Ratamir Guererro

Anaheim is already the home of one famous rodent, but there are soon to be more.

County health officials have found 118 vermin violations in restaurants and kiosks at Angel Stadium over the past 2 ½ years. Thirty-three were listed as “major” violations where “rodent activity” was observed in a “critical area” of 18 stadium food venues. Even with all that quotational jargon, I think we can easily imagine a scene out of Ratatouille.

For those statistical fantasy nerds, here’s a number to sink your teeth into: 109 – the number of violations higher at Angels Stadium than those found at Dodger Stadium and San Diego’s Petco Park. Combined. Over the same span of time. Of over 400 routine inspections, vermin violations were found 25% of the time – a .250 ERA (earned rat average), which is higher than some players batting averages.

In March of 2006 the stadium agreed to step up pest control efforts after a hearing with health care officials, but 80 of the violations occurred since then, including 15 of the major ones. And this year there were two major instances, one which forced the temporary closure of Angelitos Terrace.

Dipshit Tim Mead, one of the talking heads for the Angels, blamed the infestation on heavy rains from 2005 that contributed to a increase in the rodent population, but stressed, “that’s a generalization, not an excuse…I’m not here to offer excuses.”

What kind of medieval P.R. class did this sod take? Heavy rain created more rats? They used to think that if you put rotten meat in a cloth and left it by the forest that you would magically get flies and rats in a few weeks. Really? Fucking really? They’re not goddamned Mogwai. Maybe instead of your rain-rat theory, perhaps it’s the fact that maintenance crews don’t begin clean up doesn’t begin until 5 a.m. the following day. Just a guess…

This gap in common sense does not surprise me, considering those geniuses recently renamed the team from the Anaheim Angels to the Los Angeles Angels Of Anaheim. Just a way to get the marketing edge over their cross town rivals, the Brooklyn Dodgers of Los Angeles.