Sometimes there's not enough time to keep up with the day's events, but that's why we boil it down to the headlines!Lawyer: Britney wants no contact with Sam Lutfi
Note to Osama "Sam" Lufti - so do we. What does that say when even Brittanica thinks she's too good for you?
Astronaut technology could prevent elderly falls
Yes, it's called zero gravity, and Granny will love it.
Off-duty LAPD officer shot by Long Beach police
Damn these gang wars! It's an eye for an eye...when does it stop!
Experts see quake as 'teachable moment'
Now you know exactly when to crap your pants in terror
Tide of illegal immigrants now being reversed
So does that mean U.S. citizens are flooding into Mexico or there's a whole lotta Canadians coming?
McCain camp compares Obama to Spears, Hilton
Just to show how out of touch he is, McCain references Marcus Hilton, a British ballroom dancer and gay porn star Zak Spears.
World's oldest joke traced back to 1900 BC
World's oldest groan traced back to same time
Incredible discoveries made in remote caves
I don't trust this story and refuse to go there with it...it's creepy and reminds me of those guys who drive vans and ask you to go with them and help find their lost puppy
House passes bill to regulate tobacco
Finally, some legislation to protect hapless consumers against the ills of tobacco products!
Bush signs bill to triple AIDS funding
The president later reversed this when he found out the money would not go towards a weaponized version of AIDS to be used in the 'War on Terror'.
Man wins appeal in bizarre gasoline suicide case
With stories like that in the news, we all win.
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