JDate Cabal

I've finally figured out why I'm trying my ass off to meet a decent girl online and have been coming up FAIL - they're all in cahoots!

So after getting back from the gym, I decided to depress myself a little and check the meager selection of women available to harass and have my advances spurned. Lo and behold, I get an instant message from a gal who hadn't replied for three weeks...hesitantly, but with curiosity I open the window.

Backstory: I see this girls profile and notice that she likes to bowl, which your Famous One does enjoy so very much, so I write her a brief email that says we should take advantage of the fact that we may be to last two Jewish bowlers in LA, and we should talk. She writes back “how was your weekend. I like to bowl.” Wow. Deep. Not very impressive, but I write back, and give a little background about where I went to high school and college to preface the same questions to her.

No response.

Oh, she read my email. Same day I sent it in fact. And no reply until just now.

The present: After asking my name and questioning if I’m Jewish, she asks where I live. Kindly I answer and inquire in return. Not only is she sluggish in replying, but she’s adding nothing to the conversation. I ask why she never replied to my email three weeks ago, and she says she didn’t read it and asks me to send it again.

Liar.

JDate caters to the anal retentive obsessive compulsive type (me) and tells you not only when somebody looks at your profile, but you know when they last logged in, and best of all, when they read you email – date and time, bitch!

I’m getting bored at the small talk and my spider sense is tingling, so I figure this chick has some ground to cover if I am going to care, so I give her a hoop to jump through (pleasantly) and say I’m going to put the ball in her court and give her my number if she wants to give me a call sometime. This is also my exit to get out of this IM. She doesn’t get the concept of balls in her court…and then asks me where I live.

Are you serious?

It’s now making sense…she’s got zero attention span because she’s IMing other people at the same time. It has to be…so I call her on it.

And she cops to it.

She apologizes and then says I have her full attention. She asks me some other small talky useless questions…and then asks where I live.

Alright, fuck you retard.

I disconnect and refuse to accept her attempt to reconnect the IM. I’m off JDate and figure I have a critical piece of info lacking prior – her name. I head over to Myspace. This moron has to have a page, and I’m going to be satisfied when I see that she’s wearing a ‘tard helmet or has some long list of messages posted about how everybody is so happy she survived the piano accident that stole 80 IQ points from her. No such luck on proving her mental deficiency – other than her lack of social skills and toddler level communication – but sure as shit she has a Myspace page. And then I see who’s in her “Top 8” friends.

Damn it.

Her profile was on JDate and I was about to send her an email. They’re friends. Good friends. And good friends certainly talk. Or in the case of Herr Doktor and Your Famous One, go monster hunting on JDate with super critical precision. There is no way I can get in touch with this girl. And I certainly can’t stomach she’s friends with a tactless, rude idiot. Then I look at her comments and see her.
That chick gave me a blow-J a couple years ago. I met her on JDate, she came over and we planned to go out for a cup of coffee, and she ended up doing what you shouldn’t do on a first date with people you don’t even know! I appreciate your mother raised you well enough to be duped by a creep like me, but if I wasn’t harmless you’d be scattered across Southland dumpsters, unidentifiable. The internet is the highway onramp of the 21st century…don’t hitchhike!

But now I need to know - how many of the women on JDate know each other? This is not going to work in my favor if this is overwhelmingly true…