Something That Just Happens From Time To Time

Forty-nine decapitated and mutilated bodies were found Sunday dumped on a highway between Monterrey and the U.S. border.  Looks like the official start of tourist season!

The bodies of 43 men and six women were found in San Juan on the non-toll highway to the border city of Reynosa around 4 a.m.  That'll teach them to avoid taking toll roads.  The notorious Zetas drug cartel claimed responsibility for the massacre, and decided to have some fun with the police, so they took all the heads, hands and feet from the bodies.  Don't feel bad, because they weren't all upstanding citizens - a few of the latest victims had tattoos of the Santa Muerte cult popular among drug traffickers.

For those keeping score at home, this was the umpteenth time it's happened:

• A drug gang allied with the Sinaloa cartel left 35 bodies at a freeway overpass in the city of Veracruz in September, and police found 32 other bodies, apparently killed by the same gang, a few days after that.

• Twenty-six bodies were found in November in Guadalajara, another territory being disputed by the Zetas and the Sinaloa group.

• In April, police found the mutilated bodies of 14 men in a minivan abandoned in downtown Nuevo Laredo, along with a message from an undisclosed drug gang.

• Also in April, the tortured and bound bodies of seven men were dumped in the Pacific port city of Lazaro Cardenas along with messages signed by allies of the Sinaloa drug gang.

• So far this month, 23 bodies were found dumped or hanging in the city of Nuevo Laredo and 18 were found along a highway south of Guadalajara, Mexico's second-largest city.

Officials last year found 193 bodies in mass graves in the town of San Fernando, and with any luck, this year could top that!  Oh, Mexico...don't ever change.

Noctomom?

I'm going to take the high road as best I can for this post, but you can all make your own cringe-worthy comments about the latest woman in line to birth a litter of children.

Karla Vanessa Perez, lives in Coahuila (Mexico), which borders Texas, is said to be one month away from giving birth to 6 girls and 3 boys, and just like Nadya Suleman, Perez said she had fertility treatments leading to the multiple pregnancy.  Mexico's Notimex news agency (who I'm sure is totally reputable) reported the story, but like a Mexican soap opera, there has to be a stunning twist, and that's a report from Univision.

The channel claims a reporter spoke with a Mexican doctor who performed an ultrasound on Perez, and determined her uterus was "empty."  I think they could have also said a reporter "spoke" to a "Mexican doctor" who "performed an ultrasound" on Perez and determined her uterus was empty, and it could be equally accurate.  I'm not sure if she's telling the truth or just a fat bitch, but I think we can all agree when it comes to kids, eight is enough.

Cholombians

VICE magazine has the back story on the latest trend out of Northern Mexico.

Like Mars Blackmon Said, "It's Gotta Be The Shoes"

Super Fun Happy Good Time Weekend

If you're a student of history - or just alive and barely above retarded, then you know people are going to be miserable thinking about the events of nine years ago. There's a F1 race in Monza, amongst other things happening. C'mon everyone, get upbeat!

Best of the week: Social scientists (as opposed to, say anti-social scientists) have analyzed a massive amount of data and determined that it takes roughly $75,000 a year to make a person happy. The researchers asked over 450,000 participants to rate their lives on a scale of zero to 10, and then determined "emotional well-being" by asking people whether they had been stressed or unhappy the day before. Hmmm, that doesn't seem super accurate in the long term to rating "happiness". Actually, they were looking at how emotional well-being is affected by income, and were not claiming that quality of life doesn't improve when people make more than $75,000 per year. Instead, they determined income strongly affects people's happiness when they make under $75,000.

They said difficult events like illness become harder to bear emotionally, and getting a raise brings a great deal of happiness. But once people make more money than $75,000, their moods are less affected by how much money they make. People who make more money aren't as stressed by divorce, and aren't as excited by raises as their less wealthy counterparts. I guess $75,000 is a good starting point, but I doubt they checked in with people who were in the $750,000 neighborhood.

And: One of the greatest dangers of the future are drug resistant antibiotics, which are becoming more common. Lucky for us, scientists at the University of Nottingham have discovered an effective antibiotic in something that's very common...cockroaches.

According to research, the central nervous system of cockroaches is nearly 90% effective in killing drug-resistant bacteria, which must be why those bastards can live through a nuclear war. Clearly, their nasty, vile living conditions have juiced up their immune system to order to survive, making roach brains are loaded with natural antibiotics. Let's just take the potential good news and not ask how the hell they figured this out, let alone ended up on that research path.

Best picture of the week:

Jason Hernandez, artist and Master of the Universe

Best bonus links:

• Goodwill Store Gets A Gun, Drugs, Explosives In Donation Box - What poor family couldn't use some weaponry?

• Top 30 Hottest Jewish Women Under 40 - For my Jews...Happy Sexy New Year!

• Jaguar Dumps Swimmer After Anti-Gay Tweet - "Suck on that faggots" is a gay slur? If it's leveled at a rugby team is it? I thought Aussies were more macho than that...and isn't tweeting anything inherently gay?

• Snooki Due In NJ Court On Charge Of Being Annoying - Guilty...even before going to trial! That'll save some tax dollars.

• The Thirty Greatest Moments In Pedobear History - I'm shocked that his 2010 Winter Olympics appearance wasn't included.

• Google Instant Makes Search Psychic - Except for the part were it doesn't recognize anything beyond PG-13 terms.

• 2 Killed By Metrolink Train Were Sleeping On The Tracks, Authorities Believe - That's one hell of an alarm clock. Serves 'em right.

• At 43, Torres Starts Training For 2012 Olympics - A bad time to start swimming, but if you've already got five behind you, then it's impressive.

• The Dirtiest Vanity Plates Ever Slipped Past The DMV - FSTDANL wasn't up there...is it still available?

• Joey Chestnut Lost To A Woman - In the world of competitive eating, don't get beaten by a 105-pound 42-year old.

• Aces Mark Racing For NHL’s 9-11 Victims - The only way to pay tribute and still fill out the racing forms.

• So This Exists...All-Marshmallows Cereal - Can it be considered cereal if there's none in it?

• 10 Hottest Dirty-Named Teachers Caught Sleeping With Students - If you had Ms. Blowsteens, you don't need to worry about studying too much.

• Giant Hay Bale Kills Former ELO Cellist - Up until now, the most embarassing thing to happen to him was being the cellist from ELO.

• Marines Capture Pirate Ship Using Pure Intimidation - Damn, we're tough!

• Which Current Players Will Own Their Sweater Numbers In NHL - In case you're a nerd and you like that kind of thing...

• Missouri Man Accused Of Keeping Woman As Sex Slave - And the story gets more interesting when you find out his name is Ed Bagley.

Worst of the week: These are just a few of the headline from the other side of the border:

"85 prisoners escape jail on Mexico-U.S. border"

"Drug Hitmen Kill 25 In Mexican Border City"

"Clinton says Mexico drug wars starting to look like insurgency"

"Weary of drug war, Mexico debates legalization"

Mexico has almost become a caricature of it's worst qualities...and it's going to keep getting worse. To call it a lawless shithole would be polite, and the idea of a wall along the border is starting to sound real good. President Felipe Calderon has no control in his own country, and since he came into office in 2006, cartel violence has been rampant and the death toll have topped 28,000.

They can't keep order or suppress the cartels, and they think that if you can't beat them, join 'em? Brilliant idea. An expert on Mexico's criminal syndicates said the government is too weak to legalize and regulate narcotics and marijuana, and the country"does not even have the capacity to regulate its pharmaceutical products." The comparison to Colombia of 20 years ago, when drug traffickers controlled portions of that country, is becoming ever more true.

Mexico, get your fucking shit together.

And: Hipsters suck. And finally, we may be rid of their media-saturating presence.

They rocked out as iPod silhouettes, played counterpart to the PC in Apple ads, and became the image of Urban Outfitters and American Apparel. Now, the same companies that courted the "hipster" demographic have dropped the connection, as the term has become a dirty word. Many consumers of indie music, art and culture who appear to fit the hipster mold are now shying away from the stereotype.

The first hipsters, aka "hepsters" or "hep cats," were urban black jazz aficionados who hung out in places like Harlem, but by 1994, after making the cover of Time, the rise of the hipster coincided with the rise of independent music, arts and culture. Eventually, the label began applying less to the "trendsetters who created cool", and instead referred to the gullible consumers who "represented the worst of bourgeois affectations". And for people who did enjoy indie culture, they were now crowned with the now-unpopular term, that presented an image problem..

"It is not a desirable stereotype to be associated with, and in my work I refrain from calling anyone a hipster unless they would like to self-identify," said a researcher. "As you might guess, almost nobody self-identifies."

Worst picture of the week:

You know you're tired of James Cameron's film when the pron turns you off

Worst bonus links:

• Swedish Jeans Company Debuts The Queerest Fashion Line Ever - Assless chaps? Nipple clamps? Crotchless shorts? Gay it up, you naughty Swedes.

• James Franco Is A Chronic Masturbator - I believe the term is actor / chronic masturbator.

• Alonso: If I Win 2010 Title, It Will Be Because I Deserve It - I like to think that if you lose the title, it will be because you deserve it.

• Poll: Detroit And Los Angeles Most Stressful U.S. Cities - This does not make me feel good at all...

• Now Presenting The Lady Gaga Costume For Infants - For people who hate their own children, you've got another option!

• Electrocuted Bobcat To Blame For Ventura County Wildfire - Between that and the golfer who sparked a blaze with a ball, it seems that wildfires are living up to their name.

• LFO's Rich Cronin Dies At 35 - Wow, that too a long time to die from embarrassment.

• Taymor: Spider-Man About Story Despite Effects - This abortion somehow still rolls towards a debut, with a ton of spin. You don't need all the effects if you have a decent story, and you don't need U2 to write the music if it's not going to sound like U2.

• Woman With World's Largest Fake Boobs Now Has No Boobs At All - Sympathy? I don't think so. Karma does what it must.

• Fidel Castro Says Cuban Model Doesn't Work - And it only took him 50 years to figure it out.

• Will And Jada's Daughter Makes Her Record Debut - Fuck! Another Smith kid getting forced on the public? They're celebrities, not talent breeders.

• Justin Bieber Has Dedicated Servers At Twitter - That lesbian with a Q-tip haircut uses 3% of their resources at any given time. Again, isn't tweeting anything inherently gay?

• These Are The Best Dance Moves, According To Science - Science, I reject thee! Dancing, you were already rejected.

• Pilots Who Faked Resumes Back In The Air - Thanks, China...you've always looking for new ways to harm others!

• Cincinnati Bans Text Messaging While Driving - They've got all their other social and societal problems licked, so they had nothing better than to tackle this.

• The NHL Fake Tattoo Sleeve Potential Sign Of The Apocalypse - The single most stupid idea to ever try to bilk you out of a few more bucks.

• Lou Reed Not The Cause Of Susan Boyle's Missed 'America's Got Talent' Performance - What's worse, seeing Lou Reed or Susan Boyle? A real no-win situation.

Kung Pao Taco Kingpin

A Chinese-Mexican "businessman" arrested after police found a $205 million stash of cash in his Mexico City mansion has told U.S. prosecutors he sold tons of a chemical used to make methamphetamine on the black market. Or did he?

Zhenli Ye Gon's lawyers, who are fighting efforts to extradite him to Mexico from the United States, vehemently deny their client admitted anything illegal and call the report misinformation intended to sway public opinion against him. Because he's already got it bad enough as a Chinaman south of the border.

The information was given to Mexican authorities "informally" and U.S. officials have not yet provided transcripts of the conversations or specifics of Ye Gon's account. "We know that in the interviews he had with prosecutors in the United States, he admitted his responsibility in the commission of the crimes he was accused of," said a source in the Mexican AG office.

The case against Ye Gon burst open in March 2007 when police raided his house in Mexico City's fanciest neighborhood and found more than $205 million in cash — mostly in $100 bills — stuffed into a closet and a wall. It was the largest drug-related cash seizure in history, and the best use of walk-in closet space.

Ye Gon was born in Shanghai and became a Mexican citizen in 2002, but was in the United States at the time; he kept a mistress and a Lamborghini in Las Vegas, and had to take a spin in both from time to time. The U.S. Drug Enforcement Administration says Ye Gon lost more than $120 million gambling over the years, and Ye Gon himself spoke of betting $150,000 a hand at baccarat. He said he was such a treasured customer that the Venetian Resort Hotel Casino gave him a small token of its appreciation: a Rolls-Royce.

Authorities arrested Ye Gon's wife, other relatives and some employees in Mexico, but Ye Gon himself was already in hiding. His wife, Tomoiyi Marx Yu, remains in prison while she is tried on charges of using illicit funds; she says she did not know about the money. As a fugitive, Ye Gon gave an interview to the AP in May 2007 in which he claimed much of the money found at his house was a campaign slush fund belonging to Mexico's ruling party. He said party officials forced him to store the cash with a threat that has since become famous in Mexican vernacular: "Cooperate, or neck," he said with a throat-slashing motion in heavily accented Spanish. Mexican officials call the story preposterous - their English would not be as good.

Two months after the interview, Ye Gon was arrested in Maryland and charged with conspiracy to import drugs into the United States. The case was tossed after one prosecution witness recanted and another refused to testify. The Federal Court judge, who had criticized prosecutors for taking months to reveal the witness problems, ordered that Ye Gon never be charged in the U.S. again. He remains in a prison in suburban Washington as he battles extradition.

Prosecutors in Mexico believe their case is much stronger because they won't have to prove Ye Gon conspired to move the drugs into the United States. Given the legendary status of Mexico's judicial and police systems, I doubt they'll have to prove much of anything. Mexican prosecutors plan to use Ye Gon's conversations with U.S. prosecutors as evidence in Mexico. The accusations revolve around 96 tons of chemicals Ye Gon imported from China in 2005 and 2006. Ye Gon, who owned a pharmaceutical factory west of Mexico City, told the AP that import records prove they were legitimate chemicals intended for use in cold medicines. Mexican prosecutors say he never made any medicine, instead using his factory to transform the chemicals into pseudoephedrine and selling it to drug gangs for hundreds of millions of dollars for use in the manufacture of methamphetamine.

Other detailed information Ye Gon provided was about the black market sales, admitting he sold the chemicals for $1,100 to $1,400 per pound ($2,400 to $3,000 per kilogram). Import documents show the chemicals cost Ye Gon less than $22 a pound ($49 a kilogram), meaning his margin in the operations in question would have been more than $200 million. U.S. drug agents call Ye Gon one of the largest pseudoephedrine traffickers in the Western Hemisphere and say he provided the gangs with enough chemicals to make 41 tons of methamphetamine — enough for 185 million typical doses, or a regular Lindsay Lohan weekend.

Weekend Recap

You're not late to the party, it's just that things happened over the weekend...

Stenson Shoots 66 To Blow Away Field At Players - The lengths athletes will go to now just to win. Sportsmanship. Ability. Perseverance. These are things of the past.

Leno Takes Comedy Show To Jobless Ohio Residents - It's bad enough to be unemployed, but then to have Jay Leno force his "comedy styling" upon you? They can't catch a break out there in Ohio.

Pastry Chef Receives Double Hand Transplant - No word on whether he'll continue to lick his fingers to sample the food...or if that blender is going to finally get a safety guard on it.

Bronx Man Killed After Graduating From College - Education...not as well respected in the community as you may think. I think he would have preferred an internship or part-time job over death, but sometimes those are you options...

Flu Exposes Flaws In Mexico's Health Care System - The jewel in the country's crown, tarnished! Not like the drug cartel war against the police exposing a flaw in their civil safety system. Or the countless illegals roaming free across the border exposing the flaw in their national security or emigration system? I could go on and on. Is there a single system in their country that's not hopelessly flawed?

Pakistan Says 200 Taliban Fighters Killed In A Day - What did the Guinness people do today? Weigh the largest toe clipping? Or see how many text messages a teenager could do blindfolded? Here's a real feat you suckasses. Try keeping up with true records.

Cheney Backs Limbaugh Over Powell On GOP Future - Satan backs his puppet minion over this former puppet lackey. He's right - the bloated, hypocritical husk of Limbaugh is who will continue to drive the headless, aimless weakened party further into disarray.

Fido, Frequent Flier, Gets His Own Airline - Let's not have this sickly economy keep anyone from chartering flights for pets only. Besides, would you rather give that money to charity? I think not!

Judge: Men Can Slap Wives Who Spend Lavishly - Is that the only time? Come on Saudi Arabia, go bold! give us the full rundown.

Lost Tourist Search Turns Up Seven Corpses - Congratulations, you now have eight unhappy families!

Iran Moves To Reduce Number Of Executions - As long as they can reduce the number of homosexuals and infidels, they're pretty confident they can execute less of them people.

Storm Nixes Amy Winehouse Comeback, Fans Thankful - Even Mother Nature doesn't want to hear a junkie rip off 60's Motown tunes.

Indonesia: Ruling Party Wins Most Votes - Hmmm...militant theocracy maintains power through elections? But of course! (just kidding - it's a unitary presidential republic - like you know the difference)

Venetia Phair Dies At 90; As A girl, She Named Pluto - Great, you're dead, and your main accomplishment is de-emphasised.

Current Event Catch-Up

What's been happening that you may have missed? This is what you need to know...

Scientists Map the Brain, Gene By Gene - It will soon be possible to know not only how little of your grey matter you use down to the cellular level.

Diamond Sales Slump Echoes Worldwide - Rue the day the rich can no longer afford their bling! And cry for the Indians who used to earn about $130 a month polishing diamonds when there was a demand. I want to know what we're going to call conflict diamonds when there's no imperative to get them.

Rapper T.I. Sentenced To Year On Weapons Charges - Let's see how gangsta he really is after some time in the slammer. And you know why it's called the slammer...3-2 odds he's traded for a carton of smokes and a mix tape.

VA Says 16 Colonoscopy Patients Have Hepatitis - Bad enough you're getting an ass probe, but hepatitis is the cherry on top of that shit sundae.

U.S. Goes After Mexican Cartel Guns, Cash On Border - Since we can't keep illegal aliens from coming over, at least we'll get some firearms and scratch!

Bruce Willis, Emma Heming Legalize Their Marriage - That means they fucked.

Oldest Sea Creatures Have Been Alive 4,000 Years - Not really! But Live Science, the absolute worst and most misleading "science" sight on the web can't ever get it right. Once again, their own incompetence in understanding facts - even ones they miraculously include in their stories - shines through.

Critics Call WTC Tower Name Change Unpatriotic - Is keeping "Freedom Tower" really better than "Gigantiplex, Piercing Phallus Of The Skyline"?

Study: Triathlons Can Pose Deadly Heart Risks - I always suspected that running a marathon after 118 miles of bike riding and a brisk 2.4 mile swim was a good way to make your heart explode.

Gillispie Regrets Not Winning More At Kentucky - I would too if I got fired after two seasons of coaching and posting a 40-27 record while missing the NCAA tournament for the first time since 1991.

Girl, 14, Faces Porn Charges For Nude Photos - Sorry, but taking nude pictures of yourself and posting them on your own Myspace page is illegal. I remember when this country used to be great...

$150M Buys You Late TV Producer's L.A. Mansion - Whoever buys the old Spelling Manor is automatically an asshole...though not as much as Candy Spelling for asking over $2000 a square foot. I hope she'll be okay when she moves into her $47 million penthouse...

Miss Gangster

A reigning Mexican beauty queen from the drug-plagued state of Sinaloa was arrested with suspected gang members in a truck filled guns and ammunition. Second prize was a pair of steak knives.

Miss Sinaloa 2008 Laura Zuniga was arrested shortly before midnight at a military checkpoint in Zapopan, just outside Guadalajara. Zuniga was riding in one of two trucks, where soldiers found a large stash of weapons, including two AR-15 assault rifles, .38 specials, 9mm handguns, nine magazines, 633 cartridges and $53,300 in U.S. currency. She told police that she was planning on traveling to Bolivia and Colombia with the men to go shopping. Ladies and gentlemen, the talent competition!

When the former preschool teacher won Miss Sinaloa in July she gave an impassioned speech about how society should value women more, especially mothers. In October, she won the Hispanoamerican Queen beauty contest in October against competitors from across Latin America. She placed third in the Nuestra Belleza Mexico pageant in Monterrey in September. That pageant sends its winner to the Miss Universe contest. For placing third, she was expected to represent Mexico in the 2009 Miss International contest.

The Irony Is Epic

"U.S. anti-kidnap expert kidnapped in Mexico" - Just read and enjoy.

Mexican gunmen have kidnapped a U.S. security consultant who negotiated the release of dozens of kidnap victims in Latin America.

Gunmen abducted Felix Batista outside a restaurant last Wednesday in the relatively safe northern industrial city of Saltillo in Coahuila state, Mexican authorities and his employer, security consultancy ASI Global, said on Monday. Batista, a Cuban American credited with negotiating the release of victims abducted by Colombian rebels, was snatched after he stepped outside the restaurant, answering a call on his cellular phone, Mexican media said.

The U.S. embassy in Mexico City said it was investigating and declined to comment further.

"He may have been targeted by organized crime in an attempt to show their power. Saltillo is not a kidnapping hot spot," said a source at Coahuila state attorney general's office. Batista's employer, Houston-based ASI Global, denied Mexican media reports that he was a former FBI agent and said he was on a private trip in Coahuila state near Texas, giving seminars on security.

"We have requested help from the FBI and the Mexican authorities," said ASI Global's President Charlie LeBlanc.

Hundreds of people are kidnapped in Mexico every year and the number of victims has increased sharply as drug gangs, under pressure from President Felipe Calderon's army-backed crackdown, seek new revenues to fund their operations. Coahuila lawmakers last week sent a bill to Mexico's Congress to change the constitution to allow the death penalty for kidnappers who kill their captives. More than 5,300 people have been killed in drug violence across Mexico this year as cartels fight each other over smuggling routes to the United States and clash with Mexican security forces seeking to restore security.

Good Luck, Amigos

This week Mexico's Congress on voted to broaden police powers, allowing law enforcement agencies to use undercover agents and taped conversations as evidence in a bid to help them fight increasingly bloody drug cartels. Or further their own corruption.

The reforms were approved earlier by the Senate and are backed by President Felipe Calderon in the shadow of organized-crime violence that has claimed almost 5,400 lives so far this year, more than double the death toll from the same period of 2007, proving that Mexicans are highly motivated and goal oriented hard workers.

Broader powers allow taped conversations to be used in court if submitted as evidence by one of the parties in the conversation, and let police request search warrants by e-mail or by telephone calls to judges rather than exclusively in writing. The changes also permit undercover agents that operate in plain clothes to keep their identities secret in legal proceedings and be identified by a numerical code known only to superiors.

Also, the Senate voted to create a registry of cell phone owners to combat kidnappings and extortions in which gangs often use untraceable mobile phones to make ransom demands. Telecoms would be required to ask purchasers of cell phones or phone memory chips for their names, addresses and fingerprints, and to turn that information over to investigators if requested. At present, unregulated vendors sell phones and chips for cash from streetside stands. It is unclear how such vendors would be made to comply with the new law.

Good luck getting that fingerprint database, which doesn't sound like it goes with personal rights...oh, wait - it's Mexico! You don't have the same civil liberties we have here! Anyhow, have fun trying to do that. You've done a great job keeping the illegals from crossing and really built a terrific economy - what can't you achieve?