Your Punishment For Having Bad Taste

Every year, like a pox, the shittiest of award shows comes 'round. No, I'm not talking about the American Music Awards (they're fucking awful too) - it the People's Choice Awards!

What generally reads as a list of things that retarded people enjoy (which, still is cruel to the retarded), you could basically open any issue of People and cull this list. Of course, there are some categories left out for the awards show, which are as follows:


• Favorite Beverage: Sunny Delight, Kool Aid, Mountain Dew, Coors

• Favorite Author: Dan Brown, John Grisham, Donald Trump, Jesus

• Favorite Birth Control Method: Condoms, Saran Wrap, Mountain Dew, Anal

• Favorite Sport: NASCAR, Noodling, Grabass, Horseplay

• Favorite Salad Dressing: Ranch, Thousand Island, Buttermilk, Gravy

• Favorite Scapegoat: Queers, The Devil, Mexicans, Evolution

• Favorite Restaurant: Arby’s, The Olive Garden, Dairy Queen, Spago

• Favorite Birth Defects: Webbed Feet, Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, Club Feet, Freckles

• Favorite Tattoo: ‘Mom’, Arm Band, Tramp Stamp, Tribal

• Favorite Footwear: Socks, Tube Socks, Aqua Socks, Birkenstocks

• Favorite Dessert: Snickers, Otter Pops, Toothpaste, Keystone

• Favorite Actress: Pamela Anderson, Carmen Electra, Jenna Jameson, That Black Chick

• Favorite Neckwear: Scarf, Ascot, T-Shirt, Hickies

• Favorite Foreigner: David Beckham, Borat, 50 Cent, A-Rod

• Favorite Place to Beat Your Kids: Butt, Face and Neck Area, Right Thur in the Middle a the Goddamned Wal-Mart in Front a the Manager and Everbuddy

• Favorite Steak: Sirloin, Salisbury, Chicken-Fried, Tube

• Favorite Facial Hair: Goatee, Soul Patch, Chinstrap, Neck Beard

• Favorite Statutory Rape Rationalization: “If She’s Old Enough to Bleed, She’s Old Enough to Breed,” “If There’s Grass on the Field, Play Ball,” “If She’s Tall Enough to Reach the Mailbox, She’s Old Enough to Get the Package,” “Shit Happens.”

• Favorite Child Name: Connor, Cody, Cooter, Shitferbrains

• Favorite Hairstyle (Male): Mullet, Bowl Cut, ‘Bama Bangs, Sox Hat

• Favorite Hairstyle (Female): Jersey Girl, Fe-Mullet, Power Bangs, Sox Hat

• Favorite Minority: Coloreds, Slant Eyes, Towel Heads, Pedro

• Favorite Contraction: Ain’t, Y’all, Wadn’t, Mu’F-cker

• Favorite Snack: Bugles, Pork Rinds, Cigarettes, Hot Pockets

• Favorite Ethnic Food: Orange Chicken, Croissants, Mac n Cheese, Nachos