorporating, and displaying 420 culture is. Counter-culture means exactly what it says, and the overt acceptance of 420 as a rallying call is nothing more than the retarded self-indulgence of the younger generation of pot smokers to feel important and included because they get high. Sorry, kids, but almost everyone smokes a little dope from time to time -- they're just not conspicuous assholes about it centering themselves around an arbitrary term.
(toke)
Okay, I had to chill out -- I was getting too worked up about those dipshits. Another moronic element is the notion that relationships are made and broken over smoking pot, and that it is a relevant criteria for finding people to date. If you smoke so much goddamn pot that it becomes a factor in finding a mate or an issue for a current relation ship, you smoke too much goddamn pot. You have to be a pretty dull tool if you're reduced to finding compatibility based on smoking herb. I think that's a small, specific step above listing eating and sleeping as interests. And to think that if burning one down is the key ingredient is getting along with somebody yet you have to resort to the internet to make a match, you deserve to be alone. A friend with weed is a friend indeed, no?
Looking at the site only prompted more head-shaking at the obvious retardation. Every third girl had 420 tacked onto their screen name and one in four had a thinly veiled pseudonym having to do with pot - can there really be 67 Mary Janes? Also, you can select your usage level to maximize compatibility, from once a month to chronic abuse multiple times a day. Who the fuck would cop to smoking pot once a month yet use PotPartner.com to find a pothead match?
After looking at a few profiles I honestly felt like I had given myself brain damage. Listen, if you're on a website for pot smokers, you don't need to put in your profile how you like to smoke weed...that is, unless you're an idiot pot smoker who is too lit to realize that's a given. Hey genius, tell me something I don't know! If I was at a party and all these people were there, I think I'd just start punching my way through them until I got to an exit. The contact high with these hempophiles could be lethal. I have truly never seen such a collection of party-friendly good timers that had less to offer than these herbalists.
Personally, I think the site is a great way for girls to get abducted and murdered, and while the site does not advertise that function, what exactly do you think is going to happen when women find strangers on the internet to do drugs with? When is there going to be Cokeheads.org or PillMachines.net? Nothing like fostering an addiction and then trying to get people together to indulge it, right?
Since I love you all so much, I decided to register -- since you can't really see anything if you're not -- and save you the trouble of putting yourself out there in nasty cyberland. Just head over to the website, login as IOVUF, password: blog, and you'll be able to look at the profiles and marvel at the desperate, stoney folks who won't bogart that joint. As your courtesy to me, your blogging deity, please don't start posting narc threats or invite fat chicks to my place. Because I will plant such a brick of kind on you that you'll prey they only give you the mandatory minimum. Irie!
On second thought, don't bother checking it out...go get high instead. Way less of a waste of time.
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