And on the other side of the universe from geek pursuits is game two of the Kings / Canucks playoff series on Saturday. The first one came down to OT and was a loss, but the Kings will play their asses off to make sure they don't come back to town down by two. There's also the Chinese Grand Prix on Sunday. Red Bull, Ferrari, and McLaren have all taken the top of the podium, so will there be a repeat winner finally or does Mercedes have the goods to claim legitimacy as one of the Big Four teams in the race world?
Best of the week: Finding an NHL jersey craze in West Africa is like that scene from Tropic Thunder, in which Ben Stiller discovers a remote village worships his character's box office bomb Simple Jack because it's one of the only VHS tapes it owns. Necessity can facilitate some strange cultural mash-ups.
National Post writer Bonnie Allen found Liberians wearing Toronto Maple Leafs, Montreal Canadiens, Chicago Blackhawks and other NHL jerseys being bought, sold and worn by the citizenry. Sure, they added teams in Florida, but this isn't the next stage of expansion."We don't know the game," one man admitted. "But the jerseys are very fine. Very high quality."
The booming and controversial used-clothes business in Africa means hockey jerseys can be found sprinkled throughout this war-torn West African nation. Bizarrely, the authentic hockey jersey has become a status symbol among the poor for its "premium-grade" rating and high price tag ($4 CDN!). "It is tough, tough material," a street vendor raved. "If you buy it, you can wear it for 20 years."
That the jerseys are donated by churches and charities in North America, and the popularity is a bit surprising, given the widespread belief by many Africans that these "used clothes have been stripped from the body of a dead person." Perhaps not, but some of those teams have barely had a pulse all season.
Check out the Post's gallery of Liberians in NHL sweaters, as they attempted to find all 30 teams. Puck Daddy (who posted the links) added, "No word if the village enforcers all wear Philadelphia Flyers jerseys, or if feuding communities are naturally drawn to Flames and Oilers jerseys. Clearly, this West African nation is on the cusp of NHL fandom. You know, once they work past the whole 'no national electricity grid and televisions are for the rich' thing."
Plus: Folks are slowly realizing what happened to them on April Fool's day. The online game store Gamestation.co.uk added language to its click through license that asked customers to surrender their immortal souls, though it offered a checkbox to opt out if you wanted to keep yours. 7,500 customers did not check the box.
By placing an order via this Web site on the first day of the fourth month of the year 2010 Anno Domini, you agree to grant Us a non transferable option to claim, for now and for ever more, your immortal soul. Should We wish to exercise this option, you agree to surrender your immortal soul, and any claim you may have on it, within 5 (five) working days of receiving written notification from gamesation.co.uk or one of its duly authorised minions....we reserve the right to serve such notice in 6 (six) foot high letters of fire, however we can accept no liability for any loss or damage caused by such an act. If you a) do not believe you have an immortal soul, b) have already given it to another party, or c) do not wish to grant Us such a license, please click the link below to nullify this sub-clause and proceed with your transaction."
And: Directed by the notorious Banksy himself, Exit Through The Gift Shop takes viewers through the illicit world of street art. Looking behind the scenes of the movement, the film follows the transformation of French shopkeeper Thierry Guetta — who’s obsessed with documenting street art, but unable to make a good film — into Mr. Brainwash, a megalomaniacal artist set on conquering the graffiti-art scene. Narrated by Rhys Ifans, the film also features music by Roni Size and Portishead’s Geoff Barrow set to footage of Banksy, Shepard Fairey, and other street-art heroes.
You can visit the Exit Through the Gift Shop website, read an interview with Banksy, catch photos of celebrities tagging a limo at the Hollywood premiere, and watch a video of Banksy’s phenomenal exhibition in Bristol...or act as though dogs playing poker is actual art.
Best picture of the week:
flights all over Europe may be screwed, but it's still an awesome eruption
Best bonus links:
• Hugh Hefner Says Tiger And Jesse James Are Creeps - If an 84-year-old pussy-monger with decades of sexual affairs with multiple girlfriends thinks you're a scumbag, I think the odds are he's right.
• Japanese Toilet Horror - I automatically have to post anything that has a combination of the words 'toilet', 'Japanese', and 'horror'.
• F1 Keen On Russia, New York - Who knows how they'll pull off a street circuit in the Big Crapple, but that'll be easier to get to than Montreal (no customs agents searching my shampoo for narcotics).
• HBO's New Drama 'Treme' Renewed For 2nd Season - That's how good it is after airing only one show. Guess I need to start watching it...after I finish five seasons of The Wire.
• Lethal Injection Or Firing Squad: Death Row Inmate In A Bind - what a shitty pair of choices. Wonder what Bing has to say on that...it is billed as a decision making engine.
• Judge: National Day Of Prayer Is Unconstitutional - Fortunately, National Day Of Pizza is still legal. Hooray!
• Former NYT Reporter Sleeps On Street, Eats Out Of Garbage Cans - It's all part of his new series of reports titled "I fucked my life up and will be dying like a pauper soon".
• The Diarrhea Defense - If you're claiming diarrhea as a defense for anything, you get a link here.
• Site Posts Pics Of Chicken-Eating Times Reviewer - And no, it does not have anything to do with either of the above links.
• JWoww Wishes She Could Get Implants Every Year - As do I.
• Bishop Convicted For Denying Holocaust - Amazing how church members can pretend something that effected millions never happened. Oh wait, they can...
• Evander Kane KO's Cooke, Becomes Beloved In Boston - Even if you don't know the back story, it's an awesome clip to watch.
• Escaped Inmates Dress As Sheep - Suck on that, Shawshank Redemption!
• Copying Is Not Theft, Now With Studio-Recorded Audio! - This may or may not be legally sound in court, but it's unflappable logic to me.
• Foes Of Tea Party Movement To Infiltrate Rallies - A nice take on keeping your friends close and your enemies closer. Though making them look like bigger asses than they already are will be hard.
• Man Dies While Waiting In Line To Buy World Cup Tickets - And normally that would suggest it was a long line. But as a consolation, the seats he would have had were not that good anyway.
• Important Breaking News: Big Tits Zombie 3D - That is important! It's like the perfect storm of all that is hot in film and culture today. It will probably bring about the end of the universe.
Worst of the week: Clearly Mike Huckabee is not seriously considering a presidential bid for the Republicans in 2012. Why else would you say the effort to allow gays and lesbians to marry is comparable to legalizing incest, polygamy and drug use. He also told college journalists last week that gay couples should not be permitted to adopt. "Children are not puppies," he said. Jesus, you prick - gays can't even have pets?
The former Arkansas governor visited the obscure College of New Jersey in Ewing to speak to the Student Government Association. He also was interviewed by a campus news magazine, The Perspective, which published an article two days later. Dumbfuckabee, which he will be henceforth referred to as, told the interviewer that not every group's interests deserve to be accommodated, if their lifestyle is outside of what he called "the ideal."
"That would be like saying, well there's there are a lot of people who like to use drugs so let's go ahead and accommodate those who want to use drugs. There are some people who believe in incest, so we should accommodate them. There are people who believe in polygamy, should we accommodate them?" he said, according to a transcript of the interview. Guess he'll be left of Mitt Romney's Xmas list.
"Why do you get to choose that two men are OK but one man and three women aren't OK?" he asked. Uh, the answer is that polygamy is illegal, and people en masse are not trying to change that law, whereas folks nationwide have voted to legalise gay marriage. You ought to know that if you're really thinking about being a leader.
Huckabee added that his goal isn't to tell others how to live, but that the burden of proving that a gay marriage can be successful rests with the activists in favor of changing the law. "I don't have to prove that marriage is a man and a woman in a relationship for life," he said. "They have to prove that two men can have an equally definable relationship called marriage, and somehow that that can mean the same thing." And once again, I'll have to refer him to the previous statements and voting records of places like Connecticut, Washington DC, New Hampshire, New Jersey, New York, Maine, Massachusetts, Vermont, Iowa, Wisconsin, Oregon, Washington, California, and Nevada.
Dumbfuckabee's archaic point of view is equally old. In response to a 1992 questionnaire from The Associated Press, the then Senatorial candidate spelled out his opposition to homosexuality, saying it was crucial that the country not "legitimize immorality". "I feel homosexuality is an aberrant, unnatural, and sinful lifestyle," he wrote, in response to a question about gays in the military. He also advocated isolating AIDS patients from the general public, saying it was necessary to confine "carriers of this plague."
I haven't seen this kind of political suicide since R. Budd Dwyer...
Plus: Kathy Griffin is going to be promoting pap smears, which is fine...except she's going to be doing it poolside at the Palomar Hotel, just down the street here from me in Los Angeles. And worse than seeing her 46-year old crotchhole is the info that she's getting her vagina vagazzled. Cue the blockquoted press release.
On Friday, April 16th, she will receive this important test in hopes that every woman will see how easy it is to get this done. She will receive this test poolside at the Palomar Hotel, by a veteran medical physician at 12pm. This is will be taped for her hit reality show "My Life On The D- List." Kathy feels that this cause is so important that she has bedazzled her "va-jay-jay," so it can be as 'va-beautiful' as it 'va-can.'
Kathy's goal is to get the word out about women's health. She wants to say "Suck it to Cancer" and educate women all across the world about keeping their bodies healthy and of course inform them about when they should be getting their check-ups.
I'm all for preventing cancer, but Kathy Griffin's live pap smear is not the solution. Especially as fodder for her crappy show. The only way I'd ever want to look at her vagina is if it was vagazzled with Isla Fisher's vagina.
Also: Perspective future bachelors - you don't get to keep your assets just because you file for divorce first.
Larry King filed his paperwork shortly before his seventh wife also sought to end the couple's nearly 13-year-old marriage. The 76-year-old host of his namesake CNN program made the move hours before Shawn King filed her own petition. Both cited "irreconcilable differences." The couple were married in a hospital room in 1997 three days before Larry King underwent surgery to clear a clogged blood vessel. They have two sons, ages 11 and 9. The petitions differ in that Larry King is seeking joint custody, while his 50-year-old wife wants physical custody.
But the kicker is that Larry King is also asking a judge not to award his wife any spousal support and to invalidate an agreement in which he transferred property to her. And this matters because Larry never signed a prenup. And in California, earnings accumulated during a marriage are split 50/50, and King’s net worth is reportedly estimated at $144 million.
As teh story goes, several years ago Shawn accused Larry of having an affair with her sister, Shannon Engemann. Shawn threatened to leak the story to the media unless Larry signed a document giving up his interest in their Beverly Hills estate, along with two other homes in Utah. Larry took the document to his attorney, who ordered him not to sign it. Larry then went to Shawn’s lawyer, and that attorney eventually gave Larry the green light to sign the agreement. Well of course her attorney did!
Having been married all those other times, I think he should have figured it out. But now he deserves the shithole he's dug himself. With the other exes and payments he's making, he'll need to work another 54 years before he can retire.
And: Children's author K.P. Bath has pleaded guilty to possessing child pornography. His name even sounds creepy, but wait until you get a look at his picture.
The 51-year-old author of "The Secret of Castle Cant" is expected to spend six or seven years in prison. I'm sure he'll have some wonderful secrets from that adventure! The Portland resident was arrested last April after federal agents discovered thousands of sexually graphic images and more than 125 videos on Bath's computer and thumb drives. I understand politicians being liars, and Wall Street bankers being fradulent, but children's authors as pedophiles just crosses a line.
Worst picture of the week:
the only thing I like less than baseball are whores doing self promotion through baseball (Holly Madison = vomit)
Worst bonus links:
• A Mysterious Powder And A Miscarriage Prompt Investigation Of Restaurateur - It's not like he put something in the food at his eatery. He just rubbed a substance on his girlfriend to abort his unwanted pregnancy.
• Michelle 'Bombshell' McGee Apologizes To Sandra Bullock, Says She 'Would Do It Again' - Newsflash there, tattoohead...that's not an apology, because an intrinsic part of an apology is remorse. Nevermind, you can't teach an old Nazi new tricks.
• Zac Efron Headed For Life Of Crime In 'Snabba Cash' - It just sounds gay when you have Efron in the same sentence as 'Snabba' - whatever the fuck that is.
• Green Men Of Vancouver, Your Current Playoff MVPs - Perverting my beloved It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia, especially against the Kings, makes me sad.
• Heidi Montag Is Writing a Bourne-Meets-Barbie Action Flick - It will be the first treatment done entirely in crayon. She's too stupid to function properly, sho whow is she going to pull this off?
• John Tesh Confirms: Oprah And I Dated - How did that giant head filled with nougat become the nubian queen of bland white dudes? First Roger Ebert and now Teshy? There wasn't any Hallie Berry back then, but what about Dihann Caroll or Shari Bellafonte or Rae Dawn Chong? It's further proof that her relationship with Stedman Graham is bogus - she isn't into black men (where are the one's who dated her?), and the only black action she likes is Gayle King.
• Twilight's Kellan Lutz: 'I'm A God' - No, you're a douche. You're in Twilight, and your name is Kellan Lutz. Kellan? Lutz? Uberdouche.
• Study: Cats And Dogs Are Household Hazards - Right up there with knives, outlets, and ill-constructed closet shelving. And none of those eat their own feces and then lick your face.
• Consumer Reports Calls Lexus GX 460 Unsafe - But it is the most luxurious and sleek sport SUV that you'll ever have the pleasure to possibly roll. And isn't that a risk of status you're willing to take?
• Demi Moore: 'Laughter And Smiling Are The Best Antidotes to Aging' - I thought last week we had this covered? You had more work done than the LA freeway system (and may actually be a better ride). Shut the fuck up!
• A 2nd Garbage Patch: Plastic Soup Seen In Atlantic - I thought there were more Garbage Pail Kids until I read a little closer. Now I'm not so jazzed...
• Charlie Sheen's Rep Denies Cheating, Explains Fake Mustache - I would take Sheen in a dead pool above Linsday Lohan if only he could be killed. He's like a drug and sex fueled Terminator. Though if the two of them hooked up...
• Police: NJ Teen Told Blacks To Leave Whole Foods - I thought trends started at upscale places like Whole Foods and then trickled down to Wal-Mart, not the other way around.
• Jenny McCarthy Blasts Steven Seagal - Take the attention off your break-up and your ill-imformed crusade against science to chime in on Steven Seagal's sleaziness. I hope it's just pre-fight hype for when they square off in an Akido match. I'm looking forward to his throat punch takedown of her.
• The People Demand A Ricky Martin Sex Tape - Which fucking people? Oh, the gay pron industry. Have they really run out of Latin men? Maybe Menudo can save the day.
• Tea Party Group Offers Refunds For Hannity No-Show - When blowhard Sean Hannity won't even show up for your extremist group rally, you may want to look at what you're doing. It came down to rebates to keep these fringe activists happy.
• Vatican To Bishops: Follow Law, Report Sex Abuse - Who says the Catholic Church isn't progressive? That's 21st century thinking right there! Because common sense can finally have it's place amongst dogma.
No comments:
Post a Comment