Porklord

It seems like the villagers are amassing to drive the monster J. Lo into the sea at the end of torches and pitchforks. Yeeeah! brings it:

Some Michael Phelps facts:

1. If you look into the eye of a hurricane you will see Michael Phelps swimming.

2. Newton’s First Law is wrong: Even if an external force is applied to Michael Phelps he will remain in the Michael Phelps state of motion.

3. Water drinks Michael Phelps.

4. Every time you see a shooting star you are really watching Michael Phelps train in space.

5. Aquaman wears Michael Phelps underwear.

6. Newborn dolphins learn to swim by watching footage of Michael Phelps.

7. Michael Phelps doesn’t swim through water, water gets out of his way.

And now, for some Jennifer Lopez facts:

1. Jennifer Lopez can eat her weight in gouda.

2. Jennifer Lopez once crushed a folding chair with her ass.

3. Jennifer Lopez can fart Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star.

4. Jennifer Lopez comes with saddlebags and paunch attachments.

The only way Jennifer Lopez will ever beat Michael Phelps at anything is if it involves eating her way out of a trough full of bacon, Fanta, and Christmas hams. And to the best of my knowledge, that kind of trough only exists in Britney Spears ’ imagination. Plus, Michael Phelps doesn’t look like a big doughy pear in spandex. Advantage: Michael Phelps.