Behind The Music

In the news are a couple of stories that are loosely related, because they involve "musicians" and have nothing to do with them making music.


1. Cred Deficit

Madonna, who's trying to be relevant on the cusp of 50, wants the media to leave Britney Spears alone. And she's not afraid to get street about it.

"They need to step off," she told the "Yo on E!" satellite radio show. "For real ... Let's go save her."

Did Madonna end up in some urban action film all of a sudden? What is going to do? Kick down the doors of some Malibu crack den, mow down some paparazzi, and save the neighborhood community center?

First, if you're not black, you don't have any need to ever say "step off". Now, Madonna may have had enough brothers, uh, crossing the borderline to make an honorary member, but then again, she'd also be part of six other ethic groups by those actions. Remember, this is the woman who woke up one morning and then decided to have a British accent (again with this proxy-by-vagina adaptation). If the trend follows, soon Gwyneth Paltrow will sound like Wu-Tang Clan. And what the hell is this business with saving Brit-Brit? Is Madonna some kind of Dr. Phil-like commando? Is she going to de-program the addictions to cigarettes and Cheetos? Yes, Madge, for reals, not for fakes. Not ever.

Just go back to what you do best, okay? Keep threatening us with more films (a modern remake of Casablanca - are you totally fucking mental), get Swedish producers to manufacture your throw-away trend-of-the-moment albums, and try to be controversial in concert by integrating a cross (yawn).


2. Shopping Trip

Ricky Martin met with victims of sexual exploitation during a visit to Cambodia to promote the fight against human trafficking. Wow, that's the pot calling the kettle sexy.

Martin held infants and listened to a 14-year-old rape victim's song, which can't be any worse than his songs, during his visit to a shelter in the city of Siem Reap.

"She sings like an angel," Martin said after the girl finished a song she composed about the plight of trafficking victims. I don't think anybody has ever said that about his performances, save some middle aged, overweight secretaries. "I'm not going to stop," Martin said, pounding his fist on his knee. "All of you are my heroes. You are a gift of my life". Yes, Ricky, you're like their Lincoln, but with dance moves.

In its annual human rights report released recently, the U.S. State Department called Cambodia "a source, destination and transit country for men, women, and children trafficked for sexual exploitation and labor", or as Martin calls it, "big boy Disneyland". Between him and a 3 dollar bill which do you think is less queer? Here's a lint: it could be legal tender (wow, that's his criteria, too).

It's savvy of him to publicly fight against the sex trade, considering he is exactly the international level creep who could go into third world countries and buy himself a little young man lovin'. If his tour rider specified a deli tray, a quart of baby oil, and a pair of 18 year olds I wouldn't be at all surprised. In that context, which I do feel is accurate, the last part of the news story makes me shiver with it's predatory undertones.

Martin said he plans to take what he learned in Cambodia and use it to "motivate people, organizations, governments in Latin America" in their efforts to combat the same problems. The Ricky Martin Foundation does most of its work in Latin America.

Clench up Honduras, and don't drop the soap Costa Rica.


3. Rockett Ream

Poison drummer Rikki Rockett was arrested on a rape warrant and released, awaiting an extradition decision by Mississippi prosecutors.

A woman filed a complaint that she was raped on September 23 at the Silver Star Casino. "The subject, Rikki Rockett, forcibly had sex with an adult in one of the hotel rooms." Rockett, whose real name is Richard Ream, was booked into the Los Angeles County jail under his stage name, because otherwise he's just be another 46 year old dude who looks like a fat soccer mom.

Bret Michaels has rode the sad, fleeting fame of Poison all the way to skanky tail on Rock Of Love, but Rikki Ream is just pathetic. Rape is bad, but rape from this douchebag has got to be the worst.