Lloyd's Of Lunacy

The nose of leading European winemaker and taster Ilja Gort has been insured for 5 million Euros by Lloyd's of London, just going to show that you can get the "famed" company to create any ridiculous policy if you have the money.

He took out the policy after hearing about a man who lost his sense of smell in a car accident. "I thought it must be a horror to lose your smell," Gort said. "It would mean that you cannot taste wine anymore. Tasting wine is something you do with your nose, not your mouth."

The custom-made policy covers Gort (who looks and dresses like a character on a wine bottle)for the loss of either his nose or his sense of smell, and in typical Lloyd's fashion, has some silly conditions. The contract includes a list of what Gort considers "old-fashioned rules" to protect his nose: the Dutchman is not allowed to ride a motorcycle or be a boxer, knife thrower's assistant or a fire-breather. Was there much chance of that happening anyway?

Jonathan Thomas, the lead underwriter just added to the lack of importance and took Gort's long, curly beard into account when drafting the policy, by placing a clause about Gort only going to experienced barbers who will keep their razors steady near his nose. Oh, how knee-slappingly clever! "These insurance policies, they're not all dry," Thomas said. "There's a bit of fun we can add with them as well." And sir, you are fun, and funny!

Lloyd's syndicates generally write a diverse range of policies, both direct insurance and reinsurance, covering property, motor, liability, marine, aviation, catastrophe and many other risks. Additionally, Lloyd's has created a unique yet unnecessary niche in unusual celebrity policies. Over the years, they have insured silent film comedian Ben Turpin's eyes against uncrossing, Betty Grable, Brooke Shields, and Tina Turner's legs, Jimmy Durante's nose, Keith Richards' fingers, Celine Dion's vocal cords, America Ferrera's smile, and the bodies of several professional wrestlers like Bret Hart, Curt Hennig, Brian Adams, and Joe Laurinaitis.

"Let's face it, it's a Lloyd's specialty," Thomas said. "Lloyd's specializes in unusual risks." But it's not the biggest waste spent on a nose. The senses of taste and smell of wine taster Angela Mount were backed for almost 13 million Euros in 2003 for her bosses at British supermarket chain Somerfield.

Gort's friends have teased him for his newly appraised nose, even jesting to punch him in the nose so they can split the money. Hey, let me punch him and you can keep the money.

"Every time I look in the mirror, I see 5 million Euro," Gort said, "but I think I'll get used to it." Yeah, but will you ever get used to having a name like a 50's space monster?