Rise Of The Planet Of The Apes

North Korean officials blamed "traditional musk deer gland medicine" used after a lightning strike for five positive tests for steroids at the Women's World Cup. I don't know what's more embarrassing - that lame excuse, or the fact that North Korea thinks musk deer glands have medicinal value.

Two players were caught during the tournament, so the governing body took the unprecedented step of testing the rest of the North Korean squad and found three more positive results, which the biggest soccer doping scandal at a major tournament in 17 years.

The musk gland extract "is not part of the world of doping. It is really the first case in which this has been discovered," said FIFA officials. Too bad they couldn't get points in the match based on originality.

Mad Murdoch (And A Dead Hoare)

Sean Hoare, the first journalist to publicly allege that former News of the World editor (and government spokesman) Andy Coulson knew about voicemail hacking at the newspaper was found dead yesterday at his home.

The Guardian reported "The death is currently being treated as unexplained, but not thought to be suspicious. Police investigations into this incident are ongoing." Draw your own conclusions (especially after there was an unexplained delay in the arrival of forensics officers at the scene)...

Bootleg Fireworks, Brought To You By The Lord Jesus

Th3 LuLz H4x0r B4ck

LulzSec is back from their previously announced disbanding to make mischief on a new target - Rupert Murdoch and The Sun!

The sister publication to the embattled, and now defunct, News of the World had it's website hacked, and hosted a a fake story reporting Murdoch's death. Shortly after going up, it redirected to LulzSec's twitter feed, where they teased, "We're sitting on their emails. Press release tomorrow".

Oooh...the hacker has become the hacked!

Axis Of Marijuana

I remember reading about Lamb and Lynx Gaede years ago, twin sisters who were the white power folk group Prussian Blue, and if you recall too, then perhaps you'll be happy to hear that they're now longer hate-spewing Aryan supremacists, but pot-smoking artists.

Apparently, the girls have changed their views and attribute their earlier political confusion to naivete. "My sister and I were home-schooled," said Lynx. "We were these country bumpkins. We spent most of our days up on the hill playing with our goats." And worshiping Hitler. They moved to Montana and enrolled in public school, and around that time Lynx was diagnosed with cancer. Later, she developed a rare condition called CVS (cyclic vomiting syndrome) Lamb has struggled as well with scoliosis and chronic back pain. Folks, that's God dishing out some punishment for their sprained souls.

Lynx was prescribed OxyContin to deal with her pain, and started smoking pot to deal with nausea from withdrawal. It "rekindle[d] the creative impulses [she] once channeled into [her] music", but without the genocide, and she admits "marijuana saved my life". Both sisters have medical marijuana cards and paint, and say cutesy things like: "Personally, I love diversity."

I think all Nazis are shitbags, even "reformed" ones, but if anything, it shows the awesome power of marijuana to help even the most twisted of racist brains.  Heil herb!  You can read the whole story on the sisters here.

How I Start All My Mondays

Loius CKarmaggeddon Weekend

With the carpocalypse upon us in Los Angeles, I don't intend to do much, but if we survive the hype and hysteria, Scarlett and I will see Louis CK Sunday night.

UPDATE: He was awesome! It was about 90 minutes of new material that he was testing out, and even the times he abandoned some jokes, they parts leading up were still funny. He's on Letterman next week, and some of it may end up there.

Best of the week: I can't stand the diva antics of Jennifer Lopez and am repulsed by the skeletal husk of Marc Anthony, so the schadenfreude of them ending their seven year marriage is slightly tempered by the knowledge they're going to be back on the market again. Look out public!

Though proving that a pig and a chihuahua could mate, they can now add another failed marriage to the three they shared before. Anthony was mysteriously married to former Miss Universe Dayanara Torres, and Lopez bore the ring for Ojani Noa and Chris Judd, and inexplicably dated both Sean "fill in the blank" Combs and Ben Affleck.

Can we blame it on their kid crapping in the pool? Who knows, but they're both disgusting people, so hopefully this divorce will be a long, painful event that keeps them both out of the public spotlight for months or years to come.

Best bonus links:

• What Your Favorite 80's Band Says About You - Nothing good about you as a person, but still funny.

• Jeter Homers For 3,000th Hit, First Yank To Do It - Finally, something for the record books for the Yankees!

• CBS Takes Heat For Fake Fireworks Shots - Something did seem a little fishing about those indoor fireworks...

• I Think He Handled That Well - Sarcasm! Kurt Suter and his vitriol take aim at the Emmys.

• CIA Used A Fake Vaccination Campaign In Hunt For Bin Laden - the first plan was a fake magazine driver, but people would figure something was going on after they didn't get their copies of Reader's Digest.

• Iron Maiden MIDI Music Songs Homepage - Number Of The Beast? Powerslave? Piece Of Mind? All MIDI!!!

• Recreating The Dock Ellis Tripping Balls No-Hitter On XBox On LSD - Now this is drug use in baseball I can get behind!

• Supercut: Cinema's Dirtiest Dirty Talk - At least this time when you watch, you're not covering an awkward erection in the theater.

• Deconstructing The Color Wheel - Learn the shocking origin of the color pink!

• The Battle Of Backyard - A toy story without the annoying voice of Tim Allen.

• 14 Interesting Stories Behind Professional Athlete Numbers - For the stats and figures sports crowd.

• Get Steve Buscemi’s Face All Over Yo Bodaaay - Literally, but not literally.

• Pakistan Army Says New York Times Report Is A Direct Attack - How weak are they if a newspaper is a threat.

• Under The Sea: Life On A Lost Shipping Container - That sunken bin makes a great artificial reef.

• Woman Accused Of Cutting Off Husband's Penis Said He "Deserved" It - Well, I would be concerned if she cut it off and he didn't deserve it...though not lifting the toilet seat is a bit extreme.

• Bear-Safety Lecture In Yellowstone Interrupted By Bear - Seriously, Yogi...fuck off!

• TNT Says It's Canceled Ray Romano's Award-Winning Series Men Of A Certain Age After Two Seasons - The male-Sex-And-City-without-the-sex-or-the-city got some awards?.

Worst of the week: Ahmed Wali Karzai, the Afghan president's half brother, and considered the most powerful man in southern Afghanistan, is now one of the most dead.

Karzai was killed will receiving guests at his home in Kandahar, and the assassin, Sardar Mohammad, was considered a close, "trustworthy" person who had gone to Karzai's house to get him to sign some papers. Yeah, like his death certificate. As he was signing the papers, the killer took out a pistol and shot him once in the forehead and one in the chest.

The Taliban claimed responsibility for the assassination, though Karzai had survived several previous assassination attempts. Considered a political liability for the government, and alleged to be on the CIA payroll and involved in drug trafficking, this is a blow to an already unstable government. As the U.S. withdrawal is underway, this power vacuum in the area are not going to help. Bummer.

Worst bonus links:

• Coroner: Mississippi Toddler Was Alive When Put In Oven - But that's what the recipe called for - fresh baby.

• Why Summer Is The Most Dangerous Time To Go To The Hospital - All the hot nurses are on vacation?

• Suspect Allowed To View Child Porn In Washington Jail - You've got to watch those folks with unpaid parking tickets

• Army Amputee Thrown From NY Roller Coaster, Dies - What, did you think it would say, "thrown from roller coaster and sprouted new legs for a perfect landing"?

• Exorcists Meet In Poland, Tackle Vampires - There's a Polish joke in there somewhere.

• More Radioactive Beef Shipped In Japan - Look out for Cowzilla!

• FDA: Pelvic Mesh For Women Riskier Than Thought - You never want to see pelvic mesh and risk in the same sentence.

• Tour De France Car Knocks Down Rider In 9th Stage - Fortunately, they were doping, so they got back up and then knocked the car down.

• Chinese Girls Born In Single Body With 2 Heads / Chinese Doctor Sets Out To 'Cure' Bad Driving - They should try to cure two-headed babies. But technically it didn't violate their one child policy.

• Army Finds Mexico's Biggest Marijuana Plantation - The rest of the story goes on to talk about how they took the plants and became narco-lords. An everyday Mexico rags-to-riches tale.

• 13-Foot Crocodile Captured Alive In Philippines / Philippines Warns Against Geckos As AIDS Treatment / Marriage Going Out Of Fashion In Philippines - I don't know what the hell is going on down there, but they've got the headlines of the week.

• Homeless Man Allegedly Chokes Baby, Punches Grandmother - If there was a mother in there it would be a trifecta.

• Steelers' Hines Ward Arrested On DUI Charge In GA - I would watch a show called Drinking With The Stars.

• Wife Calls Fatal Vegas Casino Punch Self-Defense - You always hit when you get 11.

• Diver Dies After Being Rescued At Laguna Beach - I wouldn't call that a rescue if he died...

Bang Busted

What is it with animals and perverts? First it was dead exotic animal owners, now it's porn tripods with a third world village's livestock.

Frighteningly endowed Raul Armenteros (aka Ramon from Bangbus.com) was arrested and charged with 22 counts of animal cruelty this week. Police were called to the scene in Miami after witnesses said they heard the sound of a child crying coming from inside a van parked there. Instead, they found eight roosters, four guinea hens, four pigeons, four goats and a duck. The goats were tied up inside plastic bags, and one was dead. Armenteros and James Arroyo later arrived and both said they owned the animals.

When you think about it, it's no surprise that they found the endangered animals - he's been putting chicks in danger in the back of vans for years.

If Ned Stark Dying Was Too Much For You, This Will Really Set You Over The Edge

Bad Neighbor

Minnesota hacker Barry Ardolf earned himself an 18-year term in a federal prison for the massive retaliation against his neighbors filing a police complaint against him.

His awesomely overblown response was triggered in 2008, when neighbors, Matt and Bethany Kostolnik's 4-year old son wandered over to their Ardoff's property shortly after moving in. Ardolf had reportedly picked the boy up carried him back to the couple and then kissed the child on the lips, prompting the police report.

Ardolf downloaded a Wi-Fi hacking program to tear into his neighbors WEP encryption, and created a fake Myspace page as well as several fake emails for Matt Kostolnik. He then posted child porn on the Myspace page and emailed the same child porn to co-workers at Kostolnik’s law office. And as the federal-crime-cherry-on-top, Ardolf sent death threats to Vice President Joe Biden and other politicians from Kostolnik’s Yahoo account, prompting a visit from the secret service who had traced the emails back to his IP address.  His campaign against his neighbors lasted two years!

Kostolnik's law office hired a firm to poke around the Wi-Fi network and install a packet sniffer to figure it all out. Eventually Ardolf’s name and Comcast account were found, which gave the FBI a reason to obtain a search warrant for Ardolf’s house, where they found massive evidence supporting charges of of identity theft, making threats, possession of child pornography, and distribution of kiddie-porn.

There was evidence that Ardolf had staged a similar attack against another family for parking their cars in front of his house. For his vengeful ingenuity, he'll be slapped with lifetime-sex-offender registration and be supervised for 20 years, as well as have restrictions when working with computers. Next time, just leave a flaming bag of dogshit on the doorstep...

Strike Out

Pitching great Roger Clemens picked up the win today as a judge declared a mistrial in his perjury trial due to barred information given to the jurors but the lead prosecutor, but how will he fare for the series?

Soon to be fired prosecutor Steven Durham introduced material in a video that appeared to bolster the credibility of a future witness - Clemens' former teammate Andy Pettitte, and referred to Pettitte's wife, saying she had been told Clemens used human growth hormone. The U.S. government had spent more than a year preparing the case, and was only in its second day of presenting its evidence with their third witness on the stand. My favorite part of the story is that Clemens signed autographs as he walked to a nearby sandwich shop after the mistrial declaration.

Clemens spent 24 years playing for four teams and winning the Cy Young Award for best pitcher seven times, but was fighting charges that he lied to Congress in 2008 when he denied taking steroids and human growth hormones. It is still undetermined if retrying Clemens would violate the constitutional protection against double jeopardy.

What fascinates me is how blatant the steroid use has been in professional baseball, and that these guys continue to lie and pretend like it doesn't exist. And worse, the closest they can get to pinning steroid use on them is not by proving it, but by trying to show they lied about denying use (also known as the "OJ is guilty in civil, not criminal charges" result).

Brickville

Exotic In All Aspects

Sam Mazzola lived and died an exotic lifestyle.

Mazzola had been in trouble for years for mistreating the wild creatures he kept captive, and in 2009, the USDA fined him more than $13,000 and permanently cancelled his federal license to sell or exhibit exotic animals. Yet that didn't prevent a black bear he owned from mauling to death a 24-year-old woman who helped take feed and take care of animals at "Mazzola's World Animal Studios". The bear was later put to death, and almost a year later, Mazzola was found face down on his waterbed by a teenage co-worker.

Coroners in Ohio have determined Mazzola's death was an accidental choking, during a consensual sexual act, and have ruled out both suicide and homicide. He was found dead with "an object in his throat" and a "leather mask with the eyes and mouth zipped shut and a two-piece metal sphere covering his head" while "handcuffed to chains that were attached to the bed and the floor" along with padlocks. The examining coroner said there was someone else at the home who helped Mazzola complete these acts, but, had left before he had died. So they left him bound and gagged, and took a smoke break that they never returned from? Odd, but if this is an accidental "unattended death" according to Ohio, so be it.

As of March, Mazzola had four black bears, a coyote, three raccoons, a skunk and a red fox. Now they're free!

Bring Out The Gimp

I'm happy to see this story come out of Russia, rather than Florida or Germany or Japan, the usual hotbeds of weird shit...

Olga Zajac, a hairdresser in Meshchovsk, caught Viktor Jasinski breaking into her salon. Rather than call the police, she did the next best thing...she beat him up, bound him to a chair, and them used him as a sex slave for days.

Viktor Jasinski told the police he intended to rob the salon, but Zajac, who is also black belt in karate, took him down with a single kick. She allegedly dragged to a back room, tied him up with a hair dryer cable, and stripped him naked. To "teach him a lesson", he was force fed Viagra and used as a living sex toy for three days.

Jasinski went straight to the police, rather than Penthouse Forum, and told them of his ordeal. Both were then arrested. Police talked with the hairdresser, who said, "What a bastard. Yes, we had sex a couple of times. But I bought him new jeans, gave him food and even gave him 1,000 roubles when he left.”

Say what you will, but crime does pay.

You And You And You And You And YouTube

YouTube now has a 10 hour max upload...and there's lots of long-play videos

Suckle This!

Look out America, The Breast Milk Baby is coming to our shores!

Berjuan Toys, the international toy company, who, according to their own press release is "renowned for its various high-quality doll lines", is now committing to bring one of its top international-selling dolls to our top-international doll deprived market!

"The Breast Milk Baby simulates the breast-feeding process by including a fashionable halter-top that a young girl can put on like a vest and when she brings the Breast Milk Baby doll's mouth up to the pretty flower decoration on the vest the doll makes a soft, suckling sound. The two flowers on the halter are positioned where the nipples would be and when the mouth of the doll is brought close to the embedded sensors in the flower, the baby makes motions and suckling sounds."

And why not? With Pregnant and 16 and Teen Mom as wholesome, educational programming, shouldn't young girls play breastfeeding? (no)

The Man Who Shipwrecked The Harlem Globetrotters

The man who single-handedly kept KCOP on the air in the 80's with his syndicated programs has gone off the air. Sherwood Schwartz, writer-creator of both Gilligan's Island and The Brady Bunch died at age 94.

Schwartz died at 4 a.m. this morning in the hospital where he was undergoing treatment for an intestinal infection. His wife Mildred, his children, and massive piles of money were at his side.

Staring in the 1950s with his brother Al as a partner, Schwartz left the medical field write jokes for Bob Hope's radio show and later The Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet. It was said Schwartz was working on a big-screen version of Gilligan's Island prior to his death, hoping to wring one last penny out of a hit from nearly 40 years ago. Still, to get to coast through the last half of your life on a ain't too shabby...even if people think you were already dead.

Launch!

Now you know how they do it.  And there's always one that doesn't go so well...

Of Carmageddon

This weekend, the San Diego Freeway (405) will be closing a 10 mile stretch for nearly 53 hours, potentially creating the worst gridlock the history of fucked L.A driving.

The highway is scheduled to be closed while Kiewit International will be demolishing part of the Mulholland Bridge, part of a $1.2 billion widening project to add lanes to heavily travelled freeway portion in the Sepulveda Pass. Kiewit happens to be the same company who built the span some 50 years ago. Replacement of two of the three bridges in the area (at Sunset Blvd & Skirball Center Dr) has been underway for many months, and the simplest plan was to demolish and rebuild the bridges one side at a time. But the Mulholland Bridge, which is significantly larger, had it's replacement built alongside the original, and not the old one will be demolished.

Beginning Friday night, the northbound freeway will be closed between the Ventura (101) and Santa Monica (10) freeways. The southbound freeway will be closed from the 101 Freeway to Skirball Center Drive. Roughly half a million vehicles travel that route through the Sepulveda Pass on an average weekend day. The freeway and all ramps are expected to be reopened to traffic by 6 a.m. Monday. Let's stress expected.

Kiewit will be fined $6,000 for every 10 minutes each side of the highway is not open after 6 a.m. That figure was derived by Caltrans as representative of the cost to the public for each minute of delay - that's up to $72,000 an hour if the freeway does not reopen on time. Herr Docktor was quick to point out what a pittance that is compared to what they're earning for the project, but if they don't want their crews to be brutally murdered by the roadside by drivers, they should think twice before missing that deadline.

Dairy Products Gone Bad

One of my favorite comic books, the violently funny Milk & Cheese, is getting the deluxe hardcover treatment, and creator by Evan Dorkin said it collects “every single stupid Milk and Cheese comic ever made from 1989 to 2010, along with a shit-ton of supplemental awesomeness.” Thankfully it comes out just in time for Christmas this year!

The “supplemental awesomeness” contain is:

• over 80 pages of comics that have not been collected before.

• a 24 page color section featuring "all the color M&C strips, a cover gallery, pin-ups, merchandise art, trading cards, etc."

• a 24 page B&W supplemental section featuring "pin-ups, t-shirt designs, and other art, etc."

• the rare 1997 M&C Special Edition 16 page mini-comic featuring the expanded “Darth Vader Overdrive” strip and extras.

Back in college, that carton of hate and wedge of spite were so badass that they couldn't ruin an evening bottle (or two) of red wine at at a gal-pal's place...I still got laid that night!

The Drunk And On Drugs Happy Fun Time Hour

Starting July 22 in Canada, eh!

Another Summer Weekend

Scarlett has yet another friend's bachelorette soirée this weekend, so I guess that leaves me time to knock out this week's last post. I going to have at least three or four of my own, so it's okay.

Best of the week: Never one to let lack of plot or character development, it's satisfying to see Micheal Bay also get called out on another shortcoming - originality.


Even with more than $150 million in budget, he wasn't able to make Transformers: Dark of the Moon look the way it should? So how do you get those shots that your movies has to have? Recycled them from your other films! Bay has used stock footage in several of his movies (which directors are want to do since there's plenty of aerial shots of cities or traffic), but there's no denying he recycled shots from The Island in the new Transformers. He also used shots of an aircraft carrier from Pearl Harbor in this film, complete with CGI modern fighter jets on deck. I guess his movies need parts of the others to offset how bad they are.


Best bonus links:


• What Do The Chinese Characters On The Computers In Serenity And Firefly Actually Say? - I'm not gonna tell you...follow the link!


• Painted People Pics From The World Bodypainting Festival - Naked people in pretty colors!


• Spanish Anti-Piracy Execs Busted For Ripping Off Artists - When "the man" really is the man.


• 'Sunny' Star Charlie Day Steps Into Limelight - And one day, he'll bring his denim chicken with him.


• Macedonia’s Bloodiest Slam Dunks - In the Greek league, it's to the death!


• His Parents Said, 'Not With A White Girl' - I have no idea what this is about, but with a title like that, have to add the link.


• Patton Oswalt's Rejected Pitches For Batman Comics - Hopefully they rethink it and these will become accepted pitches


• Intoxicated Men Take Dead Alligator Off-Roading - If there's a dead alligator and off-roading involved, you can bet there's been drinking.


• Things Exploding In Slow Motion, Set To Classical Music - There's a certain elegance to blowing things up with a classical soundtrack.


• Human Skeletal Remains Found Behind Lancaster Business - Which would have been okay if it was Tom's Body Drop Shop.


• Why Mike Commodore Must Wear No. 64 With The Red Wings - Even if you're not a Detroit fan, that's awesome.


• Anonymous Hacker Group Hits Apple, Publishes Data - No, not an anonymous hacker group, the Anonymous hacker group. Third base!


• South Los Angeles Girl Blinded In Right Eye By Illegal Fireworks - Was it in slow motion, set to classical music?


• Suspects At Large In Daytime Robbery At 98-Cent Discount Store - How are detectives going to recover that $3.94 they stole?


• Potato Chips: The Other Natural Way To Get Stoned - I know Pringles were a gateway food. Once you pop you can't stop!


• Unsettling Photos Of Monkeys Wearing Masks - But at least not unflattering.


• Man Killed By Grizzly At Yellowstone National Park - Damn it, Yogi! Now the ranger is going to come down on your ass hard!


Worst of the week: A Hermès scarf is generally overpriced to the tune of $430 per silk square, but this Ascher scarf by Henri Matisse (that was originally intended to be used as a wall panel) just made it look like used toilet paper.


Christie's sold it for $4.8 million, It is an original from the 30-piece limited run, and clear proof that we can not roll back the Bush-era tax cuts on the top 1% in the country. Items like this can not go unpurchased!


Worst bonus links:


• Boy, 6, Molested In Park Bathroom Stall In Pico Rivera - I don't know what's worse, the molestation or that it happened in Pico Rivera.


• Seeds Blamed For Europe E. Coli Still On Sale - Because the annual summer heatwave doesn't kill enough people there.


• July 27: Take Your Houseplants for a Walk Day, Creme Brulee Day - More like Assholes Celebrating Stupid Things Day.


• Rotting, Abandoned New Orleans Theme Park - No, no Bourbon Street in the off-season.


• 1879 London Murder Mystery Solved - Tell those people's great great grandchildren they can have their closure.


• Exxon Oil Spill In Montana River Prompts Evacuations - Finally, a Exxon environmental problem in the lower 48!


• Radiohead Ventures Into Chinese Social Media - The untapped realm for being cryptic and confusing. Even the language barrier isn't a factor.


• Zookeeper Advertising Inserted Into ‘How I Met Your Mother’ Reruns - The melding of something awful and the misuse of technology.


• Casey Anthony Found Not Guilty Of Murder / Casey Anthony Has Porn Offers Already - So you're not a convicted baby-killer...what can a party girl do?


• Three California Moms Accused Of Using PTA In Ponzi Scheme - I knew there was something funny about that bake sale.


• Teen Faces Prison After Sex Doll Prank Goes Awry - But she looked 18 PSI!


• Rupert Murdoch Supports Executive Rebekah Brooks / Murdoch Stuns Critics, Shuts Down Scandal-Hit Paper - Guess it was just a little support. Ballsy move, but when you have that much money and clout, you just shut down newspapers when their integrity is in question, rather than deal with it. I think he relaunches it next year.


• Meet The $100,000 Zafirro Iridium Razor - And then shove it up your ass, if you buy one. You don't even need a $100 razor, let alone this one.


• Musical Parody Of The Silence Of The Lambs Ready - I'd say ready for what, but it's more like ready for why.


• Southern Swamp Holds Clues About Runaway Slaves - The clues are the bodies found. They tell me they died there.


• Marcia Clark: Casey Anthony Verdict, Worse Than O.J.! - And she should know, since she was part of the team that blew it.

• An Entire Taiwanese City Does Lady Gaga Cosplay For Lady Gaga Day - An entire city doing ladyboy-pop-dress-up to make me roll my eyes.

Saturn's Answer To Jupiter

I can't always post about folks not getting what they deserve, but getting exactly what they deserve, so here's a little sidebar about things that are much big than us - namely the 6,200 mile wide storm happening in outer space about 821 million miles away.

The Great White Spot on Saturn is currently being photographed by the Cassini spacecraft, which has been orbiting the planet since 2004. The thunderstorm is nearly as wide as Earth, and began forming in the northern hemisphere in December, which is a decade earlier than expected.  See, even weathermen screw up the forcast on other planets! The Great White Spots usually recur about every 30 (Earth) years, when Saturn's northern hemisphere tilts most toward the sun.

Radio waves emitted by electrical discharges show nearly continuous lightning that can flash 10 times or more per second when the storm is peaking.  That's not good if you're this guy. Researchers are still uncertain where the storm gets it's energy from. Though the spots seem to occur "seasonally", it may be the 155 miles thick layer where the main clouds reside which does not get sunlight that may create an internal heat source as the power for the winds.

Other than the superstorm, I'm sure it's a lovely place to visit...

Haboob!

Texecution!

Don't mess with Texas. And certainly don't molest and murder a teenager there.

Humberto Leal, a Mexican national, was executed today for the "rape-slaying" (AP's term, which is awesome) of 16-year-old Adria Sauceda. Her nude body was found hours after she left a San Antonio street party with Leal in 1994, and she had been bludgeoned with a chunk of asphalt.

Before his lethal injection, Leal repeatedly said he was sorry and accepted responsibility. "I have hurt a lot of people... I take full blame for everything. I am sorry for what I did," but then he ruined it as the drugs began taking effect by shouting, "Viva Mexico!"

His attorneys made citizenship a key element of their defense effort to win a stay of execution, saying the police never told him following his arrest that he could seek legal assistance from the Mexican government under an international treaty. Yeah, Mexico has such a good handle on their cartel war that they are going to worry about the criminal acts of one of it's citizens abroad.

The U.S. Supreme Court turned down a last minute appeal supported by both Mexico and the White House, which would create time for Congress to consider a law requiring court review in cases where condemned foreign nationals did not receive help from their consulates. I don't know why they would claim that this case would affect Americans detained in other countries, since foreigners are subject to sovereign laws. But the Supreme Court did not believe executing Leal would cause grave international consequences, and did not believe "that it is ever appropriate to stay a lower court judgment in light of unenacted legislation."

What a shame he didn't get to have the consulate loophole to keep him alive, which is why I like tho quotes from opposite camps. Leal's uncle criticized the U.S. justice system after the execution and said, "There is a God who makes us all pay", which did not have the same ironic impact for him. The other comes from Sauceda's mother, who correctly noted, "A technicality doesn't give anyone a right to come to this country and rape, torture and murder anyone."

Down On Genius Street

Sad as I may be to not be able to make yearly mention of the local fuck show, at least I still have those thousand pound bulls steamrolling idiots!

Thousands of runners crowded Pamplona's streets in the first bull-run of Spain's San Fermin fiesta, and four of them had to be carried away from it.  The three Spaniards and a Panamanian were taken to a hospital, and only suffered light injuries. Of the dozen animals in the run, only one steer smartly separated from the pack and charged back toward the starting gate for his unfinished business, which doesn't make up for the other one who stopped and laid down near the end of the course. The six bulls in the run were eventually being guided into the bullring, where they were later killed in the afternoon's bullfight.

Every year, between 200 and 300 participants in the run are injured, which means there's a lot of ground to cover to keep those numbers up! Most runners are hurt after falling, but the ones who are trampled or gored by the bulls are the injuries I look forward to. There's still time, so maybe we'll be treated to something more sinister than fractured ribs this year!

Puppetbound

Withholding Sex

Pulling out is not one of the things normally associated with porn.

Organizers of Adultcon, one of the local porn conventions, are pulling two of their shows from the Los Angeles Convention Center. C'mon, isn't this town big enough for everybody's stable of dye-blond whores with implants and oversized cocksmen?

The rumor is the convention hall refused to bar other sex-themed gatherings within three months of the event. Are they not counting on chronic convention-ators? Close to 30,000 perverts people are expected to attend the three Adultcons this year, but next year there will be only one (like the Highlander, but with less money shots).

The Convention Center also booked the Exxxotica show, which also charges an entrance fee to meet porn stars and purchase exhibitor's wares, and the Everything To Do With Sex Show, which offers speakers, seminars alongside sex toys. That last one sounds boring without the porn stars.

Adultcon Vice President Renaud West (I was surprised they have a vice-president, but then I'm not when his name sounds like a Eurotrash gigolo) says too many shows confuse the public and are bad business, because flat out calling porn enthusiasts stupid idiots could negatively effect their attendance. What, consumers can't distinguish between two different shows selling the same giant plastic dildos? Convention Center managers naturally disagree, and believe there’s enough demand for all three shows. That, and it breaks up the boat and car shows.

Erotica LA, Los Angeles' largest adult show for 13 years running (which is longer than most careers in the industry), canceled 2010 show and did not return in 2011. Damn it, I will certainly miss making my annual reminder post that the show is in town.

Real Bad Teachers

Cheaters never prosper...if they can't keep their cheating secret!

The award-winning gains by Atlanta students were actually based on widespread cheating by 178 teachers and principals. A report from the Georgia Bureau of Investigation (sounds important) has 82 of those educational professionals confessing to what is potentially the biggest cheating scandal in US history. Well, outside, all the relationships effected by Rehab in Las Vegas.

Not directly implicated (yet) is 12-year Superintendent Beverly Hall, who may have been named US Superintendent of the Year in 2009 largely because of those test results. Investigators say Hall likely knew, or should have known, what was going on, and point to her farewell address to teachers in June, when she acknowledged wrongdoing in the district, but cleverly blamed "other administrators". The report also claimed the district repeatedly refused to properly investigate or take responsibility for the cheating, and that principals were told not to cooperate with investigators.

In the spotlight now is the high stakes system of testing. Ten states now use test scores as the main criterion in teacher evaluations, while others reward high-scoring teachers with up to $25,000 bonuses. Get a low score? Principals could lose their jobs or entire schools can close.
If you're going to pay bonuses to educators who improve test scores in their classes, what lengths do you think they'll go to to succeed? This may have been the biggest, but only so far...

A Year In A Day

The Hidden Graphic Novel

Buy SVK and you'll get two comic for the price of one.

Written by the legendary Warren Ellis, with art by Matt "D'Israeli" Brooker, and collaborating with London design firm BERG, SVK is unlike any other comic that has been released before. The story is about a disgraced spy who has to recover a top-secret package lost by a military contractor, but it's the second story revealed in ultraviolet light that sets it apart. A small, wallet-sized UV flashlight is provided to reveal the comic-within-a-comic.

There are hidden joke ads in the real ones, as well as essay on comics as an art form (by William Gibson), augmented reality (by Jamais Cascio) and the history of novelty comics (by Paul Gravett) in SVK. It will cost you more than $20 to get the book outta England, and the first run print run is sold out, but it is unlike any comic you've seen before.

Leno Still Has A Show?

For the first time in a decade - or 40 consecutive quarters in TV terms, NBC's "Tonight Show" has not won the coveted adults 18-49 demographic. Q2 2011, hail the conqueror...Jon Stewart!

Stewart's margin in the demo was slim, but a victory is a victory: "The Daily Show" averaged 1.295 million viewers compared to Leno's 1.292 million. Usual runner-up "Late Show with David Letterman" had 1.096 million viewers.

It is the one-two punch of The Daily Show and "The Colbert Report" were the top-rated late-night shows on television among viewers 18-34 and male viewers (both 18-24 and 18-34). The Daily Show averaged 2.2 million total viewers, up 9%. The Colbert Report averaged 1.5 million total viewers and gained of 6%.

Interim Former Tonight Show host Conan O'Brien took the third spot for overall viewers in the quarter.  It's surprising that Leno isn't on CBS, home of the dull, but I'm sure that would be his next stop if Letterman quit.

Split Screens

You'll also like this scene fromThe Rules Of Attraction.

Parade-triots

While underage drinking by boys is said to double over this holiday weekend, and the beach cities to my south are expected to have nearly 400,000 flocking to festivities, there's one 4th of July report I'm not so quick to believe...

A recent Harvard study asserts that attending Fourth of July parades makes you more likely to identify as a Republican, vote Republican, vote period, and give money to political causes.  So now celebrating your nation makes you a conservative? 

The researchers noted that "the political Right has been more successful in appropriating American patriotism and its symbols during the 20th century" - which is pretty obvious, considering Republicans and conservatives grandstand on iconic, historical elements as part of their unchanging support of what they consider traditional values. There's a reason they're touted as the party of rich old white men - they keep it old school. But they suggest "there is a political congruence between the patriotism promoted on Fourth of July and the values associated with the Republican Party." Hmmm, why don't you ask a guy born on the fourth and we'll see...

The study postulated that Republicans tend to be more invested in the celebrations, and that GOP-dominated areas have "more politically biased" parades that "socialize children into Republicans." Well, you would expect a political faction that has attempted to co-opt patriotism as an extension of their their own to be more adamant about using that concept as tool to shape young minds to their cause. And I have no doubt that they have overt bias towards Republican rhetoric in their parades. I won't try to describe the bizarre way they've tied rain (which can cancel or diminish attendance at parades) into their unsound equation, but they claim children who attend at least one rain-free Fourth of July parade before age 18 are:

• two percent more likely to identify as Republican in adulthood

• four percent more likely to vote Republican by age 40

• about one percent more likely to vote at all

• three percent more generous with campaign contributions

But if July 4 celebrations appeared to have "a permanent impact on political beliefs and behavior", why are the numbers almost spilt between Democratic and Republican sides? If the authors claim, “In 2010, an estimated 144 million Americans age 18 or older celebrated Fourth of July by attending a barbecue. Another 98 million watched the fireworks or went to a community festivity, while more than 28 million saw a parade,” then surely a significant number of those people had done the same before they were 18 in the years prior. Yet there's only a negligible, single digit increase in Republican identification and behavior.

Yes, the 4th of July is a wet dream for God fearing, gun loving, red state Americans, but fireworks and waving flags is not a sign of right-leaning political tendencies...unless the same folks who continue to make patriotism solely their own say it is.

Making A Point

On special days like these, sometimes there is a story that just puts me in a good mood. Like the one about Philip A. Contos.

Police say Contos, a motorcyclist participating in a protest ride against helmet laws in upstate New York, died after he flipped over the bike's handlebars and hit his head on the pavement. The 55 year-old was driving a 1983 Harley Davidson with a group of bikers when he hit his brakes and the motorcycle fishtailed. The bike spun out of control, and Contos toppled over the handlebars. He was pronounced dead later at a nearby hospital.

Naturally, state troopers say Contos would have likely survived if he had been wearing a helmet.

Happy 4th Of July

The Birth Of A Long Weekend

Let us celebrate a three day weekend of great importance and the many wonderful things that have fallen on these historical days!

Best of the week: When Soul Daddy — the business started by “America’s Next Great Restaurant” winner Jamawn Woods, closed its doors in New York and Los Angeles to focus on “building the brand and developing operations” at its remaining location at the Mall of America, what do you think the outcome was going to be? If you guessed the Minnesota restaurant would shut down this week after less than two months of operation, congratulations - you've won a free dinner for two at...oh, never mind.


Fortunately, Woods is still an employee (technically) at the Chrysler automobile assembly plant in Michigan. When Woods made the finals of the reality TV show, Chrysler granted him a one year leave of absence to pursue his dream. The company intends to hold up their side of the bargain, if Woods wants to come back to work as a fork lift operator. How many entrepreneurs can operate heavy machinery after spectacularly flaming out?


Best bonus links:


• Old Fear Factor Host Will Host New Fear Factor - Nobody can encourage hot girls to eat horse chode like Joe Rogan!


• David Cameron's Friend Found Dead At UK Music Fest - How do I not link an article that opens with, "A close friend of the British prime minister was found dead in a portable toilet at one of the country's leading music festivals Sunday, authorities said."


• Brady Bunch Mom Got Crabs In Affair With NY Mayor - There's likely a joke about stuffing the ballot box in there somewhere...


• Ballpoint Pen That Draws Electronic Circuits - Now you can flick your Bic on and off!


• SC Police: Baby Died From Morphine In Breast Milk - That's why I always drink 2% morphine breast milk.


• Kim Hyun's Dice Figures - This show will not be on display in Las Vegas, for obvious reasons.


• 25 Of The Worst Celebrity Tweets Of All-Time - They're all bad, but here's 25 of them.


• Foursquare Application Turns New York City Into A Giant Game Of RISK - Hopefully they'll find a way to make the boroughs battle for real.


• A Field Guide To Musical Typography - For those about to rock, we Sans Serif you.


• Ranking The Top 10 Hockey Fights Of 2010-11 - Like a typical boxing match, but no fixed outcomes.


• Octomom Hates Each Of Her 14 Kids - So do I. And her for good measure.


• Transformers 3 Is Down 40 Percent From 2 - The public has spoken, "Fool me twice, shame on you..."


• Gilbert Arenas Really Loves Planking - Not bad for a guy who brought firearms to his locker room.


• Does This Look Like The Face Of A Woman Who Beat Up Her Husband Then Sprayed Her Tit Milk All Over The Cops Face? - Lucky for them, there was no morphine in it.


• Glenn Beck Has Last Fox News Channel Show / Glenn Beck And Family Encounter Hostility In NYC - It's called reaping what you sow, asshole. Your welcome has completely worn out.


• The Bizarre Musical Instruments Behind Classic Sci-Fi Movie Sounds - Learning to play them is harder than it sounds.


• Are Major Gay Pornstars With Trannies The New Trend (SUPER NSFW and hardcore) - Um, is this a question that requires answering? Who is asking, anyway?


Worst of the week: Riverside County Supervisor Jeff Stone has called his county and 12 others to secede from California. Only the word "shithole" would miss being associated with Riverside.


Stone said in a statement late Thursday that Riverside, Imperial, San Diego, Orange, San Bernardino, Kings, Kern, Fresno, Tulare, Inyo, Madera, Mariposa and Mono counties should form the new state of South California. Ah, the gems of the south! The creation of the new state would "allow officials to focus on securing borders, balancing budgets, improving schools and creating a vibrant economy", he said. As the dingleberries of the southern part of our state, without the rest of the state propping you up any longer, how are you going to accomplish that? Your meth output is not enough to support you (though it is a major influence in your communities).


Stone will present his proposal to the Board of Supervisors mid-July, but said his new state would have no term limits, only a part-time legislature and limits on property taxes. The reality is this came on the same day that governor Jerry Brown signed budget legislation that will divert about $14 million in 2011-12 vehicle license fee revenue from four new Riverside County cities (Eastvale, Jurupa Valley, Menifee and Wildomar). Nice stunt, but you've got a better chance trying to get absorbed by Mexico than splitting from the state...not that you'd be missed.


And: An Indiana doctor and his second wife were killed in a plane crash in northern Michigan, eight years he killed his wife and two other children in another crash. And I thought the only folks with that many murderous crashes were Kennedys.


Stephen Hatch and his current wife, Kim, did not survive, but his 16-year-old son, Austin, was seriously injured. Austin had survived the earlier crash near Fort Wayne, where they had been returning from the family's summer home on Walloon Lake — the same place they were headed to when their single-engine plane flew into a garage.


His medical practice partner said "He was such a strong proponent of flying and teaching people to fly...I think he felt compelled to continue his passion. He felt compelled to show people that accidents do happen. He didn't want people to look in the other direction." Ahhh, the hubris of a doctor, who felt his passion could overcome his shortcomings as an aviator.


A 2005 federal report on the September 2003 crash found inaccurate preflight planning resulted in the plane not having enough fuel, and the National Transportation Safety Board determined a utility pole the airplane hit during its forced landing (along with a low ceiling and dark night) also contributed to the crash. Hatch purchased Smith Field Airport, along with its service center and flight school, yet he should have attended, rather than owned. They could have shown him that medicine can help you play God, but doesn't mean you can play pilot.


Worst bonus links:


• RI Governor Pardons Irish Man Hanged In 1845 - C'mon, I thought you wanted to be taken seriously as a state?


• Slimy Invasion Plagues Jersey Shore - Looks like the cast of the MTV show is back from filming in Italy.


• Muslim Accuses Abercrombie Of Banning Head Scarf - It's a store for polos with popped collars, not political statements. Wear the attire or work elsewhere.


• Los Angeles Dodgers File For Bankruptcy - I don't even care for baseball and this bothers me. May Frank and Jaime McCourt die penniless.


• Mathematicians Want To Say Goodbye To Pi - Nerds, you give away the only interesting thing about your field, how else are you going to make double entendres?


• Abortion Clinics May Shutter Tomorrow In Kansas - You can't rely on tornadoes to get rid of your unwanted children.


• China To Launch Panda Census - How hard can it be to know how many of an endangered species are in captivity?


• 17 Infants Die In 48 Hours At 1 Indian Hospital - Or as they call it, Wednesday. Don't bathe in the Ganges!


• Zynga Files For IPO Of Up To $1 Billion - Your Farmville crops are not worth that much.


• New York Seeks To Lift Fracking Moratorium - Only because there is a BSG reference to be made do I link this. Who care about shale?


• NBA Lockout Looms As Sides Fail To Reach Deal - Y'all are going to find hockey real interesting once there's no football or basketball this winter!


• Co-founder Biz Stone Leaving Twitter - Wonderful, now we'll get another awful, unnecessary tech company.


• Authorities ID Man Fatally Shot In South LA - Finally, we can start referring to this black youth as John Doe.


• Newsweek Ages Diana To 50 In Ultimate Photoshop Disaster - Not just creepy, but a shitty job at it too.  At least it wasn't the car crash photo.


• Real World Star Puck Arrested In Domestic Violence Case - It was only a matter of time before he ended up in front of the camera again...for a mug shot.


• Young Female Journalist Embeds As Cosplay Maid To Cover Anime Convention - I gained and lost interest in this link twice as I read it through.

• Pond Insect 'Loudest Animal On Earth' - Looks like the Kardashians were bested again.