Sick High

Good news and bad news, potheads!

Marijuana contains highly-effective antibiotics that could be the key to stopping antibiotic-resistant bacteria. But unfortunately if you smoke the stuff, you become more vulnerable to infection — probably due to smoke damage in your lungs. Nevertheless, your prescription for medical marijuana just got a lot more useful, and your craving for Twinkies will be unaffected.

New research confirms that molecules found in pot called cannabanoids are powerful antibiotics. Scientists studying cannabis related antibiotics were now able to pinpoint the basic backbone structure that is common to all cannabanoids, to be the active component in killing off bacteria. Now that the bio-active section of the cannabanoid molecules has been identified, researchers and drug makers are busy developing and testing antibiotic drugs as well as considering potential uses for cannabanoids in various soaps and cleaning products. At present they are focusing their efforts on the derivatives of the non-psychoactive cannabanoids. This is presumably because the FDA and other governing bodies world-wide might have a hard time with people getting high in order to cure a bacterial infection. Whatever, buzzkills.

Honestly, aren't people with really bad infections the ones who are most in need of a good high? Think about it - when you're sick, you're usually so out of it that all you can do is sit on the couch and watch all the episodes of South Park stored on your TiVo. Wouldn't a nice stoney tingle make that experience better in every possible way?