What's In A Name? (The Motherfucker)

Now that Dean is rocking like a hurricane across Jamaica and Mexico, and storm season is upon us, here's the proposition:

Change the fucking names.

Since 1979 the U.S. National Hurricane Center has been rotating six lists of names, moving alphabetically, alternating between male and female names. Q, U, X, Y and Z are omitted, but all the rest ought to be. These are some of the standout awful names in the rotation:

• Henri • Larry • Odette • Wanda • Gaston • Hermine • Igor • Otto • Gert • Philippe • Rina • Beryl • Gordon • Oscar • Noel • Olga • Pablo • Rebekah • Sebastien • Van • Bertha • Cristobal • Edouard • Gustav • Ike • Nana • Paloma • Wilfred

Did they grab the register from Ellis Island at the turn of the century? On the plus side, kids won't getting teased at school for sharing the same name, but that's no reason to name a devastating meteorological event after a president from the 50's, a mad scientist henchman, or a famous film fish.

When they've run through the list for the year, they move onto Greek letters, which is where they ought to begin. Hurricane Omega...that sounds like the kind of storm that would flood your town, smash your house, and kill some elderly folks.

Back in '94, while we were enjoying the flood of the century, El Nino was touted as the badass of all badasses. In one of his best bits, Henry Rollins disarmed El Nino with nothing but the truth. Having your life ruined by something called "the child" is pathetic. "Could a child kick your town's ass," he asked, "they should call it The Motherfucker!" If ever there was a clip of people being interviewed crying over their doublewide getting wiped out by The Motherfucker, thank Rollins. Of course, his suggestion of calling it "The First Four Black Sabbath albums" is also pretty good.