The plus side to being a celebrity is that you can not only sex up mere mortals, but also have access to the vaunted star-crotch. And as you achieve more fame, you have the opportunity to tap higher caliber ass. Except when you don't. Let us consider the rising stars and falling standards of Justin Long and Even Rachel Wood.
Justin Long (aka The Mac Guy, as well as late of Dodgeball and Zack And Miri Make A Porno) may not have had Drew Barrymore in her prime, but that's still A(ish)-list celebrity dynasty tail he can lay claim to, even if it looks pretty average. But after they split, where does he go? To the goblin arms of Kiki Dunst! Kirsten used to look okay but somehow she got Cabbage Patch Kids disease, making her head got all big and round, plus she has a gnarly snaggletooth. At least she's got that flabby, pale body like a lich going for her. Their dalliance ended and who is he now linked to? Tila "Herpesbomb" Tequila. It must have been either her or Tara Reid, and the fake-lesbian attention whore got in there first. Just because it doesn't look like the undead does not make it a step in the right direction. And speaking of things in the night, there's the curious case of Marilyn Manson and the young Miss Evan Rachel Wood. Going for a guy almost 20 years your elder is one thing, but splitting and going for an even older, creepier guy, well, that's just not right. And it's Mickey Rourke...also not right.
Justin Long (aka The Mac Guy, as well as late of Dodgeball and Zack And Miri Make A Porno) may not have had Drew Barrymore in her prime, but that's still A(ish)-list celebrity dynasty tail he can lay claim to, even if it looks pretty average. But after they split, where does he go? To the goblin arms of Kiki Dunst! Kirsten used to look okay but somehow she got Cabbage Patch Kids disease, making her head got all big and round, plus she has a gnarly snaggletooth. At least she's got that flabby, pale body like a lich going for her. Their dalliance ended and who is he now linked to? Tila "Herpesbomb" Tequila. It must have been either her or Tara Reid, and the fake-lesbian attention whore got in there first. Just because it doesn't look like the undead does not make it a step in the right direction. And speaking of things in the night, there's the curious case of Marilyn Manson and the young Miss Evan Rachel Wood. Going for a guy almost 20 years your elder is one thing, but splitting and going for an even older, creepier guy, well, that's just not right. And it's Mickey Rourke...also not right.
Can't you kids just get together?
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