Killing A Harpy

Ann Coulter is just Dick Cheney with a vagina. She is a being of pure evil and just completely horrible any time she opens that vile mouth of hers. If ever there was a reason to take away free speech, it's her venomous comments, spewed like flatulence from Satan's ass. I value human life, but certainly not hers. As the election is reaching it's peak, I expect something terrible to come out any moment, and certainly immediately after if Obama wins.

There's no question - Ann Coulter should die. But how? Here's ten ideas.

10. Pulled apart by 4 wild horses - 1 horse tied to each limb. The horses should be painted blue.

9. Forced to eat 7 double Quarter-Pounders with cheese. Then shot in the head with a longbow.

8. Thor should smite her with his mighty hammer.

7. She should be covered in expired sour cream and fed to 10,000 fire ants. Then shot in the head with a longbow.

6. Buried alive under 1,026 hardcover copies of books by Al Franken.

5. Loaded into a French TRF1 155 mm gun-howitzer and shot into the Eiffel Tower at close range.

4. Forced to run a 3-legged race with Jimmy Carter, and at the end of the race...shot through the head with a longbow.

3. Bitch-slapped to death by Hilary Clinton and Maryland Senator Barbara Mikulski.

2. Drive her out to the middle of the Mojave Desert in a Hummer. The Hummer should be drained of all but 1 gallon of fuel. She then tries to drive herself to freedom - but the gas-guzzling Hummer runs out of fuel before she can escape the oppressive heat of the desert. As she is dehydrated, delirious, sunburned and near death - a paramedic drives up in a Prius Hybrid and shoots her through the head with a longbow.

1. Alone and staring at her grotesquely skinny and hideously-bug-eyed face in the mirror.

Sorry, but I was helped by a Norseman, hence the excessive longbow references.