I don't really care for or get the wave of nostalgia associated with the return of the Muppets and their new movie coming out this week, but I can appreciate this casting of real people.
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
Muppet Puppet People
I don't really care for or get the wave of nostalgia associated with the return of the Muppets and their new movie coming out this week, but I can appreciate this casting of real people.
Elder Scrolls
The Dead Sea Scrolls were discovered by a Bedouin shepherd in 1947, and are said to have been produced somewhere between the 3rd century B.C. and 70 A.D. The scrolls contain a wide variety of writings including early copies of the Hebrew Bible, along with hymns, calendars and psalms - and may now have an author.
Nearly 200 textiles were found in the same caves, and were similar to an archaeological site in nearby Qumran, leading scholars to believe that an ancient Jewish sect called the Essenes were involved in the scroll writing. All the textiles were made of linen, rather than wool - the preferred textile used in ancient Israel (you remember their commercials: "the look, the feel ofcotton wool"), and were bleached white or lacked decoration, unlike other vividly colored fabrics from the period.
Naturally, not everyone agrees, and some think the scrolls were deposited in the caves by refugees fleeing the Roman army after Jerusalem was conquered in A.D. 70. Linen could have been chosen as scroll wrapping for religious reasons or perhaps because the priests responsible for storing the scrolls also wore linen clothing. The Essenes however, according to ancient Jewish writer Flavius Josephus, not ony lived in Qumran, but "made a point of keeping a dry skin and always being dressed in white". Touché!
Now if we could only figure out who wrote that other old religious text...
Nearly 200 textiles were found in the same caves, and were similar to an archaeological site in nearby Qumran, leading scholars to believe that an ancient Jewish sect called the Essenes were involved in the scroll writing. All the textiles were made of linen, rather than wool - the preferred textile used in ancient Israel (you remember their commercials: "the look, the feel of
Naturally, not everyone agrees, and some think the scrolls were deposited in the caves by refugees fleeing the Roman army after Jerusalem was conquered in A.D. 70. Linen could have been chosen as scroll wrapping for religious reasons or perhaps because the priests responsible for storing the scrolls also wore linen clothing. The Essenes however, according to ancient Jewish writer Flavius Josephus, not ony lived in Qumran, but "made a point of keeping a dry skin and always being dressed in white". Touché!
Now if we could only figure out who wrote that other old religious text...
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Medical Inefficacy
Hospital officials at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center are insisting that Norman Smith stop using marijuana for at least six months, undergo random drug testing, and participate in weekly substance-abuse counseling before they will consider putting him back on a liver donor list...surely there's no good reason for him to be smoking weed. Smith was diagnosed with inoperable liver cancer in 2009, and his oncologist approved medicinal marijuana to cope with the effects of chemotherapy. Though he became eligible for a liver transplant last year, he was removed from the list in February after a positive drug test. Nevermind that it's legal under California law and HIS DOCTOR FROM THEIR HOSPITAL PRESCRIBED IT.
Thankfully, Americans for Safe Access (a medical marijuana advocacy group) is bringing this hypocrisy to light. "Denying necessary transplants to medical marijuana patients is the worst kind of discrimination...Cedars-Sinai would not be breaking any laws, federal or otherwise, by granting Norman Smith a liver transplant, and it’s certainly the ethical thing to do."
Monday, November 21, 2011
Password Is Taco
According to SplashData, a company that makes password management tools, there's are 2011's "worst passwords". They were obtained from password-dumps like when Sony was was "hacked", and don't specify if they're the worst becasue they're so obviously simple or common, or both. If you have any of these, may we suggest you change them...
1. password2. 123456
3.12345678
4. qwerty
5. abc123
6. monkey
7. 1234567
8. letmein
9. trustno1
10. dragon
11. baseball
12. 111111
13. iloveyou
14. master
15. sunshine
16. ashley
17. bailey
18. passw0rd
19. shadow
20. 123123
21. 654321
22. superman
23. qazwsx
24. michael
25. football
Sadly, there are some are still on the list even though we put up another batch of poor choices in 2009.
Friday, November 18, 2011
Don't Mess With Texas
Looks like The Austin Grand Prix is currently being run in San Antonio...at the Alamo.
The Galactic Emperor Formula One boss Bernie Ecclestone threatened to cancel the debut race from the 2012 calendar if organizers and developers can not reach a agreement by next week.
Construction was halted at the Circuit of the Americas track earlier in the week due to the absence of a contract. Tavo Hellmund of Full Throttle Productions put it bluntly, "The reason we don't have a contract with Formula One is because as a project, we have failed many times over to fulfill our financial obligations to Formula One. It's literally that simple".
Simple? So you can just fix it, right? "We were in breach on multiple issues as late as May. And he (Eccelstone) sent numerous requests and letters that we were all aware of how to fix it and we failed to do that." Apparently, the Circuit builders and Hellmund's company could not get their numbers aligned, and deals to buy the construction group out - or have Full Throttle be bought out, have not been reached.
Some point to the crowded, record 20-race calendar next year as eroding patience for the unsecured track, and the much easier to launch street-racing circuit in New Jersey for 2013, but in a multi-billion dollar international sport, it's about money, and you've got to play to play.
With the debacle of a six-car race at Indianapolis in 2005 and the failed launch of the USF1 team for 2010, Formula One and the U.S. still have a way to go before it's a cozy relationship.
Construction was halted at the Circuit of the Americas track earlier in the week due to the absence of a contract. Tavo Hellmund of Full Throttle Productions put it bluntly, "The reason we don't have a contract with Formula One is because as a project, we have failed many times over to fulfill our financial obligations to Formula One. It's literally that simple".
Simple? So you can just fix it, right? "We were in breach on multiple issues as late as May. And he (Eccelstone) sent numerous requests and letters that we were all aware of how to fix it and we failed to do that." Apparently, the Circuit builders and Hellmund's company could not get their numbers aligned, and deals to buy the construction group out - or have Full Throttle be bought out, have not been reached.
Some point to the crowded, record 20-race calendar next year as eroding patience for the unsecured track, and the much easier to launch street-racing circuit in New Jersey for 2013, but in a multi-billion dollar international sport, it's about money, and you've got to play to play.
With the debacle of a six-car race at Indianapolis in 2005 and the failed launch of the USF1 team for 2010, Formula One and the U.S. still have a way to go before it's a cozy relationship.
Thursday, November 17, 2011
Douchebagborn
When geeks fornicate, good decisions can not be guaranteed.
Megan and Eric Kellermeyer, who quantify themselves as a "gamer couple", determined their due date was 11/11/11, the same day as the release of the much-anticipated next chapter in the Elder Scrolls series, "Skyrim".
Having read a post on game developer Bethesda's blog suggesting that expectant parents consider naming their child "Dovahkiin", which means "Dragonborn" in the Skyrim world, they decided to prove they were unfit to be parents.
The post had the been made as a joke, with a disclaimer noting "Bethesda Softworks is not responsible for your parenting", but the company later added incentive to their sociological test. Anyone willing to name their child Dovahkiin would receive every one of the developer's games free for life, on top of other unnamed goodies. Wow, what's that come to over the expected lifespan of that company, maybe a dozen games at $50 each, and a few hundred dollars worth of tees and promo materials? Yeah, that's a fair trade.
Last Friday, Dovahkiin Tom Kellermeyer was born, and two assholes sold out their kid's life for some swag. In future news, Dovahkiin Kellermeyer was wanted in connection to the violent bludgeoning murder of his parents, Megan and Eric. Motive was not confirmed, but police suspected it was some form or retribution for years of scorn and taunting over his name.
Megan and Eric Kellermeyer, who quantify themselves as a "gamer couple", determined their due date was 11/11/11, the same day as the release of the much-anticipated next chapter in the Elder Scrolls series, "Skyrim".
Having read a post on game developer Bethesda's blog suggesting that expectant parents consider naming their child "Dovahkiin", which means "Dragonborn" in the Skyrim world, they decided to prove they were unfit to be parents.
The post had the been made as a joke, with a disclaimer noting "Bethesda Softworks is not responsible for your parenting", but the company later added incentive to their sociological test. Anyone willing to name their child Dovahkiin would receive every one of the developer's games free for life, on top of other unnamed goodies. Wow, what's that come to over the expected lifespan of that company, maybe a dozen games at $50 each, and a few hundred dollars worth of tees and promo materials? Yeah, that's a fair trade.
Last Friday, Dovahkiin Tom Kellermeyer was born, and two assholes sold out their kid's life for some swag. In future news, Dovahkiin Kellermeyer was wanted in connection to the violent bludgeoning murder of his parents, Megan and Eric. Motive was not confirmed, but police suspected it was some form or retribution for years of scorn and taunting over his name.
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Parks And Renewal
Though tonight is the last episode of their mini-season, there will be plenty of South Park to come.
Comedy Central has renewed the show for another three years beyond its current deal, stretching the series on through 2016, and extending its run to 20 seasons. Trey Parker and Matt Stone will continue to write, direct and edit every episode of South Park just as they have since the series’ premiere in 1997.
Comedy Central has renewed the show for another three years beyond its current deal, stretching the series on through 2016, and extending its run to 20 seasons. Trey Parker and Matt Stone will continue to write, direct and edit every episode of South Park just as they have since the series’ premiere in 1997.
Screw You, Lulu
Yuppiepunk was kind enough to collect some of the critical, uh, words about “Lulu,” the awful collaboration between Metallica and Lou Reed. I had the misfortune of listening to a few tracks, and it was fucking terrible. Reed said, “It’s maybe the best thing done by anyone, ever. It could create another planetary system. I’m not joking, and I’m not being egotistical,” it was hardly the reaction by reviewers...
Rolling Stone: “Revels in dominatrix decadence and bodily fluids.”
Pitchfork: “For most of the record, Lou Reed and Metallica barely sound like they’re on the same planet, let alone in the same room.”
Chuck Klosterman: “If the Red Hot Chili Peppers acoustically covered the 12 worst Primus songs for Starbucks, it would still be (slightly) better than this.”
Washington Post: “An 85-minute misery delivery system.”
LA Times: “This morning when I woke up knowing that the entire day would be spent listening to the thing, I sighed, rolled over and went back to sleep.”
AV Club: “Like an iceberg deciding to start a band with the Titanic.”
The Quietus: “Time that could be more constructively spent watching the grass grow or perhaps wanking into a sock.”
Chicago Sun-Times: “The marriage of Reed’s thin, monotone voice to Metallica’s thick, monotone riffs — and an average song length of nearly nine minutes (including a 19-minute punishment at the end) — produces a listening experience that is never anything more than a dismal, grueling chore.”
Consequence of Sound: “It reads like a misguided Bukowski impersonation and sounds like field recordings taken from Guitar Centers across America.”
Pop Matters: “They let us down harder than the last episode of Seinfeld. Except far fewer people will forgive Metallica.”
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
None More Black
Now that they're not currently exploring space, NASA engineers directed their efforts locally, and have produced a material that absorbs more than 99 percent of the ultraviolet, visible, infrared, and far-infrared light that hits it.
The coating is a thin layer of carbon nanotubes about 10,000 times thinner than a strand of human hair. Grown on silicon, silicon nitride, titanium, and stainless steel, a thin layer of iron is positioned as an underlayer and then heated to near 1,382 degrees Fahrenheit. At the same time, the material is bathed in carbon-containing gas.
Currently, space instrument developers apply black paint to help prevent stray light from ricocheting off surfaces, but paints absorb only 90% of light that strikes it. Additionally, black paints do not remain black when exposed to cryogenic temperatures, and are mixed with conductive metal epoxies to keep them from losing their absorptive and radiative properties. This new super-black material could be used instead with greater efficiency while decreasing the weight of the coating, and instruments would be able to detect more faint wavelengths as the multiple frequencies of light are absorbed.
"It's robust, lightweight, and extremely black. It is better than black paint by a long shot."
The coating is a thin layer of carbon nanotubes about 10,000 times thinner than a strand of human hair. Grown on silicon, silicon nitride, titanium, and stainless steel, a thin layer of iron is positioned as an underlayer and then heated to near 1,382 degrees Fahrenheit. At the same time, the material is bathed in carbon-containing gas.
Currently, space instrument developers apply black paint to help prevent stray light from ricocheting off surfaces, but paints absorb only 90% of light that strikes it. Additionally, black paints do not remain black when exposed to cryogenic temperatures, and are mixed with conductive metal epoxies to keep them from losing their absorptive and radiative properties. This new super-black material could be used instead with greater efficiency while decreasing the weight of the coating, and instruments would be able to detect more faint wavelengths as the multiple frequencies of light are absorbed.
"It's robust, lightweight, and extremely black. It is better than black paint by a long shot."
The Best Carfax Results Ever
You get a lot of surprises when you get a used vehicle, but rather than dodgy wiring or intermittent knocking, Charles Preston got half a mil in nose candy. Shit yeah that makes his minivan cooler!The San Jose psychologist had taken the fulled loaded (pun intended) Chrysler to a mechanic for a brake check and had them check one of the windows that would not roll all the way down. When they removed the panel, found kilos of cocaine inside. Not a bad return on a $14,000 2008 model.
He bought the used van in May 2010 a year ago from Thrifty Car Sales in Santa Clara to
Preston tried to return his van to Thrifty for one with less drugs, but was only offered a trade in the van at the current Blue Book value - about $4,000 less than he originally paid, since he'd put about 6,000 miles on the van. We'll, there's also $500,000 less coke in there too, so that is another depreciation.
2016
Film Drunk breaks this masterpiece down:
•A Predator says something scary in a robot voice.
•This causes a young boy walking down a street somewhere to be attacked by a flying motorcycle, which cracks open his skull.
•A predator shoots a bullet from his chest and a dude dodges it, Matrix-style
•The predator throws a ninja star, which is also dodged.
•The ninja star continues flying, only to be stopped in mid-air by a TERMINATOR, who deflects it using some kind of forcefield.
•The Terminator pulls a Lamborghini out of thin air and throws it on top of a lady. The lady had been sitting in the middle of the street for some reason.
•A cell phone explodes
•A dude explodes
•The predator kicks a car
•A dude dodges the car
•The predator kicks him in the face
•THE PREDATOR KICKS A BABY!
•The trailer ends in mid shot.
Monday, November 14, 2011
All The President's Women
We know Vladimir Putin is super badass, but what about Dmitry Medvedev?
Russia's president (or presidential place holder) has something better than parliamentary backing - he's got a whole squad of ladies. Mevedev’s Girls is an organization that has pledged its support to their leader...while wearing sexy outfits. The group was allegedly formed in opposition to a similar group of hot women who support prime minister Putin. Recently, they've worn sexy schoolgirl outfits to support education initiatives and support Medvedev's ban on underage drinking with their bikinis. I wouldn't believe it if I didn't see the pictures and study them intensely, but fortunately there are lots of them.
Russia's president (or presidential place holder) has something better than parliamentary backing - he's got a whole squad of ladies. Mevedev’s Girls is an organization that has pledged its support to their leader...while wearing sexy outfits. The group was allegedly formed in opposition to a similar group of hot women who support prime minister Putin. Recently, they've worn sexy schoolgirl outfits to support education initiatives and support Medvedev's ban on underage drinking with their bikinis. I wouldn't believe it if I didn't see the pictures and study them intensely, but fortunately there are lots of them.
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
Deadus Maximus
I was in 10th grade when I first heard GWAR, and those scumdogs from across the universe made me a fan of their blood-drenched slaughter orgies, which married cartoonish gore and filth with a sense of humor and heavy metal. Lots of folks have died in the last few days, but I was bummed to hear this recounted by Dave Brockie aka Oderus Urungus about their guitarist:
After a restless night spent hurtling through the desolate Canadian wilderness, I crawled from my bunk on the tour bus to face reality, grudgingly aware that the the dark dream that gripped us would not fade with the day. We have lost a brother, a husband, a son, and one of the most talented musicians that ever slung an ax. Cory Smoot, longtime lead guitar player for the band GWAR, has passed at the age of 34.
As the singer of GWAR and one of his best friends, I feel it is my duty to try and answer some of the questions that surround his tragic and untimely death. I know the sense of loss and pain is far greater in scope than in the insulated environment of a band on tour, and I will do my best to provide what clarity and comfort I can.
The most glaring question is how? And unfortunately that is the hardest question to answer. The truth will not be known until the medical officials have finished their work. All I can do is relate what we saw with our own eyes.
The last time I saw Cory was after our show in Minneapolis on Weds. night. It was a great show at First Avenue in Minneapolis, one of our favorite places to play. Cory was happy. He was excited about the band and especially the new studio he was building in the Slave Pit back in Richmond. He was deeply in love with his wife, Jamie, and was busily planning their family and future in the beautiful home they had. As usual, after some autographs and banter, I was probably the first person in their bunk as we got ready for a big drive into Canada, and Cory and the rest of the guys were not far behind. As I fell into the slumber that only playing GWAR shows can induce, everything seemed right in the world.
We found Cory the next morning as we collected passports for a border crossing. He was in his bunk, unresponsive, and it quickly was clear that he was dead. It was without a doubt the most horrible moment of my life. That’s all I can say about it.
Within moments everybody was off the bus, standing in a wind-swept parking lot in the middle of nowhere, trying to come to grips with the shock of it. First the ambulance arrived, and then the police, but there was nothing that could be done other than fully investigate the scene and remove Cory with care and respect.
We are completely devastated and shocked beyond belief. One night we had our friend and colleague, happy and healthy in the middle of our best tour in years- and the next morning, so suddenly, he was gone. Never have I seen starker proof of the fragility of life.
Cory will be transported home to Richmond over the next few days, and an announcement regarding services will be made soon. We ask everyone to respect the families wish for privacy, and especially to keep his wife, Jamie, in your thoughts and prayers.
As we work our way through these difficult days the question is — what will GWAR do? After a lot of consideration, we have decided to carry on with the tour. Although the great temptation would be to return home, curl into a fetal position, and mourn, we can’t do that. First off, Cory wouldn’t want that. He would want us to go on and would be pissed if we didn’t. Plus we know the fans don’t want us to quit. They are going to want a chance to come to grips with their loss, and there is no better place to do that than at a GWAR show. Though it’s hard to believe, I think we all would feel a lot worse if we stopped. For better or worse we have to see this through.
That doesn’t mean that Cory will make his final journey without us. When the arrangements have been finalized, Cory’s best friend and GWAR’s music tech Dave “Gibby” Gibson, and myself will return home to attend the services and pay the proper respects to our comrade.
Out of respect to Cory, we have officially retired the character of Flattus Maximus. Flattus has decided to return to his beloved “Planet Home”, and will never return to this mudball planet again. And this is a sadder place for that.
Just the other day I heard Cory tell a story about how some 20 years ago he was fourteen years old, at his first GWAR show, grabbing at the rubber feet of our then- current Flattus, and how blown away he was at the fact that now HE was the one getting his feet pulled by the same kid that he used to be. Cory was always in awe of the patterns of life and went through it with a wide-eyed amazement that translated through his playing. I’ve never known anyone who could pick up literally any instrument and rock it the first time he touched it, and more than that make it look easy. Behind that rubber monster outfit, and sometimes even obscured by it, was one of the most talented and beautiful people I have ever known. I know everyone who’s life was touched by Cory truly loved him, as do we, his bandmates and brothers.
There should be some kind of announcement soon regarding services, etc. It would be great to have a memorial show at some point soon, where some of the bands that Cory worked with could come together and show their love for this truly amazing man who left us all too soon and will be sorely missed by many, many people.
Post-Modern Warfare
It's not the start of the holiday blitz of new video games unless there's a big title with something controversial, and this year's first entry is is literally blowing up with attention. Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3 could be a billion dollar property by the end of the year, but will a leaked scene where a child is reduced to mist going to steal the headlines? In the series, players fight Russian terrorists, and one of the cut scenes shows a young girl playing in the street suddenly killed by a truck exploding. The scene is here, and it's really not as graphic as the media is making it out to be. Yeah, the kid is playing one minute, and the next there's a car bomb, but all you get is the explosion and smoke, not random kiddie parts flying around.
As I noted when Modern Warfare 2 came out two years ago, gamers played a sequence where they participated in the massacre of innocent civilians at a Russian airport, and that game went on to sell more than 22 million copies worldwide. If people really want to have their sensibilities offended, they should focus on the awesome Saints Row 3 coming out next week.
Monday, November 7, 2011
From Hell...Or Wales
A new book by the descendant of the royal surgeon of Queen Victoria may reveal the identity of the elusive Jack The Ripper. Hint: it's the royal surgeon of Queen Victoria.Tony Williams, the great-great-great-great nephew of Sir John Williams, found a six inch black blade amongst the possessions passed down through the generations. Normally, that wouldn't be cause for suspicion, except it matched a weapon description set by the case pathologist, Thomas Bond, who was considered the first criminal profiler (or alienist) in history. That, and along with the knife were three glass slides containing slices of uterus.
The doctor had a surgery in London's Harley Street the time of the murders, and Williams believes that weapon was used in the murder of five prostitutes between August and November 1888. The motive? Frustration his wife couldn't have children, and that he was trying to find a cure for her infertility, which becomes more plausible when you look at the expertly cut open and disemboweled victims - and two who had their uterus's missing.
Uncle Jack - A Victorian Mystery is out now, so anybody who reads it, please let me know if we can stop looking for Saucy Jack and focus our efforts on the abominable snowman.
Grumpy Dead Man
I'm moved by the passing of Andy Rooney - not because he had any particular insight, but moved to some slight joy that there is no longer someone to complain about the most trivial things, and whose whining was more insufferable than the subject he was taking issue with. Warming Glow eulogized him perfectly:
"Rooney was an unremarkable, cranky bore whose bitching about simple annoyances struck a nerve with other aging white people who were frightened by or opposed to change. His view of America was essentially a collection of Rockwell paintings, and he complained about any facet of life that strayed from that impossible vision. When technological developments improved commerce or people’s lives, Rooney only saw the inconvenience of learning something new. In every TV appearance of his that I saw, he came off to me as intellectually incurious, and he happily took a paycheck from CBS for 60 years while brushing away the fans who sent him letters or tried to approach him in public. I don’t understand why people who didn’t know him should stop and mourn a man who never cared for people he didn’t know.
Rest in peace, Andy Rooney. The world has moved on."
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
Monday, October 31, 2011
We're A Costume, Not A Culture
Phoenix Coyotes forward Raffi Torres attended his team's annual Halloween party as Jay-Z, while his wife was done up as Beyonce. Oh, and by the way, he's not black and neither is she.
As one of my favorite hockey blogs Puck Daddy pointed out, Torres was "immediately criticized and demonized" as a knee-jerk reaction for going in what some felt was blackface. Believe it or not, Torres is the NHL's first Mexican / Peruvian player, and dealt with racial conflict as he grew up while he played youth hockey in Toronto (his mother was told that Raffi "should be selling tacos" and his father once tacked another hockey parent because of taunts).
Similarly in 2009, players Adam Burish and Patrick Kane went to a Halloween party dressed as Dennis Rodman and Scottie Pippen of the Chicago Bulls, with darkened skin. Despite the backlash, neither player offered an apology, and neither should Torres, who is nothing more than a huge Jay-Z fan.
Adds Puck Daddy, "The offensive nature of "blackface" is rooted in its representation of a racist archetype. Clearly, the...players were dressed and made up as real people rather than a stereotype manifested through exaggerated appearance. Other than the color of their skin, there's nothing stereotypical or embellished about their appearance as black men. It could be argued that their skin tone is as relevant as the jersey or fake tattoos."
Perhaps it's the sensitivity spawned from a recent Ohio University ad campaign dealing with costumes that focus on different cultures, but as a costume alone, what's really offensive about it? We'll wait for you to come up with something...
Monday, October 10, 2011
Friday, October 7, 2011
Thursday, October 6, 2011
And The Winner For Best Costume Is...
In honor of the documentary they'll be running Sunday on how South Park gets made in less than a week, here's a little behind-the-scenes story about those guys...Back in 2000, creators Trey Parker and Matt Stone went to the Oscars wearing the same dresses that had previously been worn by Jennifer Lopez and Gwyneth Paltrow to the show. And how did they get the courage to pull it off? They took acid.
"We thought of it the week before...we had tuxes as a backup because we thought we were gonna chicken out, and we did," said Trey Parker. " And we were like, ‘Let’s not do that, let’s not do that.’ But then we were like, 'Let’s take a little bit of acid.' So we did that and of course an hour later we were like, 'WE GOTTA WEAR THE DRESSES'." Added Matt Stone, "It made that whole thing just make sense."
This video from Jimmy Kimmel Live details the event.
Active Cultures
A grocery store worker accused of handing out a semen-tainted yogurt sample at an Albuquerque market pleaded guilty. And that's why I never take anything off those tester stands.Anthony Garcia admitted he "tainted" a the sample at Sunflower Market in January, and also put some semen on the plastic spoon he placed with the yogurt. His finishing move was to offer a female customer a sample. He pleaded guilty to charges of adulterating food and making false statements to federal investigators. And I had no idea that you could adulterate food. Or that it was illegal.
The woman spit the sample on the floor several times and wiped her mouth on the garment, which she was wearing to get the taste out of her mouth. Investigators collected samples of the woman's spit from the floor and took the garment she was wearing as evidence. They were instrumental in linking Garcia to the yogurt via DNA, but man, that is a pretty shitty job to have.
Garcia faces up to three years of imprisonment to be followed by three years of supervised release. He has been in federal custody since his arrest in July, and was also terminated from his job.
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
The Race Is Off
Sarah Palin announced today that she will not run for president, claiming she'd be to tired if she ran from Alaska to the White House.
After months of speculation, she made her decision "after much prayer and serious consideration", which, if you're praying a lot to make a decision, then you'd better consider that seriously bad.
"My decision is based upon a review of what common sense Conservatives and Independents have accomplished, especially over the last year," she said. And other than creating a crowded field of sub-par candidates and birthing the most disliked political party since the National Socialists, that would be what? Palin concluded with the thought that she could "be more effective in a decisive role to help elect other true public servants to office — from the nation’s governors to Congressional seats and the Presidency." I'd say the only way that was possible would be if she was aligned with the Democrats, because she'd political poison.
It really came as no surprise after Palin failed to announce in September — her one-time, self imposed deadline. She also indicated that the White House may not be in her wheel house, suggesting the presidential title might be too "shackle-y". Aside from not being a real word, you're too fucking incompetent for the most powerful office in the world if it's got too many "constraints".
Of course, as of yesterday Palin aides still did not know whether she was running and were calling various states to find out filing deadlines for the primaries. And that's what you get for surrounding yourself with simpletons and idiots. The aides, though I could see how you thought I could be talking about the GOP.
After months of speculation, she made her decision "after much prayer and serious consideration", which, if you're praying a lot to make a decision, then you'd better consider that seriously bad.
"My decision is based upon a review of what common sense Conservatives and Independents have accomplished, especially over the last year," she said. And other than creating a crowded field of sub-par candidates and birthing the most disliked political party since the National Socialists, that would be what? Palin concluded with the thought that she could "be more effective in a decisive role to help elect other true public servants to office — from the nation’s governors to Congressional seats and the Presidency." I'd say the only way that was possible would be if she was aligned with the Democrats, because she'd political poison.
It really came as no surprise after Palin failed to announce in September — her one-time, self imposed deadline. She also indicated that the White House may not be in her wheel house, suggesting the presidential title might be too "shackle-y". Aside from not being a real word, you're too fucking incompetent for the most powerful office in the world if it's got too many "constraints".
Of course, as of yesterday Palin aides still did not know whether she was running and were calling various states to find out filing deadlines for the primaries. And that's what you get for surrounding yourself with simpletons and idiots. The aides, though I could see how you thought I could be talking about the GOP.
Let's All Get The Same Girl Pregnant Tonight!
Just blasted through both seasons of The League in anticipation of Season 3, starting tonight after It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia.
They Might Be Giants, Rip Torn, And Bare Knuckle Fighting
It's no "Particle Man", but the combination of the three form the basis of the interweb.
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
Dead Lapre
Super-swarmy infomercial pitchman Don Lapre killed himself in prison this weekend, while awaiting trial for 41 counts of fraud and money laundering. The cause of death? Tiny classified ads.
Nearly a quarter million customers and investors sunk close to $52 million in Greatest Vitamin in the World of Phoenix, but only 5,000 victims were paid about $6.4 million in commission checks for selling vitamins and recruiting others to the business, while Lapre collected over $2.2 million between 2004 and 2007.
Mid-June, Lapre failed to show up for his arraignment, but was arrested later that month at a Life Time Fitness location, where he had reportedly lived for two days...and with serious self-inflicted knife wounds to his groin, . The wounds led authorities to believe Lapre was trying to commit suicide while at the Lifetime Fitness center by attempting to sever the femoral artery in his legs. Not quite the response from a guy who once said "...I really don't give a rat's ass about what people think about me."
Nearly a quarter million customers and investors sunk close to $52 million in Greatest Vitamin in the World of Phoenix, but only 5,000 victims were paid about $6.4 million in commission checks for selling vitamins and recruiting others to the business, while Lapre collected over $2.2 million between 2004 and 2007.
Mid-June, Lapre failed to show up for his arraignment, but was arrested later that month at a Life Time Fitness location, where he had reportedly lived for two days...and with serious self-inflicted knife wounds to his groin, . The wounds led authorities to believe Lapre was trying to commit suicide while at the Lifetime Fitness center by attempting to sever the femoral artery in his legs. Not quite the response from a guy who once said "...I really don't give a rat's ass about what people think about me."
Monday, October 3, 2011
Yo Dick, Yo Weed Be Safe
Governor Jerry Brown signed a flurry of bills as he headed towards an October 9th deadline, keeping your junk and your stash cool..and I'm not saying which is your junk and which is your stash.
Brown has hundreds more on his desk, but signed 44 measures and vetoed four bills Sunday, and among the laws he signed was creating new penalties for the sale of synthetic cannabis products. The strange but interesting part is that, while the products have effects similar to marijuana, the penalties for them now outweigh those for selling small amounts of weed. Anyone selling the synthetic could be fined $1,000 and face up to six months in jail, while sales of less than 28 ounces of marijuana carry no jail time and a maximum fine of $100.
The other major bill passed keeps local ordinances from prohibiting circumcision. It was drafted in response to a proposed San Francisco ballot measure that would have prohibited any foreskin cutting that was "not deemed medically necessary" in that city. While the proposed ordinance was struck from the ballot in June and a similar measure proposed in Santa Monica was later pulled back (pun?), this effectively keeps others from forcing parents to dress their boys in turtlenecks. And whether you personally would choose that for yourself or your child, parental rights and liberties are more important than your creepy fascination with other people's kid's dicks.
Brown has hundreds more on his desk, but signed 44 measures and vetoed four bills Sunday, and among the laws he signed was creating new penalties for the sale of synthetic cannabis products. The strange but interesting part is that, while the products have effects similar to marijuana, the penalties for them now outweigh those for selling small amounts of weed. Anyone selling the synthetic could be fined $1,000 and face up to six months in jail, while sales of less than 28 ounces of marijuana carry no jail time and a maximum fine of $100.
The other major bill passed keeps local ordinances from prohibiting circumcision. It was drafted in response to a proposed San Francisco ballot measure that would have prohibited any foreskin cutting that was "not deemed medically necessary" in that city. While the proposed ordinance was struck from the ballot in June and a similar measure proposed in Santa Monica was later pulled back (pun?), this effectively keeps others from forcing parents to dress their boys in turtlenecks. And whether you personally would choose that for yourself or your child, parental rights and liberties are more important than your creepy fascination with other people's kid's dicks.
Breaking Fever
This is what happens when Rybot plays a song all weekend and it gets stuck in your head...
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