Saturday Morning Videos - Racing Is Dangerous

The Macau Grand Prix has has two deaths on it's course in as many days as organizers defended the safety of the street circuit.

On Thursday, Portuguese motorcycle rider Luis Filipe de Sousa Carreira was killed during qualifying...this amateur video was in the exact right place for the crash, which I have to warn the squeamish among you is pretty intense.

And this YouTube video about the death, is, well...clearly from another country.  On Friday, Hong Kong driver Phillip Yau Wing-choi crashed at the Mandarin Bend.

Organizers said Yau was an experienced Macau competitor who had won two races at the track, and Carreira was competing for the seventh time in the bike race.  Motorsport is awesome, but it is not without it's dangers.

The Paris Underground

Below Paris there are several Metro stations that are not in service due to a number of reasons (moving or mergers, abandonment, never opening). This article is a safe and inexpensive way to view them.

Maxi Mini Theft

Two criminals had their own Goodfellas moment and stole $1.5 million in new iPad Minis. Henry Hill is smiling from the afterlife...

Thieves made their way into the same cargo building that was the site of the famous 1978 Lufthansa heist featured in the film, but instead of $5 million in cash and $900,000 worth of jewelry, they ogt away with 3,600 iPad Minis. The crime happened just before midnight on Monday, and the airport’s own forklifts were used to load two pallets of the tablet computers into a white tractor trailer truck, which witnesses say had the name "CEVA" painted on the side. It was only when they were challenged by an airport worker returning from dinner that the duo left without adding to their stash. Law enforcement officials believe it was an inside job and are currently questioning airport workers with polygraph tests.

So if you're looking for an inexpensive iPad for the holidays, you might find one on the streets of New York.

Maximus Thor

COTA Comes Alive

It's been half a decade since F1 raced in the U.S., and now that they're returning, it's going to be on a sweet new track...and for the next 11 years!

The 3.4 mile Circuit of the Americas went from dream to design to display in just under 24 months, and is getting it's cherry popped with the penultimate race of the 2012 season.  Several of its features and corners were modeled after the best parts of other circuits, and the physical site was deliberately chosen to give the track an elevation change of 133 feet. The run up to the first turn is similar to Eau Rouge in the Belgian GP (Spa), while a series of sweeping mid-race turns mirrors the layout of the British GP (Silverstone) complex of Maggotts-Becketts-Chapel. and the last sector recalls the German GP (Hockenheim) stadium section. The race will also stand out as running "anticlockwise", like Singapore, Abu Dhabi and Brazil.

If you are wondering how much does it cost to build a circuit, it  breaks down as follows (and that's m for million):

Earthworks and infrastructure: $40m - $50m

Track: $50m - $75m

Grandstand: $25m - $30m

Pit Building / Paddock Club: $40m - $50m

Team buildings: $15m

Media / communications center: $15m

Medical center: $3m - $5m

Special Electronics: $25m - $30m

TOTAL: $213m - $270m

You can take a virtual lap on the course, or just wait until the first practice session tomorrow!

Take A Shot Of Death

Those ubiquitous 5-hour Energy pods that have spawned countless imitators can give you a boost of energy, but are not strong enough to raise the dead. And with 13 deaths linked to the shot since 2009, maybe they can retain they consumers they loose to their product.

The drink was mentioned in close to 90 FDA filings in the past three years, which included cases of serious or life-threatening injuries. Sure, you do not have an absolute, direct link to the heart attacks, convulsions and, in one case, a spontaneous abortion, but it was involved. Larger-sized Monster energy drink was cited in five deaths, so it's not a stretch to say that overuse of these may be a little dangerous.  But hey, you can die from too much water ingestion, so why not have something with a little more flavor?

That 5-hour energy is considered a "dietary supplement", well, that's were it gets a little concerning. Anything you ingest can be considered a dietary supplement  but I get the impression that substances with not enough merit to be considered "food" get this denotation, and nobody would rightly take a negatively-effective supplement.  There's a denotation for that too...it's call poison.  Articles covering the linked deaths have pointed out this is reminiscent of the Four Loko problems of yesteryear (and reminded us that a little 5-hour Energy in there makes new Four Loko as good as old Four Loko), but it's not really, other than too much of anything can be lethal.

V Is For Grand Theft Auto

Grand Theft Auto is back with the fifth installment of the title series - hence the 'V', though this one moves the action to San Andreas, the Los Angeles-based location last featured in a 2004 spin-off title.  Hard to say when in time this game is going to be, since the San Andreas title was set in 1992, and the other main spin-off Vice City was set in 80's Miami, but regardless, it will be awesome.

Ministry Of Sexy Walks

Researchers at the barely known University of the West of Scotland have just released a study on the relationship between a woman's gait and the history of her vaginal orgasms. I'm no scientist, but unless she walks with her legs crossed, that's the only indicator I can measure if she's orgasmed or not.

The study was published in both The Journal of Sexual Medicine of the International Society of Sexual Medicine and the Society for Study of Women's Sexual Health, both which probably have the circulation of the informational brochures of the University of the West of Scotland.  Sixteen college aged female subjects from Belgium were videotaped from a distance while walking, and later asked to complete a questionnaire. Then, the videotapes were "assessed" by two professors of sexology and two research assistants with training in "functional-sexological approach to sexology".  As we all suspected, the sexologists chosen to assess the video tapes had no prior knowledge of the orgasmic history of these women, but miraculously, they were able to discern their history of orgasms with 80% accuracy.  That's a pretty good return for guessing.

The big finding was that the sum of stride length and vertebral rotation of a woman in motion was higher for "vaginally orgasmic women". One cause could be a woman's anatomical features may predispose her to experience vaginal organism.  Also, vaginally orgasmic women might feel more confident about their sexuality, which would be reflected in their stride.  I am skeptical about these results on so many levels, I don't know where to begin.  Sexology professors?  Obscure schools and publications?  Female orgasm?

While I am all for studying vagina, I'm not sure a woman's walk tells us more than how well she can move in whatever shoes she picked to wear.  If anything, we should be studying women on their backs, not their feet if we want to get further information about their vaginas. 

Down To Eight Lives

More than two decades ago, Dennis Avner began a surgical transformation from man to tiger.  Now he's beginning the transformation into a memory.

A combination of body modification and tattoos made Avner a.k.a Stalking Cat a sideshow popularity and a media curiosity, but he admitted, he'd "found fame, but not fortune".  The 54-year-old Catman had undergone never been performed before, such as septum relocation to flatten his nose and bifurcation of the upper lip, making him a pioneer as well as a freak.  Last week, we was found dead in his home, and though details are not available, suicide is being touted as the cause of death.

NYC Dark

In the dark of night, by car headlights...

Doctor Sonic

No, it's not a new Sega game, but the name of a construction paper artist who makes Marvel comics characters.

U.S.A. Back On Top!

According to the International Energy Agency, the United States will overtake Saudi Arabia and Russia as the world's top oil producer by 2017!  Now let's go after the steam engine crown!

As U.S. oil import numbers continue to fall (currently at about 20%), they should become a net oil exporter by around 2030, and almost self-sufficient in energy by 2035. Energy economists also see the United States overtaking Russia as the biggest gas producer by 2015 (though we already lead the world significantly in windbags).  The natural gas figure may have more importance because of the cleaner and cheaper alternative it offers to oil.  And as a dwindling and finite resource, producing the most oil will soon be like having the most video cassettes.

The one clear positive (beyond the backslapping for being number one), is that it could mark a shift in U.S. involvement in the Middle East.  Yes, safeguarding trade routes like the Strait of Hormuz would still be important, but a far reduced presence in the province would be generally beneficial.  Unless you're Haliburton, but fuck those thieves.

The Ultimate Bond Film

You don't need to pick your favorite 007, because this supercut has all of them.  Each of the 22 films (sorry, no Never Say Never Again or Casino Royale - the David Niven spoof version) preceding Skyfall are chronologically stitched together in five minute blocks(starting with Dr. No, then minutes 5-10 of From Russia With Love, minutes 10-15 from Goldfinger, etc.)

Que Rico?

Last week Puerto Rico voted to become the 51st state - not that it gets to happen just because they voted to approve it, but the fist thing people asked (besides why), was what would happen to our beloved stars and stripes.  Here's some help from the interweb on how to best make the new design.

______ Me Elmo

You can ask how to get to Sesame Street...just don't ask the the accused pedophile who lives there.

Kevin Clash, best know as the voice and puppeteer of Elmo, has taken a leave of absence from the program after a 23 year old claimed he began a sexual relationship with Clash seven years ago.  And thanks to the program, we can all do the math and show that 23 - 7 =16, and that's not quite right if you're 45.  If this doesn't give Republicans ammo to try and stop funding public television, nothing will.

Clash, who is gay, has acknowledged to TMZ (the bastion of journalistic importance) he had a relationship with the young man, but insists it only took place after his accuser was an adult.  We'll have to wait and see if this is a jilted ex or something more serious, but in the meantime, there will be plenty of hand-up-ass and don't-tickle-me jokes.

Do It With Amanda Palmer

Do you want to dance? Do you want to fight? Do you want to get drunk and stay the night?  Do you want the answers to this and many more questions?  Then play the video...

Weekend Edition

Counting down the top 20 links we didn't cover during the week...

20 • The 'Breaking Bad' Porn Parody Now Has A Trailer - You're nothing in pop culture history until there's a porn version.

19 • Man Mauled To Death By Captive Grizzly In Montana / 2-Year-Old Boy Killed At PA. Zoo Exhibit / Man-Eating Leopard Devours 15 - Another installment of man versus the animal kingdom. And the animals won.

18 • Jermaine Jackson Petitions To Alter Famous Name - I'll save you the click...he wants to change it form Jackson to Jacksun. I hope the judge denies it on the grounds of go fuck yourself (that's a legal term, right?), but if not, exhibit A is that he named one of his sons Jermajesty.

17 • Anthony Bourdain Goes On A Dead-Hooker Twitter Tirade - Don't try and put your product placement in his show without permission.

16 • Rebecca Black Producer's Thanksgiving Video, With Nicole Westbrook - WARNING! This is goddamn awful. And it's going to get 30 million hits.

15 • Craigslist Ad For 'Sick Ass 1971 Honda CB350' - If this didn't belong to La Flama Blanca, then he at least wrote the ad.

14 • No Doubt Pulled Their Offensive New Video - Native Americans don't like the cowboys and Indians motif, but it's really how bland the song is that's offensive.

13 • Man Admits Murder During Heart Attack, Survives - You don't go to heaven if you admit your sins, just jail.

12 • One Colonoscopy May Be Enough For A Lifetime / Detroit Tigers Star Pleads Guilty In New York Anti-Semitic Case - A pair of stories about assholes, and how they should be dealt with.

11 • Superman's Home Planet Krypton 'Found' / USA Luge Team To Dress As X-O Manowar For 2014 Olympics - Crossover by comics into real life can be interesting, but these are a little unnecessary.

10 • McDonald's Flies American Flag Upside Down At Half-Mast In Follansbee, West Virginia - Was it a protest after the election, a call for help, or a flag malfunction? Or, because it's West Virginia just Wednesday?

09 • Voters In Washington And Colorado Legalize Recreational Marijuana - In other news, populations on adjoining states decrease as mass exodus begins to Washington and Colorado.

08 • 37 Bond Girls Then And Now - Spoiler alert! Most of them are better then than now.

07 • Woman Who Drove On Sidewalk Must Wear 'Idiot' Sign - I like creative punishments, especially when they're also honest.

06 • Ronda Rousey Becomes The First Woman In The UFC - Well, at least, the first one who'll kick your ass or knock you out. They still have those chippies in bikinis between rounds.

05 • So Long, And Thanks For All The WHOSE RESPONSIBLE THIS - Rob Bricken leaves his editor's spot at the great Topless Robot for io9...yes, I am a geek, and you should be too by checking out both sites.

04 • How Apple Avoids Paying Billions in Taxes - They ain't making record breaking profits just from selling a lot of gadgets. Because sometimes it also pays not to think differently.

03 • Scientists Make Light Travel Infinitely Fast - When light speed got a little faster.

02 • New York Man Crushed By Giant Crucifix Has Leg Amputated - Man frequently prays at church for wife. Man believes crucifix cures his wife of cancer. Crucifix decides debt needs to be repaid.

01 • Dead Pig In Romney Shirt Found At Manhattan Beach GOP Headquarters - After all months and months of election coverage in the media, this is the way I want the story it end.

Saturday Morning Videos - Episode VII

It was announced late yesterday that the Star Wars franchise has a writer attached...Michael Arndt, who won an Oscar for writing Little Miss Sunshine, had provided a 40 page treatment for the next three installments, and will pen Star Wars Episode VII. He was also behind Toy Story 3 and the upcoming The Hunger Games: Catching Fire.  There's still no director attached, but thankfully Conan has been sharing some audition tapes.

C.I.A. - Clandestine Inappropriate Affairs

Even the most brilliantly accomplished men are still derailed by their dicks.

CIA Director David Petraeus resigned his post today, siting "extremely poor judgment by engaging in an extramarital affair". The former four star Army general, credited with the successful Iraqi "surge" campaign, and eventual commander of American forces in Afghanistan fucked himself by fucking someone other than his wife. Said the intelligence chief who showed very little:

"Yesterday afternoon, I went to the White House and asked the President to be allowed, for personal reasons, to resign from my position as D/CIA. After being married for over 37 years, I showed extremely poor judgment by engaging in an extramarital affair. Such behavior is unacceptable, both as a husband and as the leader of an organization such as ours," he said. "This afternoon, the President graciously accepted my resignation."

Just a year into his CIA post, Petraeus is now going to have to ditch any hopes of a presidential campaign, which was looking favorable until this afternoon. As the story broke, the other woman turned out to be Paula Broadwell, who was embedded (puns ahoy) with him in Afghanistan as his biographer. Not a bad piece of ass when you're in a Middle Eastern hellhole and thousands of miles away from your wife (who by comparison looks like this), but still unacceptable. Broadwell turns out to be - for the time being - married, and a mother of two.

The story is still surfacing, but word is that the FBI was investigating a possibly hacked computer used by Petraeus, which in the course of that inquiry led federal investigators to discover the relationship. As the head spymaster, you've got to do a better job of burying your affairs! It is a shame to have a Felix Baumgartner-sized fall from grace for a little strange, but if you're going to do that kinda stuff, it's got to stay secret. You don't pay whores for the sex, you pay them to leave and keep their mouths shut.

Brown Out

Unlike the wonderfully charming reference to the Halloween episode of It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia, this has less laughs for sure.

The powerhouse Los Angeles Lakers are a shitty 1-4 to open the season, and coach Mike Brown is taking the brunt of that fault.  Also know as The-Guy-Who-Had-To-Follow-The-Incredible-Phil-Jackson-Era, Brown barely lasted more than one season at the helm.  Many have said he wasn't the right man for the job since last season, but with a roster including Kobe Bryant, Pau Gasol, and new additions Dwight Howard and Steve Nash, even I should be able to get them to a better record. Indiana Pacers assistant Brian Shaw, who was one of the original contenders for the position before Brown's hiring, may be back in the mix as well as former Knicks coach Mike D'Antoni. Other websites also throw Rick Adelman as a possibility, but at this point, anybody could get the job if they're not already the head coach of the other 29 teams.

I have only two more F1 races left in the year, and with the continued NHL lockout, the Lakers were going to be my attempt at being involved with professional sports over the winter (save the once a week Packers games thanks to Famous Wife Scarlett).  I'm not ever gonna go for the San Diego Los Angeles Clippers, bad ass as Blake Griffin is, because I was at The Forum courtside before I knew my multiplication tables, so I hope the Lakers can get their shit together.  I'm not holding my breath for the third run for Phil Jackson, but whomever they get, I hope they turn it around.

Who knows...there was another team that plays at the Staples Center who fired their coach this year and finished the season by winning the championship, so I wouldn't write them off yet. 

Robofist

Behold the beBionic v3m, the most advanced prosthetic appendage, like, ever.

Electrical impulses in the nerves are read and translated into one of 14 different grips (not including kung-fu), and range from "power grips" for carrying items or handshakes, to "finesse grips" for delicate motions like holding a credit card or fork. The BB3 is carbon fiber and weighs less than 1.5 lbs - but can heft almost 100 lbs.  It will cost you close to $35,000 to get one, but if you're already missing a limb, that's money you weren't spending on manicures and gloves.

Weather (or Not)

Hot on the heels of devastating tropical storms and hurricanes, The Weather Channel is planning to start naming winter storms in the same manner.  We'll see...

Their hope to market and draw attention to the current nor'easter just squashed by the National Weather Service, the government agency in charge of all naming storms and hurricanes.  Straight from the NWS , flexing their weather muscle:

That's a category 5 smackdown.  Here's the only place it looks like you'll be seeing those names being used for the storms.

Through The Election Glass

Almost your America, in the event that Romney had won the election Tuesday.  His staff had a transition website at the ready, but who pulled the trigger and accidentally published it?

(click any pic to embiggen)

Lincoln, Meet Lincoln

  Not sure how Spielberg's version holds up, but both of these are great...

The Art Of Self Help

Methinks these are more inspirational that the contents of the books...

Silver Touch

One interesting detail lost in the election coverage yesterday (outside the fantastic tales of voter resurrection and mid-labor ballot casting), is how analyst Nate Silver went 50 for 50 on calling all the state projections.  Data, kids, data...

The Fivethirtyeight.com (by-way-of-NYT) blogger and his political calculus had been targeted by pundits leading up to the election, but his relentless crunching of voter and polling data gave him a 100% success rate.  Rather than "going with his gut" as most talking heads have done, Silver and his algorithms spewed out the results, cold and unbiased.  Back in 2008, his model correctly called 49 out of 50 states - his only misstep was on Indiana, which went to Obama by 0.1%.  Best of all, Silver's mathmagical prowess have earned him many followers who extol his virtue on par with other living legends as Chuck Norris and Mr. T.  Here are just some of his amazing abilities:

• When Alexander Bell invented the telephone he had 3 missed calls from Nate Silver.

• Nate Silver threw a grenade and killed 50 people, then it exploded.

• Nate Silver can delete the Recycling Bin.

• Nate Silver once got bit by a rattle snake. After three days of pain and agony... the rattle snake died.

• Nate Silver doesn't use pickup lines, he simply says, "Now."

• Nate Silver can suffocate a pillow with a man.

• Nate Silver once had a heart attack; his heart lost.

• Nate Silver doesn't call the wrong number. You answer the wrong phone.

• Nate Silver can speak French... In Russian.

• When a zombie apocalypses starts, Nate Silver doesn't try to survive. The zombies do. 

• Ghosts sit around campfires and tell Nate Silver stories.

• Nate Silver lost his virginity before his dad did.

• Nate Silver can unscramble an egg.

• Some magicians can walk on water, Nate Silver can swim through land.

• Nate Silver can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

•  There used to be a street named after Nate Silver, but it was changed because nobody crosses Nate Silver and lives.

•  Fear of spiders is arachnophobia, fear of tight spaces is claustrophobia, fear of Nate Silver is called Logic

•  Nate Silver's computer has no "backspace" button; Nate silver doesn't make mistakes.

• Nate Silver can build a snowman out of rain.

• Nate Silver has already been to Mars; that's why there's no life there anymore.

• Nate Silver can hear sign language.

• Nate Silver can light a fire by rubbing two ice-cubes together.

• Nate Silver can slam a revolving door.

I Have Battles In My Life

 If the music wasn't crazy enough, then these videos from Battles will push sanity over the edge.

 

No Words Necessary (Again)

If Only There Were Warning Signs

Act surprised when you look at the picture and I tell you that this musician was also a pedophile.

Drummer Martin "Vlad" Evanick was kicked out of The Core Of Your Nightmares, an Illinois death metal band, after being charged with producing and sharing child porn. "The other guys say they never saw it coming, but I did," said Chuck Owens, who quit group a year ago due to "general embarrassment.  Really, listen to one of their songs - it's a poorly recorded demo, heavily overdubbed by what sounds like a tracheotomy patient who had a stroke and is yelling at somebody.

Owens added Evanick was the only member of Nightmares who regularly wore clown makeup, and threatened other band members. Federal investigators said that Evanick took inappropriate pictures of himself engaged in a sex act with a child mere weeks ago, and could have been abusing the child since June of 2010.  An anonymous member said via Facebook that Evanick is "no longer in the band, and after further discussion we decided to disband".  I don't know if that because of the embarrassing connection to Evanick or to their music.  They concluded, "If we had thought he was [in a relationship with a] 10-year-old or some shit, we would've turned him in ourselves." Hmmm, sounds like it's not the music...

If When convicted, Evanick could get up to 30 years in prison along with a $250,000 fine , plus all the beatings he can handle in jail.

Fuck No On Measure B

I only feel it's important to wield whatever sway I have on others when it comes to issues that are important to me, and in this election, it's NO on Measure B, aka the Condoms In Porn measure.  Sorry, but any acts between consenting adults is between them, and if they agree to take on the risks inherent in the jobs they take, we do not need legislation to create additional measures of safety.  Keep prons filthy - vote NO!

Llewellyn Mejia Makes It Dark

So Go The Redskins...

If you believe in tradition, superstition  or pigskin, tomorrow's election results have already been prognosticated.

When the Carolina Panthers beat the Washington Redskins 21-13 yesterday, according to the "Redskins Rule", Mitt Romney will be the next president. When the Redskins won their last home game prior to the presidential election, the incumbent party retained the White House (and by converse, if the Redskins lost their last home game prior to the election, the out-of-power party won the election).

For 15 presidential elections from 1940 (when the team arrived from Boston) through 1996, the rule held fast, and in 2000, when the Tennessee Titans beat the Redskins, it  would mean a victory for the party not previously elected - the Republicans. Though Al Gore won the popular vote, George W. Bush defeated Al Gore in the election.  This played a factor in the 2004 election, as a Redskins loss to the Green Bay Packers would have meant a Democratic party president, but since Gore technically won the vote, it would still (arguably) hold true.

It was eventually rejiggered as Redskins Rule 2.0, saying that when the popular vote winner does not win the election, on the subsequent presidential election gets flipped.  So if you buy into that, Romney will either win outright tomorrow, or Obama will lose the popular vote but still take the Electoral College.  Given the awful first few games with the replacement referees at the start of the season, I'm already putting an asterisk on the NFL this year...(but I hope Black Jesus wins over Magic Pants).

Yo, BITCH!