Friday, August 29, 2008

Fruit (Of The Loom / Of Your Labor) Weekend

You work hard everyday, so why not relish the opportunity to celebrate your laboring and take an extra day off Monday?

The summer season unofficially ends with this holiday bookmark, but you can probably squeeze another couple of weeks out of wearing your white pants. Or underpants, since many of you will be sitting around in them as the long weekend passes you by - and that's fine. I intend to do the same...praise your hard work and sit around in your underwear.

Netflix: Eagle Vs. Shark & Dance Of The Dead

A new feature, regarding my Netflix consumption - because you can't pirate every movie...

I watched two flicks last week that merit talking about, in this case, so that you don't watch them. First, Eagle Vs. Shark, or as it should be called Napoleon Kiwimite. If that movie never came out, perhaps having quirky characters who become endearing after their initial un-likeability might fly, but it doesn't. And no matter how many "goofy" elements they include, from ugly tracksuits to training for a fight, it smacks of unoriginality.

Lily is a mousy fast food worker who lives for the dorklord Jarrod, and finally angles an exchange (she takes his order) when he comes in for his daily meal. With an invitation to his costume party that he asks her to give to an uninterested co-worker, she shows up and impresses him with her video fighting game skills. Their relationship begins, and she goes to his hometown to meet his family, where more quirky hi-jinx occur. The trouble is Jarrod is a totally unlikeable creep. A selfish, self absorbed geek, you wish you could punch him in the face for his obnoxious jerkiness. And it doesn't help me at all that he's played by one of the guys from Flight Of The Conchords, aka Kiwi Tenacious D.

If you're able to forget about Nappy D and the fact that it is superior in every way, Eagle Vs. Shark is possibly watchable.

The other film I saw was entirely by mistake. As I love me some zombie movies, I though I had added to my list Prom Of The Dead - and boy was I wrong on that selection. Rather than a teenage zombie prom horror comedy, I ended up with part of a shitty horror anthology by the guy who did Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Dance Of The Dead takes place after a biological attack destroyed the nation, and gothic punks basically turned half the cities into badlands. Although cute, naive Anna goes to the dark side of town against her mother's wishes, the badboys are comically not that tough or scary. Jak (oh so future punk cool spelling) is a skinny twerp, and Boxx (wtf?) looks like Jack Black's brother. At the Doom Room, the (barely) living dead are paraded out, pumped full of blood, and electrified to twitch in the titular manner. It's a waste of an hour, unless you want to see gratuitous fake tits and a hardly surprise twist that Anna's long thought dead sister is one of the dead at the club.

Yawn (of the dead).

Now Things Get Interesting

Bold goddamn move by the Republican party to throw a woman in the VP seat!

In what looked to have peaked during the heat of the primaries and the three horse nominee race, the black man / old white guy ticket is getting challenged by the old white man / woman ticket. As much as they are evil, marrow-minded and backwards thinking, intolerant profiteers, I have to applaud the shock value and sheer savvy of their selection of Sarah Palin to garner some attention for the party of the privileged. Ultimately, their plan won't pay off the way they hoped.

While there is MILF Veep attention from men, the real draw of Palin is to try and steal the Hillary votes from disgruntled Democrats who see Obama as a poorly timed stunt nominee. But the major problem is that Sarah Palin is no Hillary Clinton. She's not even a Hillary Duff. Even the briefest of looks will show Palin is hardly the caliber of woman to walk behind Clintion's accomplishments, let alone match them. And while I have complained of Obama's neophyte background in comparison to making the candidate selection for the Dems, how much leverage for making the same accusations has McCain lost now with the
incredibly green Palin? And let's not all forget her terrific maternal instinct!

In the groundbreaking move of selecting Obama, at least VP Biden was installed to give a sense of balance and bring Clinton supporters back to the fold, plus syphon moderates who see Biden as more presidential than McCain. Between the Barack buzz and Biden credibility, their balanced ticket has wider draw than the McCain / Palin one for the simple fact that Palin is just window dressing. The Alaskan governor may bring the actual Republican values to the ticket (anti-gay marriage, pro-life, religious devotion, oil exploration in her home state,
corruption controversy), but being a gun-toting redneck isn't going to add extra votes - as unhappy as right wingers are with the moderate leaning McCain, they're not jumping to the other side. Palin only adds some perceived value to the red states for their vote, and between the two of them, they basically (and for the Reps, finally) equal one candidate. Obama / Biden comes across like two people, and the tag team match up, after the buzz and dust settle, looks pretty lopsided.

If the roles were reversed, and McCain was as staunchly Republican as his vagina VP, he'd look like a healthier candidate and stronger contender, balanced by a more progressive, moderate lady. But as she plays her Condi Rice / Ann Coulter GOP-in-a-dress tough gal routine, McCain has to ham up his Republican machismo to not be overshadowed, and that'll only come across as disingenuous. A Obama / McCain debate would hardly be as exciting as a Biden / Palin talkoff, and for any of the oddsmakers, I assure you that Biden, as the favorite, is going to slaughter her. And as seen in July when addressed as a dark horse contender for a running mate, not only was Palin less than interested, but genuinely unaware of what it meant.


In essence, Palin brings teeth to the soft campaign of McCain, but that bite ends up being weak. But if they secretly trying to pick up the nerd vote, I have to congratulate them again. Fanboys will already have taken notice - the Republican ticket looks just like Colonel Tigh and President Roslin from Battlestar Galactica.

In what is either a sign that BSG has achieved cultural critical mass or that at least one of the two Republican nominees to office is actually an alcoholic robot, the similarities between the two pairs seemed to be one of the most common blog commentaries about McCain's choice:

McCain is a military man who spent time in a Vietnam prison camp, the character of Col. Tigh is a military man who spent time in a Cylon prison camp. Sarah Palin comes from a family of school teachers, the character of Laura Roslin was school teacher before becoming Secretary of Education (and then later President).

It seemed that no-one wanted to draw the McCain/Roslin cancer parallels - but it goes to show that the Roslin / Airlock ticket that had so many excited on Caprica just wasn't bold enough.

Baller

In a presentation made at Nvidia's NVISION show this week, the ambiguously gay duo from Mythbusters unveiled a 1100 barrel paintball gun and—in an instant—painted a pretty convincing / slightly drippy Mona Lisa.

Following typical MythBusters fashion, the incredibly elaborate experiment was only tenuously linked to their hypothesis. The presentation was intended to represent the difference in operation between single and multicore processors, referring to current gen CPUs versus GPUs, respectively. True h4x0rs can see parallel computing is much more complex than they make it seem here, but as with many of the experiments on their TV show, the sheer ridiculousness of he demonstration makes the whole thing almost pure follly. The call has already gone out to see the MythBusters turn that paint cannon on a human. Calling Jackass...

Sporty Names

If you want to stand out in the pro sports world, you've got to make a name for yourself. Or come up with one.
The word on the street is that lithium-needing Bengals receiver Chad Johnson has changed his last name to Ocho Cinco. Let's hope he doesn't get traded and reassigned an new number.

According to a Miami radio station, which is in Johnson’s hometown, the receiver had legally changed his last name to “Ocho Cinco.” Johnson’s — sorry — Ocho Cinco’s reported name change has been rumored in NFL circles for weeks, and according to the station today, is now official.

Johnson forewarned the public that a major surprise was coming during a recent interview on ESPN’s SportsCenter. Some folks are already calling him an idiot, but this is the best thing since
Ron Mexico appeared on jerseys. But hey, if you want to be known as Hercules J. Billionaire or Brick Roughchest, go ahead.

And in spite-related name-change news, the UFC Fighter formerly known as Jon Koppenhaver has formally changed his name to “War Machine.” He was apparently happy with it as only a nickname until a trademark claim by TNA Wrestling (who?) made him take decisive action. He wrote on his blog:

Turns out some gay ass wrestling federation threatened to sue [UFC] because they recently named one of their wrestlers The War Machine Rhino and trademarked the name. Too fuckin’ bad that I have been using this name for 6 years, have it tatted on my body and it is what my fans yell out when I’m fighting. If you know my personality then you know damn well I am not gonna let some faggot ass, FAKE wrestler steal MY name… SO 6 weeks ago I filed a change of name request and today I had court to make my name officially WAR MACHINE.
Not to get all technical, but wouldn’t Marvel Comics have the trademark (or copyright, whatever] on War Machine?

Back In NOLA

Three years since our current administration royally fucked up their response to Katrina, a new hurricane is bearing down on the Gulf, and it's not going to be any better as Gustav heads towards them.

Unlike Katrina, when thousands took refuge inside the Superdome, there will be no "last resort" shelter, and those who stay behind accept "all responsibility for themselves and their loved ones," said the city's emergency preparedness director, Jerry Sneed. Residents were streaming out of the city even though a mandatory evacuation order had not yet been issued for New Orleans. Hotels closed, and the airport prepared to follow suit as Mayor Ray Nagin confirmed the danger to the city was growing and told tourists to leave.

Banksy, however, has been in the area.

more here, here, and here

Thursday, August 28, 2008

Pashtoon 2: Mehran Boogaloo

The very unclever Oompa-Loompa song was dropped over this, so you may as well kill the volume and add your own soundtrack. But seriously, this guy is tearing up the Middle East!

Summer Of Tears Presents Teen Wolf

Take a mediocre 80's comedy and add a little green screen magic...

Life Imitates Art

David Duchovny must be turning into a method actor. Currently playing a womanizing writer on the Californication, has entered a facility for treatment of sex addiction.

He has been married since 1997 to Tea Leoni, with whom he has a 9 year old daughter and 6 year old son.

"I have voluntarily entered a facility for the treatment of sex addiction," he said in a statement released through his lawyer. "I ask for respect and privacy for my wife and children as we deal with this situation as a family." What will happen to America's premiere WASP couple? Stay tuned!


am want since Flirting With Disaster

Motivated For A Cure

The girl's got pipes but her songs are so manufactured from the crap pop factory. So how can one try to enjoy Katy Perry? When she gets her boobs plastered. On camera.

A bustier version of Zooey Deschanel (me-ow!), Perry sure comes across like an annoying young twenty-something when she opens her mouth, but hey, if women want to get their breasts plastered to fight cancer, I am for it. In fact, I am going to lead that fight against cancer. this weekend. At my place. Ladies, help me fight cancer! And if I run out of plasticine by the time you get there, don't worry - I can still practice molding your chest with to fight cancer.
God I love charity.


Rock God

Jesus, get off that cross and play some hot licks!

"Grab the guitar and play along with top Christian bands! Shred those riffs or blast the bass…you add a unique sound to the solid Christian rock. But watch out: if you can't keep up, the artists will take a break and stop the music. Crank it up and try again - you'll soon be rockin' with the best while praising the Lord! Order the second guitar and jam with a friend!"
Yes, Guitar Praise is here! The New Testament rock video game gives all those devil worshiping heathens from Guitar Hero salvation. It costs $99.95 with one guitar and plugs into any Mac or PC (what, you thought the consoles were going to have it?). I tried to ignore this story, but after Gizmodo and Boing Boing carried it, I had to just on the eternal life of rock bandwagon.

Does that mean fans throw halos instead of horns? Specs below for this awesome video experience!

- Features hit songs from popular Christian rock bands
- Includes wireless USB guitar controller.
- Two guitars can be connected at the same time, so two guitarists can play together - either on the same track or one on lead, the other on bass.
Players press the fret buttons and strum on the strum bar in time to the color-coded notes as they scroll onscreen.
- Offers over 50 songs with 4 levels of play per song - from easy to expert. Beginners start slowly, but soon their fingers will be flying; - just like a real guitarist.
- Onscreen lyrics reflect Christian values. Vocalists can sing their hearts out as their friends play the guitar.
- Record keeping lets players store high scores per song and unlock new songs in sets of six as they progress through the game and post their scores online.
- Players can also earn new guitars with richer sounds and different effects.

And now, the vaunted Guitar Praise songlist includes:



Artist & Song Name
12 Stones / Broken
Bride / Same Ol' Sinner

Caedmons Call / There You Go
Casting Crowns / Lifesong
Chris Tomlin / Made to Worship
Darrell Evans / So Good To Me
David Crowder Band / Foreverandever Etc.
Day Of Fire / Reap and Sow
dc Talk / Jesus Freak
Family Force 5 / Love Addict
Flyleaf / Perfect
Hawk Nelson / The Show
Hawk Nelson / Friend Like That
Inhabited / Rescue Me
Israel & New Breed / All Around
James Clay / Franklin Park
Jared Anderson / Blind Man
Jennifer Knapp / Undo Me
Jeremy Camp / Tonight
Jessie Daniels / What I Hear
Jonah33 / Father's Song
Josh Bates / Perfect Day
Kutless / Beyond the Surface
Kutless / Hearts of the Innocent
Lincoln Brewster / Spin
Nate Sallie / All About You
Nevertheless / The Real
Newsboys / Something Beautiful
Paul Baloche / Rock of Ages
Paul Baloche / All The Earth Will Sing Your Praises
Petra / Backsliding Blues
Pillar / When Tommorrow Comes
Red / Breathe Into Me
Relient K / I Need You
Seventh Day Slumber / Awake
Skillet / The Older I Get
Skillet / Rebirthing
Skillet / Savior
Spoken / Wind In My Sails
Spoken / Falling Further
Spur 58 / Sleepwalkers
Stellar Kart / Procrastinating
Superchick / We Live
The Crucified / The Pit
This Beautiful Republic / Going Under
Thousand Foot Krutch / The Flame in All of Us
Thousand Foot Krutch / The Art of Breaking
tobyMac / I'm For You
Todd Agnew / This Fragile Breath
Warren Barfield / My Heart Goes Out
Whitecross / Who Will You Follow
Whitecross / When The Walls Tumble Down

What's In A Name?

There's a site called How Many Of Me, and, well...you should be able to figure it out.

What I discovered was there are 60,998 people in the U.S. with my first name. It is the 697th most popular first name, and 55% of people with my first name are female. There are 21,349 people in the U.S. with my last name, and statistically it is the 1664th most popular last name.

HowManyOfMe.com
LogoThere are
4
people with my name in the U.S.A.

How many have your name?

I have to find and kill the other three. I'm like the Highlander - there can be only one!

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

The Pashtoon Midget Dance


File Under Who Cares

A blogger suspected of streaming songs from the eternally unreleased Guns N' Roses album "Chinese Democracy" on his web site was arrested. After appearing in court, his bail was set at $10,000, the approximate sales for the album if it ever came out.

FBI agents arrested Kevin Cogill on suspicion of violating federal copyright laws. Federal authorities say Cogill posted nine unreleased Guns N' Roses songs on his Web site in June before they were later removed. In later posts, he wrote that the FBI had questioned him and asked his readers if any of them knew a good attorney. He was represented by a federal public defender.

Prosecutors said Wednesday the leak could result in a "significant" financial loss for the band. I don't think so. Remember all that hype about a certain film franchise that came back with a trilogy of new films after almost 20 years? Yeah, that's "Chinese Democracy" - hype, pure and simple.

Do. Not. Want.

Blonde herpes Paris Hilton and poseur supreme Benji Madden’s want to give you ear cancer.

The musically challenged couple are promising the world pain and suffering an upcoming duet! Not satisfied with her shitty first album, Paris Hilton plans to enter the studio with boyfriend Benji Madden, who has ruined many folk's enjoyment of music with the awful Good Charlotte. The heiress has been writing about the upcoming album on her blog, but now she’s confirmed that her other equally lame half is to make a cameo on it.

"Well, actually I have a studio at the house. He [Benji] actually helped me write some of the songs for my new album, and for the BFF show (her new UK reality show for MTV). He’s a really amazing talent, songwriter and singer.” On asked whether they would duet, Ms Hilton said: “Yes, definitely. When the show comes out.”
There you have it...you've been warned.

Zigs

A particularly optimistic design firm in Dubai called Timelinks has proposed designs for the Ziggurat, a complete city to be layered inside of a massive pyramid that could serve as home for a million people at a time. There goes the neighborhood? There is the neighborhood!

Timelinks is currently seeking patents for a variety of technologies that would make such a building possible, including a three axis public transportation system that would run residents up, through and across the pyramid. They also claim that with a hybrid wind, solar and steam power, the Ziggurat would be able to meet its own power needs, and that there would be enough room to allow for some minor agriculture in designated "green spaces." Before you just write this off as another wacky internet design concept, just consider the absurdly ostentatious structures that Dubai has already built or currently under construction. Not quite so silly I guess...

iFlub

You're a lemming smart, safety conscious iPhone user, right? You keep the phone set to require a 4-digit passcode every time it wakes up, so if you ever lose your cherished toy, all your personal information is safe. But don't bother if you are running v2.0.2 of the iPhone operating system. A simple hack will get anybody past your PIN code with free access to all your mail, contacts and bookmarks. Hooray!

From the Mac Rumors forums, hacking the security is a ridiculously easy two step process:

1. Tap emergency call

2. Double tap the home button

This drops you into the iPhones "favorites" section. From here you can make calls or send email, and with a few steps you can browse to the Address Book and then on to Mail, Safari or the SMS application. This hardly inspires credibility for the iPhone as a secure business device. Maybe their kill switch will stop that from happening too?

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Explosive Panty Flash

The nation of Japan summed up in one manga panel.

A schoolgirl defeating a criminal by flashing her panties. The manga is titled—no joke—Miracle Pantsu. If you head over
here, you can see the continuation of the story, where the bad guy steals the panties from our heroine, and places them on his head to wield their unholy power for himself. Luckily, the girl has a back-up pair of underwear (her brother's) and uses it to defeat the bad guy.

What exactly was in those two bombs?

One-Man Duet

Nick Pitera is an animator at Pixar, but he can also sing like a pretty lady. He's made a whole bunch of videos, and his Whitney Houston is frightening.

Freshman Rape

With Leather, the sportier counterpart of WWTDD and Film Drunk has scholastic sports news!

Everyone knows that rape and Duke University are two great tastes that go great together. So it should be no surprise that top soccer recruit Ashley Rape will be joining the Blue Devils this fall. On the field, Rape has been a member of the Under-15, Under-16, Under-17 and Under-18 National Teams and was a selection for Sports Illustrated’s “Faces in the Crowd” this past February.

Yes, but I think the question everyone wants to know is, who's going to date Rape? Or send her a 40-pound box of rape? Or take her to the rape fields?
On a serious note, that really is an unfortunate name. Blame immigration officials at Ellis Island, who couldn't pronounce her ancestors' traditional surname, Sexualassault.

Constructulator 3-D

In Amsterdam, a company is bringing the Star Trek replicator closer to everyday life.

Shapeways is a spin-off from Philips' Lifestyle Incubator. On one side, it's a website where you can upload your 3D models—which can even have joints—or use an online 3D creator with access to everyday models. The online 3D creator is extremely easy to use, so anyone can modify them without any technical or product design knowledge. With this, anyone can make a candle holder or a fruit bowl out of song lyrics or a personal message by just typing it. Advanced users to access to 3D packages can upload any model they can imagine in a 3D standard format, like STL, Collada or X3D.

On the other side, there are different types of rapid prototyping machines that can create that model using a variety of materials, from nylon to plastic composites, each with different properties. For example, the nylon one results in a semi-flexible object, while a plastic called "Cream Robust" gives you an extremely hard finish. Once you select the material and submit your model to 3D printer, you will get it in your hands in 10 days, with an average cost of $50 to $150, including shipping. While the system is not perfect and there's no color yet, you can get different textures for the surfaces. Sadly for you, they have a policy about printing dildos.

Ironic Deaths Are The Best

Dave Freeman, co-author of 100 Things to Do Before You Die, a travel guide, died after hitting his head in a fall at his home at 47. You can't make this stuff up because it's too perfect.

An advertising agency executive, Freeman co-wrote the book with Neil Teplica. It was based on the Web site whatsgoingon.com, which the pair ran together from 1996 to 2001. "This life is a short journey," the book says. "How can you make sure you fill it with the most fun and that you visit all the coolest places on earth before you pack those bags for the very last time?" Future editions will advise agains dying in a fall at home.

The book's recommendations ranged from the obvious — attending the Academy Awards and running with the bulls in Pamplona, Spain — to the more obscure — taking a voodoo pilgrimage in Haiti and "land diving" on the Island of Vanuatu, which Freeman once called "the original bungee jumping." It included goofy graphics with each entry, indicating that some activities were "down and dirty," and others "grandma friendly." There were also a few, rare "down and dirty grandma" ones.

The success of "100 Things" inspired dozens of like-minded books, with titles such as 100 Things Project Managers Should Do Before They Die and 100 Things Cowboys Fans Should Know and Do Before They Die...just like that other lame series Chicken Soup for the ______.

Freeman's relatives said he visited about half the places on his list before he died.

Monday, August 25, 2008

Big Buck Bunny


It's no Rabbit, but it's still a charmingly odd video.

Guitar H4x0r

Anyone who is a fan of 1960s-era guitar idol mythology knows that crazy custom circuitry and effects pedals are nothing new. But the OpenStomp Coyote 1, billed as the "world's first open-source guitar pedal" updates the trend for today's slightly more nerdy shredders, who can recreate the crazy circuit bending of yore in a custom software package that visually edits effects patches. On top of that, all aspects of the hardware—including the added LCD screen, 80MHz Propeller processor, microUSB and RJ11 interfaces—are documented, too, so feel free to change all that up. Be warned that it will set you back $350.

Very Sexy People



Truth in advertising for sure at Sexy People.


Dancin' With The Stars

Mary-Kate and Ashley cut loose, showing the moves that made them millions. Literally millions. Each.





Ground Sounds And Tones Of The Unknown

Noise Addict has some Earth-y tones that anything but obvious in their origin.

The Bloop
At various times during the summer of 1997, an ultra-low frequency sound that rose rapidly in frequency over about one minute was detected at 50 degrees S, 100 degrees W. The sound was detected by the
US National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration with the Equatorial Pacific Ocean autonomous hydrophone array (which was U.S. Navy equipment originally designed to detect Soviet submarines), and was loud enough to be heard on multiple sensors, up to 5000km apart. Scientists dubbed it the "Bloop" (not to be confused with the "Boing".)

Although the sound matches the profile of a living animal, it is much louder than any known creature can produce. Any creature that could produce such a sound would have to be many times larger than the largest whale. You can hear a very short recording of the sound here . The recording is short because it’s been sped up 16x to make it audible to you and I. Some people link the Bloop to Cthulhu , a mythical creature from an H.P. Lovecraft story as the noise originated from an area near the mythical sunken city of R’lyeh from the same story.

The Bloop also makes an appearance in the game promoting the movie Cloverfield, and was also seen in the movie "The Loch", coming from a giant eel. A 2001 album by Dntel ("Life is full of possibilities ") uses the bloop as a repeating sample through the piece. The actual origination of the sound is not known and remains a mystery to this day although it is suspected to be biological in origin.


The Hum
The hum is the name of a phenomenon that is generally given to mysterious low frequency humming or rumbling. It is typically heard by many people at a time (but not others), and can come and go or it can be constant. There are many famous Hums, most notably the Taos Hum and the Bristol Hum.

The Hum is usually difficult to record, and it’s often difficult to localize the source of the hum (perhaps due to the low frequency, as low frequency sounds are harder to localize).
Hums have been detected (or reported) all over the world, but most appear in Europe and South America. The Hum is more often heard indoors, and some people hear it more faintly than others.
Here is a recording of the Auckland Hum.

The Taos Hum has been featured on the X-Files and Unsolved Mysteries. The source of some Hums have been identified - for example, a pair of fans in a cooling tower at a DaimlerChrysler casting plant was emitting a 36 Hz tone that caused a Hum over the entire city of Kokomo, Indiana. Other Hums remain a mystery. Some possible explanations Include geological events, pulsed microwaves and electromagnetic waves from meteors. Tinnitus might explain some cases as well.

A creditable scientific hypothesis from 2005 suggests the Hum is caused by the tensor tympani muscle (a muscle in the inner ear) trembling in the eardrums of individuals. on the eardrums of affected individuals by the tensor tympani muscle trembling. There is a website by the "Interest Group for Research of the Hum Nuisance" (unfortunately in German) describing this theory.

The Hell Hole
More than forty years ago, researchers in the Soviet Union began an ambitious drilling project whose goal was to penetrate the Earth’s upper crust and sample the warm, mysterious area where the crust and mantle intermingle– the Mohorovičić discontinuity, or "Moho." This type of drilling was completely new and the technology didn’t exist to go that deep, and so the Russians had to invent a completely new was of drilling to be able to do it. Unfortunately, the Russians never reached their goal, and many of the Earth’s secrets were left undiscovered, however The Kola Superdeep Borehole is still a scientifically useful site, and research there is ongoing.

When drilling stopped in 1994, the hole was over seven miles deep, making it by far the deepest hole ever drilled by humans. The last of the cores to be plucked from from the borehole were dated to be about 2.7 billion years old. Although the Kona hole was the deepest hole ever drilled (until this one), seven miles was still very short of the 20-80km required to penetrate the earth’s crust.

Like all newfangled science stories, some Genesis freaks have decided that the intent of the project was not real scientific research as they were told - rather this simple experiment was actually an attempt to drill to hell… and that they were successful! The story has (and still does) made its rounds on Christian circles via tracts, preaching and radio broadcasts.

The story varies, but here are the basics:
- After going only a few miles down, the drill began to spin wildly.
- A ‘Doctor Azzakov’ is quoted as stating authoritatively that it has been shown that the earth is hollow.
- Immensely high temperatures were experienced, much higher than expected at that depth. Usually 2,000 degrees Fahrenheit or 1,100 degrees Celsius is quoted.
- Microphones were lowered into the hole (to ‘listen to the earth’s movement’). Human screams were heard—hordes of ‘tortured souls’.
- Many of the scientists have quit the project in fear and/or have become total nervous wrecks.

Of course, these "facts" are not quite true: If the earth was largely hollow, it would clearly be evident from seismic studies, as well as from orbital/gravitational considerations, but this is not the case. Far from being a ‘fiery inferno’, the temperature increased by one degree Celsius every 100 meters to 3,000 meters, then by 2.5 degrees every 100 meters thereafter. At 10,000 meters, it was only 180 degrees.

The story of course is based on a factual borehole, and creation geologists have had a field day with the shaky "facts" - using the story to prove that yes, hell exists and they’ve been right all along. Here’s the "quote" that has been making it’s way through evangelical circles:

"We lowered a microphone, designed to detect the sounds of plate movements down the shaft. But instead of plate movements we heard a human voice screaming in pain! At first we thought the sound was coming from our own equipment. But when we made adjustments our worst suspicions were confirmed. The screams weren’t those of a single human, they were the screams of millions of humans!"

Oh, you wanted to HEAR the screams from hell? But of course! Listen to it here (or here ) .

Mistpouffers
In some places in the world, people have reported long successions of enormously loud booming noises. They are called different things in different areas of the world - “Guns of the Seneca” (near Seneca Lake in New York), “
Barisal guns ” (in Bangladesh), “uminari” (in Japan), “fog guns,” “lake guns,” and many other terms. These terms all describe a sound or sounds that resemble distant cannon fire, and are usually heard near large bodies of water. Often times they are accompanied by a long rumble that is strong enough to shake plates and pictures.

There have been many proposed
theories about where these sounds come from, however most are not very satisfying. Since these sounds have been reported for centuries means that the most obvious explanation, artillery tests , are pretty much ruled out. Earthquakes and volcanoes could produce these sounds and rumbles, however the sounds have not been directly connected to any seismic activity, which is fairly well measured.

Some have speculated that undersea activity (perhaps seismic) creates great bubbles of released gas which floats to the surface and creates huge "ocean farts", however it is a stretch to think that these bubbles could produce a sound strong enough to create the distant-gunfire sound of Mistpouffers. Meteorite impacts have also been bandied about as a possible explanation (see here for actual meteor sounds) as have tidal waves .

It has also been speculated that these noises happen everywhere and that ambient noise from communities simply make them harder to hear. Sound travels farther over water than over land, and so the sounds are more easily heard in remote, quiet areas close to bodies of water.

Of course the latest theory is rather boring - that the sounds are made by thunder or other explosions very far away, and the sounds simply travels a very, very long way because atmospheric and topographic conditions happen to be "just so". This would explain why no storms or other activity are present in the area and yet the sounds are still heard.
Some people still believe that the sounds are made from alien spacecraft, God, or Thor’s hammer banging on nails while trying to fix the roof over the heavens…. however there is another theory: A web page describing the many tourist attractions of the Cayuga Lake area mentions the “Guns of the Seneca.” it also says “At the southern end, you’ll find the booming city of Ithaca…” Well, that it. What people are hearing is obviously the sound of Ithaca booming.


Slow Down
Slow down was recorded in the Pacific Ocean on May 19,1997. It was recorded by the U.S. National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration located around 15 degrees S 115, degrees W. It is called the Slow Down because the sound slowly decreases in frequency over the span of about 7 minutes. It was detected using the same hydrophone array as the Bloop, and was loud enough to be detected on multiple sensors 2000km apart.

Here is a recording of the sound, sped up by 16 times. Some people believe that this sound has been made by a giant squid or other large sea creature, however this theory doesn’t stand up to scientific reason, as squids likey with tdo not have the capability of producing their beaks ese sounds. The real source of the Slow Down sound remains completely unknown. This signal and anything like it has not been heard before or since.

The WOW!
No discussion of mysterious sounds would be complete without this one, although it’s not a sound from earth - it’s from space.

On August 15, 1977 a SETI scientist working at the Big Ear radio telescope of the Ohio State University noticed a very strong signal that lasted for 72 seconds. The type of signal resembled signals that are non-terrestrial and non-solar system in origin. Because the signal was so remarkable, The scientists circled the data on the computer printout and wrote the word "WOW!" beside it. Ever since then, it’s been called the "Wow!" signal.
Since the signal was discovered, scientists from all over have tried to locate it again, however it has never been seen since. It has been theorized by some people that the signal may have come from extraterrestrial life, however others remain skeptical. More information on the Wow can be found here by the person who discovered it.

Vindicated!

I have said for some time that the Desperate Housewives pee standing up and that the Grey's / Private Practice ladies have no need for stirrups. Now, photo proof backing my claims!

Spin The Black Circle




In addition to hanging with Herr Docktor and Wee-bey over the weekend, they gave unto me a nifty little record player that would have perhaps had a play or too before getting mothballed (THANKS!!!). I plugged it it to my system and went through some of the old platters I listen to in my youth - original records from The Doors, Beatles, and Stones that Famous Mom and Dad bequeathed to me.

Awesome.

Now that I could enjoy those relics, I found a local shop that had used vinyl and picked up a few more to add to my collection. What will $11 get you? Try Look Sharp and Night & Day from Joe Jackson, Listen Like Thieves from INXS, Ghost In The Machine from The Police, and perhaps the score of the trip, Voices from Hall & Oates (worth it for the cover alone).

I'm not going to be one of those snob audiophiles who gives a shit about the purity of records or the cold digital CD tone - I just think it's cool to be able to have the novelty of playing records, especially when there's already a decent collection to listen to. If you've got a few dollars, it's a cheap thrill...

Chapter Thirteen

Halfway to who-know's-where on His Words-Not Mine. Because that's how we do at the begining of each week. Really, you should know this by now.

This week: knife wielding lesbians bathing! (now you have to read it...and is that what it took to get you to?)

Friday, August 22, 2008

Wino Weekend

Famous Mom, Scarlett, and Rybot are all scattered around the country this weekend, but just because they're away doesn't mean I'm all alone. Herr Docktor and I are certainly going to kick it with a little vinted spirit, just like we used to when we were a couple of rambunctious youths renting houses in the Valley.

Sip some flavor this weekend, y'all. Cheers, bitches!

Live From Daryl's House

Yeah, I go old school with Hall & Oates. Like back to the 1982 H2O tour at the Universal Amphitheatre, old. So fancy that moment when I found out that Mr. White Soul himself has an interweb show where he has guests over to his place to jam on tunes and chill out. Sweet. Your move, Mr. Oates...

Legolympic

The Hong Kong Lego User Group takes their bricks and games seriously.

Like everyone else obsessed about the grandeur of Beijing's Olympic venues, they rave about the complexity of the Bird's Nest and the luminescent brilliance of the Water Cube. To pay homage, these fascinating structures are recreated in their complexity as Lego replicas, using more than 300,000 Lego bricks and 4,500 Lego people. The model measures nearly 25 feet by 9, and also includes models of the Sport Village, Resident Buildingd, and Equestrian Center. Not bad for 100 hours of work.

Dead'Nuff

Tragedy! Sho'Nuff, the shogun of Harlem — and better known to his friends as actor Julius Carry — passed away recently at the age of 56. This has created a major vacuum in the power structure of the Harlem kung fu underworld, and more importantly, a hole in all of our hearts which can never be filled, as no one will ever be that simultaneously mean, bad and pretty again. Bruce Leroy is wanted for questioning.

Village People

Matthew Syed, former Olympic table tennis player and current contributor to the UK's The Times, produced an enlightening article on sex in the Olympic Village that mixes his personal experience with the vibe of these Olympic Games. And that vibe is: people be humpin'.

And then there were the female athletes - literally thousands of them - strutting, shimmying, sashaying and jogging around the village, clad in Lycra and exposing yard upon yard of shiny, toned, rippling and unimaginably exotic flesh. Women from all the countries of the world: muscular, virile, athletic and oozing oestrogen. I spent so much time in a state of lust that I could have passed out.

Sounds nice. Any particularly good anecdotes?

There is a famous story from Seoul in 1988 that there were so many used condoms on the roof terrace of the British team's residential block the night after the swimming concluded that the British Olympic Association sent out an edict banning outdoor sex.
He ends up hypothesizing that higher levels of testosterone and the release from Spartan training regimens makes everybody eager to hold hands and do whatever it is mommy and daddy do, which makes the last half of the article pretty boring, actually. But if you want to get really crazy, ESPN has a huge scoop on all that gold medal sexy (and don't worry that it's from the last Olympiad - it's still relevant and detailed as hell).

Virgin?

What gave it away?

Oh Brother

I too have the Brother HL-2040, and it is a pain in the ass. It constantly jams, which is my punishment for not having toner troubles, but I am totally going to do this hack. Take that (big) Brother! Via Slate:

How to fight back against the lying, infuriating, evil ink-and-toner cabal

I bought a cheap laser printer a couple years ago, and for a while, it worked perfectly. The printer, a Brother HL-2040, was fast, quiet, and produced sheet after sheet of top-quality prints—until one day last year, when it suddenly stopped working. I consulted the user manual and discovered that the printer thought its toner cartridge was empty. It refused to print a thing until I replaced the cartridge. But I'm a toner miser: For as long as I've been using laser printers, it's been my policy to switch to a new cartridge at the last possible moment, when my printouts get as faint as archival copies of the Declaration of Independence. But my printer's pages hadn't been fading at all. Did it really need new toner—or was my printer lying to me?

To find out, I did what I normally do when I'm trying to save $60: I Googled. Eventually I came upon a note on FixYourOwnPrinter.com posted by a fellow calling himself OppressedPrinterUser. This guy had also suspected that his Brother was lying to him, and he'd discovered a way to force it to fess up. Brother's toner cartridges have a sensor built into them; OppressedPrinterUser found that covering the sensor with a small piece of dark electrical tape tricked the printer into thinking he'd installed a new cartridge. I followed his instructions, and my printer began to work. At least eight months have passed. I've printed hundreds of pages since, and the text still hasn't begun to fade. On FixYourOwnPrinter.com, many Brother owners have written in to thank OppressedPrinterUser for his hack. One guy says that after covering the sensor, he printed 1,800 more pages before his toner finally ran out.

Brother isn't the only company whose printers quit while they've still got life in them. Because the industry operates on a classic razor-and-blades business model—the printer itself isn't pricy, but ink and toner refills cost an exorbitant amount—printer manufacturers have a huge incentive to get you to replace your cartridges quickly. One way they do so is through technology: Rather than printing ever-fainter pages, many brands of printers—like my Brother—are outfitted with sensors or software that try to predict when they'll run out of ink. Often, though, the printer's guess is off; all over the Web, people report that their printers die before their time.

Enter OppressedPrinterUser. Indeed, instructions for fooling different laser printers into thinking you've installed a new cartridge are easy to come by. People are even trying to sell such advice on eBay. If you're at all skilled at searching the Web, you can probably find out how to do it for free, though. Just Google some combination of your printer's model number and the words toner, override, cheap, and perhaps lying bastards.

Similar search terms led me to find that many Hewlett-Packard printers can be brought back to life by digging deep into their onboard menus and pressing certain combinations of buttons. (HP buries these commands in the darkest recesses of its instruction manuals—see Page 163 of this PDF.) Some Canon models seem to respond well to shutting the printer off for a while; apparently, this resets the system's status indicator. If you can't find specific instructions for your model, there are some catchall methods: Try removing your toner cartridge and leaving the toner bay open for 15 or 20 seconds—the printer's software might take that as a cue that you've installed a new cartridge. Vigorously shaking a laser toner cartridge also gets good results; it breaks up clumps of ink and bathes the internal sensor in toner.

These tricks generally apply to laser printers. It's more difficult to find ways to override ink-level sensors in an inkjet printer, and, at least according to printer manufactures, doing so is more dangerous. I was able to dig up instructions for getting around HP inkjets' shut-off, and one blogger found that coloring in his Brother inkjet cartridge with a Sharpie got it to print again. But I had no luck for Epson, Lexmark, Canon, and many other brands of inkjets. There are two reasons manufacturers make it more difficult for you to keep printing after your inkjet thinks it's out of ink. First, using an inkjet cartridge that's actually empty could overheat your printer's permanent print head, leaving you with a useless hunk of plastic. Second, the economics of the inkjet business are even more punishing than those of the laser business, with manufacturers making much more on ink supplies than they do on printers.

Inkjet makers have a lot riding on your regular purchases of ink—and they go to great lengths to protect that market. In 2003, the British consumer magazine Which? found that inkjet printers ask for a refill long before their cartridges actually go dry. After overriding internal warnings, a researcher was able to print 38 percent more pages on an Epson printer that had claimed it didn't have a drop left. Lawyers in California and New York filed a class-action lawsuit against Epson; the company denied any wrongdoing, but it settled the suit in 2006, giving customers a $45 credit. A similar suit is pending against Hewlett-Packard.

There's also a long-standing war between printer makers and third-party cartridge companies that sell cheap knockoff ink packs. In 2003, Lexmark claimed that a company that managed to reverse-engineer the software embedded in its printer cartridges was violating copyright law. Opponents of overbearing copyright protections were alarmed at Lexmark's reach; copyright protections have traditionally covered intellectual property like music and movies, not physical property like printer cartridges. A federal appeals court dismissed Lexmark's case, but anufacturershave recently been successful in using patent law to close down third-party cartridge companies.

In the long run, though, the printer companies' strong line against cartridge makers seems destined to fail. Buying ink and toner is an enormous drag. Having to do it often, and at terribly steep prices, breeds resentment—made all the worse by my printer's lying ways. Some companies are realizing this. When Kodak introduced a new line of printers last year, it emphasized its low ink costs. Kodak claims that its cartridges last twice as long as those of other printers and sell for just $10 to $15 each, a fraction of the price of other companies' ink. When my Brother finally runs dry, perhaps I won't replace the toner—I'll replace the printer.