Hating The Children

Why should celebrities have all the fun?

Alaska Governor Sarah Palin gave birth today to her fifth child, a boy, and decided he should be cursed. Trig Paxson Van Palin weighed 6 pounds, 2 ounces - and is going to be bullied and maligned during all the formative years of his life.

"Trig is beautiful and already adored by us," the Palin family said in a statement. "We knew through early testing he would face special challenges, and we feel privileged that God would entrust us with this gift and allow us unspeakable joy as he entered our lives." The governor's spokeswoman would not elaborate on the special challenges and said Palin would talk with reporters early next week. Now that's really messed up if the kid is handicapped and they decided to fuck him up more by giving him a stupid name. It's almost as though they just figured the kid was screwed, so why not? But then again, let's see if they vindicate themselves when "special challenges" are revealed, or if they're just assholes.

The governor went into labor Thursday while in Texas at an energy conference and was able to travel back to Alaska in enough time to deliver her baby. Because travelling is exactly what doctors advise when labor begins. In fact, more pregnant women should cross half the country when preparing to have a child because of the clear health benefits to mother and newborn.

Palin and her husband have four other children who they also saddled with terrible names: a son, Track, 18, and three daughters, Bristol, 17, Willow, 13 and Piper, 7.

The state's child protective services are clearly too scared of their boss, because there are clear instances of abuse going on with such terrible parental decision making. Where is the vasectomy Terminator when you need him? A time travelling robo-surgeon who snipped idiots before they could spread their moron seed would have prevented not one, but five ill-named children being given to the care of incompetent people.