And don't forget, next weekend MAGNA highlights the Rose City Rocks festival.
Best of the week: The more than two decades since he played hooky have not diminished the legend of Ferris Bueller. And thanks to modern technology, you can still follow him around as he takes his day off.A Twitter account, @ferris_bueller_, started innocently enough, noting, “Ugh… school’s really getting me down. less than an hour to go.” Bueller apparently went home and was quiet until about 7 hours ago when he tweeted, “Really don’t feel like going to school today… Think I have a plan”. If you’ve seen the movie, you know what happens next.
The messages were ongoing — not only mentioning they’re at a baseball game, but supported by accounts from Sloane Peterson, Jeanie Bueller, and even Mr. Rooney. The Ferris account is also checking in at various places using Foursquare too - like Ferris checking into to Wrigley Field to watch the aforementioned baseball game. Apparently there’s a badge you can earn on Foursquare by visiting some locations from the movie, though the Bueller account has not gotten the badge yet.
So whether you choose to follow Cameron or even Abe Froman, it's a cool homage to the flick using today's real-time social media that hopefully grows in popularity and knowledge so more folks can follow. And yes, it even ended appropriately hours later with: “You’re still here? It’s over. Go home…. Go."
Plus: In the highly unlikely even you become an internet meme, Gawker has a few tips:
HIDE? Epic Boobs Girl's lawsuit against Loaded (your typical limey lad mag) over the use of a photo from her web profile (eventually immortalized for EPIC BOOBS) has been tossed out. She may have lost that but there's hordes of men who are still winning. And tossing.
When her Bebo profile was mined for scores of sweet pictures her rack, the last thing she thought was she'd be famous on the web. There's the usual privacy-protecting precautions, but figure if you're putting a picture up anywhere, it's probably too late. So if you can't help sharing online, then learn to keep your real world self more subdued.
PROFIT? Southern queen-in-training Chris Crocker channeled his "Leave Britney Alone!" mantra into a full-fledged (yet increasingly shrinking) career. He moved to L.A. and hustles appearances, comic books, and his YouTube channel. David After Dentist's dad franchised his kid into tee-shirts and stickers. It's not going to make money forever, but David's college is, let's say, more than covered. And even Rick Astley rickrolled new tour dates and an album or two out of his meme.
Beyond the fame, there's actual, serious money to be made. Look at (or don't because he's an unattractive chubster) the Numa Numa guy. Have you ever heard him speak? No. But you've probably seen him lip syncing in ads for majors like Geico and Vizio. Scary to think a guy who's real name virtually no one knows makes an obscene amount of money just for licensing a YouTube video. That's the perk of 35 million views I guess.
SUE LIKE HELL? A major meme has yet to be sued into submission, but that doesn't mean it's been tried. Major asshat Glenn Beck's battle against "Did Glenn Beck rape and murder a girl in 1990?" is typical of the failure that awaits those who try. To satirize Glenn Beck's notorious reliance on mistruths, internet users re-appropriated a Gilbert Gottfried joke that demonstrates how warning against a rumor can actually start a rumor. They started asking whether Glenn Beck had raped and murdered a young girl, why he had no commented on it - thus without ever accusing Glenn Beck of raping and murdering anyone, successfully lodged the accusation into his Google results. Beck tried to sue the owner of DidGlennBeckRapeandMurderaYoungGirlin1990.com but failed. But will continue to try until they win or he fades into his own obscurity,
LAUGH AND MOVE ON? It's the most dignified and rational option, though it may be easier for someone like Approval Guy than Star Wars Kid. He pondered what to make of his fame, and ultimately deciding to do nothing. "Being posted all over the internet doesn't bother me at all, in fact, I find it hilarious. I really enjoy seeing the creativity of others and think they should continue to do as they please with my image,"he said. "I have not made a profit from "Approval Guy" and nor do I plan to. On the other hand, if the opportunity arose, I wouldn't mind taking advantage of it. Becoming a meme was a positive experience and I do not mind it at all. On the other hand, if I were the Star Wars Kid or that guy who sings Numa Numa, I wouldn't show up in public...ever." Sometimes it is just dumb luck.
And: On the heels of the success of Betty White’s hosting gig on Saturday Night Live, Facebook users have continued to go apeshit about creating groups for other events that she should host. From the Emmys to the Academy Awards (which the Academy confirmed won’t be happening), this chuckleheads are trying to put her on anything that has a host. So with that said, it's hilarious to see some people take it to the next level - the Get Betty White to Host an Alien Parasite group.
Betty White is a woman that has proved capable of handling anything. From her Emmy winning television performances to her knee slapping appearance on Saturday Night Live, she morphs into each role with perfection and ease. Now we are asking her to play mother to one last character, a xenomorph that will carry on her genetic line to become an ultimate killing machine. Join this group to support the addition of Betty White to the cast of the untitled Alien prequel!
Best picture of the week:
Best bonus links:
• BBC Children's TV Character Seems To Say Fuck Your Mother In Mandarin - At least it will quell the ethnic tension with with Middle Eastern and Muslin population...they far outnumber the Chinese in Britain. I believe they're even outnumbered by the royals.
• Saving Throw Versus Total Refreshment - Will this replace the ubiquitous 50' rope that never gets used? If there is a large proliferation, no one will ever need to go to taverns - how will quests begin?
• Lewis Black Destroys Glenn Beck - Fuck Glenn Beck. And Lewis Black does. Hard. On television.
• Homeless Buy A One-Way Ticket to Hawaii - That's not as many bottles collected as you may think. and if I was a homeless scumbag, I would absolutely head to the islands and be a literal beach bum.
• Seacrest Wannabe Caught Plagiarizing Movie Reviews - There's little original on the interweb, but you've got to do better than reading someone's stuff verbatim for a YouTube video. And now you'll understand this sweet quote: “Young girls have gotten so corruptible these days, I wanted to see how corruptible they could be. I didn’t mean any harm. Anyway, yadda yadda yadda, your daughter’s in my crawlspace.”.
• Infrasound: The Sound Too Awesome For Us To Hear - That should be the title of the next MAGNA album, but this is more scientific. Not that the recent batch of tunes isn't a miracle of the modern world.
• Muhammad Cartoonist 'Head-Butted' During Lecture - How much easier would his life had been if he was only mocking Annie...those few fans are too feeble to walk, let alone head butt.
• 'Hangover' Molecule In Brain Found - And it doesn't look like Tairy Greene (how'd ya like that twist o' reference?). Now that we found it, can we eliminate it?
• Texas Teacher Totally Whomps Some Little Kid - Charter schools will be the scholastic paradigm of the future!
• Study: Female Touch Can Influence Decisions, Behavior - This was conducted at the Spearmint Rhino, and those lapdances were the most persuasive the subjects had ever had..
• Portal Is Free! - Want an awesome puzzle game for the PC or Mac. Of course you do!
• China Scientists Find Use For Cigarette Butts - Are they eating them? Using them as birth control? Building a giant nicotine wall? What could they have come up with?
• Roman Polanski Hit By Fresh Sex Allegations - The younger, the fresher - that's what Roman always says. We Americans just don't get that European lifestyle...
• Pope Blames 'Terrifying' Sex Abuse On Catholic Church - Finally, they acknowledge they have a problem. Savor it, because that's the last you'll ever hear of it...the blame, not the continuing problem.
• Undie Running At Texas - UCLA has long had this tradition, which helps me get to know my neighbors better. But I'm not a snob...I don't mind meeting people from outside the state.
• Afghanistan Opium Poppies Hit By Mysterious Disease - It's called supply and demand. And now your black tar is going to cost more since it is becoming "scarce". Everybody, quickly switch to a different opiate!
• When I’m Too Lazy To Write, You Get Tits - The lesser known but completely valid journalistic axiom "Tits or GTFO".
Worst of the week: If you're an average Joe, don't count on being an author, but if you're famous, it's easy!
Damon Wayans has penned Red Hats, a story about bitter widow who finds new life after being taken in by a Red Hat Society group. For those of you under the age of sixty everybody, Red Hats is a worldwide social organization for women. In the book, Wayans calls them "Sex and the City for old biddies." Chortle! He's still got it! Wayans dedicated his book to his mother, Elvira, who took up with them, and likely had some real events altered for his story.
Though I can't see who wants to read a version of How Stella Got Older Groove Back, at least Wayan's genesis of the tale is interesting.
"I was stuck as an artist in terms of what I wanted to do next. When you do TV and you get into syndication, you get lazy. ... So I went to Europe. I was kind of frustrated. I ran into Lionel Richie at a restaurant and he was like, 'We all get so caught up as artists trying to do something so extraordinary that we get lost.' He took me to see Dita Von Teese and she came out and she stripped down to some pasties and a diamond G-string. The crowd was going crazy and Lionel turns to me and he goes, 'See? You just show them what they want to see. You don't show them too much. That's it'."
In fact, I guarentee that bizarre is better than any passage you'll read in that book. But there's even worse fare out there. Tyra Banks has a book coming out, and she was able to say this with a straight face.
"It’s my novel called Modelland (pronounced “Model Land”) that takes you to a fantastical place you’ve never seen, or heard about, or read about before… Where dreams come true and life can change in the blink of a smoky eye.”
No shit it's pronounced "model land"...I didn't think it sounded out "war and peace". She plans on stretching this retarded premise into a series will follow a teenager who gets into an exclusive modeling academy for “Intoxibellas”. Really? And who are they? Models with special powers, dumbass! As usual, Tyler wrote a few lines that will surpass anything her ghost writers can concoct:
It’s a land of models, and this dimwitted bitch named it “model land”. It would be like if Harry Potter went to “Magicschool”. JK Rowling would go through French gardening books and Greek mythology to find interesting names. “Dumbledore” is an old word for “bumblebee”, for example. Like the books or not, at least Rowling wanted to be creative. But fuck that. Why bother? Just type what something is. That’s just as good. If Tyra wrote Star Wars, “MainCharacter” would fight “HalfRobotMan”. Oohh, weeeee, I’m being whisked away into a world of imagination.
But really that’s a minor point. Because yes. Yes we have seen a place like this before. There are literally dozens of books exactly like it.“Hey kid, you’re magic.”
“Who me? Oh no sir, there must be a mistake. I’m ordinary.”
(200 pages later.)
“Hooray! Though I am small and was over matched by a vastly superior foe, my magic has saved the day!”Thank god no one in this country can read anymore.
Beneath the gold-coated ceilings of Abu Dhabi's Emirates Palace hotel, "where royalty and billionaires come for cappuccinos topped with gold flakes", they've installed and ATM that dispenses pure gold. Because sometimes ton of money just doesn't make you like like a big enough douche..
"The reason we chose Emirates Palace is because it really fits with the surroundings here," said Thomas Geissler, creator of the "Gold to Go" brand of useless, expensive shit. "All the gold is imported from Germany, and soon we will have a customized gold bar with a print of the Emirates Palace logo, which will be a nice souvenir for guests to take home."Though you're less likely to be punched in the face for your obnoxiousness if you jsut share a few photos of local sites.
The exterior of the machine is coated with a thin layer of gold (paint, I'm sure) and offers customers 320 items to choose from, ranging from gold bars that can weigh up to 10 grams, to customized gold coins. Through a computer system, the gold ATM updates the gold price every 10 minutes to match international markets. For now, it takes notes of the local dirham currency, but the option of using credit cards will soon be introduced.
The cash-for-gold machines were first tested in Germany ilast year, but they chose Abu Dhabi for the official launch because of the region's high concentration of insecure, ego driven moguls needing to compensate for small penises. "On the first night we had a lot of demand," he said. "One customer even bought one item of every product we have." Ah, a micropenis.
And: It's okay if you love your children but are not fit to raise them. You've given us an easy way to identify you - their names.
The Social Security Administration has released its list of 2009's most popular baby names, and the leading choices were Isabella and Jacob. Many media outlets are wanking that both names just happen to belong to main characters in the Twilight, and gives them an excuse to use one of those pictures and talk about vampires but it's hardly the case.Isabella has been trending steadily upward since the 1990s, and Jacob has been in the top spot for 10 years in a row (clearly predating that 2005's craptastic series). They also point to Cullen, rhe last name of the main vampire which jumped 297 spots in one year and is now the 485th most popular first name for a baby boy. Sorry, but that hack writer just happened to use a last name that wasn't such a hard surname. But if people want to name their kid Johnston or Richardson or Moylan too, that's fine.
Girls born in the 1980's/90's were given perky, peppy monikers that ended in y or ie - Tiffany, Ashley, Katie, Brittany, but they've recently changed to a soft, feminine ending: Isabella, Emma, Kayla and Ella. Sociologists and journalists often propose theories about child names, making their unfounded speculation only good for undermining their skill and professions. CBS News once asserted that Emma became popular in 2002 because Jennifer Aniston's character named her child that on Friends. But Emma had been on the rise since the 1980s and broke into the top 20 a full three years before the show in question.
We are still idiots here, but 3,000 parents in the UK were surveyed, and 20% admitted they regret naming their kid a trendy, stupid name. Many said they wish they'd picked a less popular name, while one in 10 added they chose a quirky moniker only to have the novelty quickly wear off. The (rightful) backlash could be because 15% of parents say their baby's name has sparked amusement from friends and relatives - and one in five have felt scorn from a stranger. Serves you right for naming them Miley.
Some of the more regretted boys' names in the British survey were Oliver and Alfie and Thomas, while girls had Chloe and Ruby. Take a look at last year's most popular baby names and you'll find a crop of names you'll hate in the coming decade.
Worst picture of the week:
It’s just an “African-American” action figure, not Obama, even though they have the exact same face
Worst bonus links:
• Top CEOs Getting A Once-In-A-Lifetime Pay Bonanza - The only way this could be good news is if it was follow by a once-in-a-lifetime ass-kicking. Something so brutal that it would take painful years of rehabilitation and corrective surgery to make them even a shadow of their former selves.
• The Next Playboy Centerfold Will Be In 3D - But it won't look any better than the last decade's worth of women with huge, stupid looking fake racks.
• Tough-Guy Dappy Loves Iggle Piggle / New Pappy Dappy Unhappy - Is that even english? Actually, it's English, and thats how their tabloids handle their headers. And it is a laughably retarded as the names suggest.
• A Plan To Cover All Of Africa With Wi-Fi Access - Here's a better plan: cover all of Africa with food and shelter and no diseases. I think they'll like that more than being able to send e-mails.
• Report: Winnipeg's Return Means Avalanche In Pacific Division - It was bad enough that Phoenix finally became a threat this year, but to boot them back to their original spot makes the west a deadly mess. Sending a solid Colorado team to join San Jose, Anaheim, and Dallas will make life for the Kings much harder.
• Half Of Russians Believe Bribery Solves Problems - But, for the right amount, they could be pursuaded to change their minds.
• Michael Jackson Is Still Alive And Posing As A Burn Victim - It's just crazy enough to work...nah, are you fucking kidding? That's insane, even for Michael Jackson.
• L.A.'s Homeboy Industries Lays Off Most Employees - Adios, mang!
• Will An Errant Satellite Interrupt The Lost Finale? - I will be very pissed off if I can't watch it, that that would also be a funny as hell programming accient on par with the Super Bowl / Heidi debacle.
• 'Law & Order' Is Canceled By NBC - How sad we're only left with their new Law & Order: Los Angeles and season 12 of Law & Order: Special Victims Unit.
• LaBeouf Promises Better Transformers Next Time - Both of those movies were huge pieces of SFX shit. The only way to make one better is to not make one.
• Woman Startled By Demonic Face On Canned Pear, Wants Recompense From Company - C'mon, lady...what did you expect when you bought Satan's Pears Of Damnation?
• 7 Children Killed In Latest Attack At China School - I understand that the emerging superpower is trying to establish itself as a world leader, but enough already with the child murdering. You're winning a category no one else wants to play in, so move on.
• 4 Die After Quebec Home Falls In Sinkhole / Ice Hockey Mayhem In Montreal Brings 41 Arrests - Somehow, I'm developing a fear of Canada, but I'm sure everything will be fine by the time the Canadian GP rolls around, eh.
• Woman Invented Kidnap Hoax To Avoid Telling Parents She Would Not Graduate From UCLA, Police Say - How badly do you want to be the fly on the wall for that explanation of where tuition went for the past year and a half?
• Facebook’s Gone Rogue; It’s Time For An Open Alternative Epicenter - Time to send in Jack Bauer to save the nation and social networking from evil influences! Or, maybe we should do less virtual friendship and more real relationships.
• Tiger Woods' Neighbor Launches Web Site With Accusations About Golf Star - You want to out your famous neighbor as a scumbag? Fine. You want to do that as a pay site? Now who's the scumbag?
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