Best of the week: Man-made DNA has booted up a cell for the first time. Things are going to start getting strange. Maybe I need to start watching Fringe...The feat itself is the culmination of two and a half years of tests and adjustments. Researchers at the J. Craig Venter Institute inserted artificial genetic material into cells that were then able to grow naturally. You want to have designer genes? Now you've got them. On a Friday in March, scientists inserted over 1 million base pairs of synthetic DNA into Mycoplasma capricolum cells before leaving for the weekend. When they returned on Monday, their cells had bloomed into colonies. And asked why they had to work on the weekend and the scientists didn't.
When it was announced in early 2008 they had assembled a synthetic Mycoplasma genitalium genome, their recent success was expected, but far sooner. Initially, the M. genitalium had an extremely slow growth rate, and slow results. And successful transplantation of the new DNA was failing, so they switched to Mycoplasma mycoides. Dipping costs to create the synthesis also accelerated the process.
Usable new genomes are still years off from being perfected, but this is the start of something huge.
Plus: American Apparel announced a $17.6 million loss for the first quarter of 2010, which could result in them defaulting on one of their loans. Is the end near for pseudo-pornographic clothing ads?
Company revenues were up almost 7% compared to the same period last year, but their operating loss was a lot bigger than the 2009 first quarter figures. Overall, the company is now more than $91 million in debt. Hey Dov, stop fondling the help and start running the company better. The manufacturer is trying to restructure the loan deal, but it's not sure it will be able to. "There can be no assurance that if either or both of these events were to take place, that the company would be able to obtain the additional sources of liquidity required to continue operations." Basically, they'll shut down without operational funds.
Realistically, they won't close because the brand is too big and too visible. But you can certainly expect new ownership to swoop in and pick up the company for a good value in return for covering the debt.
Also: Never mind that designer DNA of the future - right now they're working on fixing your biotech issues!A team in France have implanted the first functional glucose biofuel cell in rats. The biofuel cell uses glucose and oxygen present in the body at all times Do you get it? Bio-batteries! Previous attempts failed because of the dangerously-acidic conditions needed for the cell, but by placing the electrodes and enzymes inside a dialysis bag, the the acidity stays inside but allows oxygen and glucose to flow through.
The biofuel cell would likely be used to power implanted medical devices like pacemakers, a goal similar to other in-development implantable power generators such as the ones using vibration and body heat. The maximum power achieved so far is 6.5 microwatts - and a pacemaker needs 10, but instead of having to open people up every ten years to replace the battery, this could have a significant result. And eventually power some other cool gizmos, like that camera eye or ear microphone recorder. And wait until you see the sex implants.
And: Both Shrek Forever After and MacGruber both open today, and one of them is not taking the box office competition lightly. Enter, Shrek Exposed, a new website that shows pictures of Shrek dressed as Hitler and masturbating to religious figures. I knew it!
Everyone knows that Shrek is a chronic masturbator, but do you know about his habit of masturbating on beloved public personalities, successful business people, and religious figures? I bet not. Shrek has been distributing images of himself ejaculating on photos of the Pope (pictured), Celine Dion, Buddha, the CEO of Home Depot, Rachel Ray, the CFO of Citigroup, and many, many more. Is nothing sacred to this disgusting ogre?
Best picture of the week:
they may not want to talk about it on The View, but Julie Bowen can breastfeed on this site whenever she wants
Best bonus links:
• Trail Of Blood Leads To 'Fight Club' - It better. How disappointing if it led to a plate of homemade cookies instead?
• First-Ever Sighting Of Jesus In A Lung - Praise the lung? At least they can't put it up on eBay and try to make a profit off it. People don't find the lord, they find his value.
• Blowgun Woman: I Like To Hear People Say 'Ouch' - One of the more obscure fetishes out there, but still illegal.
• The Top 10 Aqua Teen Hunger Force Moments Of The Decade - It may be past it's prime, but after 100 episodes and 10 years, there's still lots of laughs over that time.
• Man Accused Of Offering To Swap Baby For Beer - It was for two 40-ounce beers, if that helps you understand what was at stake.
• Shia LaBeouf: I 'Dropped The Ball' On 'Indiana Jones' Sequel - Everyone did. At least you have the balls to take some blame for it's massive suckatude.
• Inner-City Stabbing Leaves 5 Maidless - Somewhere, there are a lot of sad trophy wives.
• Teen Idol Justin Bieber Vs. Glass Door - The glass door wins! Damn it, someone get that video posted, stat!
• Pee-Wee Leaving The Playhouse For Broadway Stint - Not bad for a guy who's career was once railroaded on account of enjoying a film he was watching. How else does one watch porn?
• Sarah McLachlan Says Lilith Sales Pretty Soft - Is there a lesbian joke in there somewhere? Methinks yes!
• CBS Cancels Seven Series, Including Ghost Whisperer, Numb3rs And Cold Case - One of the first broadcasting moves they've made that I can get behind.
• DWP To Fire 2 Workers Caught On Tape Apparently Drinking, Driving And Patronizing Strip Club - it's doesn't stand for department of wild partying, though they did give it an honest try
• U2's Bono Has Emergency Back Surgery In Germany - It was necessary after years of patting himself on it. He's lucky he didn't also break his arm trying to do it all those times.
• What It Looks Like When Shoggoths Invade Your Home - Worse than ants, termites, and even rodents are unwelcome Ancient Ones.
• Husband Bails From Moving Vehicle After Wife Refuses To 'Shut Up' - This would be my favorite story of the week if he was driving the car at the time.
• 49% Of California Voters Back Legalizing Pot, Poll Finds - The other 51% are worried that they won't be able to get the good shit anymore if they legalize it.
• Rocker Bret Michaels Back In Hospital After Suffering 'Warning Stroke' - All strokes are a warning. A warning you're going to die.
Worst of the week: Lindsay Lohan, public enemy #1.
Instead of completing the few remaining hours of community service and alcohol education classes for her probation, she thought it would be a better idea to got to Cannes and learn firsthand about alcohol. Which was a bad idea. With time running out, she had to face the facts - there were no flights available for her to take back on time because of the volcano situation in Iceland! Except there were.
On the eve of the date she had to return to America to go before the judge and prove she stuck to the terms of her probation, she was still in France, coming up with a more plausible excuse reason not to return. And then she found it - her passport was stolen! Brilliant! But did she go and apply for a new one? That would be a big no. What good would that do? Those "flights" are still all "unavailable"...
Naturally, a judge issued a warrant Thursday for her arrest after Lohan missed the mandatory hearing, but don't expect her to be arrested at the airport. They've conveniently set bail at $100,000. And it didn't seem to worry Lohan much either, who was partying halfway around the world as the paperwork was being filed, likely because she had received a "new" passport, though there's no record of her doing that.
And that arrest? Now that 10% of the bail has been paid, there won't be, because it counts the same as paying the full amount. Yeah, I don't get it either, but really, she's just the victim in all this. Lohan claims her father is behind the theft of her passport. Seriously. Like a Machiavellian genius, who happens to wear mesh shirts. Some would ask about a picture of her in Cannes just arm's reach from a fat line of coke, but you know the answer to that by now. You see, It's all part of a big conspiracy to frame her.
She's so amazingly stupid that there may need to be a new category of retardation created just for her. Can she just pull a Monroe and OD already?
Plus: The so-called autism diet, a gluten-free, casein-free eating plan, does not appear to improve the symptoms of children with autism spectrum disorder (ASD). Looks like Jenny McCarthy isn't going to get that spokeperson gig after all...
About one in 110 U.S. children has ASD, which includes classic autism as well as Asperger's syndrome and other forms marked by difficulties in social interaction and communication. Bowel problems are also common in ASD children. Also, let me point out that bowel problems are also common in other children.
The use of the so-called autism diet has become popular, but in the small group of children studied, researchers "did not see a demonstrable improvement". The new study results follow another report, concluding that 14 published studies of the gluten-free, casein-free diet did not find it useful.
I won't bore you with details, but the child subjects participated in intensive behavior intervention to make the group as similar as possible. All children were put on a strict gluten-free, casein-free diet before getting a snack once a week with either 20 grams of wheat flour, 20 grams of evaporated milk, both, or neither. This lasted for several months.
The autism diet has become popular based on a theory that some children have insufficient enzyme activity in their gastrointestinal tracts, resulting in incomplete digestion of casein, a protein found in milk and other dairy products, and gluten, a protein found in wheat, barley, and other grains. The incomplete breakdown is what leads to the symptoms, advocates of the dietary approach contend. But where's the tie to autism? Oh, I guess there isn't any link between autism and digestive problems.
Critics might point out that an 18-week study is not long enough to produce real change, adding, "Some parents would say six months to a year [is needed to notice changes]". But I say fuck them. They're just parents with kids that have autism, not scientists. They're just going to continue to deny it until they get the results they want.
Also: Previously unknown California gubernatorial candidate Douglas Hughes has a grand idea for the state's male sex offenders. I'll give you a hint - if you currently live on Santa Rose Island, you're going to want to move.
Under his plan, male "convicted pedophiles" would have three choices: leave California forever, stay in prison for the rest of their lives, or move to self-sustaining "Pedophile Island." That's the catchy new moniker for Santa Rosa Island, part of Channel Islands National Park near Santa Barbara. According to Hughes, "The maintenance of Santa Rosa Island is a waste of taxpayer's money. Most of the visitors who go there are Park Rangers or environmentalists, not the general public." And who cares if they get molested?
Here's how it'll work:
The first of pedophiles to go to the island would be a lead team for "their society" such as police, fire personnel, judges, fish and game agents, forest rangers, ranchers, farmers, building contractors, surveyors, and the like to establish the "Island" community. This lead team will be responsible for creating a master plan for the "Island. The "Island's" master plan will include the construction of city hall, a medical facility, water department, police and fire departments, as well as provide for the farm, ranch and housing areas. All construction will be completed by the pedophiles assigned to the "Island".
The first order of business will be to establish temporary housing, the farm, and the ranch. The "Island" pedophiles will write their own "Island" constitution. The constitution will be reviewed for any improvements by a State of California department to be formed to oversee the "Island". This will all occur until enough pedophiles have moved to the "Island" making the "Island" community self-sufficient.
Life on the "Island" will include certain restrictions such as they may never leave the "Island", and they may never bring children to the "Island". If they don't want to live this way they should have left the state. However, once they choose the island that will be their home for the duration of their life.
While pedophiles are Hughes' foundation, there are other bizarre stances. Here he is on oil:
All oil sites must be in a "Ready" condition at all times and kept primed at all times. If we are cut off from the World Oil supply; we must be ready! All possible oil sites must be drilled and made ready. For this the land-owners should be given a percentage of the take. All land owners that will be affected by oil smells or unsightly wells with heavy traffic or pipelines, should be compensated.
And on drugs:
As Governor, I will enforce a program that gives addicts three choices:
1. To buy drugs from the state for ½ price of the street price.
2. Buy drugs from the street at full price.
3. Accept rehabilitation.
Wow, that really solves the problem...of finding drugs if you're a junkie. And his high-speed rail plan seems a little bit like this Chinese idea. And let's not kid ourselves about how whacked out China is. Hughes is really trying hard to make California look it's craziest.
And: Facebook's CEO came up with a way of predicting who any given user would be dating one week in the future. Data mining and privacy intrusion...just for fun!
According to The Facebook Effect, a new book about CEO Mark Zuckerberg, his teams would comb through user data and look for patterns:
As the service's engineers built more and more tools that could uncover such insights, Zuckerberg sometimes amused himself by conducting experiments. For instance, he concluded that by examining friend relationships and communications patterns he could determine with about 33 percent accuracy who a user was going to be in a relationship with a week from now. To deduce this he studied who was looking which profiles, who your friends were friends with, and who was newly single, among other indicators.
Once you get past the creepy voyeurism, look at the most evil implications, like targeted advertising opportunities. Do those flower delivery and restaurant ads seem more suspect now? Zuckerberg wants to advance the process, having already created an entire data science team to find interesting patterns. It's only a matter of time until others know you better than you know yourself...
Worst picture of the week:
typical rich asshole at Cannes
Worst bonus links:
• Charlie Sheen To Earn Nearly $2 Mil An Episode On 'Men' - And now they've ruined all that good will from cancelling those other programs. That's too much money to not be funny.
• Explosion At Turkish Coal Mine Traps 32 Workers - The only thing worse than a Turkish coal mine is a Turkish bathhouse.
• Courtney Love: I Had A Lesbian Fling With Kate Moss - Some things can not be unseen. Even if they're in your mind.
• Mercedes Decide Against Schumacher Appeal / F1 Safety Car Rules Amended - If Brundle said it looked legal, then that's good enough for me. I don't get why Mercedes isn't appealing, because the drop down to 12th was an unnecessary penalty. And clearly it's grey enough that they're immediately making a rules revision.
• I Liked Celebrities More Before Twitter - The biggest, overeacting bitchboy, ever. Quit your crying and shut up, sissy.
• Swingers' Case Tests Sexual Limits In China - Anything sexual tests China's limits. And most things non-sexual, too.
• Kate Hudson: I'm Comfortable With My Body's Imperfections - Unless they're her breasts, which is why she had that recent boob job.
• The Dead Weather Drops 2nd Abum In A Year - They could drop one a month and it still wouldn't be any good. Jack White should focus on quality, not quantity.
• Woman Sues Cell Phone Company After Her Husband Discovers Her Affair - Phone company to countersue her for being a stupid whore. And they're going to win.
• Report: Landis Admits Doping And Fingers Armstrong - Cheating and inappropriate touching? That's two no-no's.
• Arizona Official Threatens To Cut Off Electricity To L.A. In Retaliation For Boycott - You want us to get a third of out electricity from another state? I'm sure they'll be happy to oblige.
• Guitarist Falls Ill After Taking Viagra - More proof that shitty musicians with limp dicks can't handle their drugs.
• State Dinner Goes Smoothly, Despite Salahi Driveby - First they're crashing events, now they're doing drive-bys? They're hardcore!
• Kings Assistant Arrested On Sex-Abuse Charge In DC - Not quite the start of the off-season I was hoping for.
• Source: Jen Aniston Asked To Be Retouched On New Film - I think she should be retouched in everything she does with images of Diora Baird.
• Justin Bieber: I'm a Great Kisser - His preferred makeout spot: the Wal-Mart rest stop, he says. That's an actual part from the post, not my comic stylings.
• Wal-Mart Still Selling Miley Cyrus Cadmium Jewelry - Even without the toxic cadmium, it's still awful.
No comments:
Post a Comment