Suck My Caucus

After almost a full year of campaigning, baby shaking, and hand kissing, the field is about to start narrowing in the presidential race.

Iowa, with a measly seven electoral votes, was the first state to get gangbangged by candidates, and should tell us by day's end exactly how dead some campaigns are. Next week, New Hampshire, another overly-emphasised state with only four electoral votes holds primaries. February 5th looks to be the real day of importance, as up to 20 states (representing half the U.S. population) will hold their primaries, but these scrimmage votes are just political masturbation.

Some of the preliminary figures for expenditures in Iowa for the candidates total $20 million, which is fantastic when caucus turnout is predicted at around 130,000. And now you know why I refuse to donate money to a politician.

In the last three months, both major parties have had their top runner change nearly as fast as their entourage of advisers, pollsters, and volunteers moved through states. Are voters that fickle? Do the candidates platforms change? Are the issues that complicated. No, this is fatigue, plain and simple.

And really, who is undecided at this point?

You could run the corpse of Bobby Kennedy and a can of baked beans and I'd vote for them before I throw a Republican vote in the hopper. It's retarded that the Dems are stuck between a black rock and a female hard place, because this election should be more of a slam dunk than '04 would have been, but it would be a historic victory for either, and that's not what needs to be at stake here. Good thing I registered as "decline to state".

I suggest anybody who is so unclear on their political position and beliefs that they are still making up their mind which side of the aisle they end up on has their voting right suspended until they pull their head out of their ass. It's not a fucking IHOP menu and it's not that hard. The majors haven't changed their general stances for over a century (can you believe Lincoln and our current dipshit-in-chief claim rights to the same party?) and the third party groups are all cut from the same fringe cloth. The training wheels need to come off the voting process and the election cycle ought to take about as much time as preparation for All-Star balloting or the homecoming dance.