Monkey Hunt!

I take it back - I do not have the worst job in the world.

A state in northern India said it plans to use unemployed youths to sterilize monkeys who have been raiding farms.

The idea drew immediate condemnation from conservationists, who said the plan was unscientific and would likely worsen the problem. What, untrained lads doing amateur animal spay and neutering can't possibly make the problem worse?

Indian authorities have struggled in recent years to deal with the tens of thousands of monkeys that live in and around cities. They are drawn to public places such as temples and office buildings, where devout Hindus feed them, believing them to be manifestations of the god Hanuman. Monkeys, right? Not impoverished beggars? Because there was that final episode of M.A.S.H. where they had to kill that lady's chicken on the bus, but it wasn't really a chicken...oh, never mind.

Some of you may recall a few months back when I lost bladder control at the hilarity of the death of the deputy mayor of New Delhi, who was killed when he fell from his balcony during an attack by wild monkeys, and 25 others were injured during a monkey rampage in the city.

The mountainous state of Himachal Pradesh is infested with rhesus macaque monkeys, who have been driven to farms and cities after losing their natural forest habitat. According to a government statement, "affected districts would be identified and local youth involved in the process, who would be provided training in capturing and sterilization by the experts." The statement quoted state's chief minister as saying they would use "laser sterilization." Damn! That. Is. So. AWESOME! We gotta get some of that back here, or start chartering trips out to India so we can laze some monkey groins.

my balls? come and get them!

"The government chooses not to act on recommendations from experts and instead comes out with these absurd proposals....it is a ridiculous idea and what is worse, it will do nothing to contain the problem and probably make it worse," conservationists said. "Can you imagine what having badly sterilized monkeys running around will do to the levels of aggression?"

Yes, I can. And I like it!